Results 1 to 18 of 18

Thread: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

  1. #1
    Member Torrential_Downpours's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    68
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    So this is the deal...

    We were dating for 1 year before we decided to get engaged. A month after I found out I was pregnant. He never had a problem with me dancing before this. Now he says, "Your my wife and the mother of my child and I don't want you to do it." Well I haven't been working for 7 months now (and I have 2 to go) and I'll be honest our finances are lookin' shitty.

    He has around $22k in debt (including his truck) that we can't afford to pay on. We don't have health insurance (I have Medicaid for now) and my parents pay for my car insurance, but he doesn't have any on his truck.

    We want to move to Colorado (which would be $6k) and STILL he says he doesn't want me working for AT LEAST another year or so (saving on a dinky $7 an hour paycheck would take forever!)

    I'm so frustrated with him... and it's making me question if his pride is worth making my son suffer in a one bedroom apartment with minimal for living... What do you ladies think?

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Would you be willing to compromise by finding another way to work? Can he get a better-paying job? I think it's great that he wants to be a man and support his wife and child, but he can't do that on $7 an hour, so the best option would be for him to start making more money. If that's not possible, well, only you can decide whether the relationship is worth the sacrifice, but it would've been nice to work all this out *before* bringing children into it.

  3. #3
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    2,222
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Does he have any ideas for an alternative? Its all very well saying I don't want my wife and mother of my child stripping but would he rather you were living in debt and near poverty or relying on relatives for support?

    Talk to him an explain to him that it would be the fastest way for you guys to get back on your feet, he might understand.

    Relationships are full of compramise so try and come up with a solution that suits you both, do you think he would be happier if you only worked once or twice a week?



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

  4. #4
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Dear Gods plz send money to Oregon K luv you bye
    Posts
    1,780
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Yeah, I'd also suggest working only a day or two -- children take up lots of time.

    Thing is, they also take up lots of money. By telling you not to work, he's potentially telling you to raise a malnourished baby who doesn't get medical care.

    That makes me angry just thinking about it. The first year is really important. Studies have shown that your kid's intelligence and physical health may depend on the care he gets in the first year.

    Do what you have to do. You have a more important responsibility than caving to someone who can't pull his own weight.
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

  5. #5
    God/dess phillyvixen's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,053
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    my situation is slightly different but slightly the same
    My husband had no issues with me dancing before i got pregs and even through most of my pregnancy when we discussed me dancing again he had no problem. Just recently when i joked about going back he told me he doesn't want me to.
    There was a shooting at my old club and he uses safety as his excuse but i'm not totally buying it, and i'm not sure what the real reason is.
    Fortunately we can afford for me to not work but i think its interesting how their tune changes after there is a baby in the picture!



    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Tell him that he's a load his mom should have swallowed.

  6. #6
    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    1,461
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 1,396 Times in 595 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    As far as I'm concerned, he needs to wrap those flapping gums of his around something a mite bit unpleasant. This isn't a question of want at the moment, more like essentials. I mean, lets just face the facts here. From what I've seen, a dancer can pull his weekly salary out of her ass in only one or two nights. Depending on the particular dancer and which club she works (there's one in Houston that's quite popular for large tips), she can bring home two weeks salary in ONE night.
    That being said, simply tell him that the financial situation you are currently in isn't moving anywhere very fast at best and, from experience in working a similar paying job to help support my two godchildren, quite possibly is going to lead to absolutely NOwhere. Try to comprise a limit on how many nights you can work after you've healed and go back to work.

    If he has a problem, well, he's not married to you yet
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

  7. #7
    Member Torrential_Downpours's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    68
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Oh, let me clarify...:


    Yekhefah:
    Before I quit in October I got him a job at MY CLUB as a bouncer. When I go back I'd have to go to a different club to dance. I wouldn't mind going back as a door girl, but like you ladies said I realize my time is going to be precious-
    I grew up in daycare (from 6 months) and I don't want that for my son.

    When I said $7 dollar an hour I meant me. He'd rather me be a cashier at CVS for pennies a week. He'd rather him get a second job (and not be around for me or his son) then me go back to dancing.

    Polekitten:
    I've tried to tell him time and time again that we could be done with his bankruptcy, on our feet and ready to move in 6 months. But he's too damn proud for any thought of it.

    Nadia:
    After he gets fed up talking about it he says, "I won't marry a stripper." Well you're right, and I won't marry someone who can't get off his high horse.

  8. #8
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    2,222
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    It sound like hes putting you in an impossible position. You want a better life for your baby and to get out of debt as fast as possible and yo know that dancing is the best way for you to make alot of money fast but he won't allow you to do this.

    Isn't it a bit of a double standard that he is allowed to work i a strip club but you are not??
    I know hes not stripping but hes still in that lifestyle around the same people that you would be around if you were stripping, why is it ok for him and not for you?

    At the end of the day you have a child and that has to be your number one priority so you have to do what is best for them and if you think dancing one or twice a week would help you financially then that is what you should do, he'll just have to get used to it.

    Would he maybe be more comfortable if you went to a different town to work? What is his actual problem with you dancing? Is it the late nights, time spent away from your baby or is it just the nudity thing?



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Yeah. Unfortunately you can't just bail on his attitude because you do have a child to think about now. If he wants to work two jobs for awhile and he'd rather do that than see you dance for a couple nights a week, then let him do that. I bet after a few months of that (coincidentally about the time you'd be back in shape for dancing after childbirth), he'd be more receptive to the idea of you dancing part-time.

    And yes, knowing what exactly his argument is would make it easier to counter it. What exactly is his beef with the dancing idea?

  10. #10
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    It sound like hes putting you in an impossible position. You want a better life for your baby and to get out of debt as fast as possible and yo know that dancing is the best way for you to make alot of money fast but he won't allow you to do this.

    Isn't it a bit of a double standard that he is allowed to work i a strip club but you are not??
    I agree..you're at a rock and a hardplace babe. What alternatives/initiatives is he trying to make to support you and your family? He should be working 2-3 jobs to get those bills paid.

    He's $22K in debt, please make sure he gets that shit taken care of before you marry him. You marry him, you marry his debt too.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  11. #11
    Lola Rose
    Guest

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    is there anyway you can get a job making more then 7$ an hour?

    I say, let him get a 2nd job. He'll probably change his mind after a while of that!

  12. #12
    Veteran Member RebeccaSolidarity's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Boulder-Denver
    Posts
    449
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Would he allow you to bartend in a stripclub? I have been told there is pretty good money in that once someone has been doing it for awhile.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

    - Daisy Loveless, Serving Lunch Weblog

  13. #13
    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    1,461
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 1,396 Times in 595 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Quote Originally Posted by Torrential_Downpours View Post
    After he gets fed up talking about it he says, "I won't marry a stripper." Well you're right, and I won't marry someone who can't get off his high horse.
    I'd say that's the spirit of it. I've even had issues with my man in the past because he lets outside factors get involved in our relationship. There have been times when I will straightly tell him "This is about us and what makes us happy. If you are going to let an outside interference interrupt that, than have a good time with them"

    It's as simple as "this is what we want, and this is what we need to do to get there. This is what I am doing to get there. Have a problem? Pack up and let ME do what I know is right by me and my kid!"
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

  14. #14
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    I'd be suspicious if he works at your old club as a bouncer and doesn't want u to go back. Could he be sleazing onto the girls?

    To be blunt I would tell him if he can't support me and provide a comfortable life for me and the child it's just to fucking bad. Plus the part about i wont marry a stripper - well maybe tell him u wont marry a guy in debt.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  15. #15
    Member Torrential_Downpours's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    68
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    It sound like hes putting you in an impossible position. You want a better life for your baby and to get out of debt as fast as possible and yo know that dancing is the best way for you to make alot of money fast but he won't allow you to do this.

    Isn't it a bit of a double standard that he is allowed to work i a strip club but you are not??
    I know hes not stripping but hes still in that lifestyle around the same people that you would be around if you were stripping, why is it ok for him and not for you?

    At the end of the day you have a child and that has to be your number one priority so you have to do what is best for them and if you think dancing one or twice a week would help you financially then that is what you should do, he'll just have to get used to it.

    Would he maybe be more comfortable if you went to a different town to work? What is his actual problem with you dancing? Is it the late nights, time spent away from your baby or is it just the nudity thing?
    That's exactly how I feel!
    He says his problem is what he sees that goes on now that he works inside... Guys slipping things into girls drinks, money getting stolen, groping guys, etc. I knew all these things went on, and I've always tried to protect myself against them.

    The other thing is he's in the cash office and I don't think they would let me dance there (all of the management knows we are engaged and are going to have a kid.)
    If I want to dance I'll have to go somewhere else, and all the other clubs are high mileage.

    I could get a job as the door girl at our club for $10 an hr, but its a four day 10 hour shifts a week (like he does) and I'd have to leave my son with my mom a lot. I don't think they'd hire me as a bartender off the bat, I'd have to work as a waitress for a while.

    If he wants to go get a second job, fine. He'll get tired of getting nowhere.

  16. #16
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    I'd think twice about marrying a man who is so controlling. First it's this, and then what? He thinks it's ok for him to work there, but not you. How very hypocritical.

    I know you have a small infant, but please remember that you don't have to get married just because you have a kid. There are several things just in this thread alone that send up red flags in my eyes, and that's without knowing 99% of what else goes on with you guys.

    Please think long and hard before making any decisions about this.

  17. #17
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    2,222
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    I really feel for you and I've been following this thread closely. I have friends that have given up dancing for a man and I've always been fiercely resolute that I would never give up anything just because a man asked me too. Its nothing to do with love or comittment, I'm just stubborn and refuse to do anything just because some tells me too.

    I think that if someone loves you they would never ask you to change, if I didn't like my bfs job it would be hard but I would ask myself if I could deal with it or not, and if not I would leave him. I would never ask another person to change something like that for me.

    I know that this advise is a bit useless to you as you already have a baby to this guy and obviously love him enough to want to marry him but think about this, hes asking you to change something about yourself that was already well established and made you happy before he came along, hes asking you to put his feelings about this over the finacial welfare of yourself and your child, he says that although its ok for him to work there with everything that he says is going on but its not ok for you, this to me is a double standard, does this sound like someone you can share your life with?

    I'm not telling you to split up with him but maybe you guys should sit down and have a serious talk. If hes asking you to change this then what else is he gonna ask you to change. Maybe one the babys born he won't think its appropriate for the mother of his child to go to a bar without him, to dress in a certain way ect.

    I can understand him asking you to give up dancing if he could afford to support all of you but with the job he has and the debt hes got himself into that just isn't going to happen.

    What would happen if you just ignored his opinion and went back to dancing anyway? Is he the sort of guy that would just accept it and get over it or would he take it more seriously?



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

  18. #18
    Member Torrential_Downpours's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    68
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Fiance doesn't want me to dance after our son is born

    Yes I love him & I would marry him, but it wouldn't be enough to subject myself to any kind of controlling behavior. And no way would I marry him with his debt. He needs me a lot more than I need him, especially now he's going through bankruptcy.

    He's said before that, "I know you'll go back. You'll say you'll try not to but I'll know you'll go back." So I guess he's assuming I will, but I don't really know what'd he do... but there's not much he can do.
    He couldn't leave- He can't get approved for an apartment & his truck just got re poed. He couldn't fight me over custody because he'd have no money for a lawyer.

    I really think he would just get over it, although it might put a strain on us. I really wish he would see it as an opportunity for us to give our son a better life than what a 9-5 could provide.

Similar Threads

  1. New Fiance Won't Let Me Dance
    By BeautifulbutDeadly in forum Life Support
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 12-02-2011, 10:55 PM
  2. Replies: 23
    Last Post: 10-21-2006, 07:19 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •