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Thread: Is monogamy going out of style ?

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    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I was just doing some thinking about relationships and it seems to me that I know a lot of people who don't have traditional relationships. Swingers for example or couples that have threesomes or people who only have friends with benefits. I'm sure some of it is obviously in and around the SC but I'm noticing a lot of mainstream media exploring concepts like this. I'm wondering have social attitudes changed regarding monogamy ?

    What are your thoughts ?
    Feel the fear and do it anyway.

  2. #2
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Yeah monogamy is so 2007.


  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I'm actually trying to talk my guy into an open marriage...I'd die if I could only have one mate for the rest of my sexually functional years.

    Ironically, I'm naturally monogamous...This is just the direction life took for me..

    I WAS thinking of making a thread like yours but titled "Is Cheating Really A Big Deal?" I always saw cheating as a good way to get rid of a mate & get a better one, guilt-free. LOL

  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Its an individual preferance, but IMO monogomy wasnt meant for humans. It developed as a socially accepted way of life...mostly for religious purposes.

    If thats what makes you happy...go for it.

    Personally...I feel way more comfortable with my(and his)options open. We'll never cheat on each other. We'll never wonder "what if" about someone else. We wont have to go through life never having that amazing First Kiss feeling again.

    It works for us.

  5. #5
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I think society has definatly started to embrace not being monogamous, attitudes have really changed even in my lifetime.
    I dont think humans were all meant to always be monogamous either although Im fairly sure some people are destined for it too - thats based on the palm readings I do (-:
    Although Ive almost never been monogamous, it is my preferance now.

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    Veteran Member Delilah27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I wouldn't say it's going out of style, but the value of monogamy is defenitely not as sacred or valued as it used to be.

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    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    It's funny because when I'm with a man I love, the thought of another man touching me makes me want to hurl . I like the option of being with chics and I don't think that counts anyway. Wish I could find a guy that was okay with that
    Feel the fear and do it anyway.

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I don't know if its going out of style of or if it is just unrealistic. I am pretty lucky my hubby is gone to iraq for a long time and is competly cool with me having sex me being sexual frustrated is not important to him whats important is that ill be waiting when i get back. It to me a long time understand him feeling that way but it makes sense to me now. Granted a can't be a major ho but a fb is cool with him he wants me to tell him about it thats all he asks.

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    No, it's just the same old out-of-style its always been.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I don't think it's gone out of style per say but rather than non monogamous relationships are more accepted by the general public than they used to be

    and because they are more accepted they are more out in the open which makes it seem like they are the norm than they really are

    I also don't agree that no humanbeing is monogamous by nature. Some of us and some of us are not.

    There is great variety in the human race just like there is in most everything else... for example roses. There are tons of different colors, sizes and kinds of roses yet they are all still roses despite their natural differences.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Soon, the only people getting married and divorced will be gay and lesbian couples!

    I've notice that older people still marry (over 40) with some regularity. But even very religious people are co-habitating and having kids etc.

    I think the idea of a life long commitment to one person can seem daunting. What if it turns out that the person you married is incompatible with your life goals and dreams? maybe when you married him/her you didn't even know what your dreams were going to be 5 years ago and now it is a big argument every day because the husband wants his life to go this direction and the wife wants her life to go in the opposite direction.

    Gender roles are no longer rigidly defined. Most men expect their wives to not only have a job, but to also fulfill traditional housekeeping duties as well. Sorry fellas, but you can't have your cake and eat it, too! More and more men are understanding of the need that everyone in the family has to do their part, but women are still responsible for the majority of housekeeping and child raising duties.

    So my thought is; why would a woman want to get married if she has to do most of the domestic duties as well as maintaining a career? She could have that while living alone and enjoy the company of men if/when she wishes.

    It is women these days who are commitment phobic. Men still like to complain about being "roped into" marriage, but this is not the case at all amongst educated women. You will probably hear more and more from men in their 20's about not being able to meet and/or date women.


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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Monogamy will never go out of style. Neither will cheating.

  13. #13
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    Monogamy will never go out of style. Neither will cheating.
    Agreed... at least not in my lifetime!

    Monogamy started for a good reason, really. It served as a paternity guarantor, kept people safe from once-deadly STDs like syphilis, etc.

    All that need is long gone though since we have condoms, contraceptives, etc.

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    Featured Member Corey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I guess I am a romanticist and I really like the idea of monogamy. I do have a bit of a problem with it since I have not been able to be completely monogamous beyond two years.

    My man went all out to 'win' me before we got into a committed relationship. I adore that stuff, the flowers, the trips, the restaurants, the gifts, et. I NEVER want that to go out of style.
    (Formerly known as 'Korina')

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    The idea that "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" is a fairly recent creation. Historically marriage was more politically/socially constrained and monogamy simply strategic.

    We're at a point in our history where we have the freedom to explore, and many of us are exercising it. But I agree with whomever said that monogamy will always be in--along with cheating. Try as we might, we ain't mate-for-lifers, most of us.

    Hooray to those who can succesfully be monogamous. But boo-hiss to those who condemn alternative relationship styles while committing the occasional, secret indiscretion themselves.

  16. #16
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    ..The sad part is that sometimes a committed relationship and fucking it up with infidelity are two sides of the SAME coin. Examples- man is mad about something. He cheats. Woman is denied something. She cheats. Woman wants to get her digs- she fucks her man's brother.

    For some, the sex is spiced up by non-sexual sadism (emotional abuse). & Some people get a thrill out of sneaking around.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Was it ever in style?


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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    This exchange happened on another thread and was a little off topic, so it was discontinued out of courtesy, however, it seems relevant for this thread. I offer the following for your thoughts or insights:

    ************************************************** *
    Originally Posted by hockeybobby:
    Guys do seem to have a built in genetic need/craving for "Strange" eh?

    Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo:
    Not JUST guys, either. Novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac for me, too.

    Originally Posted by hockeybobby:
    Hmmmm. Do women chafe at the constraints of monogamy to the same extent that men seem to? Are they more successful at simple restraint? More principled, ethical, culturally/morally conditioned? Or is it more monotony than monogamy that is the issue?

    Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo:
    Novel experiences stimulate the release of dopamine, a neurotransmittor closely associated with the "reward system" of the brain, and our sense of pleasure. Not the full-tummy-after-Thanksgiving type of pleasure; think more "thrill of the chase" sensation. Drugs like cocaine also stimulate dopamine release.

    Individuals can be more and less sensitive to dopamine, and will seeks greater or lesser levels of novelty accordingly. A few recent studies suggest novelty-seeking is a genetic trait., but currently, no studies (that I can find) indicate that novelty-seeking is a sex-linked trait that would be more prevalent in men than in women.

    If males are generally percieved to be more "risk-taking" than females, it might be the influence of cultural rewards and punishments for risky behavior. (I.e. boys who take risks are "brave" and "just being boys" while girls who take risks are "out of control", "slutty" or "have no self respect.")

    ************************************************** **

    I couldn't think of anything smart to say, and clearly Grace was smarter than me, so I wisely snuck away before I made myself appear too foolish. You guys seem to be all over this topic with some very insightful comments. So maybe there is something in Grace's comments that will provoke further discussion...
    hb

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    Veteran Member RebeccaSolidarity's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    in my 'demographic' or whatever - alternative queer dykes and transpeople between the ages of like twenty and thirty - monogamy is definitely already out of style. way out of style. although i used to be popular in various dating scenes, my semi-spontaneous decision to be monogamous about two years ago (i realized that i was not actually poly, that i was just really bad at fidelity and need to work on that instead of avoiding the issue) has kind of devastated bith my dating life and my sex life.

    it is really frustrating. i affirm people who want to be poly or whatever but seriously? where are the monogamous women and monogamous queer-supportive men out there? i mean honestly.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

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  20. #20
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    People as a general rule have never been monogamous. It's not in our genes. Some have chosen to remain monogamous but most of us don't want to be so limited. So even people in nominally-monogamous societies have committed adultery and fornication; it's just that our current permissive society allows more openness.

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    Featured Member Lunarobverse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Is monogamy going out of style?

    Yes, please.
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    Where I talk about strip clubs, atheism, computers, and whatever else I wanna.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I like being monogamous, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    I don't know if it's upbringing that makes me feel sort of prude sexually, but I prefer one partner who doesn't have anything going on the side. And I use the term prude loosely. I can be wild with someone I'm involved with, but I've never been promiscuous.

    When I was single I admired friends and TV characters who dated numerous men and had no issues with sleeping with guys they just met. It seems like a fun way to pass your twenties, but I could never bring myself to do that..

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    Member HerHubby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the SW community in general is more sexually liberated and open to "options" than is the vast majority of the rest of the population. What seems like the natural thing to do for many here, is still wildly unacceptable to most.

    My wife and I are interesting, in that we are monogamous but have many friends that are varying shades of "poly". We also have some very prudish friends. We are like the vanilla couple dropped into the middle of a tutti-frutti world. I know one couple that practices a swinging lifestyle while remaining madly in love with each other and absolutely committed. For them, there are others to be "loved" in varying degrees but they remain each others' paramour (i.e. highest love) And every encounter is openly consensual with permission from the other spouse being obligatory. There is no cheating. I respect them. I also have friends that have really messed up circles of sex and commitment (or lack thereof). I respect them less. Because of these new friends of ours (within the last 5 years or so), I have thought about this concept a bit. The conclusion for myself, at least: I'm not willing to share my wife at this point, so I can't share myself. No matter what the mindless idiot in my shorts might say.

    Overall, I would agree with the idea that monogamy is still in style. It's just that non-monogamous alternatives are more accepted now than in the past.
    "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Was it ever in style?
    Watch any hollywood movie or major network television show and you'll know that it very much is in style.

  25. #25
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is monogamy going out of style ?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post

    Monogamy started for a good reason, really. It served as a paternity guarantor, kept people safe from once-deadly STDs like syphilis, etc.

    All that need is long gone though since we have condoms, contraceptives, etc.

    That's the way I look at it too, and would add, human's, because of their much larger then normal brain/body mass ratio, take a long time to finish their development out of the womb. Raising a human child until puberty (let alone full maturity) requires a significant investment of time and resources. It is hard enough in a relationship where the parents know whose children belongs to who, but things can get messy very quick if one is having children with many different other people and trying to split time and resources among them while raising children. Birth control changes the equation a LOT.

    Yet... people have never been all that good about truly monogamous ... extra partners (whether by agreement or not) has always been "in style"

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