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Thread: Mensa List of New Words

  1. #1
    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Mensa List of New Words

    MENSA LIST

    The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
    take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
    changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

    Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an
    artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some
    are terrifically innovative:

    1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
    you realize it was your money to start with.

    2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

    3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
    bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
    little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
    subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
    person who doesn't get it.

    7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running
    late.

    8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

    9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
    really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's,
    like,
    a serious bummer.

    11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
    consuming only things that are good for you.

    12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

    13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
    they come at you rapidly.

    14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
    you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
    your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
    the fruit you're eating.

    And the #1 pick:

    17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.[/FONT]

    ************************************************** *****************[/FONT]
    I predict that "ignoranus" will join "fucktard" and "asshat" as a beloved epithet on SW.

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    [quote=UtahMike;1386347]3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
    bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
    little sign of breaking down in the near future.[/font]

    This is also the name of the local events paper in Bozeman, Montana. Montanans are far from stupid, though.

  3. #3
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words


    I'm so calling Jess an ignoranus when he gets home.

  4. #4
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    Those are great! Definitely shall be used.


  5. #5
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    ^ Small correction. It's not the "Mensa Invitational," it's the "Style Invitational." It's run in the Washington Post for 749 weeks now, so it's been around for a while. The vast majority of entrants are from people in the Washington area. Perhaps not surprisingly, most of the really funny entries each week come from the same core of about 50 really funny people.

    I thought today's results for week 747 were also very amusing:

    Report From Week 747

    in which we sought some amusing ways to improve the experience of airline travel. My, were you people bitter -- Heaven forbid that you are a fat person or a parent if you ever ride with these entrants. Numerous Losers suggested having the planes just travel on the ground; that passengers should get to vote people off the plane; potluck meals; and, for some reason, in-flight karaoke. Some people sent in ideas that were entirely too sensible, like one from Tom Witte of Montgomery Village that people without luggage should get to sit down first, or Steve Buttry's suggestion to change smoking lounges to cellphone lounges.

    Winners:

    4. Have the first-class passengers board last, to spare the rest of us their smirks as we file in. (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase; Rick Haynes, Potomac)

    3. Parents with small children must wait to board the plane until after it has taken off. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

    2. the winner of the VHS tape of "Fisher Price Little People Discovering Animals," one of the few items arguably more irritating than sitting for an hour on the tarmac: It works for FedEx: Instead of this complicated network of city-to-city flights, just send everyone to a holding pen in Memphis, and then when there are enough passengers for a flight to, say, Yazoo City, just load up and send them out! While waiting, passengers in the pen could fold napkins or something. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

    And the Winner of the Inker

    1. Install removable tray tables. Then when the person in front of you reclines his seat to the supine position, you can place your tray, drinks and all, right on his face. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

    Honorable Mentions

    Install a timer that automatically pops open the bathroom door after three minutes of use. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

    Just take out that whole al-Qaeda cell of grannies with nail files and hand lotion and be done with it. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

    Serve the meals already in barf bags. (John Kupiec, Fairfax)

    Seat the smelly fat guys next to the screaming children: more space for the former, muffling the latter, and saving me from both. (Jacob Aldridge, Gaythorne, Australia, a First Offender)

    When the person in front of you reclines too far into your space, his entire seat snaps shut like a bear trap for the remainder of the flight. (Anne Paris, Arlington)

    Hire a second person to handle luggage at Dulles. (Steve Buttry, Herndon)

    Cut down on restroom use by giving passengers a third of a can of soft drink instead of half a can. And the airlines might save another $10 a flight! (Russell Beland, Springfield)

    In the spirit of paying people to give up their seats on overbooked flights, pay me for not buying a ticket in the first place. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

    A free drink for everyone surrounding a crying baby; two free drinks for the baby. (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

    Passengers are seated in sections based on personal appearance; you can use frequent-flier miles to upgrade from "Mildly Grotesque" to "Not Bad" or "Sorta Hot." (Jeff Brechlin)

    Land the planes backward to reduce that lurching feeling in the seat. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

    Oxygen masks are so sterile and uninteresting -- we should get replicas of attractive celebrities that inflate and drop from the ceilings for us to press our lips against. If oxygen still came out, even better. (Dan Ramish, Vienna)

    Allow infants and small children to relax during the flight inside specially padded and soundproofed overhead compartments in the rear of the plane. Water and food pellets can be provided as in guinea pig cages. (Roberta Wilkes, Seattle, a First Offender)

    Install onboard vending machines, so the flight attendants can concentrate on flying the plane. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

    Attach a toilet to the front of the beverage cart that's blocking the aisle. (Ben Aronin, Washington; Russ Taylor, Vienna)

    Award my mileage points on the basis of where my luggage travels. (Ellen Raphaeli)

    Everyone submits a photo when booking. At check-in, for $50 you can switch from the seat next to the fat guy or the 2-year-old to the seat next to the cute girl. For $100, she can get away from you and sit next to the fat guy. (Michael Fransella, Arlington)

    When passengers are trapped in a plane on the tarmac for more than five hours, they get to sell the plane and split the proceeds. (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

    Create a no-frills airline called My Corporate Jet, so it sounds better when people ask how I got to the meeting. (Russ Taylor)

    Tape baseball cards to the wheels so the plane makes a cool race car noise as it takes off. (Steve Langer)

    During a long flight, we should be allowed to kick off our shoes and light up. -- Richard Reid, U.S. Ad-Max Facility, Florence, Colo. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

    Emergency slide Fridays! (Randy Lee, Burke)

  6. #6
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    omfg... number 6! im so in love with that. hilarious list.

    Love it!

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    these are great!
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  8. #8
    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy68 View Post
    omfg... number 6! im so in love with that. hilarious list.
    Yeah, for some reason, when I read "sarchasm," I immediately thought of Jenny and any number of pitiful individuals.

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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    I predict that "ignoranus" will join "fucktard" and "asshat" as a beloved epithet on SW.
    Every time I hear the word "fucktard", I imagine a spandex garment with cut-outs for the boobs and crotch.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Mensa List of New Words

    This reminds me of some redneck dictionary or something I saw on TV that Jeff Foxworthy was plugging.

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