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Thread: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

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    Default A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    Hey lovely SW's,

    I don’t know if any of you have had experience with addiction but any words of wisdom would be hugely appreciated. I have a close friend (lets call him P). P has been addicted to alcohol for roughly 2 years, I’ve known him for 3. Around 3 months ago he started smoking weed (not that bad) and around 1 month ago he started taking cocaine. I can just see him spiralling, he can’t even give up smoking for Christ’s sake.

    So many of his other ‘friends’ are acting like its totally normal and that’s really not helping him. I’m not talking about taking cocaine every once in a while (which I think is totally dumb, but besides the point) to have a really big blow out (pardon the pun) I’m talking about a growing addiction. I want to talk to him but I have no idea what to say.

    For starters I’m fucking furious with him for even trying coke, he knows he has an addictive personality – his father has ruined his whole families’ life with his addiction to alcohol. But obviously wringing his throat would help too much and I really badly want to try to help. I just don’t know where to begin.

    So, thanks in advance everyone and I feel a little better already

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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    At the risk of sounding heartless there's not much you can do. If you could get his friends and family together you could try an intervention, but if his family know abot his drug use and you tell him he is going to be pissed at you, and it may cost you the friendship.

    One month into drug use most people will laugh in your face if you try to stop them. I wish I could help.
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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    I've had two experiences with this, Scarlet. One was with a dear friend of mine whose husband was drinking and she was trying to stop it and he wouldn't listen to anyone until one night, drinking and driving, he ran over a twenty year-old woman and killed her. On the night before he went off to prison, he had a last dinner with his family, and his father was drinking and driving: my friend said, "under the circumstances, don't you think that's inappropriate." The father said, "under the circumstances, it's none of your damned business." I advised my friend to get a divorce: she divorced the guy while he was in prison.

    The other situation was a student--and the problem was cocaine. I'm a college teacher and we're not supposed to call parents directly, but this one scared me: she was going into the city for her drugs and I thought that one night she wouldn't come back. I told the parents, and they came in and brought her right away to a rehab center.

    My sense of the situation, once this starts, is that there is no reasoning with the person with the problem. Better to take that attitude, and do what you can to get them professional help as soon as possible. You'll probably be fighting an avalanche of rationalization, both from this guy and his "friends". All you can do is your best--you're not God. It is an uphill battle. I wish you well with it, and salute you for being concerned. Please let us know how it goes.
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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    At the risk of sounding heartless there's not much you can do. If you could get his friends and family together you could try an intervention, but if his family know abot his drug use and you tell him he is going to be pissed at you, and it may cost you the friendship.

    One month into drug use most people will laugh in your face if you try to stop them. I wish I could help.

    This is so true. As bad as it sounds, the only way things will get better is if he wants to change. He has to see for himself how drugs are damaging his life and remove the toxic people around that are enabling him.

    You're a great friend for wanting to nip this in the bud now. I hope you can help him realize what he's doing to himself before he hits rock bottom. *hugs*

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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    thanks so much for your kind words. and samba i think what you say is right on the mark. it doesnt sound heartless, it sounds like the sorry truth. i just dont want to loose him to drugs. perhaps an annonomous letter to his family would work? i'm meeting him for coffee tomorrow at 1, so hopefully i can talk it through to him. of course, my door will always be open to him if he needs any kind of help but i dont think i can watch him self distruct. le sigh. crack is wack

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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlet_is_yummy View Post
    perhaps an annonomous letter to his family would work?
    My college boyfriend threatened to do that to me. Even when I finally came out to my family and told them about my problems with drugs, they refused to believe I was an addict. They didn't want me going to rehab, although they supported it. Treatment only helps those who want it anyway. There was only one person I was in treatment with that didn't relapse, as far as I know. And this is out of a group of at least 30 of us who have kept in touch in some way.

    The only reason this person changed her life was because she lost all of her children, was about to go to prison for selling drugs, had no place to live, and was badly abused by her ex. She had no where to go but up. My point is, be a supportive friend. Addiction is a progressive disease, but MOST people grow out of the partying lifestyle.

    Some type of "spiritual" connection has helped most people I know. Is there anything like that of interest to your friend? It doesn't have to be religion, but perhaps a meditation group or some type of adreneline sport?

    All I'm saying is don't expect his family to help him, especially if his father is also an addict. Denial runs strong and deep. I've been addicted to various things for the last 13 years, and its a constant battle to this day. Unfortunately there may not be much you can do, so accept that.

    I wish you the best of luck, you are a great friend.

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    Default Re: A friend in addiction trouble...what do i do?

    Here's what you do:

    Go to him when he has a moment to pay attention to you, if you can get that. By himself.

    Tell him you love him (you know what I mean); that you are always his friend; that you value him as a person. That you are glad to have known him thus far. However; you believe what he is doing is harmful to him; and is not easy to watch because you care about him. So, your door will always be open (as you said above) when he needs a place to be clean/if he is in mortal danger; but you may not be able to hang out as much anymore, since you can't watch what he is doing to himself. And you have enough respect for yourself to not be around stuff like that.

    It may not go over well, but he needs to hear it.

    Say it ONCE. Then, do whatever you feel you need to do - stay hanging around, or distance yourself. But saying it more than once seems like preaching or nagging, and he will just tune you out.

    Good luck. I had a good friend who IS a WONDERFUL guy - but for years he was a crack addict; and he stole my car not ONCE but TWICE.
    I'm glad to say he's been clean for two years now! And we are still friends!
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