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Thread: When insults had class.........

  1. #1
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    Default When insults had class.........

    When Insults had Class

    When Insults Had Class (no4-letter words !!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

  2. #2
    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Those are great! Have you been collecting them?

  3. #3
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Dorothy Parker on Katherine Hepburn: "She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

    Dorothy Parker, on hearing of the death of Calvin Coolidge: "How could they tell?"

    *************************

    A woman talking to Churchill: Sir, you are drunk. Very, very drunk.
    Churchill replied: Madame, you are ugly. Very, very ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

    **************************

    Ambrose Bierce, describing the politician: "An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive."

  4. #4
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Oh these are great! Oh this one "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop and
    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright I love.

    Jay this one made me laugh so much!

    A woman talking to Churchill: Sir, you are drunk. Very, very drunk.
    Churchill replied: Madame, you are ugly. Very, very ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

  5. #5
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Can I share some? with other people?

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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Jay, NOT KIDDING - I was JUST about to post that first Dorothy Parker! As soon as I read the OP! Dang you. Well, great minds . . .

    Well, even though it's not directed at anyone in particular, I'll throw out another of hers: "If all the girls who attended the Harvard-Yale game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised."

    Also from Dottie: "This is not a book that should be tossed lightly aside. It should be hurled with great force."
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  7. #7
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    My favorite Dorothy Parker quote wasn't an insult at all: "Great party! One more drink, and I'd have been under the host." Rather scandalous at the time, but universally funny.

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Ha! My fave of hers isn't exactly an insult either: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

    . . . Back to the insults. Groucho had some great ones - in addition to the OP's: "I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    I snatched them from another site, I am tempted to search for the compleat list of the Bards greatest insults and barbs.

    Feel free to enjoy and pass about as I have.

  10. #10
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    yay!! thanks.

  11. #11
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Clarence Darrow:

    "Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont."



    "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it."

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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    I love Groucho Marx! He's hilarious!
    This list cracked me up.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Laconic humor is the best.
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

  14. #14
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Found this.

    “If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.” - J. Russell Lynes

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: When insults had class.........

    Quote Originally Posted by High_Heel_Lover View Post

    A woman talking to Churchill: Sir, you are drunk. Very, very drunk.
    Churchill replied: Madame, you are ugly. Very, very ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.
    I was going to post that one. My favorite Churchill quote.
    A cunning linguist...

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