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Thread: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

  1. #1
    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Default Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Thanks in advance for all your feedback ladies!

    I've been dancing now for a month (weekends only) in Portland, OR. I have yet to discover the law book's rules, but I think they are strict on customer contact. The club's management advised me... one way contact/no heavy grinding. So I've been following those rules and I think I put on a pretty hot show.

    Yesterday I had a customer come in to see me for the second time. We didn't interact very much the first time, but obviously I got his attention.

    Anyway, he was the analytical type - I had to constantly redirect the conversation to "lighter" topics just to keep a smile on my face. I asked for a private dance after my first stage set but he declined because of his budget. He tipped me on stage every time I went up and the more he drank, the more pervy he became. Started asking me out on dates, telling me he wanted to marry me, telling me how hard his cock was, asking whether he should masturbate in the car or wait until he gets home. I just kind of smiled and giggled without acknowledging much of what he said. I did tell him that dating customers was against the rules and joked that masturbating in the car was probably illegal. The club was dead and I had not sold any private dances yet, so I continued to hustle him at the bar after my stage sets.

    Eventually he asked for a private dance. Of course, I went for it. Ended up dancing for 3 songs.

    Here's the point of the whole post. My dances are pretty intimate - meaning - eye contact, touching face, massaging shoulders, breathing heavy, etc. I also give light grinding for a few seconds at a time. He was pretty touchy feely, kept asking to lick my pussy and by the last song, I caught him jacking his cock through his pants. I think he climaxed (not sure).

    I can handle the grabby-ness (easy to redirect) I can handle requests to lick my pussy (can you blame him *smirk*) But I really didn't like that he got himself off. I just wasn't sure what to do!

    Ladies, do you allow this/encourage this? Should I have stopped the dance or told management? How should I interact with him next time he comes in?
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

  2. #2
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Started asking me out on dates, telling me he wanted to marry me, telling me how hard his cock was, asking whether he should masturbate in the car or wait until he gets home. I just kind of smiled and giggled without acknowledging much of what he said. I did tell him that dating customers was against the rules and joked that masturbating in the car was probably illegal. The club was dead and I had not sold any private dances yet, so I continued to hustle him at the bar after my stage sets.

    Sometimes, you just gotta know when it's not worth it. This guy..you never should have tried to sell to in the first place. His agenda was obvious, it was kinda a given he would misbehave in during the lapdance.

    Ladies, do you allow this/encourage this? Should I have stopped the dance or told management? How should I interact with him next time he comes in?
    Allow or encourage? Not a chance in hell.

    I would have stopped the dance when I discovered the jacking off. Before that, I would have been giving an airdance since he couldn't behave.

    If he comes in again, ignore him completly. He isn't worth your time.

    If you get a guy that's pushign your limits in a lapdance, explain to him your rules. if he misbehaves, warn him once. If he tries again, it's airdance time. Seriously, step back 3 feet and dance in front of him. If he complains, tell him yuo warned him, the better he behaves the better your dances are and the moe willign you are to be close to him..but misbehavior results in an airdance.

    Even if it's a slow night.....money just isn't worth pushing your boundaries or making you feel uncomfortable. Always, no matter what stick to your guns and stay within your limits.

  3. #3
    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Thank you Kaylinn.
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

  4. #4
    zxcire
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Since you are new to dancing, try to take this as a learning experience. The way that I've discovered my boundaries in this job is by exceeding them. I get a feeling in my body that tells me "no that wasn't cool." Instead of beating myself up about it--maybe the guy touched me more than I'd like, maybe I gave more contact than I'm comfortable with; I say to myself, noted for future reference. And I know that that is a boundary for me.

    As Kaylinn pointed out, you can usually learn to notice red flags that a customer will be trouble, and you can decide from there if you are willing to take that chance.

    I hope that kinda helps.

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    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Yes, that does help. And I agree...big lesson.

    Thanks zxcire!
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

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    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    yeah it was bound to happen. it happens to us all... well, the boundary thing. i've never actually had a customer jack off. you'll learn from this experience for tha next time. maybe if you mention what happened to the security and ask what you should have done. most likely they will tell you its unacceptable and that is what they are their for (it might just help reinforce you) in time you will learn not to take any shit and will just walk off from guys who speak like that. i have no patience any more. any words like that and i am off to the next customer. if you told him you were new to dancing that was probably a reason why he did it too. guys know the new girls aren't sure of what is right or wrong.
    SEXY SUNNY

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    Senior Member hu$tlebunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    I don't mean to threadjack...but this brings up a related question i have.. What if along the same lines, a customer is pushing for your number/hang out OTC, etc and is persistent, like you don't deserve his money UNLESS he gets these things... do you ignore him altogether, or what? I encountered this waitressing in Scs mostly from younger guys, and it seems that it really affects your money??

  8. #8
    sun child
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Mirage, I would ignore him completely. You are really pretty, and you'll have other regular customers. It's not worth dealing with someone who is going to try to treat you as a tool for him getting off. That guy sounds like a psycho who needs to be fucked up the ass with a stiletto heel.

    I do understand the dilemma, though. My only regular right now literally picked up my thong and acted like he was going to smell it. I considered not dancing for him after that; instead, I completely regulated on his ass and told him that was unacceptable. If he tries anything else, I might give him up as a regular. I am even a little uncomfortable dancing for him after he did that.

    Luckily he knows to sit on his hands and I don't give him any contact whatsoever.

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    Veteran Member oregonchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Since you are new and the night was slow I am sure alot of dancers would have been in the same predicament. Don't be discouraged by what happened that was certainly rare. Once you realize what was going on and felt uncomfortable because he was getting himself of by masterbating thats when you should have put it to an end and told the bouncer or manager authority, especially since he may try that again with another dancer. I have worked in some 21 and over clubs in portland and once in awhile they try that. Anytime that happens the customer is escorted out. They are obviously in the wrong place for what they want. There are however alot of masturbation clubs(jack shacks) in Portland(including my own club Carnaval) He must have been lost, or just a pervert who knew the drill but thought he could get away with more.

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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Quote Originally Posted by hu$tlebunny View Post
    I don't mean to threadjack...but this brings up a related question i have.. What if along the same lines, a customer is pushing for your number/hang out OTC, etc and is persistent, like you don't deserve his money UNLESS he gets these things... do you ignore him altogether, or what? I encountered this waitressing in Scs mostly from younger guys, and it seems that it really affects your money??
    I got this all the time in PA, though rarely in NJ. Seems regional. If it really is every damn guy (as it has been for me!), the need the FAKE number. These guys are idiots and think we are there to be their 'friend' or gf or whatever.

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    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    ^^^hahaha! i would be too scared that the club would see me and fire me. i tell them that i don't give my number to people i don't know. hint hint book me for a long dance so i can get to know you.
    SEXY SUNNY

  12. #12
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Quote Originally Posted by MiragePDX View Post
    asking whether he should masturbate in the car or wait until he gets home.
    OK..this screams submissive guy. Next time...play it up if you can. Tell him he isnt ALLOWED to climax until he gets home. That he has to think about you for HOURS before hes allowed release. That a cpl measly dances isnt enough..he HAS to get x amount of dances so you are SURE you've driven him to the point of insanity before sending him home to fantasize about you all night.

    You'll make more and he wont get off in front of you. Because he isnt ALLOWED.

    Milk these guys...he gave you all the clues how to get all his money AND get your way. You'll learn to spot them with experience!

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    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    Thanks ladies, I really appreciate the feedback and reassurance. You've brought up some points I hadn't even thought of (such as his submissive comment)

    Looking forward to reading more!
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

  14. #14
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boundaries > Mine have been pushed, now what?

    I've always been of the opinion that if I don't push my own boundaries, how do I know what I'm comfortable with?

    When I first started dancing I "insisted" that I'd do stage only. No lap dances ever. (You can imagine how long that lasted)

    So keep pushing your own boundaries until you've had enough. Maybe you'll discover that you enjoy things you'd never guessed were possible to enjoy. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed playing dominatrix/ inflicting pain on customers. (good money in that BTW)

    Good luck and keep making that $$, girl!


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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