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Thread: Hollywood Squares

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    Hollywood Squares

    If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
    may bring a tear to your eyes.These great questions and answers are
    from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
    spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

    Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

    Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
    you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
    or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
    you think that he is attractive,is it okay to come out and ask him if
    he's married?
    A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning
    .
    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
    You'?
    A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

    Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
    A George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
    apartment.

    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
    hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
    I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
    get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
    camps. One is politics, what is the other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
    goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
    the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
    head, what was he trying to do ?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
    your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
    and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
    you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Ferret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Paul Lynde's smirks and the glibly voiced replies of the always drunk Wally Cox come to mind when I remember HS. There will never be another game show with so many drunk, high and otherwise toasted people.

  3. #3
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Hilarious! I love these!


  4. #4
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Ahhh, the good old pre-Bruce Vilanch days.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares


  6. #6
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    HA! I cannot believe he got away with "shaving a pussy"!

    Triumph rules. His stint at the Star Wars premiere was classic.

    If you've never seen the above, you MUST watch it. Take the ten minutes and enjoy, you won't regret it, I promise. Sheer genius.
    Last edited by RoseWhite; 02-17-2008 at 11:34 AM. Reason: To further implore and beseech people to watch Triumph's triumph at "Attack of the Clones".
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  7. #7
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Awesome!! Ahhh..the good old days!

  8. #8
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Good stuff on old TV, sometimes. Also the old Dean Martin Roasts were good for some 'naughty' humor.
    Last edited by threlayer; 02-17-2008 at 06:54 PM.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  9. #9
    Featured Member AmazingKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Those answers remind me of Match Game. I love that show. Its on GSN sometimes.

  10. #10
    God/dess Lady Jade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    I think they still show old eps of classic gameshows on GSN. I used to love watching Hollywood Squares as a kid. I Joan Rivers' smartass answers!

  11. #11
    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hollywood Squares

    Thanks for the laugh, I've forgotten how funny TV use to be.

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