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Thread: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

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    Default This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Hi all,

    I'm feeling so sad and degraded right now. For the second time my bf, has put his hands on me. Straight up smacking me, pressing my face in the mattress, tossed me off the bed, proceeded to hit me and twist my neck and rubbing my face in the carpet. Then he went off the deep end insulting me, saying horrible, horrible things to me. He said he didn't mean them he was just saying them to make me want to break up with him. Mind you he said this while still saying these horrible things. We had just went to a bar and he got me a hot dog. He told me that's all I was worth was a fucking hot dog meal.

    We had an arguement but it was not that big of a deal. He was upset because he had concocted some things in his head and decided to beat me because or these thoughts.
    He did it before and said he wouldn't do it again and here it is happening. Again. The hell am I supposed to do, it's easy for people to tell me to leave him but I'm making up excuses for him. I still love him, I want to give him a chance to correct this. However, am I putting my self out there setting myself up to be verbally and physically abused?
    I don't want to go to my mom or sister about it because I don't want them thinking badly of him, you know? I'm just so confused right now.
    He's 34 years old, me 21.....I HATE being young and dumb sometimes...
    Last edited by thickienikkie; 02-29-2008 at 09:00 AM.

  2. #2
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Don't want them thinking badly of him??

    Are you listening to yourself?

    You know you are going to hear it...

    There is a reason its easy for people to tell you to leave him... because its obvious its the right thing to do.

    Get rid of him, its very plain and simple.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    Hi all,

    However, am I putting my self out there setting myself up to be verbally and physically abused?
    '(
    Yes. You need to get yourself out of this situation now. There are no excuses, there is never a good reason for a man to put his hands on a woman. You might love him, you might feel sorry for him but he is not going to change. You say that this has already happened once and he said it would never happen again? Well it has happened again and it will keep happening until you get out.

    I know its hard but you have to be strong. Tell people about what is happening, you need support and not just from people here, (although you know there will always be support here,) you need support from your family and friends as this will make you stronger. I am extermley serious when I say I think you should leave him, right now. Is there anywhere you can go? Like your parents house or a friends?



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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    ......
    Last edited by sashabunny; 12-22-2008 at 12:04 PM.

  5. #5
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    No ifs not buts fuck that guy off!
    You are young sweety and I promise you that its worth leaving and that in a bit of time you will be completely and utterly over him.
    Hes not going to change believe it.

    I hope youre ok - go to your mum or sister if you have to, just get away from him.

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    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    kick his ass out NOW! he hit you and thats it! forget about him!

  7. #7
    sun child
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    So don't be "young and dumb." You obviously know this isn't right because you're posting about it. You need to call your mom and your sister now. You need to get some help from your family. Stay with them and go back and get your stuff with a cop.

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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Quote Originally Posted by sun child View Post
    So don't be "young and dumb." You obviously know this isn't right because you're posting about it. You need to call your mom and your sister now. You need to get some help from your family. Stay with them and go back and get your stuff with a cop.
    It's my place actually...that might be more drama trying to get him to leave....

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    There was a similar thread to this not long ago. Someone said "if you had a daughter and she was in a situation like this, how would you feel? Would you be fine with her staying with a jerk who hit her, shoved her around and degraded her?" A lot of times women are stronger for others than they are for themselves. Be smart and look at yourself and your relationship from an outside perspective. Then get the fuck out of there and find yourself a REAL man who doesn't abuse the one they claim to love!


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    Veteran Member ellebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Dude.. even your boyfriend wants you to break up with him.

    Dump his ass. No one will ever respect you if you don't respect yourself. And anyone with self-respect would not put up with that bullshit.

    Live and learn.
    The world's most uncoordinated stripper

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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    It will never get better. Never.

    You have two choices, spend the rest of your life (and it will be short) going to the hospital for injuries from his beatings until he either kills you or you end up sick and dead from the stress his beatings will place on your body.

    Or

    You can leave.

    At 34 years old he will never change. Younger men sometimes get their anger under control, but at 34? Nope. He is set in his ways.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    I still love him, I want to give him a chance to correct this. However, am I putting my self out there setting myself up to be verbally and physically abused?
    I don't want to go to my mom or sister about it because I don't want them thinking badly of him, you know?
    How can you give someone a chance when they don't even respect you? To the underlined statement; yes, you are all over again. There is no giving him another chance because he will do it again and you don't deserve that. Abusers don't stop at one time. I understand you may still love him, its not a switch you can turn off. The question is do you really love yourself enough to kick that asshole out? You've gotta do whats right for you. There are better men out there...the person you're dating is not a man but a weakling who beats up on women.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  13. #13
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Obviously, if you stay with him, HE IS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. They do not change. They do not "correct" it. Ever. Your bf is NO different from any other abusive asshole out there.

    Your choice: Stay and put up with it or leave.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    It's my place actually...that might be more drama trying to get him to leave....
    Is he on the lease?

    It's rough, I know. But how much worse is it going to get? A LOT. He's gonna start punching you, or following you to make sure you're doing what he wants you to, he's going to insult you and then say he's sorry and that he REALLY loves you.

    If he hits you, he does not love you. Those two things are completely incompatible, sweetie.

    You have to leave him. I know it's going to be hard, but you have to do it or you'll never be able to look yourself in the eye again. And we'll all yell at you! Go to a shelter for abused women if you have to.

  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    He already did it once and you're surprised he did it again? Really?

    You already know what you need to do. It's up to you whether you want to do it or not.

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    Veteran Member oohdamnbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    If you stay with him, he'll do it again. Only it'll be worse and the spans of good times will get shorter and shorter. He'll do it more often and for no reason whatsoever.

    Call the police; kick him out and get a restraining order.

  17. #17
    sun child
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Quote Originally Posted by thickienikkie View Post
    It's my place actually...that might be more drama trying to get him to leave....
    Well, you need to call the police, file a report and press charges. You also need to take pictures of any bruises or physical evidence of his beatings. You need to get a restraining order against him. You need to find a way. Or you need to move in with your family for a while and find a new place.

    Hearing this shit makes me seethe with rage. But you know, it's your responsibility to take the reins here and control your own life. This will escalate, it will happen again, and he will kill you or seriously injure you.

    Make a plan and stick to it. And don't hide the fact that it's going on to your family. You sound like you really need their help right now.

  18. #18
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    i agree, kick his ass out, involve the police and your family if you have to. When it comes to asking him to leave it would be wise to have someone with you, a friend or relative as he is probably less likely to lash out if someone else is there.



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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    You need to get him out of there--now. If he won't leave on his own, call someone to "assist" him. You said this was the second time? There should NEVER had been a chance for him to do it again. His ass should've been out the first time he put his hands on you.

    Don't give him another chance to do this again. He won't change. Take the action now.

    Good luck to you.

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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Trust me, you want your mom and sister thinking badly of him. And maybe accompanying you to the police station so you can get him throw out of the house. He doesn't deserve a chance to correct anything. He twisted your neck-HE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU. And at 34, you aren't the first person he's done this to. You likely won't be the last.

    Listen to what people are saying here. A lot of us have been there. Get pictures, go to the police (and possibly the doctor to make sure your neck is okay), get him OUT of there. And the locks changed.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    I agree with all that is said here.

    Give yourself the love and respect you deserve and get out of this relationship. He's not going to change, and if you stick around it will just get worse. I know you "love him." Well, if you really love him you will teach him love and respect by leaving his sorry ass. Then you will find someone who treats you with the kiindness and love you deserve.

    Involve the police and get an r/o on him. Document the abuse. Is your boyfriend on the lease too? If you are on the lease, you're going to have to tell your landlord that there is an emergency involving life or death and you need to break the lease. If I were you I would move to a new place altogether and yes you will have to tell your family what is going on so that they will not unwittingly give him any new info on you.

    If all this is too overwhelming, go to a women's shelter in your area. They can advise you on what steps to take if you are feeling too overwhelmed by all this.

    Get out. Yes it is that simple. Get out and don't look back. You will be glad you did.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  22. #22
    sun child
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    When you tell him to leave, make sure the cops or your parents or someone is there. If he is being violent, you might never know when he will come back and do harm to you. I would seriously suggest moving. Also, when you kick him out, NEVER talk to him again. No emails, text messages, or anything like that.

    Trust me, you want this piece of shit criminal abuser out of your life forever. He assaulted you, babe, that's a felony. I know we don't know each other in real life, but as RoseLeigh said, some of have been there before. I have. I had to move over 2,000 miles away to be free my abusive boyfriend who was dead-set on killing himself and me. And I don't want to see that happen to you, Nikkie.

    I second the women's shelter idea.

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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    He's not on the lease. He moved in with me. I wanted to call the cops that night but I was way to scared. I couldn't get away from him he kept on pulling me back and pressing his knees into my back. I was scared to call the cops because I don't know if he would have attacked me again or worse. So, I just kind of huddled in the corner until he stopped raging and pacing. He had drank alot that day, so he grabbed another beer and stepped outside. I wanted to lock myself in my room but I figured that would enrage him again.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Here is a helpful link:
    http://www.azvictims.com/domestic/options.asp

    If you need to go to a safehouse, there is the Chrysalis Shelter for Victims of Domestic Violence in Phoenix:
    http://www.volunteermatch.org/orgs/org13307.html

    Good luck.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  25. #25
    sun child
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    Default Re: This Is Not Supposed To Happen To Me>>>>

    Nikkie, please take action today. Tell your mom and sister and go with one of them to the police station to report that this happened and get a restraining order against him. I know you're confused about what happened, but he deserves to be in jail for what he did to you. No man should ever hit or abuse another human being, especially an innocent woman who is probably smaller and weaker than him.

    . The Chrysalis Shelter for Victims of Domestic Violence, Inc. has a shelter in Phoenix. They can help you.

    (602) 944-4999

    "Chrysalis Shelter has emergency crisis shelters in Phoenix and Scottsdale which provide safety for over 1,100 women and children each year; a transitional housing program where women and children can stay for up to 2 years; and out-patient counseling. Educational programs for valley schools are also offered."

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