I think I have realised I truly am a female dominant. This thing with G, it makes me realise what my on and off buttons are now that Ive changed these past six months.
To me, it is important that he never feels a sense of ownership or possession of me or my body, that he should always ask permission to touch my breasts or genitals, or that he should be invited. It really annoys me when he does it without my encouraging or wanting him to. I feel like his level of respect has declined and Im not sure if Im just being too rigid.
I certainly hate feeling like I am obliged to have sex with him just because I alluded to it earlier or because he has woken up with a hard on, which is natural and I DONT have to do anything about it if I dont want to.
Last night he picked me up from work and I was so exhausted from working 12.5 hours that we went straight to bed, I know we had a sense that there would be sex in the morning but I didnt fall asleep for ages, despite being shattered and I didnt sleep well either. So I woke up just plain not in the mood. The thought of being intimate with him did nothing for me and then because I knew he would be expecting it, I was now in a grumpy mood. When he started playing with my nipple I stopped him and told him I wasnt in the mood, which obviously makes him sulk a little but luckily for me, he is not overly sulky or pushy about it, he is still working at being respectful, which makes me wonder if he would be like that further down in our relationship if I wasnt going to Australia and travelling the world thereon.
I like to be the instigator of sex, at least I know it means something and its for me, because I started it. If the man starts it, I feel like its all about him and I dont like it. I need to want it first or it just doesnt happen. Ive noticed, the quickest way to make me horny is to do stuff for me. Men doing stuff for me, fixing things, giving me a massage, surprising me with a gift, NOT asking for sex, or alluding to it, not being predatory or too touchy feely in erogenous zones, letting me get there on my own - that's how you get laid. Hard work I hear you say? Well, you know its worth it silly boy, so stop whining and go wash my dishes.
I think all women are wired this way. All women want to bone the balls off any guy who does stuff for her, because it shows he thinks she's worth it enough to work for it and THAT is a HUGE turn on. If youre just expecting to get laid because now youre in a relationship, Im sorry mate, it just doesnt work like that, not for me anyway. I dont care if we've been together for 23yrs, you still work for it.
Women are sacred. We have the power to control the entire world and this is why we have been subordinate and marginalised and objectified because our power is so great, all of man-kind did everything they could to make us believe we were nothing better than an entertainment for men. That our purpose was for the pleasure of men. What a fucking bunch of bollox! We hold the only thing that men live for and yet we give it away so freely because men have made us think we are worth nothing if we dont. Cunning. Very, very cunning. Men are so awed and afraid of women that they invented whole religions to try and keep us down and look what thats got us, war and greed and famine the world over. The three major religions in this world are Judism, Christianity and Muslim and theyre the cause of most of the world's problems. And it all boils down to man's obvious knowing that he pales in comparison and is hugely unworthy of Women.
This is my personal opinion.
This whole week I have had to listen to the news because we have to have it on the tv at work all day. This whole week the news has just been about male atrocities. Men raping and murdering women. How this one guy said he didnt know the girl was dead until after he'd finished fucking her. Like its ok to fuck an unconscious girl??? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!????
I am sickened, deeply, deeply, sickened at the lengths men will go to just to have a fucking orgasm in a woman's cunt. FOR FUCKS SAKE! Sometimes I get so angry I say aloud to anyone who will listen that they should castrate these men. Kiddy fiddlers too.
And then I am dumbstruck when I ask, WHY? Why is it possible that men are so controlled, to the point of feminine and social destruction, by their cocks? Why are they so driven by a piece of flesh hanging between their legs?
No wonder there are millions of men the world over seeking and using the services of Dominatrixes, and Financial Dommes and angry lesbians the world over who will take them for everything they have got, emasculate and destroy the ego of any man who dares contact them. These men KNOW they are disgusting, worthless males unworthy of life, they KNOW that the control their cocks have over them is wrong, they are afraid of the sick thoughts they get from having a penis, so they go to these women to be controlled, destroyed and punished.
This still doesnt tell me why men are so controlled.
Maybe, maybe, we are seeing so much unruly, destructive behaviour from men because they are going largely uncontrolled by women because women have still, on a large scale, not realised their power. Control the cock, control the man. I know that if I want my man to do something for me, I only have to turn him on and promise him sex if he does what I ask him, or reward him with sex or sexual conduct when he does the things I like. Again, men are like dogs and small children, they need to be trained in order to be the best they can be. I dont care if you disagree, this is my personal journal.
Women are still living blind, still destroying themselves over false beliefs created by men to keep them in control. To make sure they stay entertainment fodder. I hate it when men speak of women like objects as if we are a sports game or a can of beer. The other day a friend of my boss' was sitting next to me and talking to his friend about some girl and he goes "oh, did you bang that?" EXCUSE ME!? I said to him "please dont talk about women as though they are objects, its hugely derogatory and offensive" He tried to tell me it wasnt. I told him I am a woman and it is. And the worst part of it is, I am an enlightened woman but I have no idea how to deal with these situations when men need to be disciplined and shown that it is just not ok to behave like that or regard women disrespectfully.
Another patron of the place I work saw me open a screw top bottle of wine and then went on about how he liked that action, mimicking it with his hands. I was hugely unimpressed and yet confused. How do I deal with this? What is it anyway, is it sexual harassment? He's not exactly harassing me but he is offending me and disrespecting women. Later he nudged his mate while I was clearing glasses from his table and told his mate the story and started doing the hand action again, so I said in a stern voice, "please dont do that, I dont appreciate it" and walked off. His mate tried to tell me he wasnt being sexually derogatory and I was taking it the wrong way. Thanks, now youre just rubbing it in you fucking piece of shit!
Look, I dont like calling myself a Feminist, because the experience Ive had delving into Feminist communities made me retreat almost immediately. However, I do have my own personal set of beliefs and boundaries.
I wish there was, and if there is, I hope I find it, a woman who teaches women how to recognise unacceptable behaviour from men and how to deal with it. I recognise it, but there is nothing telling me how to deal with it. All women's magazines tell me to do is how to suck cock so he doesnt leave you, what clothes, make up and scent to wear so he doesnt fuck someone else and ten thousand other tips on how to carry on being a perfect production of an objectified, unsatisfied, insecure woman.
Gee thanks.
Anyway, I am loving reading
this blog. Today she wrote this:
my worst fear, however, is being trapped in a bunch of debt with no end in sight, never being able to travel or take time off, and working my whole life away at a job i don't care about. i feel the american dream is a big fat lie meant to keep the majority too busy to notice the insanity that's going down around them. if you work 50 hours a week or more to buy the toys you want to keep you busy in all your free time while the neighbors envy you, what time do you have to think about the purpose of your life? how do you know what is real or important? when it comes down to it, is what you spend your time on that significant? i think it should be--and i want to spend less time making money, more time learning what i want to learn, going where i want to go and experiencing people who inspire me. that's really it. that's the purpose of van life for me.
That's how I feel too. How Ive always felt and why I am a waitress at the age of 29. Its the closest I can get to living for myself. I dont have to work everyday, I can choose my own shifts. And thats the reason why I keep trying my hand at stripping because I have even more freedom with that. I work nights only, have my days free, make lots of money in a short amount of time and I get to fulfill my love of performing and look great at the same time, not to mention meet some very interesting people, have my confidence boosted and learn more about how men work. My Feminist beliefs often get in the way and I have to stop dancing for a while. I forget that I am in fact objectifying the men rather than they me because I am reducing them to a walking, talking wallet but I think its my own personal belief system that gets in the way of any longevity in the business. Each time I go back however, I feel like I have grown more as a person and that this time I will make it because I am more confident and stronger.
I do however think that England is the worst place you can be a stripper. English men just dont get that its a fun place to be and that its just a bit of fun, it doesnt mean youre a perv or that youre desperate, youre not a twat for paying for a gorgeous girl's time. Its a fantasy land and a lot of them cant leave reality at the door. With questions like, what's your REAL name, honey, I dont have a real name because I am a fantasy. Tonight my name is Tinkerbell and I am a fairy and if you pay me enough, Ill dance naked for you. So be nice, shut up and be thankful that you even have this option. You want to treat women like objects of entertainment? well, here I am, brightspark. Ooooh!, you dont want to pay for it? I dont want to pay for the house I live in, or the food I eat either, but I have to, so open your goddamn fucking wallet and pay for the privileges that you live for you insolent fucktard!
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