first off, i'm sorry. i know this type of post does little more than offer some sort of outlet for the OP, but i kind of need that right now. what i'm about to relate to you is not a new story. i know it's happened to almost all of us, and most of us repeatedly. for some reason though (maybe burnout) this time it's lingering around in my head. i actually had a dream about it last night.
i'll get on with the story:
a few days ago i was at work. it was a slow day and i'm not doing so well financially. that means, i wound up talking to and putting up with more customers that i would usually ignore under less stressful circumstances. one of these such customers was an guy, about 50 years old, typical pervy looking guy. i could tell he was trouble the second i sat down next to him and noticed he ALREADY had an erection, even though no dancer had been with him prior.
i do the whole "hi i'm blah blah.. how are you.. where are you from blah blah" preamble. i get to asking about dances pretty quickly because frankly, i knew he'd get one and i didn't feel like talking to him any longer than i needed to. he agrees to get a dance. he reaches into his pocket and pulls out maybe 30 bucks total, 20 of which he hands over to me for the dance. i got nervous at that point as well, because he was paying up front... as if he'd been asked many times before to do so (which means he's probably handsy).
i tell him right away that he can't touch my breasts or my crotch (in not so many words). of course as SOON as i start dancing his hands start wandering. i grab his hands and hold onto them a bit to make my point. he stops for a bit (this continues on and off throughout the dance).
then it happens. i turn around and "lean back" on him (i'm sure you all know the move). my head is on his shoulder, both of us facing foward... and of course.. OF COURSE.. he starts kissing my neck. i IMMEDIATELY stand up and dance a little further away. i thought my point was made, but apparently not, because as soon as i got close again he fucking LICKS my neck. like.. with full on slobber fucking from my shoulder to my ear. i can smell the bad breath slobber that's been painting on me with his nasty tongue.
i stand again and i literally fucking CRINGE. like.. a very very noticeable gag-and-cringe reaction. i wasn't even trying to.. it was just so fucking nasty. it's at this point that he says "do you ever do private dates" and i say "no" and he says "too bad, because i could rock your fucking world" while he wags his tongue at me.
then the song ends and i have to run to go on stage. while i'm on stage i can see him rubbing the outside of his pants while he watches me.
i've mentioned on here before that doing full contact is the only thing i ever regret about my adult life. it's true. that's why i work in a low contact club now. it's not that i judge other girls for doing it. if you're ok with it, more power to you. it just upsets me that i let myself do something (no extras or touching crotch.. but touching boobs and grinding) that i wasn't comfortable with for the money.
and this brought that feeling back up. like, i HAD the money. why the FUCK didn't i walk after the kissing. fucking WHY?. i am so pissed off at myself. i keep reliving that lick over and over again. i mean, it's happened before, but for some reason this time it's really "getting to me".
i haven't been back to work since, but actually for an unrelated reason. i somehow REALLY fucked up knee (like i can't even touch it without severe pain). i have no insurance or anything so i'm resting it and hoping to christ it gets better. sucks though, cause i'm missing work and i'm not making any money or getting any richer.
that being said, i have this feeling that when i DO go back (probably tomorrow.. knee better or not) i'm going to be effected by that dance. i just feel skeeved out in a way that i haven't in a long time.. and i don't feel like doing ANY dances. i don't want anyone touching me anywhere at all right now unless it's because -i- sought it out.
*sigh* why isn't this like all the other times i just go "what a douchebag" and shrug it off?
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anyway. i'm sure i'll get over it. hopefully my knee with magically improve and i'll snap out of this mental funk and be able to make some money. *crosses fingers and toes*
thanks for listen-reading.![]()



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I'm really sorry you're going through a bad time.


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