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Thread: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

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    Default Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months he has not( not once mind you ) taken me out, spent a little money on me, nada zilch
    i have told him to no avail,
    Then he has two babies and a cow because I dance...
    what should I do? i have plenty of men( not the custys) who would love to spend money on me.
    I mean it takes some money to maintain my looks, bod, ect for dancing we all know that, he should help a sista out with some money for my extentions once in a while
    should I re-consider our relationship or am I being selfish... I don't even know...

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    I think you're being selfish. If you're in the relationship to benefit financially, of course it's going to fail. If you're in the relationship because you like this guy and you want to be with him, why does money matter? You're a woman in the year 2008. Go make your own money!

    That being said, where you are in your relationship matters. My boyfriend and I live together (we have for 2 years), and we share financial responsibility. We both work full time and pay bills. I know if I needed to, or just wanted to, he'd handle all the bills for a few months but there's no reason for that, when I'm perfectly capable of going to work and making my own money. And I'd do the same for him if need be. But it's not about the money, it's about the person.

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Now, I could understand if you were paying for all of your dates, and wanted him to pay for a movie or somethign once in a while...

    But to expect your guy to pay for your extensions? WTF?!

    It's your choice to do that, you pay for it.

    A relationship is about caring and trust, not about how much cash you can make by dating him.

    Seriously, wtf?

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    I'm not in it for the money he doesn' have any... i pay half of everything too
    i mean once in while bring a girl some flowers, a card somethin I'm not saying I want him to buy me stuff cause up to this point he hasn't and I have never depended on a guy for those things
    he hasn't done anything sweet for me basically that's what I mean.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    My extension cost me $50 dollars I have a home girl who hooks me up

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    I mean it takes some money to maintain my looks, bod, ect for dancing we all know that, he should help a sista out with some money for my extentions once in a while
    should I re-consider our relationship or am I being selfish... I don't even know...
    I would agree that a guy should bring little surprises, like flowers or a card, but it is the above quote that makes me think you are very selfish in your expectations.

    It doesn't matter how much they cost, $2 or $2000, the fact that you expect him to pay for your upkeep is just insane to me.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    i dont think that paying for your extensions qualifies as "sweet"...

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    i dont think that paying for your extensions qualifies as "sweet"...

    Awww baby, you bought me a new weave! You're the best Valentine ever!

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    I came across this post totally wrong, I"m in love with this man. When I stated the extensions I basically was like treat me to something I like, I could of said
    ice cream, which I love and there is dairy queen two blocks away. Just do something for me besides have me lay on my back in my stripper heels...
    I pay for his haircuts sometimes when he needs one and he doesn't have the money. It's sweet to me because it's something he enjoys and gets all angry when he needs a hair cut.... so i do it for him. but if i ask to go to the movies. not.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    Awww baby, you bought me a new weave! You're the best Valentine ever!
    hahaha

    ok, i have a question. why are you with him? why do you love him?

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    Awww baby, you bought me a new weave! You're the best Valentine ever!

    Also he told me " I'm not going to go broke for valentines day cause i never did that with my other girlfriends...."

    umm.... am i wrong to expect a card at least...

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    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyCurlieQ View Post
    I think you're being selfish. If you're in the relationship to benefit financially, of course it's going to fail. If you're in the relationship because you like this guy and you want to be with him, why does money matter? You're a woman in the year 2008. Go make your own money!

    That being said, where you are in your relationship matters. My boyfriend and I live together (we have for 2 years), and we share financial responsibility. We both work full time and pay bills. I know if I needed to, or just wanted to, he'd handle all the bills for a few months but there's no reason for that, when I'm perfectly capable of going to work and making my own money. And I'd do the same for him if need be. But it's not about the money, it's about the person.
    I disagree with you, PrettyCurlieQ. The OP isn't talking about wanting the guy to pay all her bills...she's talking about him simply pulling his share of the weight, or perhaps actually taking her out on a traditional date(you know...the kind where the guy pays for dinner, instead of splitting the tab or the OP paying the whole thing herself?). I don't think that's "selfish" at all...if anything, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps the OP's boyfriend is one of those "moocher loser boyfriends" who latches onto a stripper girlfriend that makes enough money to support him. I don't know the whole story, but that's what my instincts are telling me. Or perhaps my instincts are biased, since the primary reason I came on here today was to write about a friend's potentially mooching bf(I don't know?)...

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    So you pay half of everything, buy him haircuts and he won't even take you to a friggin' movie? Sounds like you have a potential mooch on your hands, imo.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    he extremely honest man, and I've been lied to for so long and that's a quality i admire in a man
    basically he does not make me feel special, needed.
    it's like oh it's you hi.

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    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Does he DO anything sweet for you? Massages after a hard day? Baths? THings that show affection but dont cost anything?

    If not...maybe time to say goodbye. Then it isnt a case of having no money to spend, but having no respect to give.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    finally ladies are seeing my point I am not a gold digger
    he works at dominoes.... c'mon i new this when i met because
    low and behold that's where i met him... so i knew he didn't have bank
    but if you can buy 3 12 packs of beer, a twenty sack of weed you can
    shell out 20 dollars for a movie
    i'll bring my own peanuts and gummy bears, dammit

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    nope. nothing not a hand made card, which i do all the time
    no hidden notes notes. nada I'm telling you

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    I understand what you're saying and I won't make fun of you for your word choice. (People make me ashamed sometimes).

    What you're wanting is more reciprocity. You feel like you do little things for him to make him feel loved and taken care of and he doesn't reciprocate. You feel like he takes you for granted. And honey, from the sound of it, he DOES. And you deserve better.

    I have to say, many, MANY men are like this. They are never taught they need to cultivate love and be attentive to their loved one the way we are. We're raised knowing how to dote on a man. And they are raised being doted on by their moms. Don't get me started on men today...

    But, the thing is...you don't need it. You deserve better. Think about it--why would you want to give your love to a man who is so selfish that he doesn't want to do little things to show he loves you, and then turns around and asks you to lay back in your stripper heels? That's not a man. That's a dog.

    I'm thinking about Erykah Badu here...("Every time I ask you for a little cash, you say no but turn around and ask me for some ass...")

    I say have a long talk with him. If he isn't willing to change...NEXT!...

  19. #19
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    Then he has two babies and a cow because I dance...
    Now I'm not really "down with the lingo," but I'm assuming that the above quote means that the boyfriend freaks out and opposes the OP dancing. So basically what the OP is saying, is that the boyfriend is hypocritical because he doesn't want her stripping to make money for herself, yet he won't spend any money on her. I agree with the OP. I'm not saying that the boyfriend should pay for her extensions, but if he isn't paying her bills and giving her money to go out with, then he really shouldn't flip out and try to tell her that she "isn't allowed" to strip to make decent money(cause God knows it's hard to find a job that pays a "living wage" if you don't have education/skills/experience!).

    I can't stand boyfriends like this. Hate to say it guys, but I agree with the OP, unless I am reading it wrong. It's kinda hard to get a clear picture of what's going on since the OP doesn't elaborate on detail too much and tends to write a lot of slang/jargon.

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    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    he extremely honest man, and I've been lied to for so long and that's a quality i admire in a man
    basically he does not make me feel special, needed.
    it's like oh it's you hi.
    I agree that it's good to choose a guy for his honesty and good personality, as opposed to how much money he has, BUT that doesn't mean that he should make you pay for his haircuts but not take you out. Also, are you aware that sometimes the ones who "seem really nice" turn out to be the ones being deceptive and/or mooches on the sly?

    Didn't Xiomara write about something like this last year? Back when she was pregnant with her 2nd kid, she had a boyfriend who lived with her that she was basically supporting. Oh but he was a "really nice guy" who cooked dinner for her and took care of her when she was sick or had pregnancy pains/issues. And we all saw how "nice" he turned out to be a few months later, when he saw an eviction notice on Xiomara's door and bounced.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    I'm not reading much slang or jargon in her posts. Bart Simpson said "Don't have a cow, man" about 20 years ago. If you haven't caught on to it yet, it's not the OP's fault. Not exactly the hottest new chatter on the streets.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I understand what you're saying and I won't make fun of you for your word choice. (People make me ashamed sometimes).

    What you're wanting is more reciprocity. You feel like you do little things for him to make him feel loved and taken care of and he doesn't reciprocate. You feel like he takes you for granted. And honey, from the sound of it, he DOES. And you deserve better.

    I have to say, many, MANY men are like this. They are never taught they need to cultivate love and be attentive to their loved one the way we are. We're raised knowing how to dote on a man. And they are raised being doted on by their moms. Don't get me started on men today...

    But, the thing is...you don't need it. You deserve better. Think about it--why would you want to give your love to a man who is so selfish that he doesn't want to do little things to show he loves you, and then turns around and asks you to lay back in your stripper heels? That's not a man. That's a dog.

    I'm thinking about Erykah Badu here...("Every time I ask you for a little cash, you say no but turn around and ask me for some ass...")

    I say have a long talk with him. If he isn't willing to change...NEXT!...
    she hit on it directly. that's what's going on

  23. #23
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I understand what you're saying and I won't make fun of you for your word choice. (People make me ashamed sometimes).
    If my refernce to the OP using too much lingo was deemed offensive, then I apologize. I did not mean to be offensive. I just wasn't sure if I was interpreting the OP's posts correctly, since I am a bit behind-the-times with wording/slang. I'll try to be more careful in the future though.

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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Okay, so he doesn't do anything for you and in order to continue to have 'feelings' for him, you need him to prove his interest superficially. I still say that's selfish, but if that's how you feel, it's how you feel, that doesn't make it wrong I guess. Some guys aren't good at expressing themselves with gifts and stuff all the time. If that's what you need to be happy, dump him and find a guy who treats you like whatever you want to be treated like.
    Some girls are perfectly happy knowing a guy is there for them and cares, and some need it proven. If that's how you feel, tell him and if he doesn't step up, lose him.

  25. #25
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Umm I'm no gold digger but ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I'm not reading much slang or jargon in her posts. Bart Simpson said "Don't have a cow, man" about 20 years ago. If you haven't caught on to it yet, it's not the OP's fault. Not exactly the hottest new chatter on the streets.
    True. I thought the "have 2 babies and a cow" had similar meaning to the renown Bart Simpson comment, but I honestly wasn't sure, so thanks for confirming that for me. I honestly didn't want to misinterpret the OP's messages the wrong way based on my limited scope of colloquial language.

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