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Thread: Feminism and stripping

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Post Feminism and stripping

    I just wrote this in my blog today. Yes I know its long, but Im posting it here because I want to know what my Sisters in Stripping's opinions and feelings are on these subjects. Any direct reference to the reader in this post are to the readers of my blog and not to you girls.

    I think I have realised I truly am a female dominant. This thing with G, it makes me realise what my on and off buttons are now that Ive changed these past six months.

    To me, it is important that he never feels a sense of ownership or possession of me or my body, that he should always ask permission to touch my breasts or genitals, or that he should be invited. It really annoys me when he does it without my encouraging or wanting him to. I feel like his level of respect has declined and Im not sure if Im just being too rigid.

    I certainly hate feeling like I am obliged to have sex with him just because I alluded to it earlier or because he has woken up with a hard on, which is natural and I DONT have to do anything about it if I dont want to.

    Last night he picked me up from work and I was so exhausted from working 12.5 hours that we went straight to bed, I know we had a sense that there would be sex in the morning but I didnt fall asleep for ages, despite being shattered and I didnt sleep well either. So I woke up just plain not in the mood. The thought of being intimate with him did nothing for me and then because I knew he would be expecting it, I was now in a grumpy mood. When he started playing with my nipple I stopped him and told him I wasnt in the mood, which obviously makes him sulk a little but luckily for me, he is not overly sulky or pushy about it, he is still working at being respectful, which makes me wonder if he would be like that further down in our relationship if I wasnt going to Australia and travelling the world thereon.

    I like to be the instigator of sex, at least I know it means something and its for me, because I started it. If the man starts it, I feel like its all about him and I dont like it. I need to want it first or it just doesnt happen. Ive noticed, the quickest way to make me horny is to do stuff for me. Men doing stuff for me, fixing things, giving me a massage, surprising me with a gift, NOT asking for sex, or alluding to it, not being predatory or too touchy feely in erogenous zones, letting me get there on my own - that's how you get laid. Hard work I hear you say? Well, you know its worth it silly boy, so stop whining and go wash my dishes.

    I think all women are wired this way. All women want to bone the balls off any guy who does stuff for her, because it shows he thinks she's worth it enough to work for it and THAT is a HUGE turn on. If youre just expecting to get laid because now youre in a relationship, Im sorry mate, it just doesnt work like that, not for me anyway. I dont care if we've been together for 23yrs, you still work for it.

    Women are sacred. We have the power to control the entire world and this is why we have been subordinate and marginalised and objectified because our power is so great, all of man-kind did everything they could to make us believe we were nothing better than an entertainment for men. That our purpose was for the pleasure of men. What a fucking bunch of bollox! We hold the only thing that men live for and yet we give it away so freely because men have made us think we are worth nothing if we dont. Cunning. Very, very cunning. Men are so awed and afraid of women that they invented whole religions to try and keep us down and look what thats got us, war and greed and famine the world over. The three major religions in this world are Judism, Christianity and Muslim and theyre the cause of most of the world's problems. And it all boils down to man's obvious knowing that he pales in comparison and is hugely unworthy of Women.

    This is my personal opinion.

    This whole week I have had to listen to the news because we have to have it on the tv at work all day. This whole week the news has just been about male atrocities. Men raping and murdering women. How this one guy said he didnt know the girl was dead until after he'd finished fucking her. Like its ok to fuck an unconscious girl??? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!????

    I am sickened, deeply, deeply, sickened at the lengths men will go to just to have a fucking orgasm in a woman's cunt. FOR FUCKS SAKE! Sometimes I get so angry I say aloud to anyone who will listen that they should castrate these men. Kiddy fiddlers too.

    And then I am dumbstruck when I ask, WHY? Why is it possible that men are so controlled, to the point of feminine and social destruction, by their cocks? Why are they so driven by a piece of flesh hanging between their legs?

    No wonder there are millions of men the world over seeking and using the services of Dominatrixes, and Financial Dommes and angry lesbians the world over who will take them for everything they have got, emasculate and destroy the ego of any man who dares contact them. These men KNOW they are disgusting, worthless males unworthy of life, they KNOW that the control their cocks have over them is wrong, they are afraid of the sick thoughts they get from having a penis, so they go to these women to be controlled, destroyed and punished.

    This still doesnt tell me why men are so controlled.

    Maybe, maybe, we are seeing so much unruly, destructive behaviour from men because they are going largely uncontrolled by women because women have still, on a large scale, not realised their power. Control the cock, control the man. I know that if I want my man to do something for me, I only have to turn him on and promise him sex if he does what I ask him, or reward him with sex or sexual conduct when he does the things I like. Again, men are like dogs and small children, they need to be trained in order to be the best they can be. I dont care if you disagree, this is my personal journal.

    Women are still living blind, still destroying themselves over false beliefs created by men to keep them in control. To make sure they stay entertainment fodder. I hate it when men speak of women like objects as if we are a sports game or a can of beer. The other day a friend of my boss' was sitting next to me and talking to his friend about some girl and he goes "oh, did you bang that?" EXCUSE ME!? I said to him "please dont talk about women as though they are objects, its hugely derogatory and offensive" He tried to tell me it wasnt. I told him I am a woman and it is. And the worst part of it is, I am an enlightened woman but I have no idea how to deal with these situations when men need to be disciplined and shown that it is just not ok to behave like that or regard women disrespectfully.

    Another patron of the place I work saw me open a screw top bottle of wine and then went on about how he liked that action, mimicking it with his hands. I was hugely unimpressed and yet confused. How do I deal with this? What is it anyway, is it sexual harassment? He's not exactly harassing me but he is offending me and disrespecting women. Later he nudged his mate while I was clearing glasses from his table and told his mate the story and started doing the hand action again, so I said in a stern voice, "please dont do that, I dont appreciate it" and walked off. His mate tried to tell me he wasnt being sexually derogatory and I was taking it the wrong way. Thanks, now youre just rubbing it in you fucking piece of shit!

    Look, I dont like calling myself a Feminist, because the experience Ive had delving into Feminist communities made me retreat almost immediately. However, I do have my own personal set of beliefs and boundaries.

    I wish there was, and if there is, I hope I find it, a woman who teaches women how to recognise unacceptable behaviour from men and how to deal with it. I recognise it, but there is nothing telling me how to deal with it. All women's magazines tell me to do is how to suck cock so he doesnt leave you, what clothes, make up and scent to wear so he doesnt fuck someone else and ten thousand other tips on how to carry on being a perfect production of an objectified, unsatisfied, insecure woman.

    Gee thanks.

    Anyway, I am loving reading this blog. Today she wrote this:


    my worst fear, however, is being trapped in a bunch of debt with no end in sight, never being able to travel or take time off, and working my whole life away at a job i don't care about. i feel the american dream is a big fat lie meant to keep the majority too busy to notice the insanity that's going down around them. if you work 50 hours a week or more to buy the toys you want to keep you busy in all your free time while the neighbors envy you, what time do you have to think about the purpose of your life? how do you know what is real or important? when it comes down to it, is what you spend your time on that significant? i think it should be--and i want to spend less time making money, more time learning what i want to learn, going where i want to go and experiencing people who inspire me. that's really it. that's the purpose of van life for me.
    That's how I feel too. How Ive always felt and why I am a waitress at the age of 29. Its the closest I can get to living for myself. I dont have to work everyday, I can choose my own shifts. And thats the reason why I keep trying my hand at stripping because I have even more freedom with that. I work nights only, have my days free, make lots of money in a short amount of time and I get to fulfill my love of performing and look great at the same time, not to mention meet some very interesting people, have my confidence boosted and learn more about how men work. My Feminist beliefs often get in the way and I have to stop dancing for a while. I forget that I am in fact objectifying the men rather than they me because I am reducing them to a walking, talking wallet but I think its my own personal belief system that gets in the way of any longevity in the business. Each time I go back however, I feel like I have grown more as a person and that this time I will make it because I am more confident and stronger.

    I do however think that England is the worst place you can be a stripper. English men just dont get that its a fun place to be and that its just a bit of fun, it doesnt mean youre a perv or that youre desperate, youre not a twat for paying for a gorgeous girl's time. Its a fantasy land and a lot of them cant leave reality at the door. With questions like, what's your REAL name, honey, I dont have a real name because I am a fantasy. Tonight my name is Tinkerbell and I am a fairy and if you pay me enough, Ill dance naked for you. So be nice, shut up and be thankful that you even have this option. You want to treat women like objects of entertainment? well, here I am, brightspark. Ooooh!, you dont want to pay for it? I dont want to pay for the house I live in, or the food I eat either, but I have to, so open your goddamn fucking wallet and pay for the privileges that you live for you insolent fucktard!
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    ps: maybe I should have posted this in the ladies only section?
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    I'm actually not sure how much this has to do with feminism or stripping... maybe you could offer a bit of insight on where you think it intersects?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    It sounds in line enough with 'power feminism' but it has always been questionable as to wether or not power feminism is actual feminism.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

    - Daisy Loveless, Serving Lunch Weblog

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    its just my personal feelings lol, I really dont know that much about feminism nor have I read any feminist books per say.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Perhaps I'm naieve...or the men I encounter are generally more polite than the ones you describe. No doubt there are a lot of inconsiderate douchebags out there . Maybe it has something to do with the way I carry myself. Or the expectations I have of how men should treat me. The few who do get out of line are pulled aside and spoken to privately. I tell them that I respect them as people and I would appreciate the same in return. I'll give an example of how <behavior in question> makes me feel in a way they can understand. Put it in "guy terms" (something that would make them feel what I'm feeling). Most of the time they thank me for correcting them and apologize profusely.

    I feel the same way you do about dancing being an empowered career. Lily St Cyr (your signature) says it best. I feel that dancing is therapeutic and positive for dancers and customers alike. It flies in the face of all the conservative religions that shaped our cultural attitudes about sex, nudity, women. We're part of a revolution. Just look at the mainstream pole dancing classes that are slowly validating our industry to "polite society".

    I got a laugh out of your observations of magazines like Cosmo. They are so frustratingly shallow and disempowering, I agree.

    That's all for now. Thanks for sharing your blog.
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    Again, men are like dogs and small children, they need to be trained in order to be the best they can be. I dont care if you disagree, this is my personal journal.
    I certainly understand where you are coming from, since the vast majority of men in the business of stripping tend to treat women this exact way. I will never be controlled or trained by any woman, but there are men who can be dominated like this.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    Women are still living blind, still destroying themselves over false beliefs created by men to keep them in control. To make sure they stay entertainment fodder. I hate it when men speak of women like objects as if we are a sports game or a can of beer. The other day a friend of my boss' was sitting next to me and talking to his friend about some girl and he goes "oh, did you bang that?"
    I was at a big yuppie party in the affluent Chicago suburbs, taken there by friends of mine who knew a lot of people there. We were standing outside talking, a group of guys, and I saw an extremely attractive woman with a great smile and an obvious confidence in the way she carried herself. I asked "Who is that woman over there?" One of the guys said "Oh her--been there, done that."

    I thought about it a while, and the more I did the more it bugged me. So a bit later I approached her and said "Look, be cool, don't get me in trouble, that guy is a friend of the person who invited me, but he just said...", and told her. Of course she freaked and went and told some people, lol. I don't really blame her.

    An even worse expression, one I detest hearing, is when a guy will say "I'd like to nail her!" But of course we could go on and on about all the things men say, especially in the clubs where this attitude is egged on.

    Maybe I shouldn't be contributing to this thread, but I just spent three weeks going through my recently deceased mother's belongings. She was a pack rat, saved everything you could possibly imagine, that's why it took so long. Actually, I didn't finish--but got enough done to relieve my stepfather, who is still bereaved, of the burden.

    She was a fairly well known feminist in the 80's and 90's, was on the National Commission for the Status of Women, met the President, etc. An extremely active, outspoken, dynamic woman. One of the reasons I spent so long going through her stuff was to do her justice.

    As I was going through it, I couldn't help think more and more about sexual politics in the business of stripping, the roles men and women play, the power structure in place in most clubs, etc. The question that increasingly came to mind was this.

    Can a dancer also be a feminist?

    I know what my mother would have said, lol, 'Hell no!' But then I have met women who were effectively 'feminist dancers'.


    Who really holds the power in the clubs, the men or the women? Not an easy question to answer. Of course it varies from club to club, but it seems to me that the crucial factor is the strength of will in each individual dancer. Strong willed dancers tend to preserve their sense of empowerment, but many weak-willed dancers will succumb to the various forms of pressure from men who seek to impose their will upon them, particularly management and ownership.

    Naturally there are many customers--perhaps a slight majority--who are either shy, unattractive, or insecure. The dancers dominate these men with relative ease. Then there is a large proportion of men who are reasonably confident, seeking erotic entertainment not as a result of an inability to date, but out of sexual boredom or a desire for something out of the ordinary. The ratios will vary according to location, time, and the availability (or lack thereof) of sexual services for cash.

    Then there is a sizable minority of customers who seek to dominate the dancers in various ways, for various purposes, with varying degrees of success.

    The one thing I have noticed is that those clubs in which sexual favors are readily available tend to have much greater numbers of predatory men. Consequently the women either have to be especially tough-minded, or they eventually have to get out, before they lose control of the situation.

    But the bottom line is, men own and manage the vast majority of stripclubs, which means the strong-willed, independent-minded woman often has her work cut out for her.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    Again, men are like dogs and small children, they need to be trained in order to be the best they can be. I dont care if you disagree, this is my personal journal.

    Women are still living blind, still destroying themselves over false beliefs created by men to keep them in control. To make sure they stay entertainment fodder.

    I wish there was, and if there is, I hope I find it, a woman who teaches women how to recognise unacceptable behaviour from men and how to deal with it. I recognise it, but there is nothing telling me how to deal with it.
    I suppose I'm a feminist in as far as I do beleive in equality of the sexes. Just seems like a no-brainer to me. To me, that means both men and women are capable of acting with intelligence and integrity, and any individual who doesn't is culpable, regardless of gender.

    I try to treat other people, male and female, with respect, and expect to get respect back. Most of the time, I do. When I don't, it's very annoying. If I want respect, I ask for it, and if behavior doesn't change, I cut that person off. I try not to reward bad behavior by giving it too much of my attention.

    As far as women being inherently superior to men, I don't buy it myself. But having worked a little as a pro-domme, I do think some male subs experience confusion over socially constructed gender and power roles. But I also feel that a lot of people, both male and female, want to feel controlled, i.e. temporarily freed from responsiblity for their actions. Not sure if that has anything to do with gender inequality.

    Certainly, if a guy needs a spanking before he'll behave, I'm happy to administer it as a professional service. In my real life, I like partners who don't need to be beaten to treat me with respect.

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    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    I consider myself a feminist, I'll even go farther and classify myself as an individualist feminist to clarify my beliefs.

    I do agree that religions like Christianity have snatched power away from women and have pointed the finger at females (Eve) as harbingers of sin. The best guess is yes- there is some kind of fear in female power. Does ALL her power lie in her vagina? Honestly I don't think so. Some of it? Sure. I may be wrong about though, I need to do more 'research' lol.

    I just know I don't like when people place so much emphasis on pussy. You know the saying "I got the pussy so I make the rules". Yeah, as in don't fucking touch me unless I give you permission. But does it mean because I have a vagina I can rule the world? I don't see a connection, maybe someone can point it out to me. I think brainpower is more important in that instance. (I went off on a tangent there- sorry).

    Anyhow I don't know much about controlling men. I don't want to have someone I need to control or train. Yes I know there are men out there like that and who like to be treated that way even though they say opposite.
    I'll leave that to someone else though. I want a partner, not a pet. Quite frankly I'm not interested in men enough to really care.

    Like Grace, I'm all about equality between the sexes. I understand the need women have to feel superior. Yes we give birth, we nuture children in many cases (not all) better than their fathers. Do we feel this way because it is truth or because we have been put down so long this is just a defense mechanism?
    Now I have read the SCUM manifesto and have laughed along with it and can identify with why the writer felt the need to lash out at men the way she did....but it seems to just make my suspicions (sp?) true.

    Society allows men to get away with ALLLL kinds of shit. "Oh, she had her ass out she must be a freak, let me grab it".
    "I can't help myself, the little head thinks for thr big head".
    "Real men don't cry".
    "You are a man, you need to lay down the law".

    We've heard it all before. I wonder how many women raising sons actually do their part in raising more enlightened man or do they just let boys be boys while complaining about the status quo?
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by PleasureVictim View Post
    I do agree that religions like Christianity have snatched power away from women and have pointed the finger at females (Eve) as harbingers of sin. The best guess is yes- there is some kind of fear in female power. Does ALL her power lie in her vagina? Honestly I don't think so. Some of it? Sure. I may be wrong about though, I need to do more 'research' lol.

    I just know I don't like when people place so much emphasis on pussy. You know the saying "I got the pussy so I make the rules". Yeah, as in don't fucking touch me unless I give you permission. But does it mean because I have a vagina I can rule the world?
    I especially like this part.

    What's tough for me is those situations where I run into dancers who are used to customers kissing their ass, so they think I should as well. And especially when the other DJ in the club is spineless. Then they expect to dominate me, which isn't going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I cannot stand the whole idea of being the ubermensch--the cocky motherfucker who regards women as cattle--that type is so prevalent in the business, as well as the fucking horny geek DJ (worst of all is the horny geek acting like the ubermensch, lol).

    The way I operate on the job is that we are in it together, like a family, the dancers are my sisters. The one way in which I will succumb to a stereotypical male trait is if customers fuck with the dancers, especially if the woman is reduced to tears or rage, or both (hell at one club they would get catatonic sometimes, I kid you not--that was a tough club!). Then I want to go kick the guys' asses, but what the hell, I'm human.

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    If I want respect, I ask for it, and if behavior doesn't change, I cut that person off.
    That's the way to go, I believe.

    Real strength, true power, lies in not needing to dominate, I believe. Unfortunately situations will sometimes arise where you have to choose. Instead of mutual respect, it's a battle with no chance of a draw. Given a choice between submission and dominance, I'll take dominance, or walk away--and unfortunately I have had to face this situation many times on the job.

    In fact it is my least favorite part of the job, when this happens. It makes me angry that they force me to dominate them instead of co-operating as equals. But if management says I cannot play certain music, or that they have to go onstage, I cannot put my job at risk because they don't like it.

    What really, really sucks--management prefers you to dominate them (at least in 8 of the 9 clubs I have worked in, the other one was very strange). They fucking hate it when the dancers are friendly with the DJ, as equals, it seems. It's really bizarre and pathetic.

    But yeah, submission isn't for me at all.

    This is why I think I can at least understand where the OP is coming from, even if I can never really walk in her shoes. No man can do that...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    \

    I do however think that England is the worst place you can be a stripper. English men just dont get that its a fun place to be and that its just a bit of fun, it doesnt mean youre a perv or that youre desperate, youre not a twat for paying for a gorgeous girl's time.
    Of course, this doesn't only happen in England. It's the same way at my club in Colorado, and I am sure many American girls agree that no matter where you are you will have to deal with this.

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    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    I just want to say that although I agree with the majority of your post, there are some spiritually enlightened men out there who do not think with their cocks.

    It's not about either side controlling the other either. Thinking that because you're a woman and can control men's sexual lives is just as bad as being a man and realizing the power of women and suppressing women out of fear, or objectifying or committing violence towards them. It's not just sex that is to be controlled. To think that sex is the only thing a woman can control a man with is regressed thinking.

    IMHO Feminism is about equality.

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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy74 View Post
    I just want to say that although I agree with the majority of your post, there are some spiritually enlightened men out there who do not think with their cocks.

    It's not about either side controlling the other either. Thinking that because you're a woman and can control men's sexual lives is just as bad as being a man and realizing the power of women and suppressing women out of fear, or objectifying or committing violence towards them. It's not just sex that is to be controlled. To think that sex is the only thing a woman can control a man with is regressed thinking.

    IMHO Feminism is about equality.
    I'm so glad you said this Gypsy. I can fully understand how women can get a bad impression of men over time, the bad ones stand out far more than the good ones. I can't claim to be one of the men you speak of in the bolded part above. I'm afraid I still, regretably think with my cock occasionally...but I try...by god I try....

    hb

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    AlexxaHex
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    You are my Sister! I could have written that piece myself.

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    its just my personal feelings lol, I really dont know that much about feminism nor have I read any feminist books per say.
    Yeah. Pretty much everything you wrote in this proves you have no idea how to define what feminism even means to you. This is all too bad seeing as I was so excited to read a post that actually seemed relevent to me and my lived experience as a woman, a stripper and a radical anarchist-feminist. Oh well, they can't all be gems.
    For the record, before I went back to stripping in 2006, I was a publisher for two years with AK Press book publisher/distributor. They are an incredible resource for radicl and feminist history world-wide. They have a branch in the UK as well (AKUK). I highly recomend you look into it.
    akpress.org

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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    But the bottom line is, men own and manage the vast majority of stripclubs, which means the strong-willed, independent-minded woman often has her work cut out for her.
    One thing that often comes up in dialogs I have with more conservative-minded feminists than myself is this: men own and manage the majority (less vast than it used to be) of all businesses.

    I am genderqueer, and I've felt less constrained by gender roles in strip clubs than I have in offices. I can't act feminine and file papers and manage excel databases at the same time. I can file papers and manage excel databases, but then people look at me funny because I'm not acting sufficiently girly.

    Girly, for me, is a whirlwind of power, a stage role, wild and campy and stunning.

    I can't manage the quiet kind. Trying to act like an office woman makes me feel dumpy and alien in my own skin.

    A lot of the more conservative feminists, Andrea Dworkin fans and the like, have a lot of disrespect for sex work and sex workers. But when I danced (and hopefully, when I do again in the future) I was turning the tables on the things I most hated about living in a female body -- by using that body to my advantage, by loving every little inch of it and making it fantastic.

    The most consistent trait of patriarchy, of the male-dominated society, is that it's pervasive. It affects a sex worker, an office worker, an actress, and Hillary Clinton. Some would say it doesn't affect these people equally, but I think it does -- adjusting for personal good or bad luck, and for good or bad situation handling, in all cases. Hillary Clinton doesn't have to worry about being groped; I don't have to worry about being systematically undermined in the news media.

  17. #17
    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Thank you everyone for your input, it has all opened my eyes to other concepts and stuff. Im going thru this stuff on my own and learning who I am along the way.

    I grew up with an extremely dominant father who wouldnt let my mother work so that he knew where she was all the time. He was verbally abusive and once held a gun to my mothers head, threatening to shoot us in our sleep. I know now that this kind of behaviour comes from a deeply insecure person.

    However, growing up in an environment like that, as an only child, I never learned normal, acceptable behaviour. I never learned a lot of normal social skills that everyone else did. I also had a lot of personal issues like being hyper active, having ADD, being over sensitive and so on. I was in trouble a lot because I would lash out at people who pushed my buttons and my reactions were very fierce because being fierce and forcefull was normal behaviour to me.

    Im still learning how to behave properly. And since I am not often in a relationship, that part of me is still learning how to deal with being around men. Its probably why I keep quiting stripping.

    I guess I naturally try to control everything because Im afraid of letting anyone else be anything other than what I want because if they arent being or doing what I want, Im afraid of how they might treat me. I dont trust anyone to love me properly because Ive never experienced it.

    Ive never experienced loving myself properly because Im still working at growing self esteem that I never got the chance to create as a child who was made to believe I was worthless.

    Ive just realised why I sabotage everything good in my life. Because I dont believe I am worth it.

    Does anyone know how to create self belief? Because I would quite like to be the powerful, confident and successful woman I know I can be.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    You are my Sister! I could have written that piece myself.
    Thats exactly what I thought.

    Iv said 3 times in the past week that I feel like Im living in a Beavis and Butthead movie. Grown men keep flinging words like `boobs ` and `horny` at me then laughing as if they are being humerous.
    Yes my `boobs` are fine, like that has fuck all to do with them. You`re horny? So, why are you telling me?

    And Im not even a Stripper anymore, so its not happening in a club. This is everyday conversation.

    I know there are real men out there, Im assuming they are rare. But morons I think we should keep in check by just not tolerating the verbal crap.
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post


    Does anyone know how to create self belief? Because I would quite like to be the powerful, confident and successful woman I know I can be.
    I would say its not self belief its self respect that comes first. If you have 100% for yourself, then your ears will instantly prick up when you notice someone else having less than 100% for you.

    Also, what you said about your parents, is almost exactly like mine!! How freaky is that! LOL
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feminism and stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    I guess I naturally try to control everything because Im afraid of letting anyone else be anything other than what I want because if they arent being or doing what I want, Im afraid of how they might treat me. I dont trust anyone to love me properly because Ive never experienced it.
    Yeah, controlling behavior often comes from fear. Like, if we weren't controlling everything something terrible would happen. If we didn't control the people in our lives, they would hurt us somehow. If we don't control our the circumstances of our lives, something terrible will happen.

    Ultimately, we all have to learn that the only thing we really have any control over is our own feelings and actions. Everything else IS, literally, out of your control. And that's OK. If you have control over yourself, you have all the control you need. You can choose to take action to help yourself, and you can choose to feel OK with yourself, no matter what's going on around you.

    Experimenting with self-control is one of the attractions of dominance and submission role-playing in sex. A sub gets to experience being "out of control" -- albeit in a limited way, since there are safe words, community standards, and presumably a lot of trust in the dominant partner. This is why some subs feel like they have deep existential experiences during their play...they face the feeling of having no control, and realize that they are still OK.

    D/s play can be a great way to develop an understanding of self-control, control over others, the boundaries between yourself and other people, etc. Some of us didn't learn that growing up, or had poor role models. Anyway, good luck and be safe.

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