View Poll Results: What to do?

Voters
21. You may not vote on this poll
  • Suck it up and buy the ticket

    1 4.76%
  • Prove a point and not pay

    20 95.24%
  • Other (always gotta have an other I guess...)

    0 0%
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Thread: Baby Daddy Drama

  1. #1
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Baby Daddy Drama

    I guess Ill start off with the basics. I raised my daughter alone, no child support, nothing for 5 years. Made up (somewhat) with babys daddy and she went and lived with him for 18 months while I attended school. He had almost $20K in back child support that I cancelled. Hes never paid a dime. Nothing.

    During the time she was in Hawaii - Ive paid for all flights. Paid for her to get there and here. Paid for her to go visit my parents on another island (so he could have a break). Paid for this and paid for that. He wouldnt even pay half. He never had the money. Ive spend probably $3500 on flights for her.

    Christmas comes - he said he wanted her to go to Hawaii (shes been with me since June) and Im like sure. And WTF happens but he thinks IM buying the freakin ticket. Im sorry, I dont have an extra $500 laying around so you can see your daughter. I was really broke because of the surgery, in and our of hospital and was sick at that time. And I guess it wasnt that important since he never bothered offering to pay and was just like "OK, guess I wont see her". I told his mom she wasnt going to visit after all and she looked upset and I was like Ive bought every single ticket ever and I dont have the money. She was shocked that he had never paid for her flights, any of them. Frustrating for me because my daughter loves her daddy and I want her to see him and before it was like ok, you have her, shes visiting ME for holidays, etc so ILL pay. Well shit, return the favor.

    Fast forward to now. He moved to Phoenix a few weeks ago and he wants her to visit for Spring break in a few weeks. Im looking up $300 r/t + unaccompanied minor fees of who knows what ($50-100 each way) and Im like FUCK THIS. You have never paid for any flights nor have you ever paid a dime to me to take care of your daughter. The sad part is my daughter wants to see daddy and her sister so bad and I dont want her to be sad and its only money but when does principle take over.

    Now I feel like a bad mom because a few hundred dollars is getting in the way of her happiness and she doesnt understand all the logistics around it. I am the one that ends up getting partial blame for her not seeing her father even tho its really not my fault. But children do not reason like us so she doesnt understand and I dont want to put blame on her dad. Its more like we just couldnt make it work but then shes sad again.

    I guess my question is

    Should I just suck it up - buy the ticket (because i can, i have the money) and send her on her way because this is an important thing to my daughter (seeing her father and sister whos 2)

    OR

    Should I try to prove a point and not pay for the ticket and not pay for ANY more tickets and let her dad deal with it (even tho Im now the bad guy)

    Edit: Obviously the best thing would be for each to pay for 1/2 but I know 100% that if this is agreed I will never see his half. Its happened before....

  2. #2
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    I feel bad for your daughter, but...

    If her dad isn't willing to put forth any effort to getting money together to see her, then he isn't exactly the greatest dad, and she'd probably be better off in the long run not seeing him, even though she'll be disapointed now.

    Just my humble opinion.

  3. #3
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    Word. ^^^

    It is a shitty situation - but if he;s responsible for her happiness too, and should help. If he sees you mean business maybe after a bit he'll give in.

  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    I agree. If he wont go the extra mile to see her..in fact will only see her when its convenient for him and free...he may not be the best male role model.

    I say no more. YOU pay when YOU want to send her somewhere..HE pays when HE wants her somewhere. Period. Stop letting him sponge off you..it wont set a great example for your daughter either if she sees Daddy mooching off mommy and mommy taking it.

  5. #5
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    ^^ Thats kinda where Im at with this. Its not convenient for me to send her there for spring break or the holiday break but it IS convenient to send her there for a 6 week block this summer. Guess Ill just tell him he has to wait until this summer to see her because I have no problem paying for that ticket.

    I mean, its not all about convenience but you get what I mean, right?

  6. #6
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    I was in a situation very similar to yours. VERY similar. I just sucked it up and bought the ticket. Frankly, it's none of my daughter's business who bought the ticket and I wasn't going to say, "sorry! can't see your dad because he can't afford the ticket!"

    If I were in your shoes right now I would just buy her ticket for the summer. It's only a couple months away and it isn't like she won't see him for a whole year or anything.


  7. #7
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    Don't pay. If you do, he will continue to take advantage of your kindness. He's already gotten free airline tickets for his daughter and not had to pay child support. That by itself is overly generous.

    You aren't made of money. If he wants to see her bad enough, he'll find a way. Your daughter will just have to understand.

  8. #8
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    YOU shouldn't have to pay for HIM to see his CHILD. Bottom line. I was in a very similar situation my daughters dad never had money I have raised my daughter on my own I always had to take her to his house pick her up and provide diapers and all he never spent a dime. I started thinking to myself and said "fuck him" and cut him out of our lives . He was abusive and did drugs and I didn't want her around that also he wasn't being what a father should be . My fiance has been in our lives for about a year and a half and when I needed diapers or formula or something he was there .To me he is her dad and thats how I see him because hes been a father to our daughter .

  9. #9
    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    Why can't he come up and visit her?

  10. #10
    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    If your daughter is still a minor can't you still go after him for child support? I would start there, it's ridiculous that he's never provided for her.

    Get the paperwork for that going and use that money to buy a ticket for her in the summer?

    I understand about making your daughter happy and having a father figure in her life is important but he is taking advantage of you.

    I strongly encourage you to start going after him for child support, it's about time he started taking financial responsibility. He's supporting his other kid right?

    I do appreciate the fact you have strong consideration for your daughters feelings.

    It's a tough spot.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    Quote Originally Posted by beauty21queen View Post
    YOU shouldn't have to pay for HIM to see his CHILD. Bottom line. I was in a very similar situation my daughters dad never had money I have raised my daughter on my own I always had to take her to his house pick her up and provide diapers and all he never spent a dime. I started thinking to myself and said "fuck him" and cut him out of our lives . He was abusive and did drugs and I didn't want her around that also he wasn't being what a father should be . My fiance has been in our lives for about a year and a half and when I needed diapers or formula or something he was there .To me he is her dad and thats how I see him because hes been a father to our daughter .
    What she said same here.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    Have him send you half the amount of $ you need for the ticket first, then you purchase the ticket.

  13. #13
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    While holyness I think I just saw a pig fly. Babys daddy is sending me 1/2 the cost of the ticket (so he says) Not booking it until I get the cash but were making progress here.... guess he really does want to see her.

  14. #14
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    I picked the not pay option... If he's finally making an effort, that's good. If he doesn't make an effort, you dont need to break the bank to pull the wool over your daughter's eyes that daddy is a deadbeat.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  15. #15
    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Daddy Drama

    All I can say is go with your gut on this , if he is a good father to her in other ways then just suck it up I suppose . As a mom we are suppose to do whats best for the kid right ??? If that means having to foot the bill at least be grateful that you can afford to ......I would personally make sure that your daughter grows up KNOWING what you did and what he didnt and as long you tell her in a nice way and not to put him down then she will "get it"
    Visit me on myspace , Let me know if your from SW !!!!

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