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Thread: bdd-how do you know?

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    Default bdd-how do you know?

    Since around 11 or 12 i have detested the way i looked. I went through years of anorexia,bulimia, and even compulsive overeating, and eventually had to take " a year out of life" as i called it because of depression. During that time i went to a psychologist, whom amongst other things i talked about my self image.During my time with the psychologist we barely scratched the surface about my body image problems, before she cut all ties because she was moving jobs.
    At that point i couldn't go outside because i felt people were staring at me constantly and i was embarassed abut the fact that they could see me.

    I started on anti depressants and now two years later my depression has certainly improved, but it's starting to get to that not wanting anyone to see me phase again. I even get paranoid that people in magazines are staring at me.

    But the problem is i can't see how people act like my poor self image is something that can be fixed, because as i can see it i am perfectly justified in thinking i am ugly,fat,disgusting. I get quite annoyed when people give me any compliments, as they just seem hollow.

    I have heard about bdd, but my question is how would you know it was a problem that you had? I mean when i look in the mirror its there- physical proof of all the things i hate about myself, how can you argue with that?

    It sounds weird, but a part of me likes the idea that maybe i do have some form of bdd, that maybe i don't really look the way i think i do. But how could i ever know this?As i said its there when i look in the mirror.

    When i stripped i admit it now-i had to get drunk in order to work, yet when i came home at night there was usually an hour or two of just sitting feeling really sad and embarassed that people had been seeing my flaws up there in bright lights all night, and probably laughing at me behind my back. TBH i'm amazed anyone wanted to see me dance when i was the biggest girl in the club.

    The biggest problem is my weight, i have lost 35 lbs over the past year, but i can't see a difference at all, which demotivates me from losing more.I have had thoughts about just taking a knife to my stomach and cutting the fat out so many times. I just feel like my body is a disgusting mess.

    I do want to dance again at the end of this year, but the way i'm feeling now its just an impossibility. And i would want to be able to work without drinking of course.

    I guess my questions to you would be: is it possible to improve your self image, and how can it be achieved? How would you know if you had bdd, and is there help you can get from it?

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    My definition of BDD is OCD revolving around how you look, but it's hard to define, it's misrepresented and and it varies from person to person.

    Common BDD rituals are compulsive mirror checking or avoiding the mirror, constantly asking for reassurance, constantly obsessing over how you look/what other think of how you look, too scared to step out of the house because of how you look (a lot of BDDers are housebound), comparing yourself to pictures of others for hours, destroying photos, getting plastic surgery one after the other only to still be dissatisfied..and the rest goes on!

    Does that sound like something you go through? Do your appearance thoughts and rituals interfere significantly with your daily life? Do you find yourself obsessing over how you look in school, in class or do you constantly ask your loved ones about how you look to the point of driving them insane?



    It took me several years and therapist after therapist to finally find someone who understood BDD. BDD sufferers often know more about BDD than mental health professionals. I was misdiagnosed with OCD, until I found out I really had BDD.

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    When i stripped i admit it now-i had to get drunk in order to work, yet when i came home at night there was usually an hour or two of just sitting feeling really sad and embarassed that people had been seeing my flaws up there in bright lights all night, and probably laughing at me behind my back. TBH i'm amazed anyone wanted to see me dance when i was the biggest girl in the club.
    I reread your post, and yes-This does sound like a BDD thought. BUT, I don't want to say "Yes, you have BDD" based on your post. But, BDD can overlap with eating disorders too. I know how you feel though, because BDD is one of the reasons that's holding me back from becoming a stripper too. Everybody is going to see my flaws, know about it, and they might laugh at me behind my back.

    I guess my questions to you would be: is it possible to improve your self image, and how can it be achieved? How would you know if you had bdd, and is there help you can get from it?

    You can get help, but you have to find the right therapist. I'm sorry to say this, but most therapists I've met have little to no clue about BDD. Medication helps a LOT too.


    I think Katherine Phillip's book on BDD is awesome! There are so many self-help tips, but it's best to not treat yourself on your own.


    As for improving self-image, I msyself don't know because I've been struggling with this ever since I was 12. The thing that's helped me feel a lot better is medication, and talking to people about it.


    Best of luck to you.

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    I think I have BDD along with EDNOS. I CONSTANTLY have to look at my reflection, windows, puddles, sides of cars everything.

    "It sounds weird, but a part of me likes the idea that maybe i do have some form of bdd, that maybe i don't really look the way i think i do. But how could i ever know this?As i said its there when i look in the mirror."

    That sounds exactly like me. I tell my boyfriend to pick out girls and tell me if I'm as fat as her, or if my body looks like hers and occasionally he'll actually play along. I'd like to think that what I see in my head is just in fact in MY head and not apparent to others, but after playing this "game" it kind of crushes the little bit inside me that hopes the shitty body I see in the mirror isn't really mine.

    I always think the girls I see on the street who my boyfriend say look like me are fat and ugly, but I don't know if that has to do with my EDNOS or not. (I'm overly critical of EVERYONE)

    I'm by no means a doctor, but if you ask someone to play that "game" and you don't think those people where ugly before you were told you look like them, then maybe it is BDD.

    That maybe a really stupid suggestion, I don't even know if I would really recommend "playing" it because it has made me cry on more than one occasion, but it seems like in theory that it'd work.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    Yeah this happens to me too. I look at women on Tv or whatnot and think they look exactly like me...then others point out that the woman I' m looking at is twice my size. To me though...we look the same.

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    Yes.

    Find the right therapist.

    I suspect one of the stealth symptoms of BDD is an unwillingness to believe you have it (because, if the sufferer recognized the disorder, it would weaken the idea of it somewhat.) I have a friend in this state who just tears herself to pieces, and even said once, "I think I have something like BDD, but not so serious" -- because it's hard for her to recognize how fucked up the thoughts are.

    I'm going off in this thread because I still hurt when I think of some conversations I've had with her about it.

    Remember -- before therapy, schizophrenics have obvious visual proof that they're Jesus, or that they're being pursued by the government.

    Nothing you see with your eyes is untouched by your mind. This is true for everyone but is more obvious when your mind is having trouble.

    Find the right therapist.

    Find friends who will tell you up and down to find the right therapist.

    And, CinammonGirl, I'm glad you did. :-)
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?

    HI everyone,
    Sorry for not replying sooner, been really busy with uni work.
    I just wanted to say i really appreciate the kind words and advice in this thread. My aunty has been suggesting i go to a psychologist at the university health service to talk about things every day fo the past year or so, but i never followed through with it because:

    a) I'm nervous about going to new places in general (meeting a new psychologist would just be opening myself up to one more person who could look at me!)
    b)I always feel like there are people who need their help more than i do so don't want to tie them up.
    c) I've had a horrible experience with a doctor before whom i went to routinely get a refill of my antidepressants and ended up having a full blown panic attack with her staring at me looking "unimpressed" for lack of a better word. I don't want to go into it but she was terribly patronising and the experience upset me greatly. After that i have been terrified of going to doctors and other professionals, and even the thought makes me panic.

    But it's definitely something i will have to seriously consider. Before now i never considered the effect i was having on other people (thechaosfairy, your comment about how your friends behavious makes you feel struck a chord with me), especially my boyfriend as he gets to hear the brunt of it every day.

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    Default Re: bdd-how do you know?


    a) I'm nervous about going to new places in general (meeting a new psychologist would just be opening myself up to one more person who could look at me!)

    It's easier said than done, but the best way to cure your anxiety and fear is to expose yourself to these situations. The more you avoid something, the worse it gets. BDD and OCD are treated through exposure therapy, so the obsessions and anxiety can gradually get desensitized. The more you expose yourself to what you panic about, you WILL feel better (Trust me on that one).



    c) I've had a horrible experience with a doctor before whom i went to routinely get a refill of my antidepressants and ended up having a full blown panic attack with her staring at me looking "unimpressed" for lack of a better word. I don't want to go into it but she was terribly patronising and the experience upset me greatly. After that i have been terrified of going to doctors and other professionals, and even the thought makes me panic.
    Before you see a professional, maybe try to e-mail some of them, tell them about how you're nervous, tell them a bit about your problems, and see how they react. I've found out that e-mailing and talking on the phone can let you know who's more compassionate and who understands that it's hard to explain hat you're going through to a stranger. Some counselors sound rude on the phone, and that tells you right there not to see them. If you sense that you can't be comfortable with someone, don't go. The right professional will make you feel comfortable. It's hard when you have a few bad experiences, but there are genuinely good people in this field that want to and can help you.

    b)I always feel like there are people who need their help more than i do so don't want to tie them up.


    Aww hun, that's not true. They want to help you, especially someone who works with image problems and disorders. You wouldn't be tying them up. Any professional who thinks you're tying them up isn't worth your time.

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