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Thread: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

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    Default Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    OK. I have known these two customers for well over a year. I have been to numerous Cowboy's games with them and hung out outside of the club. I haven't done anything with either of them and thought we were cool. We all like to sports bet, so we always talk sports and how we did. Custy #1 did mention he would like to date me, but I don't want that. They both have tons of cash, by the way. I've never asked them for money, although custy #1 will give me some when he comes in the club. I just really like going to games and hanging out with them.

    I talk and text custy #1 all the time to say hi or talk sports. I never call custy #2. I have more of a friendship with #1. They went to Vegas for the Super Bowl. I haven't seen them since the Giants won. They are Dallas fans, I'm a Giants fan. They both know this. They came in last night with two girls. One I know because she used to work there. I sit down like I always do, and custy #1 was acting like he didn't want me there. I don't care what/who he does, but I guess I assumed we were better friends than he did. So of course I gotta talk about how great and amazing the Giants are and how much money I won and how Dallas couldn't make it. They took the Pats so lost a bit of cash. I joke like this all the time, they know it. They do the same to me.

    So after about an hour of drinking, I remembered a funny sign I printed about the Giants win. I went and got it to show them and sat by #2. He got real snippy with me and told me I just needed to drop it because they were there to have a good time and not talk about this. I told him if the Cowboys had won he would be giving me grief. He agreed, but said again I need to drop it and he was there for a good time and not to get bothered. I told him I thought we were cool and I didn't mean to piss him off but I hadn't seen them since the win and I'm still really excited about it and had to give my Cowboys fans a hard time. He said thats fine, now drop it.

    WOW! This really hurt my feelings. I mean bad. He's never acted that way towards me. We give each other a hard time about sports all the time. So I went to sit by #1 and he bought a dance for #2 from me. I've never danced for either of them. Thought this was really wierd but did it anyways. #2 didn't want the dance because he said it was wierd because we know each other outside of there. I told him just take it and be happy. He then apologized for being the way he was earlier and that they were all drinking and the alcohol affected him strange. In fact, he wouldn't stop apologizing. I told him I'm fine and it was OK.

    So they were all leaving and I gave them hugs and he told me he was sorry again. I told him to stop it and that it was fine. So guys, where did I go wrong? Am I all of a sudden a downer to the party? Is it annoying to tease people about this stuff? I wasn't going on and on about it, but yea, they did have to hear me give my guys props for the big win. This is what we do when we hang out, I didn't realize it would piss him off after all this time. And what about #1? Why would he treat me like he doesn't want to hang out with me after 1.5 years? I know the girl he's paying for sex, and he should know I really don't care.

    Is it possible I assumed that these guys were my friends when really I'm just another stripper that doesn't put out to them? Am I all of a sudden the annoying dancer that hangs at the table, talks too much and won't go away? I talked to #1 the Tues after Super Bowl, and it was our usual sports talking. I still feel real upset over being treated that way. Can a customer never really be a friend? Should I just fade away and not call them unless they call me? If they come in just say hi and move on? This really sucks! I would appreciate a man's opinion on this.
    Last edited by Jay Zeno; 02-10-2008 at 01:51 PM. Reason: added paragraphing

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    So of course I gotta talk about how great and amazing the Giants are and how much money I won and how Dallas couldn't make it. They took the Pats so lost a bit of cash. I joke like this all the time, they know it. They do the same to me.

    So after about an hour of drinking, I remembered a funny sign I printed about the Giants win. I went and got it to show them and sat by #2. He got real snippy with me and told me I just needed to drop it because they were there to have a good time and not talk about this.
    In the week after the Superbowl, I interacted in some way with more than 100 people, all of them Pats fans. No one talked about the game. Not one word. Like it never happened.

    The Giants had a 10-6 coyote ugly team that beat three teams they might beat two times in 10 tries. This was no joking matter. Next year the Giants will have a losing season, which will make this post-season even uglier in retrospect.

    You made a BIG mistake and probably lost your ATM friends forever.

    Thank you, JZ, for the paragraphing.
    Last edited by SportsWriter2; 02-10-2008 at 02:29 PM.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Peanut: You refer to them as customers, you mention in your story that they have just now had a dance, and you haven't done a dance for either prior to this. It seems that they are customers as you said that #1 gives you money ITC. Also, he has asked you out...presumably for something more than going to a game.

    Maybe he's losing interest now? It's possible the guys were looking to get some dances from other girls this time and you being there hanging out was making that difficult? Is there a reason you haven't done dances for them before this?

    Customers can be a friend...anyone can be a friend, all that's required is that they act like a friend...BE a friend.
    hb

    good call JZ

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    They came in last night with two girls.
    That line could explain the situation. Guys will behave a lot different around their female friends when there are dates around. I wouldn't read too much into it, unless the next time you see them sans company, they still act weird.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    Is it possible I assumed that these guys were my friends when really I'm just another stripper that doesn't put out to them? Am I all of a sudden the annoying dancer that hangs at the table, talks too much and won't go away? I talked to #1 the Tues after Super Bowl, and it was our usual sports talking. I still feel real upset over being treated that way. Can a customer never really be a friend? Should I just fade away and not call them unless they call me? If they come in just say hi and move on? This really sucks! I would appreciate a man's opinion on this.
    I've never had much luck being friends with dancers that I was also a customer of. The two 'relationships' are very different, and what's appropriate behavior in one isn't in the other. If custy #1 is giving you cash when he comes in, regardless of whether or not he's getting dances, that makes him a customer of yours. So you've got 2 dynamics to your relationship, that of friend to friend, and customer to entertainer.

    Still, this sounds more like male pride than anything else. Two guys are out with two ladies, and a third lady starts ragging on their favorite sports team. It may have made them feel 'less macho' or like they were being showed up in front of their dates. Some extreme fans have a kind of psychological attachment/attunement to their team. There was actually a case where a frustrated sports fan suffered from erectile dysfunction because his team was losing.
    -Snappa-

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    I have for a number of years been friends with three dancers. We met while they were dancing, but gradually the relationship outside of work became more important to all of us. I'll go and pick them up from work, but they/I never treat my being there as anything related to their work. Based on that, I'll give you my perspective on this, which may not be typical.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    They came in last night with two girls. One I know because she used to work there. I sit down like I always do, and custy #1 was acting like he didn't want me there.
    Could be a case of two's company, three's a crowd. You might have done better to see how things stood before sitting down. When they came in by themselves, they probably appreciated your company - coming in with two girls probably meant they had different priorities.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    So I went to sit by #1 and he bought a dance for #2 from me. I've never danced for either of them. Thought this was really wierd but did it anyways. #2 didn't want the dance because he said it was wierd because we know each other outside of there.
    Both the dancers I've mentioned and I would be very uncomfortable having a dance together. I'm a friend, not a customer, and they're only comfortable getting naked for customers. There's a big pyschological difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    Is it possible I assumed that these guys were my friends when really I'm just another stripper that doesn't put out to them? Am I all of a sudden the annoying dancer that hangs at the table, talks too much and won't go away?
    It's possible to have different interpretations of a relationship - it's possible they regarded it differently to what you did. You found out the fault lines when you wanted to spend time with them while they had two other women with them.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    Can a customer never really be a friend?
    I think you can end up friends with a customer, but then he can't be a customer for you.

    The dancers I've mentioned above have become friends - and that's how I regard them: *friends*. My priority (and theirs) is what happens outside of work - and other than me giving them a lift home at need, we make sure there's no overlap. I take no interest in them dancing - nor would they want me to.

    If you're going to have a friendship with these guys, then you can't really have a 'work' relationship with them as well.

    Anyhow, here's my thoughts - which may not be typical.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2 View Post
    In the week after the Superbowl, I interacted in some way with more than 100 people, all of them Pats fans. No one talked about the game. Not one word. Like it never happened.

    The Giants had a 10-6 coyote ugly team that beat three teams they might beat two times in 10 tries. This was no joking matter. Next year the Giants will have a losing season, which will make this post-season even uglier in retrospect.

    You made a BIG mistake and probably lost your ATM friends forever.

    Thank you, JZ, for the paragraphing.
    If the Colts had choked like that in the biggest game in NFL history, I'd probably want to act like it never happened too. But, alas, it did happen, and it was the next best thing to the Colts winning the Super Bowl.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    My guess is that they were on dates and were attempting to score with those chics. You're presence cock-blocked and tiffed the girls off a bit. Next time just give them a little more space when they have dates. It was dumb of them to show up at the club if they didn't want to say hi, but they still probably were expecting a little more alone time with thier girls and you got in the way.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    ...it's selfish to expect your friends to act and say things the way you want them to. They and you deserve your space from time to time.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    I think it's possible that they just really didn't want to talk about the game because they might have lost a large amount of money on it. Wait and see how they act the next time you see them and you'll find out where you stand.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    The guy apologized to you twice. What more do you want from him?

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    It seems like you sat with them for a long time without getting paid so you should prob treat them more like customers and charge for your time.

    It's impossible to say whether they just view you as a stripper or not but there is always that chance when you meet people in the club, people like to stereotype.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
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    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    Is it possible I assumed that these guys were my friends when really I'm just another stripper that doesn't put out to them? Am I all of a sudden the annoying dancer that hangs at the table, talks too much and won't go away?
    Sorry but, yes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    is a customer wrong to assume that he's a dancer's friend? think about that. it goes both ways.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    I'm no boy, but even tho you dont care about who he pays for sex, do you think maybe that girl is influencing him to stay clear of you (out of her fear you are making money from him also or whatever)

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    It seems like you sat with them for a long time without getting paid so you should prob treat them more like customers and charge for your time.

    It's impossible to say whether they just view you as a stripper or not but there is always that chance when you meet people in the club, people like to stereotype.
    Isn't trying to charge people you think of as friends to hang out with them one of the best ways for a stripper to turn herself into a stereotype?

    is a customer wrong to assume that he's a dancer's friend? think about that. it goes both ways.
    Just most of the time.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    Isn't trying to charge people you think of as friends to hang out with them one of the best ways for a stripper to turn herself into a stereotype?
    Yes, my mistake. I cant get into the mentality of having "customer/friends" in the club wasting my time. Therefore its prob not a good place to hang out if she really views them as friends.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    My guess is that they were on dates and were attempting to score with those chics. You're presence cock-blocked and tiffed the girls off a bit.
    ^^^There are a lot of very good insights in the replies including this one.

    Also yes to those who said some guys take football very seriously and don't have a sense of humor about it when their favorite team loses.

    And to the OP, I don't know if you were expecting to be paid for your time with them, but even customers who are fairly confused about roles in the club often have some vague awareness that in the club, they are customers first, friends second. Especially if they were planning on spending money in other ways that evening.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    well, i cannot exactly offer the degree of jaded cynicism that some people are offering but i can offer up an opinion. though some people might find it naive. though i prefer to think of it as "too empathic for my own good" instead.



    it sounds to me like at least one of these guys is actually your friend and the other is probably not, and probably never has been. also it sounds to me like when she is calling them customers she means they are customers of the club she works in, not customers of hers.

    #1: it seems to me like this guy probably only wanted to sleep with you or something. just going off what you posted (alas i do not have global spy cameras everywhere just yet) it sounds to me like he was hanging out with all of you because he wanted in your pants and it just so happens that you hang out with one of his buddies. personally i think that by purchasing a lapdance for the other guy he was somehow trying to demean you in front of someone whom you consider a friend and who likely considers you a friend as well. this first guy just really sounds like a pretty typical john if you want my honest opinion. and he likely has very little respect for anyone in the industry, actually, though he may be good at keeping that low.

    that said, a year is an awful long time to keep at it. but some folk are persistent.

    #2: okay so i do think this guy is your friend. he was probably real sore about the patriots losing one of the most important games ever in football history, and the fact that they were in vegas makes me think they were gambling and losing big money. so that could not have helped his mood. the fact that both of you felt kind of awkward about the whole lapdance situation would tell me that the customer-entertainer element is just not a part of the dynamic between you two and that he really does not think of you as anything more than a friend. personally i probably would not have pushed the dance at that point. but he did get appropriately apologetic for a blowoff like that and he did admit he had been drinking and that he was wrong to be a jerk to you and it probably was a sensitive situation for him and he even conceded that he understood why you were behaving the way you were and that he just did not want to deal with it right then, which is actually pretty mature all things considered.

    so basically i would say to ditch #1 but try and talk things out with #2 after everything has some time to settle down. this could be a real good opportunity for the two of you to actually discuss your dynamic and relationship to one another in an open and upfront way, which you all have probably needed to do for quite awhile anyway. also, allow yourself to feel angry about how they treated you also. otherwise the sadness will just stick around and - trust me - it sucks.

    i really truly hope that this works out for you.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    OK, thanks for all the advice everyone! I have decided that I will just treat these guys as "fair weather" friends. I won't hang out with them at all anymore. It's just too confusing. I guess I just see myself as one of the guys, but these dang titties are getting in my way! I still kinda don't get it though. I work at a popular Dallas club, but we don't serve food, so why bring dates in? It's not like you can have dinner. And they KNEW I would be teasing about the game. How am I to know to act different just because they have a couple girls with them? We always clown about that stuff! Confusing!!! So, will just say a fast hello when I see them, and be on my way! I really don't think men and women can be friends, no matter what you do for a living. But thanks to the guys for the insight, and thanks to the gals for the thoughts since we're all in the same biz. Take care all!

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    1 more thing. RebeccaS was right on when I refered to them as customers of the club. I have never called to ask if they would come in to see me. They will usually call me to see if I'm working and to tell me they will be there. When I refer to them around people who know me, I use the term friend or buddy. Seemed it would be easier to read and understand calling them customer #1 and #2. Great advice though Rebecca!

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Ok, this is a really touchy subject. I've had dancer's that were close personal friends. I've also been used up and spit out, which was my fault for being naive enough to allow that to happen. Let's continue this discussion assuming no sex and money playing games are involved.

    From the dancer's point of view, you want to be friendly. You want the guys to come back in the club. Heck, you might even like this person as a friend or be more interested in a relationship.

    From the guy's point of view, he doesn't know what to think of you. Are you being friendly because of the potential money? Are you a friend? Can he call you and just talk about stuff?

    Let me be honest about one thing. I am the "Millionaire Next Door." I have never broadcast this and I actually do a lot to hide it. I've been harassed over money by people that have found out. I had one dancer that was someone I knew. We talked about all kinds of stuff. I was the first one she called when she got pregnant. Because of some events, my name got plastered all over my local newspaper and TV news. And no, it wasn't because of something I did, it was something someone was trying to do to me. My financial secret was out regarding how much money I had. She called me the night the story broke. She played the role of a backdoor conduit for communication between my lawyers and the local county government lawyers. The end result was that she never asked for a dime in helping me.

    I guess I am saying it all depends.

    The Uncoolest One

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ItsPeanutButterJellyTime! View Post
    I really don't think men and women can be friends, no matter what you do for a living.
    I think sports guys and sports girls can be friends. As in play sports, not just watch and kid around. But hey, that's just my experience.

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    Default Re: Am I wrong to assume I'm a customer's friend?

    PBJTime, the 'ribbing' and joking around that people do is usually done between equals, i.e, friends, coworkers of equivalent rank, etc. who know and respect each other. In that way it's not taken too personally or considered bullying.

    Whether you respect your friends, I don't know, but you are not of equal 'rank' with them. You are the hottie they can't have. You're higher up the social totem pole and, especially in front of their lady friends, your ribbing can be seen not in the friendly, jovial way you intended, but as a reminder of you unequal social status. It can be seen as a form of, or reason for, your rejection.

    Not an excuse for their behavior, just a possible explanation.
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