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Thread: moving - having hard time/venting

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default moving - having hard time/venting

    Well, it's official. I'm moving back to Pa in April, starting school in May.

    I'm having a real hard time with it. I'm giving up the life I have built for 5 years. I'm leaving my nice apartment with nice stuff and comfortable life and wonderful boyfriend to go home...to nothing....only school. I'll be poor, lonely and cold.
    Sure, I've struggled here with major money issues, but overall, my life is good. I feel so dumb for giving it up. I have these fleetign thoughts of give up school, give up my hope to have a child one day, give up all of my wishes and dreams, just to stay here, but I know I can't do that. I know I'm doing the right thing...I just have no idea how I'm ever going to be strong enough to do this.

    The time is comming up so fast, and I have so many regrets now, for not appriciating what I've had. Not treating my boyfriend nicer and not appriciating our life.

    I'm scared, and I do not want to do this at all. I just know I have to pursue my dreams, it's the only way I'll ever be truly happy...but why do I have to go thrugh such a sad miserable thng first to get there?

    And if you can be with someone for 6 years and then realize that it won't work out forever....do any relationships really actually last forever? I now have my doubts. We both realize that as we grw up, our wants and needs grew different...I'm no longer the carefree have fun all the time 20 year old...but he is. This split is very hard on him as well, although we both realize it's for the best...it just sucks so bad.

    When I go home, I'm also retiring from dancing for good, although finances might force me to dance on occasion...I'll probably fly back here on school breaks and dance, and see my friends and everything...this sucks so bad I can't even describe. I'm so scared I won't be able to go through with it, or I'll fall apart when I get back.

    I dont even remember how to live alone. How to sleep in bed alone, how to reach thigns on the top shelf, or who will comfort me when I'm sad?

    When I get back to Pa, although my family is there, I will be completly alone. I have no friends, and no family. I will not be in contact with them, or as little as possible, because they can and will try to ruin my life. I'm only going there for the school, which I have already set in motion and it's going perfectly smoothly.

    I'm just....so scared. of everything. How do you give up the life you built for so long? I gave up everythign to move here...now i have to do it all over again and basicialyl restart my life over. i'll be back in the same place I was at 21. same exact situaion. Only with a few years of knowledge and life experiences.

    rolling over and dying seems so much easier right now. god, that's a horrible thign to say, but it's exactly how I feel.

    I have 1 month left. How will I get through this? I don't wanna go. I dont hate my life as bad as I thought I did. but that's irrelevant now. I have to go. it's what I need to do.

    thanks for listening. or letting me vent this out. I'm sure there will be much more to come..I hope I don' annoy anyone.

  2. #2
    God/dess
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    Vent when ever you need! I scuttled my insane life to go back to school, and yeah, it sucks a lot of the time, but I have a goal. (Have to remind myself a lot these days, but I do!) Pursuing dreams are what make us happy, and generally miserable and sad on the way to happy. Don't give up True Kaylinn for Comfortable Kaylinn. You have SW cheerleaders here. *hug*

  3. #3
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    Remind yourself EVERY DAY why you're doing this. Write it down, so you can reread it when you need to. Do not give up.

    it is much more painful to someday wake up and realize you are horribly unhappy. You are meant to have a child. You will be a fantastic mother. You'll be a wonderful nurse. You're going to someday meet a man who wants the same things you do, loves you, respects you, and treats you like a queen.

    Do not give up now, you're so close.

    You'll get used to sleeping alone. You can buy a step stool to reach things. You will not only survive, you'll thrive.

  4. #4
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    FWIW, I moved out here (PA) many years ago from California, for the "perfect" job. I still have mixed feelings about this place. The job is great, but PA is kind of ... ugh. I miss the weather, and CA lifestyle, but then I grew up in CA. Perhaps PA will feel like home again when you come back?

    Unfortunately work is such a big part of life that it was a tough trade off, but one that made sense for me given the importance of a career and income. I wish I had some perfectly uplifting thing to say, but the reality is trade-offs suck sometimes.

    On the positive side, eventually you're going to be very happy with a stable career, and all that will mean, and likely you can move away when the timing is right. So it doesn't have to be forever. I guess this is a case where you just have to keep your eye on the prize down the road.

    p.s. for whatever it's worth, some people make the choice to play now, pay later. A trade off that is brutal down the road. I can't say enough how valuable it is to get started on a career path earlier in life so that later in life when you are competing with younger people, you have the experience behind you. It is definitely for the best, but you already know that.

    Good luck,

    X

  5. #5
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    Change is always hard and scary. We cling to the status quo, even when we are miserable, because even that seems 'safer' than change.
    In the end, though, don't you think it will feel exhilarating once you finally get there? When you start to settle down over there I bet you will feel so much better, and you will wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    I don't blame you for being frightened. I've been there too. But this is for the best, so just keep your eyes on the future. Before you know it, you'll be a successful nurse with a good career, a wonderful husband who's right for you, and the family you always wanted. And you'll be so glad you didn't stay in Vegas!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: moving - having hard time/venting

    I'm kindda having the same issue right now. You've been in your relationship longer and are needing to get up and go faster, but besides that pretty much word for word.

    I don't really know what to say but that I'm scared too. I wish you strength.

    We'll be happier in the end

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