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Thread: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Thumbs down The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    Okay I was talking on the phone with my good female friend last night. There was a snow/ice/sleet storm last night which made roads rather slick and treacherous(I drove most of the way home in 1st gear, that's how scary the roads were! lol). She was telling me about how she had to pick up her boyfriend "Dave" from work later that night.

    I asked her if Dave has a car. Dave is 19, one year older than my friend. She said no, but he's been working a lot and saving up money to get one. Admittedly he does have a legit job, doing custodial work at their area's public schools. I warned her not to give him too many rides, since I did that before with my ex Dipshit(you might recall him from other threads), and that just resulted in him saying, "Why do I need to buy a car, when YOU drive me around everywhere?" in a very cocky voice in front of our mutual friends. I just don't want my strong, outgoing friend to soften up for some guy and then have the guy take advantage of her kindness.

    She responded, "Well, he should be getting a car in the near future hopefully. If anything, I'm doing MYSELF a favor by driving him to work, because by getting him to work, he'll be able to earn money and buy a car, so then I won't have to drive him anymore. That'll be a favor to me." WHAT?! "Not having to give rides" isn't a favor...it's a given, a right! Perhaps she meant that Dave will be able to give HER rides when he gets his car, but I really cannot see that happening, especially since Dave works the 3pm-11pm shift cleaning the high schools, and my friend has her college classes from 6pm-9:15pm.

    What do you guys think about this? Overall Dave seems like an easygoing, decently cool guy...but I've seen a LOT of guys turn out to mooch slightly. Maybe I'm wrong? Feedback?

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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    public transportation

    but let me stop i drive my boyfriend around to
    he doesn't like to drive it himself because it's a jetta
    a cute jetta though...

  3. #3
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    ^ Thanks, but in my city, public transportation is nearly nonexistent in the suburbs. I think the reason this guy has my friend drive him, instead of his family, is because he's going through a hard time right now. He doesn't even have permanent residence, so he's been staying at my friend's house because it's either that or become homeless in a snowy cold February. I don't think the living situation thing is his fault...from the sounds of it, he has an evil stepfather...I can relate, because I was disowned from my family for diddlyshit a few years ago(hells why do you think I got started with dancing? It was either dance or become homeless. I didn't have the "luxury" of a supportive good friend/bf/gf the way Dave does).

  4. #4
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    ^I think you're being a lil harsh on "Dave".

    He's 19. If he was 35 and still getting rides from his girls, I'd say he was a mooching jerk, but he's 19 with a job...that's more than most 19 year olds can say. He has a legit job and he's working to save up some cash.

    I think it's one thing to be getting rides and take them for granted- like the way your ex treated you- but this guy could be very grateful, and sincerely working to get onto his own feet.

    Not all guys are assholes. A good number are, but there are also a number of good guys who are really trying to do the right thing.

  5. #5
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    If they are only 18,19, he is working hard, and a good guy...I don't see the big deal about it. If he were 30, it might be different. They are kids though. If there is no good public transport, he would spend a shitload on cabs, etc, and not be able to save.

    Just because it happened to you doesn't mean everyone is the same. But again, I can relate to how you feel. She has faith in him, and he will repay her some way, even if it isn't through giving her reciprocal rides. At this point, its a matter of trust with them.

    Hehehe...kandie_kitten and I posted @ same time!

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    ^great minds...

  7. #7
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    Okay guys I agree with you. You guys are right, he IS young and obviously trying by working his job. And he does have a sucky family situation, pretty much the same family situation that I was dealt a few years ago that I incessantly complain about sometimes.

    I guess my pessimistic view on the situation isn't just because exes took my rides for granted, but also because when I was car-less/penniless but trying hard a few years ago, nobody helped me out or gave me mercy...most people misjudged me as a result of it to the point that I started actually believing their absurd accusations.

    But you girls raise some great points.

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    ^I'm really sorry you had to go through that alone, and I can understand how you'd then be suspicious of your friends being mistreated or used.

    Besides this issue, how does he treat her? Is he respectful, thoughtful? Is she usually happy with their situation?

    Those aspects are far more telling.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    How is it any of your business either way? It's her relationship. If she's not happy with the situation she can leave, but clearly she doesn't mind things the way they are, so who cares? It's not affecting you.

  10. #10
    OdysseusNJ
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    He sounds like he's an upright guy, since I grew up in NYC I never got a license and then I wound up in the middle of Norcal. I had to bum a lot of rides until I finally got wheels and a license at 22. I'm sure he'll get a car as soon as he can swing it if he's as stand up as he sounds from your post. And he'll probably return the ride favors twofold.

  11. #11
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    "If you've got no money and you've got no car, then you've got no woman and there you are" MC Hammer.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
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    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Senior Member GentlemanX's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    How old is your friend who is dating Dave? If she's older than 18 then it is time to move on to someone who has their shit together more. I mean, seriously, if a guy is bumming rides off of you because he can't get to work otherwise, does a hottie really need to be giving him tang? Certainly, an attractive girl can do better than that. He is only 19, but apparently not really going anywhere. Tell you friend she can do better.

    Also, if she's in college and he is a high school janitor, I really don't see that one working out. Make the clean break.

  13. #13
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    ^^she said that her friend is 18. I dont see a problem with it if this is the ONLY issue. I've had friends I gave rides to because for one reason or another they didnt have cars...one friend didnt get her DL until she was 22 because she had been in a car accident in high school and was deathly afraid of driving.
    My ex's dad was the same way...car accident-deathly fear..couldnt ever drive again, so his mom always drove.

    If she doesnt mind, why should you? Unless he is abusing or mooching off her otherwise...it's no big deal.

  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    Philly.....why? Just......don't worry about it. She's not concerned, but you're concerned enough for the both of you....

    I thought this thread would be about your boyfriend, but it's not. Unless this gal signs up for SW to make a thread about this since it's HER boyfriend, it's a non issue.

  15. #15
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    Quote Originally Posted by GentlemanX View Post

    Also, if she's in college and he is a high school janitor, I really don't see that one working out. Make the clean break.
    Why?

    That seems awfully harsh, and awfully snobbish.

    I refuse to judge anyone because of their job...I've dealt with that enough stripping. There's plenty of idiots and deadbeats in college, and plenty of brilliant, hardworking people who don't go to college.

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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    None. Of. Your. Business.

    Seriously.

    Why create drama where there is none? If she's happy, and he's happy, let them be.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  17. #17
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    I'm not trying to create drama...I was very subservient on the phone when she was telling me about this, opting to say phrases such as "that's cool!" and "oh okay." I was just curious what you guys thought of the concept of "doing oneself a favor" by not having to be responsible for someone else's commute. I'm not meaning to probe into their business, just wondering if it's really that much of a "favor."

    Overall Dave seems like an okay guy, but to be honest my girl friend has been occasionally doing percocets with Dave and Dave's friend Dean lately. I wrote about Dean before...the 17 year old kid who is fussy about how he wants his alcohol, despite being underage. So that's not good, and that's what some of our mutual friends were saying before. Other than that, Dave seems okay. He's very quiet(not shy though), so it's hard to tell. He seems friendly enough though.

    Perhaps this isn't really an issue. Perhaps I just get paranoid, since I felt "used" for rides by various people before...I don't know.

  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    It's interesting that you consider noncommital responses to be "subservient."

    Anyway I think you're reading too much into things. She's her, you're you. Just because you felt used in the past doesn't mean she feels used right now, and even if she does, it's not your business. It's between her and him.

  19. #19
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    deleted

  20. #20
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    Default Re: The boyfriend without a car -- feedback?

    I'm the one being mooched off of.... reality check for my-damn self

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