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Thread: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    This is nothing new, but I'm realizing something: I've almost completely lost one of my best female friends to her boyfriend.

    I already wrote about this girl and her boyfriend before:



    My friend "Jackie" has been dating this dude for almost 2 months now. He's an okay chill guy, although he doesn't talk very much and he sometimes gets Jackie doing percocets and things that she really shouldn't be doing. Ever since she started "officially" dating him, I haven't heard from her very much. Hells, the only two times I hung out with her in the past month or two was when I met up with them in town and then I got screwed over in the plans(long story, partly their fault but not their intentions), and then during Superbowl Sunday when M--k had us over at his apartment to drink our asses off during the game. She ALWAYS has her boyfriend with her...he's like Mary's little lamb...he's been living at her house because his parents kicked him out and he had no place to go. When I call her, she doesn't have much to talk about like she used to, and she's always conversing with her boyfriend in the background every few minutes. There's been more than a few phone calls lately where I say kinda blandly, "You sound busy and it doesn't sound like we have much to talk about, so how about I let you go?"

    It's annoying...I feel like Jackie has kinda avoided all her friends for this new boyfriend. She did this before too. She was dating this military guy and was all about spending every day at his place...she even did her college studying at his apartment! But it wasn't as bad as now. When the guy went back to the military, Jackie stayed "dating" him for a few weeks then dumped him because she felt he was being too "controlling" or "clingy." That's fine, but why rebound to this new guy only 1-2 weeks after dumping a guy that you thought was controlling or clingy?

    I know it's none of my business but...I really really hate it when friends stop hanging out with you because they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't do that when I have a boyfriend! It also makes me feel left out that I don't have a boyfriend...or should I say, a "pseudo-boyfriend"...aka someone that I can pass off as a boyfriend, use for sex and hanging out, but not have any emotional attachment to. Yep, I need a pseudo boyfriend LOL. Can anyone relate to this? What should I do? Should I talk to her about this? This seems to be a recurring pattern with her. She is still cool with me, it's just that I never ever see her anymore and I miss her.

  2. #2
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Advice anyone?

  3. #3
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Philly - I read all your posts but really try not to answer. You need to stop obsessing over things you cannot fix. I mean this as a friend.

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    I understand, but what do you think I should do about this friend? She's not just doing this to me, but to a few of her guy friends too and one of them is really pissed at her for something involving this. Should I write her off, should I have a serious talk with her? Or am I being unreasonable?

    I understand you are looking out for me, Audrey Leigh, and I appreacite that. I didn't mean to sound obsessive...in all reality, I needed something to write about on SW during this boring Sunday afternoon and that's what happened to strike my mind.

  5. #5
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Most women will put the man in their lives before their friends.

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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Your whole clique sounds pretty lame.

    You have a big ass pussy male friend and this chick friend and her lame dude.

    Time to step it up!
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Don't write her off if you enjoy her friendship. You could wait until they break up and start hanging out again.

  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Im sure youre read all about Sara with her dozen children that she doesnt take care of and her alcoholic boyfriend who wont marry her and blah blah blah.

    It comes to a time where you either just realize this is how things are and deal with it or drop the friend (or friends). I used to obsess over Sara and now its like well, this is how it is. Can I deal with it or not? I decided I could - but mostly for the childrens sake.

    You have to decide - is this friend worth waiting for. Is she worth obsessing over? Is she worth thinking about? Are you willing to deal with the drama? Or not? These are things that YOU need to sit down and think about. This (and other friends you write about) are YOUR friends. You can only tell us so much and we cant really make an informed decision for you. We can give you advice on what we think from what we know but in the end its something only YOU can decide.

  9. #9
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    I'm totally that chick right now. No one seems to care. I guess its because I'm older, and all of my friends have other things going on already.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    It is normal for people to spend more time with the person they have paired up with.

    When a friend finds a new SO, I pretty much know I have to write them off the list until all the infatuation is done.

  11. #11
    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    When people first start dating someone they are always like that. Just wait and soon she'll be outof the "honeymoon" phase and she'll be ready to be a good friend again. I see this with all my friends. And i've done it myself..it happens.

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Okay understandable. However, I've still arranged at least a little time to hang with my friends when I had a boyfriend. And I understand that they're in the "honeymoon" phase, but it's been 2 months now.

    Hmmm so guys, if I find myself a boyfriend/pseudo-boyfriend, would it be okay to ditch my friends "Jackie" and M--k for a while? Maybe I should. Why should I wait around hoping that Jackie will call me back(not saying I do this, just mentioning it hypothetically)?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Philly, you have decide down deep in your gut what is the right thing for you to do. Learn to trust your gut more.

  14. #14
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Talk to her! She sounds pretty young (maybe?) and having a true heart to heart with her might open her eyes a bit. You don't want her to be that chick going through life following some man or another. I'd say a talk is in order.

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    Veteran Member oohdamnbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    I'm that girl right now, too. My crew jokingly gives me crap for it but understands that it's just how it goes.

    Life is so much more enjoyable when you don't spend all your time obsessing over things that you can't control.

  16. #16
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    Okay understandable. However, I've still arranged at least a little time to hang with my friends when I had a boyfriend. And I understand that they're in the "honeymoon" phase, but it's been 2 months now.

    Hmmm so guys, if I find myself a boyfriend/pseudo-boyfriend, would it be okay to ditch my friends "Jackie" and M--k for a while? Maybe I should.
    Well, if it happens it happens but dont do it out of spite. If you just happen to be busy with your new guy dont worry about it

    Why should I wait around hoping that Jackie will call me back(not saying I do this, just mentioning it hypothetically)?
    You shouldnt. You should do what you do, go on with your day, your week, your life and if she calls make time for her. You can call her and say hey, maybe ask her if she can meet you for lunch next week. A girls day? I really need to do something like this with my friends... I never call anyone. Im a horrible friend...

  17. #17
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    Talk to her! She sounds pretty young (maybe?) and having a true heart to heart with her might open her eyes a bit. You don't want her to be that chick going through life following some man or another. I'd say a talk is in order.
    True...she IS pretty young, a few years younger than me. And yes, I noticed that in the past she would get all tied up with a boyfriend, then break things off because she thought the guy was too controlling/etc/etc and then she'd apologize for somewhat fogetting her friends. There were times that she regretted spending so much time with said ex-boyfriend(s)...this was somewhat evident by the way she would pronounce her singlehood and dismiss guys that wanted to date her(as in, more than something casual) and hook up with lots of guys AND girls afterwards. I see how she gives this guy all these rides and only a few weeks after they started dating, she moved him into her house, where she lives with her brother and parents while she's attending school. I don't even think her family realizes that he's "living" there(she told me this...and she's hoping her stepdad doesn't catch onto it). Supposedly he's trying to get an apartment through Section 8(since he's 19 and his job as a custodian at public schools doesn't pay a lot) but that could take months...even years in my city(my ex's friend waited 2 yrs on the Section 8 waiting list just to be told that she was "getting close to the top of the list").

  18. #18
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by oohdamnbaby View Post

    Life is so much more enjoyable when you don't spend all your time obsessing over things that you can't control.
    Okay understandable, but how do I go about doing things differently? I guess I disregard her when it comes to finding people to hang out with, unless she initiates plans? By the way, I don't think posting about something I'm curious about constitutes obsession...there's plenty of things I AM obsessed about though(VWs, buying a house, raising my credit score from a 725 to a 770, sex, missing my dead ex-boyfriend, etc) lol...but this isn't one of them. Just a concern that I had.

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    Featured Member Jeska's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    WOW you rant a lot! Not that it's wrong. Good luck sweetie.


  20. #20
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Hes 19 with no children and wants Section 8? Unbelievable.... Im sorry but when I think of Section 8 I think of struggling single moms not men who are just getting their feet. Ridiculous. What an abuse of the system. Rent a freakin room.

  21. #21
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    And Philly - when you have so many people that dont know you saying youre obsessing about things most likely than not you are, even if it doesnt seem that way to you. Its not a bad thing, its just part of what makes you YOU.

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    Most women will put the man in their lives before their friends.
    I don't think thats true. I understand that when you start seeing someone your infatuated and so will see less of your friends probably for the first few months but in general I would never put my man before my friends, they're just too important to me and I would be really hurt if one of them put a man before me. Men come and go but friends are for life.



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  23. #23
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    I don't think thats true. I understand that when you start seeing someone your infatuated and so will see less of your friends probably for the first few months but in general I would never put my man before my friends, they're just too important to me and I would be really hurt if one of them put a man before me. Men come and go but friends are for life.
    BINGO! That's what I was thinking all along. And when I had a boyfriend, I still made time to see my friends...even the guy friends that said boyfriend didn't like too much because he was jealous of them even though he had absolutely no reason to be.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Wow. People sure do love to analyze you a lot.

  25. #25
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Arrrgh the girl who forgot about her friends when she got a boyfriend -- rant

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    Hes 19 with no children and wants Section 8? Unbelievable.... Im sorry but when I think of Section 8 I think of struggling single moms not men who are just getting their feet. Ridiculous. What an abuse of the system. Rent a freakin room.
    Well I don't know if it is a complete abuse of the system, since he IS struggling to get by with the small income he makes at his job, and if it weren't for Jackie he'd be homeless. But yeah you are right, that most Section 8 apartments are reserved for single moms with kids. Even if you ARE struggling to afford things, if you are young, healthy, no dependents/kids -- forget about it. Section 8 won't see you as much of a "priority" as someone with a disability, handicap, or kids. (PLease correct me if I'm wrong though...I do NOT claim to be any sort of expert on Section 8, just going by what I heard from others) That's part of the reason I never applied for Welfare when I was poor...not only did I have pride issues against it, but I knew it'd be a waste of paperwork and nobody would believe that a healthy, 22-yr-old college grad would have a hard time getting by.

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