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Thread: overcoming masturbation

  1. #1
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default overcoming masturbation

    saw this on another forum and thought we could all take something useful from it

  2. #2
    God/dess
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Haha, when I read the thread title I was like, "noooooooooooooooooooo!"

    The site is funny. I love the list of ways to "overcome."

  3. #3
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    IS that serious?

    I think it is, but i surely hope not.

    I want to hide.
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    My pussy eats vibrators like skittles.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    temporary abortions for everyone?

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Thank G-d I'm not a Mormon.

    I'm gonna go have a nice hot bath and buzz myself to sleep now. Toodles.

  5. #5
    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Are you fucking kidding me? I read some of that and it's almost hilarious. Reminds me of church camp growing up when the preacher would thunder "MASTURBATION IS WRONG!!" from the pulpit. That was seriously the funniest sermon ever to all of us.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinder View Post
    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  6. #6
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    That is some of the best humorous writing I have seen in quite a while. I love the part where they tell you if you think your friends are masturbating to STOP hanging out with them IMMEDIATELY.

    "Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere..." might be a bit off, though. Some of the porn I have seen is enough to make me want to hang out with Mormons instead--OK, not really.

    Maybe they should have said "never look at good pornography", lol...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    "Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational")."

    Oh! The irony...

  8. #8
    zxcire
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    If by overcoming masturbation, you mean COMING, over and over and over and over, I'm already all over that.

    The link? Not so much. I don't need to overcome one of the great joys and relaxing activities in my life. It's a hobby, and we all need hobbies.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    When I saw this thread, I immediately thought of a particular "Seinfield" episode! I probably wouldn't last a day. I'm not "master of my domain!"

  10. #10
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    " If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry."

    So you'll be pure but obese....cool. You'll die earlier, but you'll go to heaven so its a tradeoff

  11. #11
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    " If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry."

    So you'll be pure but obese....cool. You'll die earlier, but you'll go to heaven so its a tradeoff
    This one stood out to me as well.

    I was really waiting to see WHY masturbation is bad. Hmmm..."Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless." Okay, cop-out much? Although the other page had the additional wisdom: "While masturbation can seem harmless, it elicits sexual feelings that are intended only for marriage. This habit-forming activity quickly leads to other activities such as viewing pornography and participating in homosexual activities." Oh. Well, that's...uh....bad. Consider me sold.

    *hides stash of lesbian porn away from Hubby*


  12. #12
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    I agree with one thing the writer said. In all caps, even. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

  13. #13
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Guys, I come here to fight the urge of masturbation... Don't leave me. I just got out of the shower and decided to dry off with in front of my dad, but this thing WONT GO DOWN... DAMMIT I WANT TO JACK OFF SO BAD.

    The Other Owner, you know what I'm going through right?! WE CAN OVERCOME THIS TOGETHER!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  14. #14
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    " If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry."

    So you'll be pure but obese....cool. You'll die earlier, but you'll go to heaven so its a tradeoff
    If you've been to many areas in Utah, you'll see just how good they are at sublimating EVERYTHING through food. It's pretty impressive, really, as a coping mechanism. That and the ridiculously high rate of anti-depressants.

    *sigh*

    (Anyone else childishly want to re-spell the title "Overcumming masturbation"? No? Just me? Okay then.)
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    ^^^ Baptists do that too. They don't drink, they don't dance, they don't fuck, so they eat. Copiously and very unhealthfully. I was at a Baptist family reunion just before Christmas and it was all fried chicken and chocolate cake. Everyone there was at least 50 pounds overweight.

  16. #16
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    I'm sure you've heard this one:

    Why do Baptists have sex lying down?
    If they were standing up, people might think they were dancing.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  17. #17
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Q. Why don't Baptists have sex?
    A. It might lead to dancing.

    Do Mormons dance?

  18. #18
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    They most definitely do! Last time I was there for a summer fiesta there was a full-blown Shakira dance-off. Mast swept my mom off her feet, in fact. Almost literally.

    I do love my family, I really REALLY do. They can be surprisingly fun & laid back at times, more than you might think if you've never hung with LDS folk. But there are some issues, like this and the debate over Clean Flix, that remind me that we do have some fundamental differences.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  19. #19
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    I had a Mormon roommate once and she was great except for not paying rent. Every Mormon I've ever met has been really fun and friendly and easy to get along with... which I don't understand considering they never drink or masturbate. I would combust without masturbation and sex.

  20. #20
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    ^^^ Baptists do that too. They don't drink, they don't dance, they don't fuck, so they eat. Copiously and very unhealthfully. I was at a Baptist family reunion just before Christmas and it was all fried chicken and chocolate cake. Everyone there was at least 50 pounds overweight.
    I had to visit some Baptist relatives of mine about a year ago. They live right next door to the Baptist church. Food was off the hook, both the quantities of food, and quantity of fat in the food, but... there are a lot of little ones running around making me think there is some fucking going on

    p.s. Also I'm gambling that some of them yank their own. Sure, they feel guilty as hell about it, and won't acknowledge it, but really... I don't believe for a minute that they don't self indulge.

  21. #21
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    Hell, if they promoted self-initiated batch-cranking more often, they'd have fewer incidences of teen pregnancy (rampant in both aforementioned religious communities) and fewer sexual deviants (malevolent deviants, not SW-type, happy-fuck deviants).

    It's hard to believe this is still promoted in any community.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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  22. #22
    God/dess
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    I dated a Mormon. He didn't seem seriously religious when we first dated, but as time wore on his roots showed through. I mean, we did drugs together, and had pre-marital sex, but then he would start conversations about Mormon teachings that blew my mind. They have a lot of what I would call extreme beliefs.

  23. #23
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    But... but... but...
    but, I love masturbation.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  24. #24
    Curious Guest masterbation's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    ^^Oh our love is such a powerful thing.

  25. #25
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: overcoming masturbation

    LMFAO. I cant imagine the poor people who actually believe this shit. And they dont "list" why its so harmful to do it. Thank God I am a bad Catholic girl.



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