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Thread: Never learned to defend myself...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Never learned to defend myself...

    Okay, so I grew up in some pretty sucky neighborhoods and I was always picked on because I was an easy target. (My parents were the "Don't fight, tell the teacher" type of people.) The problem with that was the teachers were just as afraid of the violent students as I was and they wouldn't do anything. Luckily though, I befriended some pretty tough kids and they would always defend me. Now that I'm an adult, I find that I still cannot defend myself. For example: When I was 19 yrs old, I was attacked and beat pretty badly by a 38 yr old woman. I was walking down the street with my then boyfriend. (I was as far over as I could get, my arm was brushing the fence) and this woman, carrying EMPTY $0.30 aluminum pans cuts the corner short and one of the trays hits my arm and falls. I turn around when I hear it and see my boyfriend picking it up for her. She immediately starts cursing me out and acting ignorant, at which point my bf and I turn and walk away; only to find myself on the ground with her on top of me, beating me less than 10 seconds later. (And no, the bf didn't do anything. A guy that I'd never met in life pushed his way through the crowd that'd formed around us, pulled her off of me, picked me up and carried me to the hospital as my bf trailed quietly behind.)Then last year, I was at a former guy friends graduation party. My former best friend had a SUPER crush on this guy friend and that was the only reason I went. Anyway, some random guy at the party was trying to get her phone number, they went back and forth for some time because she was politely rejecting him and like any other man; he got pissed and had to find ANY reason to justify his attitude (saying that she should've just said he was unattractive instead of saying that she doesn't like to talk on the phone to avoid giving him her number) he became really disrespectful, then decided to ask me my opinion on the situation. I RESPECTFULLY gave it to him (saying that he should just drop it because she's a nice girl and would never say anything mean like that to anyone.) He got pissed and threw his drink in my face. Furthermore, the former guy friend who was graduating decided to start MORE drama and lie to my former best friend, telling her I was mad at her for the whole situation. (?!) She (having a crush on him) took his word for it and went off on me and was really hurtful and disrespectful. ANYWAY, my point is, I never learned to fight and anytime there is conflict around me, or even a situation that I think could possibly RESULT in conflict, I get extremely scared. At 24 yrs old, is it too late to learn self defense? How did you ladies learn?
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    You could take a self-defense class. Check with the YWCA.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Learning self-defense is never a bad idea, but I can't think of a time in my adult life (or childhood for that matter) that I have needed physcial violence to solve a problem. There will always be people who choose to use their hands instead of their minds to solve issues, but you don't have to be one of them. Violence should always be the last resort.

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    Featured Member iseestars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Taking a self defense class is good but really, it's just experience. The more conflicts you are in, the better you become at fighting/handling it/whatever. I'm not suggesting you start fights but being in them is the best way to learn. I took self defense classes and they helped somewhat in a fight but my first reaction never was using what I learned from the classes because I could never think straight at first when someone is coming at me.

    Next time a conflict arises, I would try moves that kind of hold the person back instead of hurting them. Even if they come at you, if you end up being the more aggressive person, you will be blamed for it in court. And you both could go to jail.

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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    If you don't know any self-defense, just remember: in guys, always aim for the balls. I don't care how strong or big a guy is. If you knee or hit them in the family jewels, they'll always go down!

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Maybe it's my latent "mental illness" people pick up on, but it seems if I act ready to fight back, it's good enough. You don't have to be shrill, just be scary...Sometimes a noticable change in body posture can put a scare into someone. (As for the 38 year old woman who beat you, she was probably on crack, nuts or both. No point in gettin bloodied up trying to fight a human pistule of disease like that- the outcome was the best one for you, given the circumstance. Sorry your boyfriend was a pussy though!)

    The art of manipulation (verbal and situational) can also help you avoid physical fights but still gain your desired result.

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    ^ i agree, its easier to avoid physical confrontation if you just learn to fake being tougher
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    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Thanks for your input everyone! I did take Krav Maga, but it really didn't help. I think I'll try boxing. I definately want to avoid altercations at all costs, so thank you all for giving me advice to do so.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    i grew up in an all black neighborhood, and iw as the only asian girl. and this isnt meant to be racial, but i got my ass whooped every other week..i just had to learn how to fight back. and i was really small, so my best bet was just to go crazy lol. people are scared of crazy. thats my story lol.. anyway now tho... you can try boxing. i boxed for a few years and started learning muay thai and other mma. it not only strengthens you, but it makes you faster..able to take hits and just generally defend yourself. i'm not advocating violence and say train in this and go kick some butt. i'm just saying if i was ever to get attacked, being only about 100 lbs, i could probably kick anyones nose inside out =X

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    It wouldn't be a bad idea to move to a better neighborhood either. I'm strong but little and I went through the horrible experience of being stalked so I'm extremely vigilant. I have a gun and a dog, and I never go outside alone at night. Really, the best thing to do is just avoid or take yourself out of those situations.

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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Quote Originally Posted by saphire123456 View Post
    ^ i agree, its easier to avoid physical confrontation if you just learn to fake being tougher
    I'd like to third this. I HATE fights and confrontation, but I learned that if you can fake bravery and/or insanity, you're half way there. People like to pick on some one weaker-stand your ground and don't flinch. Of course if someone has a gun or something, get the hell away. But it it's chicks being mouthy at work or jerks on the street, a look of quiet 'I might kill you' doesn't hurt.

  12. #12
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    Quote Originally Posted by White & Nerdy View Post
    If you don't know any self-defense, just remember: in guys, always aim for the balls. I don't care how strong or big a guy is. If you knee or hit them in the family jewels, they'll always go down!
    Actually, this is bad advice. A man has been protecting that area his whole life, and trying to kick him forces you off your balance. It's pretty easy for him to block your kick and knock you down. A better tip is to go for his kneecaps - they're easily broken and/or dislocated, which causes him intense pain and greatly hampers his mobility.

    Although in an attempted rape situation, grabbing the testicles (yes, with your hands) and squeezing as hard as possible is a pretty good defense move. Just don't let go, whatever you do!

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    I've rarely been in physical confrontations with women, but when it has happened, my emotions switch from that first twitch of panic to rage. Snap your fingers, that is how fast the emotional switch is for me. I don't think it is conscious. That is just how I react.

    It might be because I was in an abusive relationship (well, two actually) and the fear of being assaulted has been moderated by being assaulted and surviving multiple times.


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    Default Re: Never learned to defend myself...

    You have to get over the trauma of what's happened so you don't freeze up. Then you have to learn conflict resolution. There are many many books out there that take you step by step through healing your confidence, learning to win debates and stand up to bullying (that's all an argument is).
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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