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Thread: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

  1. #1
    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    This is by far one of the worst breakups I've had. And I've been stalked, thrown down stairs, threatening phone calls- somehow, this takes the cake.

    My ex's crazy baby momma came by to drop off his son the other day. She started yelling and saying horrible things about me right in front of me. I finally lost it and yelled back. We kept yelling and then she decided to hide behind her kid and said *I* was
    scaring him, and how DARE I raise my voice in front of her child (this, the woman who's gotten high on meth while watching her child, left him alone in the house multiple times when he was as young as five, gone to a spa and left him waiting to be picked up from school for three hours...

    Worst of all, *steve* turned on me and told me it was my fault. Even though I had kept trying to walk away, and she followed me nearly half way home still yelling. I don't know how to describe how horrible it was. He defended her, not me. It was one of the most degrading experiences ever. I can't get over it, I'm still shaking and crying two days later.

    Then he leaves to get drunk with his friends, then comes home and tells me he forgives me but it's still my fault above everyone elses. I feel so crappy. I've been putting up with this woman for two years, staying silent in the face of her abuse, and I finally lost it and said something back and she's pardoned and it's all my fault.

    Then we get a call this morning. She's filing for a RESTRAINING order because I yelled in front of her child. I'm already moving out but now I have to fight this because otherwise it will stay it will show for a YEAR if anyone does a background check on me for a job, etc.

    Then today he tells me he wants us all (me, him, his son) to run off together after this mess is over and get away from her. I feel so much better and think everything is going to me ok. But then I want him to get rid of her paintings that are around everywhere. I want him to just throw them out but he wants to give them "to a good home" because that's "not fair to her." I say that's a lot of consideration to offer her considering the things she said to me last night and he says if she hurt his son that way he'd "rip them up himself"...but not for me.

    We talked about it and he basically admitted i'm a second tier family member. He said maybe if I ran off with him and helped him raise his son and did a really good job MAYBE eventually he'd love me as much.

  2. #2
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    what a douchebag - you are better off without him and all this drama.

  3. #3
    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    I'm sorry this is so long, but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. i feel so alone in the world. I really thought I had found my family. I thought he really loved me, and he always told me he loved me "more than anything in the world." I never expected him to love me more than his son, but I really thought I had found a family where I was as loved as anyone else for the first time ever.

    Now I'm really starting to think it might never happen to me and i just want to end it. I never knew for these whole two years that he considered me "second tier."

    I'm trying to be good to myself but I think I might be taking too much anxiety medication. I just can't take the anger and pain I feel, it's too much. I don't know what to do. Would it be wrong to lock him out tonight? I feel so damn crazy.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Yeah, it would be right if he said his son was more important than you - he should be. And it's perfectly understandable for him to place his son's relationship with his (albeit unfit) mother over your disagreements with her. But it's apparent that you're not going to be able to forge a loving, respectful, long-term relationship out of this, so yeah. Time to move on!

    Can you fight the restraining order?

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    I don't know. I'll have to wait till monday to see if she actually files it. I'll have to figure it out from there.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Whataminute... i didn't read anything about any break-up. You can't be seriously staying with this guy, are you?

  7. #7
    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    No, I'm leaving now. i can't even bare the thought of staying now.

  8. #8
    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    I don't feel like I took a back seat to his son, I feel like I took a back seat to her and her ugly fucking paintings. Basically I felt like he said "I would throw them out...if it was for someone that was really worth it."

    do you guys think i should lock him out? We have two locks on our door, but he only has the key to one. I'm worried I'm going to lose my sh*t when he comes home. I'm pretty sure he'd find somewhere else to stay.

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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Lock his ass out, if he kicks up too much of a fuss call the cops.




    (I can't stand guys who put up with that BS from their exes.)

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    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    o yeah, lock him out!
    pack up his stuff and put outside the front door.
    put the paintings in the dumpster.
    never talk to him again.

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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    And if you are really taking significant amounts of anti-anxiety medication see a really good mental health practitioner who isn't pill happy [preferably an MD] and try to find alternative methods of dealing with stress and anxiety.

    Seriously, while there are people who truly need medication most don't. It is horribly over prescribed. That stuff can alter your brain chemistry over time with potentially serious ramifications.

    [disclaimer: The above is an opinion based on my readings, which while extensive do not pass for a medical degree. I am not now, nor never have I been, a medical professional.]
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Featured Member iseestars's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Make sure you hire a lawyer for the restraining order. Don't just go in and fight it yourself. But it doesn't sound like she has much ground to stand on anyway for one, especially since this all happened at your residence.

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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    This guy is not good for you. Plain and simple. "Maybe he'd love you as much?" What, as much as her? Then if he loves HER so much, why isnt he with her?

    Sounds like a real prick. Please think long and hard about what just happened and realize you are much better than that. I know that WHILE you are in it, you cant see how bad this is for you but I promise that once you get out, you will be so glad you did.

  14. #14
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvia View Post
    Then today he tells me he wants us all (me, him, his son) to run off together after this mess is over and get away from her. I feel so much better and think everything is going to me ok. But then I want him to get rid of her paintings that are around everywhere. I want him to just throw them out but he wants to give them "to a good home" because that's "not fair to her." I say that's a lot of consideration to offer her considering the things she said to me last night and he says if she hurt his son that way he'd "rip them up himself"...but not for me.

    We talked about it and he basically admitted i'm a second tier family member. He said maybe if I ran off with him and helped him raise his son and did a really good job MAYBE eventually he'd love me as much.
    Um, no. Please run far far away.
    While I understand what he's FEELING in his heart, he's a pussy for not asserting himself. The issue aside from not appreciating you is that he's not man enough to stand up to his ex. She's an ex for a reason, if she was good enough for him, she'd be there and you would never been put in this position.

    I know it sounds crass but don't cripple yourself with the burden of helping raise someone else's child. You can get more out of life for yourself as a single woman with no attachments.

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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    I know it sounds crass but don't cripple yourself with the burden of helping raise someone else's child. You can get more out of life for yourself as a single woman with no attachments.
    Now there's some wisdom.

    <S> MM
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  16. #16
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Well, I would say lock him out - except that its illegal. If he lives there you cannot just lock him out.

    Baby momma drama is the worse. Unfortunately I married into it and its frustrating to no end. Leave him. Its not worth it.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    Well, I would say lock him out - except that its illegal. If he lives there you cannot just lock him out.
    They sure get away with it on 'Cops' all the time.

  18. #18
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap View Post
    They sure get away with it on 'Cops' all the time.
    Believe everything you see on tv. lol

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    Believe everything you see on tv. lol
    Hey now.

    hehe.

    At any rate, you can lock someone out for a night or two, you just can't kick them out alltogether without 30 days notice if they've lived there a certain amount of time.

    (And i've bounced people straight outta my house with almost no notice, before. Consequence free. Just because it says something on the books doesn't mean it works all the time in practice.)

  20. #20
    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    actually in the case of domestic disputes, where one party may be in danger from the other, locking them out is perfectly legal. at least here it is... i dont know about your state laws.

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  21. #21
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Yea but an dispute over babys momma I dont think really counts as a domestic dispute. Unless she kinda accidentally took all the paintings and made a nice warm bonfire in the backyard and roasted marshmellows on it with the kid....

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    ^^^^Yeah, it's illegal to put his things out. Better to give him the opportunity to retreive it than to have him sue for damages.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  23. #23
    God/dess Golden_Rule's Avatar
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by blayze View Post
    actually in the case of domestic disputes, where one party may be in danger from the other, locking them out is perfectly legal. at least here it is... i dont know about your state laws.
    In New Jersey you can go to any police station - no matter where the original problem occurred, and report an act of domestic violence and then apply for a Temporary Restraining Order. Once you have that it is perfectly legal to lock the party who the restraining order is against out of the house.

    IF an actual assault is taking place it is legal to bar a door against anyone, domestic partner or not, who is trying to hurt you. If that person lives there though they may go to the police and complain that you are keeping them out of their domicile. Which is probably going to lead to a domestic issue in N.J. as domestics can take place between any people who live together or are involved in any number of different kinds of relationships. Like room-mates for instance.

    In NJ, if a couple is out on their very first date and one says the other did something that qualifies as an act of domestic violence [which would include harassment, and who the hell defines what that is... "He says I took his money and called me three times to ask for it back even after I told him to stop. Lock him up!"]

    I am the first to say weaker persons have to be protected against stronger persons who would abuse them but the domestic violence laws in this state are a bit over the top.
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

  24. #24
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: NIGHTMARE breakup- crazy babby-momma, restraining order...feel like crap.

    Maybe ^^ Please dont abuse the system over a disagreement on him taking baby mommas side... thats not domestic abuse...

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