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Thread: Thought he was done stalking me...

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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Thought he was done stalking me...

    He came to my school AGAIN. Around this time last year, he came to my school with a box of Easter presents and a card. I posted on here about that before (see below). Today he came back. I still don’t know how he got my schedule OR how he knew which campus I was on. (Reading my post from last year, I remember him telling me I told him what school I went to...now that I think about it, he could've been lying about that, b/c I don't remember telIing him that...and even if I did...how'd he know what classroom I was in?) I reported it to school security and am going to file a report to the police. Any suggestions? I hadn’t seen him in a YEAR, either. He didn’t come back with easter presents today. Instead, since he doesn’t think I have a job, he told me to get one…and proceeded to hand me an envelope listed “job referrals.” I didn’t open the envelope. Supposedly security from my school is going to get some people they know to fingerprint it. (security people are retired cops here). Ugh

    PREVIOUS POST FROM LAST YEAR (I changed my user name b/c for w/e reason I couldn't access some features using it):[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'][/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']
    I get out of my 1st class of the day, which lasts from 9: 25 AM to 10: 40 AM. Sitting outside of my class is a customer from the last club I worked at around 4 months ago. He was reading some newspaper, so I grab his attention and say, "heyy, I know you." I figured that he might go to my scho ol, or something, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, so I wanted to say hey. He looked up and said "hi," and proceeded to say that he had a pres ent for me. I was like, "Um, do you go here?, to which he replied "no." I took the pres ent, and said thanks, then proceeded to hug him. I purposely acted thankful (which, oddly enough, I was), but also acted as though nothing was weird about the situation. He then asked if I had another class, and I said yes. I asked him how he found me, and he said that I told him where I went to school (which I stupidly did, but didn't think that this would happen...the convo was very relaxed and just sorta led into that). I then said thanks again for the present and left for class. I looked behind me once, and only once as I didn't want to look like I was looking, to see if he was following, and I saw that he waited for me to get several feet in front of him before he started walking. (Notes: he wasn't necessarily following, it was the only way to the exit).

    The g i f t included 2 bo oks, a s h ir t, a ca r d, and can dy. the bag was labeled " to: the pa t ient, from: the pa t ient." that was creepy. also, he doesn't know my real name...so i don't get how he found my classes. i do have his phone number and email, though, since he left it on the c ard.

    Edited w/more info: he's around 30, quiet, came in club only once in awhile and only got one lapdance each time, didn't seem overbearing or like he wanted to talk much, didn't even pay attention directly when i was on stage
    any suggestions?[/FONT]

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    my guess is he know your car at the club and followed you home or something. then waited for you leave and followed you to school. then watched to see what class you were in, then waited. just a guess tho. I'm sorry, thats really scary. maybe you could switch schools or get different car, if thats how he found you.




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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    That would make sense. However, I talked to someone I figured he MIGHT cross paths with…this woman who sits at a desk before you enter the hall that leads to my classroom. When I described him she said that a man that looked like him DID approach her this morning, asking her if she knew the name of the building he was in. On our schedules, the names of buildings are abbreviated. He then told her he was waiting for a friend to have coffee with them (there’s a café in that same building). Now, unless he was lying, I’m guessing that he got my info (about my classes) off of a specific schedule as opposed to from following me. I think this b/c if he had followed me, he would’ve known where my class was and wouldn’t have had to worry about finding the correct building. Tho…he also could’ve been lying and just pretending to not know?

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    Veteran Member jannisary's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Does he know your major? Was this a class directly related to your major or was it a general education one?

    If it was a class related to your major then depending on the size of your school and the number of classes offered it may not be hard to figure out which classes you could be enrolled in. It's a matter of some footwork and the process of elimination to find you. The ease of doing this depends on the size of your school. Bigger school more classes to check, smaller school is easier.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Hopefully there are some clues (besides fingerprints) in that envelope. Like, HIS job is in there. Because, you know, it would just be so awesome if you two could work together.

    What I would do: Tell people in your classes. Like, friends and teachers. Walk out of classes with them or take advantage of your school's security and get an escort. It would be great if you could get a license plate number off of this guy. How is parking at your school? If he approaches you again, try to get some information from him. Like, that you are in the market for a new car and want to know what kind he has... and if he's happy with it. If the visitors section is small...

    Hopefully the police will ID this guy soon.... call them. Hopefully you still have this guys number somewhere? Um, and it would be better for the police to pull a print so that they can check their data bases. What are some security guards going to do? Blah.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Man thats scary.

    I remember your first post from last year and the To/From line is creepster central.

    I would really try to find someone to walk with you and refrain from wearing an Ipod or anything that might make it look like you are not fully aware of your surroundings.

    Whats with the Easter thing? Is that around when yall first meet or something?

    Be careful and be on the look out, make sure your windows are locked when you sleep ect. thats super scary.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Yea, like super scary.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Good God this reads like an episode from L&O SVU! Have you reported to the police yet? What is security doing to ensure your safety? There's so many more questions I want to ask but what if he's on this board too???


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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Yeah I thought about him being on the board. For some reason, I don't think he is..then again, what do I know? I was way more paranoid last year when this happened...and I guess I'm either in denial, or think that since he hasn't contacted me since a year ago, and since he only contacts me in school, I'm alot safer than I could be. I mean...considering that he has a means of finding my car, hiding out in the parking lot, following me home (since it's easier to do that in a school parking lot vs. at a club where bouncers are supposedly watching the lot)...and he hasn't done any of that to my knowledge...that's a little comforting.

    The whole ordeal is messed up, though. I do go to a small school, so I guess it is easy to find my classes. However, both the dean and I checked to see if anyone came in to the registrar's office to ask for my schedule, plus asked if they even saw anyone who matched his description (he stands out easily in a college).

    Security at my school are either "off duty" or retired cops/state troopers. While the latter may not mean anything (I'm not sure), I do, at this point, take a certain comfort in knowing that. They supposedly are going to take the fingerprints taken from papers in an envelope he gave me, and see if they match to any in their database at the police station. I hope to hear from them by tomorrow. Security does say they will walk me out to my car and all, so that's good, too.

    I dunno what it is about the Easter thing. I don't even remember WHEN I met him. He didn't even come in the club that often to see me, and when he did, it was only for a total of about....20 minutes with me MAX. I would sit with him for about 2 songs (7 minutes) and then dance with him for about 2 songs (7 minutes)..in between that we'd either be walking to the lapdance area or I'd be saying bye to him after the lapdance, asking if I'd see him again and telling him to have a great night. Little did I know WHERE I'd be seeing him again.

    The security guy @ my school also says that if he sees someone that fits the description there again, and finds out he doesn't go there, he's telling him not to come back and that he'd better never set foot on campus again.

    Everyone said I should be very "firm" in telling him I don't want to see him again. However, I told myself I should've LAST TIME...and kept replaying the whole situation in my head the LAST TIME. I feel so dumb b/c it's like I had a second chance to do it...but I froze. I was so shocked at what was even happening. A YR LATER OMG. ugh. anyway..

    I'm glad I kept his # and email address and card he gave me from last yr.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    I don't know if you've done this year or not, but definitely give the police/security his number, email address and card. They can easily trace a name from the phone number, and then it'll be easier to to track him down and even get a restraining order if anything.

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    Veteran Member dollyrocker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Ok, not to be mean cuz you seem like a nice girl and all, but man..... you posted tons about this guy last year, and got tons of feedback from everyone telling you to GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE. Instead you spent $ (which you could've used to MOVE) on implants and chose to stay. What were you thinking?!?!? Did you honestly think this guy would just take the hint and walk off?

    Hopefully this will serve as a lesson to you, before it's too late. Again, your safety is whats most important. Time to pack up and go.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    ^ Whoa, she's supposed to move away and switch schools because of this dude?

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    I mean...considering that he has a means of finding my car, hiding out in the parking lot, following me home (since it's easier to do that in a school parking lot vs. at a club where bouncers are supposedly watching the lot)...and he hasn't done any of that to my knowledge...that's a little comforting.
    OK, I dont' want to scare you, but don't be too comforted by the fact that he hasn't followed you home yet. Sometimes predators build up to things slowly. Especially if they are rationalizing and convincing themselves that what they are doing is "OK."

    I'm really glad to hear that you are taking so many precautions, and I urge you to keep these precautions up. Have someone walk you to your car at all times. Don't live alone. Always tell someone where you're going and when you expect to be back. Have them call you if you don't check in by a certain point. It kinda sucks to have to rearrange your life like this, but you will be safe. And I don't have to tell you that's the most important thing.

    Let these precautions become part of your routine, and keep it up, even if you don't see him for a long time. If he pops back up after a year, you can imagine that he has a long attention span and may try something again much, much later.

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    Everyone said I should be very "firm" in telling him I don't want to see him again. However, I told myself I should've LAST TIME...and kept replaying the whole situation in my head the LAST TIME. I feel so dumb b/c it's like I had a second chance to do it...but I froze. I was so shocked at what was even happening. A YR LATER OMG. ugh. anyway...
    I agree with "everyone." You should be very firm about telling him that you don't want to see him. If you aren't, he may be convincing himself that you like the attention, and want to keep seeing him.

    It totally makes sense that you would get scared, freeze up, and play everything off like it was normal. No one can blame you for that, but it probably isn't the most effective thing you can do. A lot of predators like easy victims and "nice" women.

    So, don't be caught unprepared next time. Go ahead and assume that you'll see him again. Practice what you'll say. If you think this will be hard for you, you might even role play the conversation with someone. You don't need to say much...in fact, don't get drawn into a lengthy conversation. Just tell him you don't appreciate seeing him and he needs to leave you alone. Period.

    If you don't already carry some type of self-protection, such as mace, get some, and take it with you everywhere.

    Don't feel scared. Take the right precautions and then feel STRONG because you KNOW you are protecting yourself.

    ((hugs))

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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    implants? i, um...didn't spend money on implants...and nobody told me, I don' t think, to get outta dodge...maybe i missed that?

    Thanks everyone for all of your suggestions/support, btw I spoke to the security at my school and he, evidently, has no record w/the police. They seem to think he's just a "religious fanatic" trying to get me to stop working in bars or something. We shall see.

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    Veteran Member dollyrocker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    ^^^ Ah, my bad! I'm mistaking you for someone else here that was in a similar situation. Girl had a regular who gave her some $ towards boobs, then stalked her everywhere....

    Nevermind!

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    They seem to think he's just a "religious fanatic" trying to get me to stop working in bars or something.
    I wonder where they're getting that idea? Really, his "motivations" as per se, aren't important. What's important is that he's stalking you. I'm glad you spoke with security, and it's good that they're helping you somewhat. But LE often doesn't take dancers' complaints seriously, so don't rely on security as your main defense against this guy. Watch your OWN back.

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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...

    I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. I think Grace had some really great advice. I would add that if you have a camera on your cell phone and he does pop up again, outright take a picture of him and send it to several of your friends. Stalkers like to be a secret and sometimes if they know that there are lots of people who know who they are, even if only by a photo, that can be enough to chase them off.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thought he was done stalking me...


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