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Thread: Need a little advice girls

  1. #1
    Senior Member lilmisscharisma's Avatar
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    Default Need a little advice girls

    I've been dancing for a little over a year now and love it. I've been with my boyfriend now for 7 months. He wants me to quit dancing. He says that "I'm better than dancing". I don't see what the big deal is. I am really lost on what his issue is. He says he's been to strip clubs and "knows" what goes on there. I tell him that he's never been to mine and knows that I wouldn't do the things that have given him a bad taste in his mouth about girls that dance. He says he hates that I go to work and am "flirting with other guys". And that he can't make me as happy as the guys at my work do with giving me money. I've brought up the fact that for the first 3 months of our relationship he wasn't working and I was paying for everything. Payed for his car to get fixed (600), gave him money all the time, bought his gas, payed his 150/mo gym tuition, payed for us to go out to eat every day, bought him clothes, gave him money every weekend to go out to the bar with his boys... the list goes on. And during that time he didn't say a DAMN thing about wanting me to quit. It was almost like he thinks I owed him all that because I was staying at his house. And he was driving me to work. Well, we broke up and he was forced to get a job. Now he is on this kick about wanting me to quit because he "has stronger feelings for me since we got back together". He says he "wants me to feel how good it feels to 'work' for my money like he does for his". Bottom line.. I don't want to quit and I don't understand why he's trying to make me. I don't know what to do because he's made it very clear that in about 6 months if I don't quit he's going to break up with me. He says he doesn't like telling his family what I do for a living. I'm sorry but my family knows what I do. And i've NEVER been the girl to give a damn about what other people think about me. Especially dancing.. The people that who's opinions even matter to me know that I don't do the things that people claim dancers "do". I'm just really confused. I would love to hear back on what I should do and how to approach this. ALSO from dancers who are in long term relationships or are married (husbands don't care if you dance). What have you told them? How'd you get them to understand?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Do what you do- but baby do it well.

    Every man is a volume if you know how to read him.

  2. #2
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Why were YOU paying for everything in the first 3 months? Fuck that he should have been paying for everything imo. Leave him you deserve better. Also do what you feel like doing .

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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Quote Originally Posted by lilmisscharisma View Post
    Well, we broke up and he was forced to get a job.

    He says he "wants me to feel how good it feels to 'work' for my money like he does for his".

    I don't know what to do because he's made it very clear that in about 6 months if I don't quit he's going to break up with me.

    ALSO from dancers who are in long term relationships or are married (husbands don't care if you dance). What have you told them? How'd you get them to understand?
    Ugh. What is up with all these lame boyfriend threads lately? Ladies, if the man acts this way there is a 95% chance he won't change his mind.

    He doesn't think you "work" for you money? What an ass! I'd like to see him shake it all night for his cash and see how he feels about it then. Douche.

    It sounds like he's already made this decision for you. Boyfriend, or stripping. So would you like to make that decision for yourself, now, or him to make it for you, 6 months from now?

    On my end everything was fine from the get-go. I said I was interested in it, he said go for it! We have not had 1 tiny problem about it, ever.

    Your man's problem is that he is insecure, obviously. Find a new one, or comply with his wishes.

  4. #4
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Oh this is so classic - we've had so many threads like this. I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything but I think ALL of us have been there, myself included. As soon as he doesn't need your money anymore he thinks you should quit? Tell him when he wants to give you hundreds of dollars every day to keep you in the lifestyle you're accustomed to, you'll think about it.
    He honestly sounds like a jerkoff - possibly a little abusive too, but I only say that because of these control issues. I think you are better off having your job. Don't let him tear you away from that.

  5. #5
    Veteran Member Laylalust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Um, yeah, this is WORD FOR WORD what my now EX-boyfriend (as of Saturday) said to me. See my thread in 'Ladies Only.'

    I say dump him. He's trying to tell you what to do, and if he's gonna love you he has to love ALL of you.

    My ex pulled the whole "you're too good for dancing" crap too. It drove me insane.


    "Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...but it's better if you do."

  6. #6
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Ok..standard answer...

    he doesnt respect your job, he doesnt respect YOU(which is obvious by him taking all your money in the beginning like a damn pimp,then saying you dont WORK for you money and he does??WTF???) and he's willing to ditch you if you dont bend to his will and do what he says??

    See ya asshole. Next .

  7. #7
    Veteran Member dancinslifoxxx17's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    What's the saying? Ditch the zero get w/ a hero?
    It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird

    Blessed Be

  8. #8
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    You don't *really* need our advice, right? I mean, come on. You sound like a bright and independent woman. You know what to do here.

    I've been with my husband for 7 years. I never had to justify or explain my job to him. He is my husband, not my daddy or chaperone. I am grown woman with my own mind and he kinda likes it that way. He does not consider me or my job dirty and would never, ever tell me that I am "better" than the choices I'm making as long as I am happy.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Get rid of him! He sounds like a controlling, un-trusting douchebag. Do you really want to be with some guy who doesn't even believe you when you tell him what really happens at your work? I wouldn't.

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    Veteran Member Laylalust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I've been with my husband for 7 years. I never had to justify or explain my job to him. He is my husband, not my daddy or chaperone. I am grown woman with my own mind and he kinda likes it that way. He does not consider me or my job dirty and would never, ever tell me that I am "better" than the choices I'm making as long as I am happy.
    I love this. I wish I could have said this to my stupid-ass ex when he was giving me shit.


    "Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...but it's better if you do."

  11. #11
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Dump him, you can do better than this, he sounds like an asshole.



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

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    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
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  12. #12
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    He doesn't want you dancing if you are just paying your bills and not his. Let go of this leech right away.

  13. #13
    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    ^^ What they all said.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    I met my fiance at a club and he'd seen how I was at work, I'm a good girl and I think that has a lot to do with him trusting me with my line of work. But most guys aren't like this.

    He just sounds a little insecure and jealous. I say do what you think is right and if that means you lose him, then maybe he isn't Mr. Right.

  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Like Dottie, I'm a grown woman in a relationship with a grown man. It's nice to be an adult and have a partner who respects that. I've said it a thousand times but here it is again: LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT TO SPEND FIVE MINUTES WITH AN INSECURE MAN.

  16. #16
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Soooooooooooo many threads like this. Sooooooooooo many girls with the same problem. I wish we could make this post a sticky!

    1. Guy thinks he knows what goes on in SCs, "what strippers do". Translation: He is insecure and jealous, maybe has seen 1 or 2 shady things and makes the rest of the shit up in his own mind. You will never convince him he's mistaken.

    2. Guy doesn't like you flirting / dancing naked (or almost) / getting cozy with other men. Translation: He is insecure and jealous, and imagines all sorts of terrible shit you "must be" doing to make "all that money". See #1 - you will never ever ever convince him he's mistaken.

    3. Guy thinks you don't really work for your money, that you somehow don't "earn" all that cash. Translation: He is insecure and jealous, and can't stand the thought of his woman making more cash than him, in less time, having more fun. He feels he needs to be bigger / stronger / smarter / richer than the woman or he's "not a real man". Of course if he's laying around the house all day while you pay the bills, he doesn't usually give a shit and is simply happy to have a sugar mama.

    4. Guy threatens to break up with you if you don't quit dancing. Translation: He is insecure and jealous, and is now trying to control you in order to make himself feel more....."the man". He is playing on your own insecurities, hoping you'll be too afraid of being alone to keep dancing and let him go. If you give in and quit for him, you're giving him the control and permission to essentially abuse and manipulate you as he pleases. At this point the only way to convince him you aren't gonna take it is by dumping his sorry ass.

    5. Guy says you are "better than that". Translation: He is so insecure he has to throw you these shitty little backhanded compliments to make you feel like shit, while trying to make himself feel better - above you. He's masking his contempt for you by saying it in a way that doesn't sound nasty on the surface. But make no mistake - he feels contempt for you because at the core he knows he doesn't deserve you.

    See a pattern?


    These guys are all the same. They may have different names and faces, but inside they're all built from the same pile of shit. INSECURITY! They will do everything they can to manipulate and control you, and if you put up with their shit, you are setting yourself up for a long hard road full of bullshit, lies, abuse and manipulation.

    They do not change their minds. If they can't handle having a stripper gf now, they won't later and there is nothing you can say to "get through" to them. They may SAY they "saw the light" or that they have finally learned to trust you, but trust me, sooner or later the old bullshit WILL rear its ugly head again, and you'll find yourself wondering WTF you stuck around so long for!

    Insecure insecure insecure!!! Insecure guys make SHITTY partners.


    If you're in a relationship with this type of guy, you have 2 choices:

    - stay with him and put up with the bullshit, and accept the fact you will ALWAYS wind up making all the sacrifices in the relationship, one way or another. If you choose this route, STFU with your complaints about what a shitty bf he is.

    - dump his ass and live your own life, until a REAL man comes along who can accept you for everything that you are. Those men are out there, and when you refuse to accept the bullshit, it becomes SO much easier to find real men.




    I have been on both sides of the fence. I will never ever ever again fuck around with some shithead who can't accept me - attitude, 7" platforms and all. You don't have to convince REAL men that you're "worthy" of them because they don't have to convince themselves of their own worth. Real men don't put you down or abuse, manipulate or try to control you, because they don't have to resort to such tactics in order to feel good about themselves. Real men respect themselves, and in turn they respect you!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  17. #17
    Featured Member Starfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Bridgette your post is awesome. This thread and that post in particular should be a sticky.
    I think the OP knows what she needs to do, she might just need a push.

  18. #18
    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    i only read the first two lines, i don't need to know the rest. you danced before you were with him. he knew what he was getting himself into. he knew that was a part of who you are. fuck him off. next.
    SEXY SUNNY

  19. #19
    Veteran Member pheno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Everything they said is good. Also, the issue will always change. First, he's got a problem with you dancing - so you change that. What's next? How you dress? Who you talk to? Where you've been? (It won't matter if it's a real issue or not; he's got it all worked out in his head...)

    He's insecure. The problem is him. Don't expect any lasting changes. He'll just find something new to have a problem with. You will spend the entire relationship second guessing yourself and walking on eggshells. That's not a relationship; that's sickness.
    "By 'them' do you mean people like me?"

  20. #20
    sun child
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    Dump him ASAP.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Indira's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice girls

    I almost hate to reply to this tread. I agree with what most everybody said, if he is a loser or asshole in gereral. I say that because we all have know/ been with guys that control the woman, don't work, take their money and mentally/ physically abuse the woman. Unfortunatly I have seen many strippers is this type of relationship.

    HOWEVER, I will be the devil's advocate on this.

    Thing aren't always so cut and dry. If I were you, there are some questions that I would ask myself.
    Obviously he is insecure. But, how old is he? If he is young, that can sometimes go hand in hand. You can't blame some men for being uncomfortable with their SO stripping. Almost everyone has some preconceived ideas about strippers. I can't blame any guy for being uncomfortable with seeing their woman leaving, looking hot, and going to sit, flirt, and dance for other men. Yeah, Yeah you tell him you only have eyes for him, you come home to him etc... but being that he is insecure, you guys are still in the early stages of a relationship mabye he is scared that you will meet someone 'better" than him who makes more money. Money and who makes more can be a little sticky in some relationships. Especially where the man is concered. Many men define themselves through their jobs, earning potential, and assets. That is just a fact. I am not saying I agree with that. I have a different opinion of what makes someone successful. That is just me though and everyone is different.

    I will say though, that it is not fair that he is not seeing your job as work and implying that you don't deserve the money that you make. Again though, many people do think that this is an easy, party type job. Allthough, us strippers know otherwise.

    I guess you would have to look at the whole picture. (ASIDE form this issue), Is he someone that you can see yourself with longterm? Is he reasonable? Is he dependable, overal. Was his unemployment something that regularly occurs or a one time thing. Does he respect you? You have to ask yourself all those things. If he is (other than on this subject) a 'good guy' then you have to ask yourself what is most important. Mabye in the past you were just a fun girlfriend. Mabye now he sees more for you. There can also be a stigma involved. SO many men have said that if I were with them they could never "share" me. Whether that is right or wrong you can't fault someone for feeling like they are sharing you. We are conditioned to think a certain way about things. Mabye he sees himself as less of a man for letting you do that. My SO's friends have said stuff like "you're OK with her dancing naked for other men?" "You 'let' her do THAT?"
    Some men can shrugg that off, other's can't and feel like it makes them less of a man. I am not saying I agree with that sentiment but you can't tell a person how to feel or think about that.
    Dancing IMO can bring some benificial things to a relationship but IMO it can add some negative things too. If he is worth it, you can't totally disregard his feelings on this matter otherwise that would be disrespectful to him. In a relationship both people feelings and beliefs have to be taken into consideration and a happy medium has to be found that both parties are comfortable with.

    I am not telling you to stay with him or not stay with him or to continue to dance or not dance. Just look at the overall picture.

    Stripping is a controversial job and there are other controversial/ dangerous jobs out there. It is not a job that everybody can understand or be OK with.

    Just my two cents

    I am sure a lot of you will dissagree with what I am saying. I just feel like it is not fair to judge him and label him since I don't know him. The picture you are painting is not good but you sound upset. Sometimes we tend to (unfairly) bash people when we are upset about something and dissregard the positive things about someone in the moment of anger.

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