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Thread: "Toxic" people

  1. #1
    Featured Member sexy_celeste's Avatar
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    Default "Toxic" people

    I was reading in Ladies Only about one dancers 'toxic sister'

    I thought its a great term to use, since it describes both my youngest sister and my mother-in-law. These are people that I just cant have contact with, for my own safety.

    Ive posted about my MIL in the past. She definately deserves the label "toxic" as she poisons those around her with hate, laziness and depression. She abused her sons, and continues to emotionally abuse her husband and youngest son.

    Time after time Ive tried to get along with her, but she just attacks and belittles me. (I mean I only have a university degree, in one of the main areas she likes to 'debate,' whereas she has the bible as HER reference)

    Currently we live next door (yes I know, stupid) as she has terminal cancer (long story, but all her own fault, for not having any checkups or the cancer treated 6 years ago when she was first diagnosed) so I cant avoid her as much as I wish.

    The second we move to our own place, I wont have any contact with her again, nor will she see our children (if she lives that long)

    How do YOU cope with toxic people in your life?

    Is it 'fair' to look out for yourself, and cut these people out?
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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    Featured Member tRoUbLeMaKeR's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Toxic" people

    I think everyone's way of dealing with toxic people is different. It depends on your own relationship strength and how much you must have them in your life.

    My mom is a toxic person to the max. Having her in my life scares me. In july I changed my phone number and haven't talked to her since. We live on different sides of the US. This works for me. There is no need to keep her in my life except the perks of a mother daughter relationship - which there is none. So for my sanity I keep her out of my life. She has my email and po box if she needs to get ahold of me. But I can't find a way to deal with her and not allow her to manipulate and hurt me so I keep her out. Things are quieter in my life now - it's great.

    Others are not so lucky as to be able to shut someone out. I've had friends that have to deal with their toxic people. Some people learn how to just not let what they say or do effect them. Like dealing with a mentally ill person or something. I haven't mastered this yet though.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Toxic" people

    I think it's fair enough to put yourself absolutely first when someone else is poisoning you, in fact I'm looking at cutting out a toxic person right now, though it's a difficult thing to have to do.

  4. #4
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: "Toxic" people

    Quote Originally Posted by tRoUbLeMaKeR View Post
    My mom is a toxic person to the max. Having her in my life scares me. In july I changed my phone number and haven't talked to her since. We live on different sides of the US. This works for me. There is no need to keep her in my life except the perks of a mother daughter relationship - which there is none. So for my sanity I keep her out of my life. She has my email and po box if she needs to get ahold of me. But I can't find a way to deal with her and not allow her to manipulate and hurt me so I keep her out. Things are quieter in my life now - it's great.

    Others are not so lucky as to be able to shut someone out. I've had friends that have to deal with their toxic people. Some people learn how to just not let what they say or do effect them. Like dealing with a mentally ill person or something. I haven't mastered this yet though.
    My mom is the same..Bleh. I'd never let anyone I cared about near her.

    I have been lucky enough to ditch the worst toxic people in my life. I feel bad for people who have to put up with them.

    & I noticed when I'm around certain people, I start to feel drained and just.."ugh." It's a sign that's they toxic, or "psychic vampires"..or both.

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Toxic" people

    Since cutting out the toxic person in my life, I'm a much happier individual. One phone call with her, and I'm usually on the floor in a puddle of tears--a pattern that has reminded me to leave at least a year between phone calls. Who needs that? Even if it's your own mom... Why feel guilty? There should be no shame in taking the steps necessary to remain a mentally and emotionally healthy individual.
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    Default Re: "Toxic" people

    Yep, that's my sister you were reading about!

    Since her blowup, I found it best to keep her out of my life. I have sent her maybe 3 civil emails in the last year and a half or so, but am reluctant to do any more than that. She's always saying how she wants me to call, but I feel very vulnerable doing that, esp. since she continues to say unkind and untrue things about me behind my back to get others to hate on me.

    I think the root of her problem is that she refuses to love and accept herself for who she is. She lives to make others happy, not herself. Due to the abuse in our family she has very low self esteem (which I can understand...been there) but until she faces her issues, she won't heal. I've suggested to her that she get some help. She (and others) would benefit from it.

    Bottom line...how can you truly love others when you cannot love yourself? And this is why I keep my distance...out of self respect.

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