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Thread: I miscarried.

  1. #1
    Lola Rose
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    Default I miscarried.

    I am miscarrying. I have super strong cramps, just sitting up to type hurts terribly. And I'm bleeding heavily, with some clotting. I guess this baby isn't meant to be mine.

    I just feel like, why is god punishing me like this? I am doing everything right. I have so much love inside me to share with this baby, it's amazing. I know there has to be some purpose to this, but it just hurts so badly. I have done everything right. I'm eating so well, and staying as stressfree as possible. I've elliminated anything even possibly harmful!!! So why me?

    I hate to wish bad things upon someone else, but I just, I feel like I don't deserve this. I would be a wonderful mother, and Rob will be an amazing father. We have so much love to give to a baby.

    I guess it's back to trying. Hopefully my next baby will make it. This is the 2nd I've lost, and the pain doesn't dull.

    I can't help it, a little thing inside of me is starting to question my ability to complete a pregnancy.

    Thank you all for so much love and support. I felt very much.... less alone. Who knows, if I have a normal cycle now, and get pregnant this month, I think I'll be due just at the end of November. Which would be neat, I'd have a baby for my birthday.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh no honey, oh no Oh why? oh I am so sorry, go to the doctor, oh Lola!

  3. #3
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm so sorry to hear that Lola.
    hb

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh I'm so sorry.... anything I can do?


    Look like a woman
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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  5. #5
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Ohhhhhhhhh, I am crying here Lola, I oh honey no one deserves this. Oh, I am so sad!

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    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Ohhhh Noooo Lola! That is just too awful! No one deserves that! I am so sorry for u! Yall would have been such great parents with all the love that yall have to give! I dont even know what to say.... "big hugs"

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Lola

    I'm so sorry. I know how badly you've wanted this for so long. I've PMed you my number. Call me if you need to, or even if you just want to chat. I'm here.

  8. #8
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    First of all, HUGE HUGS.

    Second, and maybe more important, It sounds like you are trying to blame yourself when you say things like this: "I have done everything right. I'm eating so well, and staying as stressfree as possible. I've elliminated anything even possibly harmful!!! " You probably know this intellectually (though it's difficult to know it emotionally, esp. right now), but miscarriages this early - and really, miscarriages in general, do not happen because of something the mother did or didn't do. These are most likely due to problems with the embryo itself forming, really, the vast majority of times.

    I heard it put very poignantly once - that because the embryo just would not have survived, but the mother would not have been able to bring herself to abort, "Her body makes the choice that her heart could not."

    Third, and again, I think you know this, many women go through more miscarriages than that before carrying to term (and often carrying multiple pregnancies to term). That might not make it any less painful, particularly not now, but there may be some solace in knowing you are far from alone, and you have so much more time and so many more chances to come.

    Who knows, if I have a normal cycle now, and get pregnant this month, I think I'll be due just at the end of November. Which would be neat, I'd have a baby for my birthday.
    And ending on a note of hope - more stuff you already most likely know: Women are MORE fertile after a lost pregnancy. So if you're ready to try again, your chances are even better! But do take the time to grieve. We're all here for you. PM me anytime.

    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  9. #9
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh my dear...I'm so sorry for the disappointment and pain you're going through. I know you will make a wonderful mother when your body is ready. You are such a good person.

    Be strong, we you!


  10. #10
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Thanks Rose. I know, but it's hard to come to terms with. I like that, "her body makes the choice her heart could not. I like to believe I'm freeing my child from a life of pain and misery.

    I've also read that twins are much more likely after a loss. I'm not sure I want two, but right now, a 241 deal sounds pretty good.

    Thank you everyone.

  11. #11
    Veteran Member alessandra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    aww sweetheart this must be very difficult for you--- don't forget, we're all here for you to support you through this!

  12. #12
    Senior Member WillStrip4Shoes's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there, and although I wasn't trying to get pregnant and I wasn't even sure I was ready for motherhood, that didn't ease the pain one bit. I know it's tragic, lean on your husband and friends for the support you need right now, and take care of yourself.
    People equate sexy with promiscuous. They think that because I'm shaped this way, I must be scandalous - like running around and bringing men into my hotel room. But it's just the opposite.

  13. #13
    Member NadiaBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh no. Im sooo sorry to hear this. This kinda thing is never easy.

    I lost a baby early last year. I was in my 5th month. I was doing everythng right. I was healthy, stress free. I was cruising through my pregnany with no morning sickness. I felt great. I had ultrasounds done that said everything was fine. Then ..bam...the doctor couldnt find the heartbeat at my 18weeks appointment. He sent me down to get an ultrasound to see if they could find it. No heartbeat. I could see him on ultrasound..just laying there. I just cried. And cried. And cried some more. And I still cry when I think about it. The worst part about it was...we were hoping for a little boy. We have two perfectly healthy beautiful girls now and we jsut wanted a boy. I never knew heartbreak until the doctor told me the sex of the baby.(we didnt find out till after the surgery)

    I have a little box with the pregnany test and his ultrasound pictures in it. I look at it every once in a while. It helps a little.

    You have to keep telling yourself that something must have been wrong. Your body knows when something isnt right. Its something you have no control over. Nobody is punishing you hun.

    Take some time to cry. And just know that someday..you WILL have a beautiful baby in your arms. Take care of yourself.

  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    You know, I say this was meant to be, because maybe the child would have been born with defects, a bad disorder, etc that would have made it unhappy.

    It will come when it's all right.

    Love you Lola.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Mimi NY's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I miscarried in April last year, it's so horrible, I feel for you.

    They recommend giving it a couple months before trying again. Look after yourself, do yoga, chill out, get some fresh air and good food and lots of vitamins inside you. Read ayurvedic books - they have some good remedies for women who've miscarried and good advice on preventing it happening again.

    Big hugs, you're so not alone. When it happened to me I just kept thinking 'Fuck, I'm so retarded and useless I can't even have a kid'. But that's not true. Just nature.

    xx

  16. #16
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    First of all, HUGE HUGS.

    Second, and maybe more important, It sounds like you are trying to blame yourself when you say things like this: "I have done everything right. I'm eating so well, and staying as stressfree as possible. I've elliminated anything even possibly harmful!!! " You probably know this intellectually (though it's difficult to know it emotionally, esp. right now), but miscarriages this early - and really, miscarriages in general, do not happen because of something the mother did or didn't do. These are most likely due to problems with the embryo itself forming, really, the vast majority of times.

    I heard it put very poignantly once - that because the embryo just would not have survived, but the mother would not have been able to bring herself to abort, "Her body makes the choice that her heart could not."

    Third, and again, I think you know this, many women go through more miscarriages than that before carrying to term (and often carrying multiple pregnancies to term). That might not make it any less painful, particularly not now, but there may be some solace in knowing you are far from alone, and you have so much more time and so many more chances to come.



    And ending on a note of hope - more stuff you already most likely know: Women are MORE fertile after a lost pregnancy. So if you're ready to try again, your chances are even better! But do take the time to grieve. We're all here for you. PM me anytime.

    Rose is completely dead-on with everything she's said here. Even when I went through my Ectopic, I blamed myself. Even when the Doctor told me there was nothing I could've done differently to prevent it, I blamed myself. It's normal for you to feel this way, but you have to know that it's nothing that you could have controlled in any way.

    After my Ectopic, it took 6 months and we were pregnant again. "Trying" doesn't work, in my opinion. Keep your mind off of it, have lots of sex without thinking about it, and BOOM! You'll conceive.

    And look at VG. She had what? One or two miscarriages before she had her Adrian. And now she's having another one soon!

    My Sister had 8 miscarriages in a row (her last being at 4 months), before getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Again, all 8 of those miscarriages were not her fault--ended up being a "twisted gene" in her Ex-Husband that would allow her to get pregnant, but not stay pregnant. Unfortunately for the Ex's family---both he and his brother have the twisted gene. His brother's wife has suffered a few miscarriages already because of it. They've stopped trying.

    I bolded something that couldn't be more true. Your body knows what's best for you, even when you don't.

    I know from all your time here with us at SW, you take very good care of yourself. It's important for you to know that you couldn't stop this. Give yourself time to come to terms with all of this, and to accept it but not carry the blame.

    We are ALL here for you. Use us to let it out.

  17. #17
    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh Lola, I'm so sorry No-one should have to go through that, and I believe you would make such a wonderful mother.

    Take care of yourself


  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm so sorry, Lola. Don't give up. We're here for you.

  19. #19
    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh sweetie....I am so sad for you! You will be a wonderful loving mother to you baby when the time is right. If I could, I would just hug and hold you tight. Pm me if you need anything.

  20. #20
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh, honey. I know how badly you want a baby. I'm very sorry to hear about you and Rob's loss.

  21. #21
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm so sad to hear this. I don't think it's God punishing you though, a lot of bad stuff happens to good people for no reason it seems. Hopefully you could talk to your doctor, and good luck if you get pregnant in the future. You sound like you would make a great mom.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm sorry, Lola. You do have a lot of love-you share it with all of us, and when it's right you'll share it with a family. *hugs*

  23. #23
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    i'm so sorry. best thoughts to you and rob.

  24. #24
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    Oh LR Im so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. And Rose was correct in everything she said.

    Rhiannon is right too. My friend said the same thing. When she tried and tried nothing happened. She gave up and just had fun random sex and BAM! Preggo.

    Soon you will have a beautiful baby so dont be too sad. It will happen when the time is right an youll have a perfect little baby.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member Nina77's Avatar
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    Default Re: I miscarried.

    I'm so sorry.
    I miscarried at 14 weeks in January. I feel for you.
    Remember that it is NOT your fault. I know it doesn't help much but just know that it's better to happen this way than to deliver a baby with serious medical conditions. And you can try again.
    I wish you a very happy and successful future pregnancy!

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