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Thread: I'm back and I'm sorry.

  1. #1
    stellaforstars
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    Default I'm back and I'm sorry.

    I know I've been gone for awhile and that everyone has been completely and totally kept in the dark about it. You're all remarkably important to me, so I feel the need to be honest about what has been going on. Circumstances have been extremely difficult for me over the last few months, as some of you know, and I let it get to me. I became extremely suicidal and actually had an episode of trying frantically to collect all of the pills I could get my hands on, along with a bottle of Nyquil--more than enough to knock me out. After I'd taken three, my ex showed up and had to wrestle me away from them.

    I was shipped off to a behavioral health center and kept there for a little over a week. I was treated for clinical depression and severe anxiety and diagnosed with PTSD.

    I wanted to apologize profusely for worrying all of my best SW friends by simply disappearing. I did make an attempt to go through a third party in order to reach y'all, but it apparently didn't work out the way I'd planned for it to. Things are hard, but I'm getting through it one day at a time, and I am thankful to be a part of such a supportive community of women and men. I adore you all.

  2. #2
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Oh honey..I'm SO happy to hear you are doing better. I was right there not long ago and know exactly how you feel. Know that we are here if you need us...PM me if you want to talk.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    I'm so glad you're okay and hopefully feeling better. Hugs.

  4. #4
    zxcire
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Oh Stella I'm so sorry. I wondered where you were! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I have been in that darkness, too, and it's a lonely place.

    You know we're here for you.

  5. #5
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    You know if I could take out my heart, bedazzle it, and make it into a pretty piece of jewelry for you to wear, I would.

    Glad to have you back.


  6. #6
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    STELLA! I'm so glad you're okay. Are you healing up physically, too? I'm so happy you are hanging in there. We miss you here. *hugs* And we are so here for you.

    And I got your letter today!

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    I'm so glad you're back and feeling better.

  8. #8
    Featured Member Lunarobverse's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Stella!

    You're back but I don't think you have anything to be sorry about.

    I am overjoyed to hear from you!

    As others have said, one day at a time.

    If there's anything I can do to help, even from so far away, don't hesitate to ask.
    Visit my home on the internets:

    Lunar Obverse

    Where I talk about strip clubs, atheism, computers, and whatever else I wanna.

  9. #9
    Veteran Member sparkleeyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Oh hun! I was thinking about you earlier today. I'm so sorry. I'm so happy that your ex came right on time and I'm glad that you got a valid diagnosis. I hope you get better. I'm glad you know that we all love you dearly. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, who has been in your shoes. You know I love ya hun! I hope you feel better.
    "I Can Sell Raid To A Bug. i'm A Hustler I Can Sell Salt To A Slug" -Cassidy

  10. #10
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Thank you so much for all the love and support, everyone! I truly don't know what I would do without you.

  11. #11
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Glad to have you back honey. I understand what you've been through, and wish you the best in the healing process.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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  12. #12
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Welcome back. Depression is really a terrible thing. Glad to hear you got some help and are getting better.

    X

  13. #13
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Glad you are back. What a tough time its been for you. If you ever need to reach out to anyone I'm here. I know how hard it can be when you feel alone. Good thing your bf showed up. Its scary to think we might have never heard from you again. Continue to get better
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  14. #14
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    i'm glad you're back... hope things sort themselves out- sounds like you're really going through it... if you ever want to talk, you certainly have an ear. pm me and i'll give you my # if you like, i'm a vampire and never sleep- no pulling this stuff again, k???

  15. #15
    God/dess BalletBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    I know how you feel. And when I say that I really mean it (suffer depression and kept in a hospital for a week myself). So if you ever need to talk, just let me know. I won't even say anything, just listen

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  16. #16
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    ick. this i did not know. you know i'm here for you! ive done the same thing, if you want to talk about it...

  17. #17
    Veteran Member beautiful.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Awww, I'm glad you're okay. I was wondering where you were. I'm right down the road.. kind of.. but I'm in D-town all the time if you ever need anything and of course you can PM me too!

  18. #18
    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    I'm so glad you're back and feeling a bit better hunni I've gone/am going through the depression/ptsd thing myself so you're def not alone girl!!

    Take care of you


  19. #19
    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Jesus girl, we missed you!!! You can't do that to us- we need you! How are you doing now?
    Last edited by LuckyOne; 03-05-2008 at 06:10 PM.

  20. #20
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Welcome back honey. You have nothing to be sorry about, but know that we've been missing you. I've been where you've been, so if you need to talk or rant or anything else, I'll be there.

    And because it's totally random and seems to be SOP for mental health inpatient places-did they have graham crackers and composition notebooks? I hate those friggin' crackers.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member LiveFree's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Hiii Stella

  22. #22
    zxcire
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by gingerlee View Post

    And because it's totally random and seems to be SOP for mental health inpatient places-did they have graham crackers and composition notebooks? I hate those friggin' crackers.
    OH total flashback to my 72 hour holds, the graham crackers!!!

  23. #23
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Stella, I'm glad you're ok.

  24. #24
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Man, Stella, had no idea you were having such a hard time. I'm so glad you're in a better space now. Big
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  25. #25
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: I'm back and I'm sorry.

    Glad to have you back and feeling better!!

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