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Thread: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

  1. #1
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    Default It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Jesus lovers just left my doorstep. I'm sure Mr. M, who gets home at 4-5 AM loved the sound of the doorbell and our dogs going ape shit. I'm still in my PJ's and I'm not even done with a full cup of coffee yet.

    At least they were nice. However, someone trying to hand me an image of crucified Christ in the morning just ain't right. I gotta admit, I have no patience for door to door salesmen of any type- and since I'm agnostic, the religious variety really annoy me.

    In the middle of this woman trying to give me an "invitation" to celebrate Jesus's resserection, I used my aggressive salesperson deflection technique: with an outstreched, raised had, firmly say "no thank you". She looked a little shocked, but she was kind enough not to try to press the issue and "save me" in my doorway.

    How do youn handle this type of situation?

  2. #2
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    I never answer the door if it isn't someone I recognize e.g. friends or neighbors. But yeah, it's annoying as hell--when I worked graveyard, it seemed like I'd ALWAYS get telemarketers/evangelists first thing in the morning. Pissed me the hell off.


  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    For awhile Jehovahs Witnesses came to our door CONSTANTLY...asked for me BY NAME!! Two things stopped them...we havea sign in Latin(the one thats on the Playboy MAnsion door that translates into "if you dont swing, dont ring"...when they asked what it meant and I told them...bye bye.

    I also got one group by telling them I was REALLY interested, but if they would excuse me, I had to go make a sacrifice since I dont make any decisions without consulting the dark lord first.

    Havent seen them in awhile. Next time I plan to open the door naked holding a bottle of Jack and a vibrator and inviting them in to join the fun!

    They are just WAY too easy to screw with.

  4. #4
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    "Sorry, I better not open the door. The dog is upset." (Punctuated by the dog barking.)


    Or:

    "No, thank you."

    "No, thank you."

    "No, thank you."

  5. #5
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    For awhile Jehovahs Witnesses came to our door CONSTANTLY...asked for me BY NAME!! Two things stopped them...we havea sign in Latin(the one thats on the Playboy MAnsion door that translates into "if you dont swing, dont ring"...when they asked what it meant and I told them...bye bye.

    I also got one group by telling them I was REALLY interested, but if they would excuse me, I had to go make a sacrifice since I dont make any decisions without consulting the dark lord first.

    Havent seen them in awhile. Next time I plan to open the door naked holding a bottle of Jack and a vibrator and inviting them in to join the fun!

    They are just WAY too easy to screw with.
    Better be careful, if you outrage their soul-saving sensibilities too much then they might deploy a Jehovah's Ninjas squad to your house.


  6. #6
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    "We're Jewish"

    or

    "As far as faith goes, we're taken"

  7. #7
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    "My God is a jealous God, you'd better go before he sees me talking to you..."


  8. #8
    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    the only person i open the door for is the mailman (and only ONE mailman. the one i know). i'll occasionally open the door for terminex, an AC company, etc. if i know they're coming.

    other than that, i make my BF answer it. if he isn't home, i just ignore it.

    *edit* i forgot:

    i DID once answer the door to xtians many years ago when i was by myself (maybe 9 years ago). i had no idea who it was ringing the bell to my apartment, and i was younger and more naive so i opened the door more easily.

    on this particular occasion it was about 7pm on a saturday. back then i did BDSM shows every saturday at a local gothic/industrial club. i was (no lie) in the middle of melting an entire crock-pot of wax. i was maybe 1/2 way through my very elaborate make-up and had black Xs taped on my nipples (electrical tape). all of this was in preperation for the show 5 hours later. i was blaring "broken" (nin album) when the doorbell rang. i threw on a robe and answered the door with wax all over my hands. the woman just stared at me and said "i'm...with.." and then looked horrified and said "nevermind" while handing me a pamphlet. she started to walk down the stairs and i noticed that one of my taped up boobs was exposed.

    i'm not even kidding.

    i looked at the pamphlet and it was about how i should pray for mick jagger because he's going to hell. there was also something about attending service the next day.

    i really should have gone. the church was next door to my apartment and i was still up at 7am anyways.


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    Senior Member AtomicPunk's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    I'm an Agnostic turned Atheist who has zero tolerance for bible thumpers of any kind.If I'm in a good mood I like to engage them in a little disucssion based in logic and/or reality.I find logic scares of bible thumpers real quick b/c they can't discuss things that deal with logic.

  10. #10
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    OMFG, PP that nearly made me pee my pants I was laughing so hard!

  11. #11
    Veteran Member IrishMarc's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Take them in for a cup of tea shake their belief to the core.
    "To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy."


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    Veteran Member SexyJess's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    i DID once answer the door to xtians many years ago when i was by myself (maybe 9 years ago). i had no idea who it was ringing the bell to my apartment, and i was younger and more naive so i opened the door more easily.

    on this particular occasion it was about 7pm on a saturday. back then i did BDSM shows every saturday at a local gothic/industrial club. i was (no lie) in the middle of melting an entire crock-pot of wax. i was maybe 1/2 way through my very elaborate make-up and had black Xs taped on my nipples (electrical tape). all of this was in preperation for the show 5 hours later. i was blaring "broken" (nin album) when the doorbell rang. i threw on a robe and answered the door with wax all over my hands. the woman just stared at me and said "i'm...with.." and then looked horrified and said "nevermind" while handing me a pamphlet. she started to walk down the stairs and i noticed that one of my taped up boobs was exposed.

    i'm not even kidding.


    That's pretty much the funniest thing I've ever heard. That's awesome.

    I normally don't answer the door for them, but once I got Mormons... I was busy but still tried to be nice, but they REALLY wanted to press the issue. I finally said, "Fine, you know what? I'm really close to God and very spiritual, but after a lot of study, I think Joseph Smith was full of shit, and so are you. I'll make sure I pray for you tonight." NOTHING is more condescending than telling someone who thinks they have religion figured out that you'll pray for them over something like that. They were not happy.... I'm pretty sure I got "prayed for," too.

    It must be the time of year for Jehovah's Witnesses to do their thing. My husband talked to one on Sunday, and I was shocked to see that he was nice.... my husband isn't the most tolerant man in the world. Even he couldn't be rude to a sweet little old man with a pamphlet.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member BmiWMT14's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Next time I plan to open the door naked holding a bottle of Jack and a vibrator and inviting them in to join the fun!

    Am I the only one who thinks a group of SW's shoud dress up as bible thumpers and try to "save" Cam?
    You Cant Quit until you try, You cant live until you die, You Cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.You Cant Breath Until you choke,You gotta Laugh When your the Joke, Theres Nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive! Will you swear on your life, that no one will cry at my Funeral!
    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Yes please save me from this life of debauchery! You can all kneel down and worship at the Church of the Holy Clitoris to convince me!!

  14. #14
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    If they're female:

    "You're really cute, ever thought of being a stripper? It pays better than door to door stuff"

    If they're male:

    "Hey, I'm really busy, if you want to talk, come see me at work, I work at x topless club"

    Works like a charm.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Veteran Member LadyLuck's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    How do I handle this kind of thing? I look through the peephole and then I don't answer the door unless I either already know the person or have made an appointment or am expecting a delivery.

    I have even put a not so nice sign on my door before for some religious nut jobs who came back over and over. They took the sign one day and then never came back

  16. #16
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by BmiWMT14 View Post
    Am I the only one who thinks a group of SW's shoud dress up as bible thumpers and try to "save" Cam?
    Yes please save me from this life of debauchery! You can all kneel down and worship at the Church of the Holy Clitoris to convince me!!

  17. #17
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    I just say no thanks. My brother answered the door naked once with the satanic bible in his hand and drinking coffee and said "ah yes, you sent me my lambs oh dark one" they ran.

  18. #18
    Veteran Member BmiWMT14's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Yes please save me from this life of debauchery! You can all kneel down and worship at the Church of the Holy Clitoris to convince me!!

    LOL LOL LOL I think I just might have my first quote for my sig.
    You Cant Quit until you try, You cant live until you die, You Cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.You Cant Breath Until you choke,You gotta Laugh When your the Joke, Theres Nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive! Will you swear on your life, that no one will cry at my Funeral!
    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Yes please save me from this life of debauchery! You can all kneel down and worship at the Church of the Holy Clitoris to convince me!!

  19. #19
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Somehow I don't think they would like it very much if I woke them up early in the morning waving a copy of Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion" or Sam Harris' "The End of Faith"... something about doing unto others applies here maybe.

    In any case, I deal with it like I do unsolicited phone calls. Don't answer, or I get right to the point and "I'm busy", and close the door. I don't see any real need to be more polite then that when I didn't ask them to come to my house in the first place.

  20. #20
    buffie06
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    I dont answer the door either, but it's like b/c they see the vehicles in the driveway and assume we must be home they keep ringing the doorbell like 4 times and make our dogs go crazy, I need one of those day sleeper signs.

  21. #21
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    I used to do the Jehovah's Witness thing (child abuse!). You can either
    A) Say, "No, thank you" and immediately close the door
    B) Waste your time discussing anything with them
    C) Start screaming like a maniac until they leave
    D) Stick a sign under your "No Soliciters" sign that says that JW's are included. (The No Soliciters signs don't work since they are not "selling" anything. Lol, I have witnessed some hilarious moments from people trying to explain to the adult JW that I was with and getting that response)

    If you pick C, you'll probably ruin your morning, but it will earn you a spot on their "do not call" list. (They work it by having laminated maps of the area. You check out a map and you work with other people to go to all of the houses on that area. If someone is scary, their address is added to the "do not call" list attached to the back of the map)

    Oh, or if you have a gated yard, stick a "beware of dog" sign on it. THings may have changed, but it's a general rule not to risk it and they just stick a magazine in the mailbox. One time, a dog bit my mom and broke the skin. We had to go to the ER. Yea, that was a lot of fun...
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  22. #22
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Thank God himself for restricted entry condos...
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  23. #23
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    A mezuzah on your door tends to discourage them. I've watched the JW's walk right past my apartment and knock on everyone else's door, but they almost never knock on mine.

  24. #24
    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Jehovahs, Mormons, Southern Baptists, I've seen them all. The SB's still leave their propaganda on my doorknob occasionally. I'm so glad they think converting me is worth the hassle of leaving a telltale sign to burglars that I'm not home.

    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLuck View Post
    How do I handle this kind of thing? I look through the peephole and then I don't answer the door unless I either already know the person or have made an appointment or am expecting a delivery.
    That's my plan. If I don't know them, I just pretend that I'm not there.

    Quote Originally Posted by sxybrat07 View Post
    If they're male:

    "Hey, I'm really busy, if you want to talk, come see me at work, I work at x topless club"

    Although I like sxy's response better. In fact, that would be a great start to a porn movie.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

  25. #25
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's too early in the morning for Christ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
    Thank God himself for restricted entry condos...
    Oh... they will find you. Those are also attached to the maps. All it takes is one slip...
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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