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Thread: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    As you all know, I'm already self consious about my body and my dancing abilities. Anyway, I was speaking with a guy that I've known for 4 years and telling him that I am planning on becoming a stripper. His immediate reaction is: "You do realize that you have to be able to dance right?" I reply that I realize that, he says "Well then how the hell do you plan on making money? (Erupts into a fit of laughter) You're going to look so stupid. Plus, you don't have a body, nobody is going to pay to see your skinny ass. You might as well just stick to looking for a REAL job." My feelings are so hurt. Mind you, this fool has never seen me dance before and second, this is the same guy that pursued me for a YEAR when I was 20 yrs old. because he was supposedly soooo attracted to me. We slept together for the next two years (I was 21 then and he was 29), and got me pregnant when I was 22, only to then tell me that he was married and I had to have an abortion. But after the abortion claimed that he still had feelings for me and wanted to remain close because I am his "best friend". Grrrrr. My life! Thanks for letting me vent ladies.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Uhhh yeah. He sounds like a REAL winner and you should DEFINITELY listen to every word he says. Seriously, hataz are gonna hate! Look, I'm new, I'm white, skinny and uncoordinated, and I bank by my club's standards; I say fuck him right in his ear. You don't need that kind of negativity when you're starting out. Just keep doing your research on hustling and moving sensually, keep toning up so you are confident in yourself, and you will do just fine!


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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    I have to tell you the truth...being a stripper isn't about being a good dancer! Heck when i danced i would frequently trip over my own feet on stage, fall on men and even get my clothes stuck on various body parts while trying to take them off. I am a very clumsy person and can't "dance" for shit.But when i slowed it down and kept it basic, i could get by well enough to be one of the top earners.
    If you can sway from side to side you have 90% of the physical side of dancing right here. the truth is this job is mainly about your hustle and personality.
    I think the issue here is your friend. what a wanker. I think it's time you cut him out of your life altogether.He was just trying to cut down your self esteem, and you shouldn't let anyone do that to you. If you were going for a job in mcdonalds and asked his opinion i bet he would say "you can't flip burgers for shit, all the customers will laugh at you". See what i mean? He's just trying to break you down by any means necessary.
    Don't let him make you doubt yourself and cut him out of your life NOW! is my advice

  4. #4
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Honey, anyone who thinks you actually have to be able to dance to be a successful stripper just hasn't been in enough clubs. Move slowly enough and look confident enough--maintain eye contact with your audience--and you are going to do beautifully.

    Sounds like he's a complete ass. And by the way--guys don't often tend to think there's any such thing as too skinny, so I doubt that will be a problem either. Look at everyone who's lusted after in Hollywood, for christ's sake. I really think he was just being a ridiculous jerk. Please don't listen to him.

    I know you're worried about your weight. If it helps, when you start dancing, you are likely to build some muscle tone, which should beef you up just a little.

    You are going to be marvelous. You just need to believe it.

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    take it from me, i've been dancing for 8 years and i still can't dance, and that def has not affected my game
    These days I like to count my money. I like to wash it delicately and iron it. Sometimes I dry it with some bounty to make it all nice and cuddly. I love my money... did I say that out loud?

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Um, don't listen to that jerk off. He's obviously trying to get you down, what an asshole.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpvc View Post
    I think the issue here is your friend.
    Seriously. I don't think you need to be worrying about yourself and your abilities AT ALL. Dancers come in all shapes and sizes, and it's usually easier to get hired if you are on the thin side, anyway.

    My concern is with someone in your life who would insult you like that. Sounds to me like he's trying to control your behavior by attacking your self-esteem. (Not to mention the other stuff you say he's done over the years....sheesh...doesn't sound like much of a "friend" to me.)

    Anything you need to learn about dancing and hustling you can learn on the job, like all of us did. Being too thin is not an issue. Being too thick is not an issue. Being awkward or clumsy or shy or inexperienced is not an issue. Having someone in your life who is going to chip away at your self-esteem while you work a psychologically demanding job and need all the support you can get....that is an issue.

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    Veteran Member icey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Don't listen to him, I had an ex boyfriend who would tell me that all the time. I listened to him for 3 years then one day I went and did it and did just fine. You will learn on the job and I don't know how many times I have seen girls get up to dance and they can't dance at all but still make money. Just believe in yourself go up there and have fun and the money will come. Also drop this guy, he sounds just like my ex and I got him out of my life and I am so happy I did!

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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Awww, thanks ladies! Seriously, no lie, your encouragement brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. I'm DEFINATELY going to ditch the dirt bag starting today. I don't need anyone to make me feel bad about myself.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleeyz View Post
    As you all know, I'm already self consious about my body and my dancing abilities. Anyway, I was speaking with a guy that I've known for 4 years and telling him that I am planning on becoming a stripper. His immediate reaction is: "You do realize that you have to be able to dance right?" I reply that I realize that, he says "Well then how the hell do you plan on making money? (Erupts into a fit of laughter) You're going to look so stupid. Plus, you don't have a body, nobody is going to pay to see your skinny ass. You might as well just stick to looking for a REAL job." My feelings are so hurt. Mind you, this fool has never seen me dance before and second, this is the same guy that pursued me for a YEAR when I was 20 yrs old. because he was supposedly soooo attracted to me. We slept together for the next two years (I was 21 then and he was 29), and got me pregnant when I was 22, only to then tell me that he was married and I had to have an abortion. But after the abortion claimed that he still had feelings for me and wanted to remain close because I am his "best friend". Grrrrr. My life! Thanks for letting me vent ladies.
    I can actually relate to this a LOT! I *did* have a guy friend/fuck buddy/future ex-boyfriend who had a similar reaction when I first started dancing. Before I ever told him I was contemplating dancing, he suggested it to me because he knew I was cute and desperately needed money. But after I started dancing, he made a joke about "How can you dance? You don't strike me as the type who has a very good sense of rhythm" in front of his guy friend. Like you, this guy had NEVER seen me dance before! And also like you, he was right(I really couldn't dance for shit) and his comment made me even more self-conscious about my lack of dance skills. What's even more similar, is that at one point when I knew this guy, he too was married!(but separated, and did eventually finalize the divorce)

    Back when I was first looking to get into dancing(God knows I needed the money!), I was told that I wasn't the "dancer type" by more than a few people. Now I wouldn't want it to be the opposite extreme, where people automatically assume that I must be a stripper(I wrote about this in another thread), but at the same time, I didn't like total discouragement either. For example, my second week dancing. A customer didn't tip me, interrupted our convo to go off to the couchroom with another girl, and later told me, "You're too humble to be a stripper." Well duhhhh...how else was I going to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head? It wasn't like any of the "real" jobs were hiring me, and trust me I had jobsearched my butt off trying to find one. There were other comments too but I don't really remember them much anymore.

    Just wanted to let you know that I can relate. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It is really mean and catty for your guy friend to say this. Either he doesn't realize that his words are so hurtful, or he is trying to be catty because perhaps he's jealous that you have an opportunity to make easy money at such a fun job. After all, it's a LOT harder to be a male stripper, especially since there's not many male strip clubs and I'm sure that the few existing ones are really picky. If I were you, I would disassociate myself from him for a period of time while you're auditioning and getting adjusted to dancing. Focus on getting the job, mastering your hustle, and making money. This guy isn't paying your bills, but dancing can...so as hard as it can be to filter out negativity, take some time away from him and your mutual friends and focus on the job. That's what I did. I'd also recommend not telling a lot of people about dancing, because you're bound to reach a lot of people opposed to stripping, or people who will make catty comments like this douchebag guy.

    Does this guy make catty comments like this a lot, or is this a rare occurence for him? If he frequently makes insulting discouragements like this, then I would seriously reconsider my friendship/fuck-buddyship with him. Friends should be there to support you, not put you down when you are trying.

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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Making money at stripping has little to do with the ability to dance. it has more to do with being sexy. I don't know if I have ever seen my latest favorite dance and its been about 15 months since I first met up with her (2+ years minus 1 year of her living away).

    The Uncoolest One

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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    I can actually relate to this a LOT! I *did* have a guy friend/fuck buddy/future ex-boyfriend who had a similar reaction when I first started dancing. Before I ever told him I was contemplating dancing, he suggested it to me because he knew I was cute and desperately needed money. But after I started dancing, he made a joke about "How can you dance? You don't strike me as the type who has a very good sense of rhythm" in front of his guy friend. Like you, this guy had NEVER seen me dance before! And also like you, he was right(I really couldn't dance for shit) and his comment made me even more self-conscious about my lack of dance skills. What's even more similar, is that at one point when I knew this guy, he too was married!(but separated, and did eventually finalize the divorce)

    Back when I was first looking to get into dancing(God knows I needed the money!), I was told that I wasn't the "dancer type" by more than a few people. Now I wouldn't want it to be the opposite extreme, where people automatically assume that I must be a stripper(I wrote about this in another thread), but at the same time, I didn't like total discouragement either. For example, my second week dancing. A customer didn't tip me, interrupted our convo to go off to the couchroom with another girl, and later told me, "You're too humble to be a stripper." Well duhhhh...how else was I going to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head? It wasn't like any of the "real" jobs were hiring me, and trust me I had jobsearched my butt off trying to find one. There were other comments too but I don't really remember them much anymore.

    Just wanted to let you know that I can relate. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It is really mean and catty for your guy friend to say this. Either he doesn't realize that his words are so hurtful, or he is trying to be catty because perhaps he's jealous that you have an opportunity to make easy money at such a fun job. After all, it's a LOT harder to be a male stripper, especially since there's not many male strip clubs and I'm sure that the few existing ones are really picky. If I were you, I would disassociate myself from him for a period of time while you're auditioning and getting adjusted to dancing. Focus on getting the job, mastering your hustle, and making money. This guy isn't paying your bills, but dancing can...so as hard as it can be to filter out negativity, take some time away from him and your mutual friends and focus on the job. That's what I did. I'd also recommend not telling a lot of people about dancing, because you're bound to reach a lot of people opposed to stripping, or people who will make catty comments like this douchebag guy.

    Does this guy make catty comments like this a lot, or is this a rare occurence for him? If he frequently makes insulting discouragements like this, then I would seriously reconsider my friendship/fuck-buddyship with him. Friends should be there to support you, not put you down when you are trying.
    YES!!! That's my issue too! I've been job hunting my ass off for the past 4 months and I'm not getting hired, not even called in for an interview. And I have an EXCELLENT resume. It completely baffles me. Now that you ask the question, he IS pretty discouraging when I tell him things I want to do. I told him I wanted to move to NJ, he says "You can't move to NJ; you don't make enough money. (he doesn't know how much I make) Youre going to end up in a bad neighborhood and get jumped or robbed." Or, when I told him about this guy that threw a drink in my face at a party because I was defending a female friend from his verbal attacks. I tell my "friend" and he bursts out into laughter instead of being appalled that this happened to his "best friend". He didn't even ask if I was okay; just laughed like I'd told the funniest joke he'd ever heard in his life. Yeah, he's definately gotta kick rocks. For some reason these are the type of guys I ALWAYS end up with in my life.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeUnCool View Post
    Making money at stripping has little to do with the ability to dance. it has more to do with being sexy. I don't know if I have ever seen my latest favorite dance and its been about 15 months since I first met up with her (2+ years minus 1 year of her living away).

    The Uncoolest One
    Thanks Joe!
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleeyz View Post
    For some reason these are the type of guys I ALWAYS end up with in my life.
    They WERE! When you dump his lame butt, you can start over, friend-wise. There are better people out there.

  15. #15
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Yeah..what everyone else said. HEs a dick and stripping has little to do with dancing. Yes there are some AMAZING dancers...but theres also girls like my friend, who would wander around the pole kicking herself in the ass(think Mad Tv's Stewart..."look what I can do"...that was her)
    But she was cute and smart and could hustle so she banked. Guys thought her lack of rythym was endearing.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleeyz View Post
    I was speaking with a guy that I've known for 4 years and telling him that I am planning on becoming a stripper. His immediate reaction is: "You do realize that you have to be able to dance right?"
    Sorry, had to get that out. LOL.

    Sparkle, I see that you want to dance in my local area. When I first decided I was going to be a dancer I thought I had to know how to dance too. I took lessons, bought DVD's, etc.

    Then I pop over to the local dude club and see NOTHING that even remotely resembles dancing.

    Sorry, NYC and NJ ladies. I still have yet to see anything that looks like "dancing" at a strip club.

    I've seen wiggling, shimmying, shaking, some little two step thingy, prancing, crabwalks... and lots of them, booty popping, twirling, etc.

    That guy is a dumb ass. I'm sure you'll be awesome, make tons of cash, and he'll eat his ignorant words.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    I've been dancing for nearly 4 years, and I STILL can't walk in the shoes, let alone dance. Doesn't stop me from making shitloads of money. So that guy can fuck the hell off, because he obviously doesn't know the first thing about stripping. Grrr I hate older men trying to act like they know everything.

    Start working! You can laugh in this bastards face when you start banking. "Guess I'm not all that unattractive after all, seeing I made $X. Looks like plenty of men like to see my 'skinny ass' and pay to do so. Don't think I'll have any trouble finding a date. Guess I don't need you anymore!"

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    I sometimes dance to the song 'I Can't Dance', because I really can't. I trip and fall and stumble and a million other unsexy things, yet I'm making great money and touring the country.
    Fuck that guy, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Go do your thing and know that his opinion means nothing.

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    Veteran Member Alia_of_the_Knife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    You really don't know how to dance for this job. When I first started I kind of looked like a duck humping the floor but still made boat loads of cash. The guy is an asswhipe.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Ok, you still talk to this asswipe, WHY??

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  22. #21
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    This person is your "best friend"? Maybe you should do a self-esteem check. Dancing has little to do with stripping. You need confidence first.

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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    dude, the best thing you could do for yourself right now is to cut that psychic vampire out of your life. Why are you even still talking to that tool?

    as far as dancing abilities go, well everyone else already summed that up.

    you make your money by selling lap dances, which is really a misnomer anyhow.


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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    This person is your "best friend"? Maybe you should do a self-esteem check. Dancing has little to do with stripping. You need confidence first.
    No he's not my best friend. He claims that I'm HIS "best friend". (rolling my eyes)
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    Quote Originally Posted by gingerlee View Post
    I sometimes dance to the song 'I Can't Dance', because I really can't. I trip and fall and stumble and a million other unsexy things, yet I'm making great money and touring the country.
    Fuck that guy, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Go do your thing and know that his opinion means nothing.
    OMG, I trip and fall all the time in sneakers. But ironically enough, I haven't fallen in my 6" heels yet. (knock on wood) maybe its because I haven't been on a slippery stage yet. But the heels do wobble when I walk.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Told that I can't be a dancer....getting discouraged

    I ask again: WHY are you even talking to this jerkoff still? That's a huge indication you need to work on your self-confidence before getting into the heels.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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