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Thread: One Sided Friendships

  1. #1
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default One Sided Friendships

    I'm frustrated. Some of my friends either have bad manners or just don't care anymore.

    Some people I used to be really close to in school and growing up are pissing me off. I am always the one to call. Always the one to make plans. Always the one to call back and leave a second message because they were just too busy to return my call. But when I get them in front of me finally they act like everything is fine, like they weren't a PITA to get together with.

    I get the "I'm really busy" thing a lot from my best friend (I think) L. L never calls me first. Pretty much the behavior I listed above. But you'd better believe that the slightest inclination I hear or see telling me she's going through a rough time, I call. I myspace message. Etc. I'm on top of it. Yet she can't return any contact in a timely fashion, some times not at all. But I know for a fact she has some new group of buddies she seems to see extremely frequently. WTF? Am I not as fun as they are because I'm not into the rockabilly scene? Or a cosmetologist? Or don't go out drinking all the time? I feel left out and neglected.

    Want to know what's ironic? L posted a myspace blog a couple months ago bitching that she was tired of her "real" friends never contacting HER anymore. That she didn't appreciate it, saw how we really were, etc.

    R wonders why I'm hesitant to even bother calling her anymore.

    This is a problem with several friends of mine. I'm such a good loyal friend. Why can't they be?

    This isn't a reciprocal friendship to me. It feels onesided. Hard thing is that when I finally do get us to hang out, I have a blast. But this rude behavior is ruining it for me. And you know if I bring it up they'll deny it and call me a whiner, bitch, or some other fun word. Because people get defensive in this kind of situation.

    WTF.

    Anyone else?

  2. #2
    God/dess
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    OMG yes! I understand when my school friends are busy-we're all busy, but damn, call, text, something. And one of my oldest friends-I know she's busy, she's got a 4 year old. I suppose I could call more, but when I try to even get her online it's for a minute and they she wanders off. I never have any idea what's going on with her. Ever, unless I 'read her LJ'. How about a call if something happens? A text? I can't psychically know when she's posted something important.

    Pretty much ALL my friends are like this now-read my LJ, read my facebook. Posting is not a replacement for conversation or time together. I pretty much see no one outside of class anymore.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member SweetMelissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I've been in the same boat. My two best friends from high school..omg was that a one-sided friendship for sure. I tried so very freaking hard to keep it going...even after we had set a time to hang out days in advance and I kept telling them how excited I was to see so-and-so movie or whatever they'd "forget" or "accidentally" make plans with someone else only to realize what they did soon after. They'd rather hurt my feelings..their best friend of like 4 years than their new friend.

    I put up with it for years after high school until recently. I finally told myself I'm better off freaking friendless than having horrible one-sided friendships. Yeah, I was pretty lonely for quite a while (pretty shy) but I ended up finding and creating new friendships with much better people I think. It was worth it.

    They still send me random e-mails though. You know when something really dramatic happens in their life and they want to brag to as many people as possible. I humor myself by responding back to them sometimes.

    They did congratulate me on becoming pregnant and all which was kind of them to actually take a second out of their life for once to support me. They then went all crazy like we were the best of friends again talking rubbish about how they want to fly out here to see me and the baby.

    Why would I allow them to?! Are they blind and they think we are still best friends? WTH. I don't get it. I swear they only want to come out here so they have something to brag about to all their friends back at home.

    Ya know I invited them to my wedding two years ago when we were on somewhat good terms. They acted like my best friends while they were visiting and then BAM. They went back to their "normal" selves once they were back home.

    I'm sorry but I can't handle that. If you're going to be my friend, be my friend at all times. Don't pick and choose.

    And I'm sorry I've typed so much. As you can see I'm still not completely over it.

  4. #4
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I'm the guilty of the "read my blog" thing. Why? Because the specific blog I actually write within I pour my soul out within.. I don't hold back.. and allow you, the reader, to really see into my mind ... as such. I have to admit that I love writing and detest having the same conversation about the same topics multiple times... if I wanted to do that I could go to work and do that (lol)!

    Anyway, I may not call a lot however I will at least text or if you are similar to me and blog alot. I will actually try to read your blogs and sometimes comment on them as well.

    Yet at least I will interact with you in some way regular enough if I call you "friend"


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  5. #5
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I am totally the other person and I don't mean to be. I just have the shittiest memory and a fear of pissing someone off when I DO end up calling because I forgot...and then it turns into a game of 'can I procrastinate until they forget?'...yeah I suck.


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  6. #6
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I have friends like that. I simply don't consider them real friends.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  7. #7
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I've always found that the people that truly want to be your friends will make time to be your friend. Otherwise, as Bella21 said, they are not real friends.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  8. #8
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: One Sided Friendships

    I suppose I do have 2 friends that still take the initiative once in a while, which is nice.

    Maybe it's because at my age group of friends(22-23), it's normal for them to want to party and go out to bars all the time. And that's just not fun to me.

    I really would like to just say fuck it like SM said, but what's stopping me is the fun time I do have with people like L when we actually get together. We used to be inseparable growing up. WTH.

    R and my mom are my best friends....

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