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Thread: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    The other night at work, it was dead so I was making convo with one of the bouncers, a new guy in his early 40s(looks hella younger though). After it came out that I don't have a boyfriend and haven't for a while, he kept asking me why I don't have one. He is married and all that, so I know that although he was being flirty, it was more in friendliness than actually hitting on me in hopes of pursuit(or let's hope so? lol).

    --BACKGROUND INFO -- Recently, I've been trying to cut down on promiscuity and look for a guy that's more steady. It drastically decreases risk of STDs, plus I'm getting to the age where perhaps I might want to actually settle down, get married, and have a family in the near future. Although I do not want to get married anytime soon, I don't want to be say, 40 and single and childless either. So yeah, I've been looking to maybe find myself a boyfriend(although I haven't done much active "looking" though, just mingling with a select few of the guys I already had around me before). And let me tell you, I suck...apparently I'm a lot better at obtaining hook-ups/casual dates than boyfriends. Hells, I think guys wanted to be my boyfriend more back when I WASN'T interested, than now when I might actually BE interested!

    So anyway, this guy keeps grilling me over and over about how someone so smart and pretty as myself doesn't have a boyfriend. It was slightly annoying. I simply gave reasons as to why I was "choosing" not to have a boyfriend, and a lot of what I said made really good sense too. I didn't want to be reminded of something that I'm already a little self conscious of(I'm not self-conscious about being single; I'm self-conscious that apparently guys don't seem interested in me as more than a friend or fuck buddy).

    But my question is: Do you guys ever experience this? Do you guys find it slightly annoying too? My friend wrote a blog last week about this overly flirty guy at work who kept asking her repeatedly why, at age 24, she didn't have any kids or a serious man yet. It's similar to that. Ughhh guys can be unknowingly annoying!! lol

  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Its extremely annoying, and rude, and insensitive. I've been getting it for a long time, as I'm some years older than you are. You need to call people out who do that. I kept having to do the same to my mom.

    As for finding a nice boy, may I suggest the internetz? And NOT Craig'sList!

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  3. #3
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    I never get that. Maybe people just assume it's because I'm incredibly homely and realize that they shouldn't bring it up.

    Seriously - if it is annoying to you just say. Like you don't need to have a confrontation; just laugh and say "personal question much, dude?"
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Its extremely annoying, and rude, and insensitive. I've been getting it for a long time, as I'm some years older than you are. You need to call people out who do that. I kept having to do the same to my mom.

    As for finding a nice boy, may I suggest the internetz? And NOT Craig'sList!
    Yeah I agree with you. The shittiest part about this scenario, is that I didn't even think to stand up for myself at the time. I guess I didn't want to look like I was "bothered" or "sensitive" or "touchy." Like I said before, this bouncer just started working at my club last week, so he really doesn't know that the no-bf thing is something I'm slightly self-conscious about, but still I guess there's no excuse.

    Ugghhh Katrine, my friend(the same friend who wrote the complaining blog about the guy who asked her why she didn't have any kids) can relate SO much to the part about parents getting on your case about why you don't have a boyfriend! My friend's parents are hypocritical and annoying. They excessively sheltered her and banned her from dating boys all the way through high school and college. They did things like assign her a bedtime/curfew even when she was living in the college dorms away from home(which, BTW, she was paying ALL ON HER OWN)! But suddenly when my friend graduates college, her parents switch sides and start nagging her about not having a serious boyfriend!!

  5. #5
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I never get that. Maybe people just assume it's because I'm incredibly homely and realize that they shouldn't bring it up.

    Seriously - if it is annoying to you just say. Like you don't need to have a confrontation; just laugh and say "personal question much, dude?"
    Really? You never get that? LOLand I doubt it's because you're "incredibly homely," but you do have a good sense of humor with that statement though. I seem to get it a lot, from customers and random guys I encounter at bars and places. The reason I mentioned the bouncer is because this encounter with him just happened this week and I randomly remembered it for like 2sec today. Maybe it's because I have a very sweet, (seemingly)overly friendly demeanor, so they don't stop to think that perhaps I just don't want a boyfriend. You seem to be a rather blunt, say-it-how-it-is person, so perhaps people assume you don't have a boyfriend because of choice/being too picky.

    And yes, the convo got to the point that I did in fact have to say "that's too personal" and then excuse myself for a cig break lol.

  6. #6
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    In my experience, most people, especially men, believe that if a girl is beautiful, life is a breeze.

    Like, because she has a pretty face and a nice body, life hands her everything on a silver platter.

    We know that isn't true. While being attractive helps, you still have to work for money, still have trouble finding decent guys, etc.

    But many people don't get it. So when they see a beautiful girl, like yourself, who is single, they assume one of three things: 1) that the girl is a heinous demanding bitch or 2) the girl is far too choosy, expecting guys to be as beautiful and successful as herself in every way or 3) there is something defective about her...like at night when she goes to bed, that beautiful hair turns into horns or something.

    When someone is hounding you like that, I always like the line frm Bridget Jones:

    Annoying man: So why is it that there are so many women your age single these days?

    Bridget: Oh I dont know. I guess it doesn't help that underneath our clothes, we're covered in scales.

    Usually the annoying guy is so confused (or if he's smart, realizes he was being an annoying dick) and they just shut up.

  7. #7
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    And yes, the convo got to the point that I did in fact have to say "that's too personal" and then excuse myself for a cig break lol.
    Honey - you get way, way too worked up over what some random person thinks. Just... who cares? Next time someone asks say "Because nobody wants me. Thank you for bringing it up" or "I'm holding out Brad Pitt; what - you don't think I'm good enough for brad pitt?" or "I don't know... I thought it might be because my ass was so fat... why, what do you think of my ass?" Just kill the conversation without a confrontation and without getting upset.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    What Jenny said. You will be a much happier person when you stop obsessing over what everyone else thinks about everything, and how things "look." Just live your life for yourself and the hell with everybody else.

  9. #9
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    ? I didn't get upset...I merely cut the conversation short to have the cigarette break that I'd already notified my manager 5 mins earlier that I'd be going on. Plus, I really didn't like the direction the convo was going, with him asking me to count how many guys really reeeeally pleased me before(can you really blame me here?). I didn't confront anybody. Geez it's not like I cried or anything.

    To be honest, I didn't even think of it until I read my friend's blog about a similar thing today. Then I figured I'd write about it on SW to see if anyone else(besides my friend and I) get slightly annoyed by people like that.

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    What Jenny said. You will be a much happier person when you stop obsessing over what everyone else thinks about everything, and how things "look." Just live your life for yourself and the hell with everybody else.
    Truthfully, I don't care that much...I just was curious if other people are told the "what, you don't have a bf?" line and if it annoys them. I'm starting to find some things slightly annoying that I'd tolerated well enough in the past, and the "what, you don't have a bf?" line is one of them.

    What is really wrong with my question?? I really don't think I'm the first girl ever who's brought up this topic.

  11. #11
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    I get this all the time at work and I hate it! The only thing I hate more is the question about what my boyfriend thinks about me stripping. Actually, I hate all of the personal questions. It's really nobody's damn business.

    Jenny-Those are great comebacks. I'll be using those.

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    So anyway, this guy keeps grilling me over and over about how someone so smart and pretty as myself doesn't have a boyfriend.
    As annoying as it may have been, I'm pretty sure he meant it as a compliment.

  13. #13
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    ^ Yeah I'm sure he did too, especially since he cited my smarts and looking nice, but it's still a little annoying because it serves to remind me that it's hard for me to attract guys long-term. The whole time we were talking about that subject, I put on the bravado front by saying "I don't need a boyfriend, I have a lot of friends and casual date guys that I have fun with" and things like that. I kept acting like it really wasn't a big concern of mine. But what got annoying was the way he kept going back to his original point, and saying "Naw, you'd want a boyfriend. So...why don't you have a boyfriend?" Ugh.

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    Do you guys find it slightly annoying too?
    Why yes, yes I do. As I have always said, if I were a woman I would be a lesbian. Men are a pain in the ass, women are just crazy, but they smell better.
    A cunning linguist...

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    Default Re: Okay vent: Being reminded that I don't have a boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    But many people don't get it. So when they see a beautiful girl, like yourself, who is single, they assume one of three things: 1) that the girl is a heinous demanding bitch or 2) the girl is far too choosy, expecting guys to be as beautiful and successful as herself in every way or 3) there is something defective about her...like at night when she goes to bed, that beautiful hair turns into horns or something.
    Hey whaddya mean too choosy?! I resemble that remark! :rtofl:
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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