A while back, I wrote about the cousin of mine that excluded me from her wedding.
She invited all 4 of my other siblings, even though she'd been closest to me while growing up(mostly because my siblings are a lot younger than her). If none of my siblings were invited either, I wouldn't regard it as anything personal that I wasn't invited, but that is NOT the case. And I didn't do anything wrong! Geez I saw her maybe twice in the prior 6 years(due to family rift between my mom and aunt) and we had a seemingly good, polite conversation both of those times. I wrote that I felt cheated, devalued, and snubbed. I also wrote that my dad agreed that it was a rude thing for my cousin to do(yet he still attended the wedding with my siblings). My dad and I thought that perhaps my grandmother(the one I share with my cousin) had some considerable influence on my cousin not inviting me.
Well here's an update: I did the assertive thing as everybody(SW, other sites, close friends, etc) told me to do, and called my cousin to ask her why I wasn't invited and if I had done anything to offend her. She was friendly and polite when I talked to her. I made sure I was very calm and polite in the way I spoke, without sounding angry or "victim-like." When I first introduced myself to her on the phone, she said a huge "HIIIII!!" like she always did when we were friends growing up. When I asked her about the lack of invite, she seemed a bit uncomfortable and claimed that she told our grandmother to tell my dad to tell me to come to it.
In reality, my grandmother told my dad to HIDE the wedding from me because she knew that I would feel offended at being excluded, and she wanted to spare my dad from having to hear me complain(even though I'd be justified to do just that). I calmly explained this to my cousin in less words, along with calming expressing that I felt hurt and left to feel like I'd offended people when I didn't remember doing anything wrong, and she beat around the bush by saying, "Uh, I guess that's between you and Grandma." I didn't want to look like I was badgering her, especially if perhaps she didn't know anything beyond that, so we moved on to talking about our jobs and lives in general for around 5 mins. I do wonder if perhaps she was only talking to be merely polite/cordial, since she kept saying "very good" after every sentence or two that I said. But hey, she was willing to talk to me and she was nice about it, so I don't think I did too badly! My friends said they were proud of me for being maturely assertive about the whole thing, instead of shying away from it.
Do you think I should consult my grandmother about this? I'm thinking of approaching my grandmother in the same calm, polite, concerned manner. I had called my grandmother twice in recent months just to talk and make conversation, since I realize that my grandmother's years of life are limited and I'd like to be on good terms with her(along with the rest of my family). How should I handle this? I want to avoid this from happening again in the future when one of my other cousins on that side of the family gets married. I also take my disinvite as a sign that my grandmother doesn't like me or at least some aspect of my character, and I want to change that so my family is supportive.
Goddamit, if boys can take the side of a cheating brother that they didn't even bother to associate with for most of his life, I want my family to support me when I haven't even done anything wrong to deserve snubbery!!


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That was the event that made me go through a break-out very similar to Jim Carey's character in Me Myself & Irene. I became an over assertive asshole and have been trying to keep being very assertive ever since.

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