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Thread: Going Dutch

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    Default Going Dutch

    Ok I got yelled at ......Hello big_daddy it appears that you have not posted on our forums in several weeks, why not take a few moments to ask a question, help provide a solution or just engage in a conversation with another member in any one of our forums? .....so I will ask this.

    I'm going on a date tonight and I'm broke. Made the date before knew I was going to be off today and monday, so I had to pay some bills early to get them paid on time. My question is do women mind going dutch on dates? That's the only way I can go tonight. I hate it but would rather go, than not go.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  2. #2
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Why not plan something that doesnt require money? Make dinner at your place, go on a picnic, walk though the park or the beach if you are close....there are a lot of choices. I would rather that then a guy ask me out, then want me to pay.

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    She is excited about what we made plans to do tho.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gummi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    What were the plans?

    But really, can't you explain to her that you had a money emergency and you can't pay to take you both out? I mean, I'd rather hear the truth then just have someone cancel on me, or surprise me with the bill heh.

    Do you know her well enough to think she'd take nicely to the plans changing if you came up with something really cool, like act as if the old plans were to divert her attention but you meant all along to make her dinner or whatever?

    I'm partial to surprise plans that are sweet like that, I'd LOVE to have someone make me a really cool dinner by hand and not be expecting it!

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Hm. Yeah, I'd REALLY mind if I had a date with a guy and then we got there and he told me it was Dutch. Later on in the relationship it's cool if something comes up, but early on it looks bad.

    What was it you had planned? Is there a way you could do something similar? Just call her up and say something like, "I had a money emergency come up and it looks like I won't be able to afford XYZ tonight. I'm really sorry, I know you were looking forward to it. Can I make you dinner tonight instead? I'd really like to see you."

    She *might* offer to go Dutch if it's something she really wants to do and she can afford it. But the suggestion should come from her and not you. She also might cancel altogether. But she might agree to a romantic evening in as well. You'll never know until you ask her!

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    ^ This is excellent advice. Even the wording of the phone call is perfect.

    One caveat: This isn't a first date, is it? That changes the dynamic a bit. The "cook you dinner at home" option is no longer there, and you will be vulnerable to an unfavorable first impression, no matter how polite and thoughtful you are.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    yeah-- if a guy offers to cook me dinner at his house and I don't know him well it smacks of an almost-but-not-quite booty call.

    cheap alternatives:
    1. coffee and dessert after perusing your local barnes and noble-- kick back and chat over books, or even hang in the plush leather couches and read for awhile and then break for munchies and talk (I'm a nerd-- I love this sort of thing)

    2. ice skating? what's that gotta cost? maybe $16 plus some horribly bad hot cocoa? (plus points if you bring good hot cocoa from home in a thermos.

    3. can you do a day date and make the meal at home and then pack it up and go feed the birds somewhere while eating your own meal?

    if it's that important to you I suggest either a) borrowing money or b) coming clean

    suggesting dutch is never an option (although I do sometimes pay for a date as a nice surprise to the guy. Always bites me in the ass though because then they see me as someone who will pay and stop trying to impress me to the same degree.)

    but dutch-- negative, ghost rider.

  8. #8
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I agree with Yek

  9. #9
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I need to know what the original plans are before I can advise of an appropriate alternative.

    But I always think its better not to commit to dinner, or anything expensive, for a first date. My man and I met at a popular coffee place for our first date. Its in the middle of downtown and awesome for people watching.


    How broke are you exactly? Can you put a couple of cups of coffee on a credit card at least?

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I don't even mind paying half the time, but not dutch. Just no.

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    God/dess phillyvixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    but dutch-- negative, ghost rider.

    I second this.
    I also agree with Yek
    Under no circumstances wait until the bill shows up and then tell her you can't cover her. That is just rude and tacky!



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    Featured Member la429's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I would be really turned off if my date suggested "dutch" especially when we first started dating. I guess if I was your date I would prefer you canceling and re scheduling.

  13. #13
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Quote Originally Posted by phillyvixen View Post
    Under no circumstances wait until the bill shows up and then tell her you can't cover her. That is just rude and tacky!
    definatly.

    what are your plans?

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    She understood, we just went to a mall and checked out pet stores. She knows how it is and yes it was the first date but we have known each other for a long time. I did learn something last night....a bar with a band is a bad idea, it's really hard to talk with a band playin!!!!!!!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Quote Originally Posted by big_daddy View Post
    She understood, we just went to a mall and checked out pet stores.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaw, fuzzy wuzzy amimals, how sweet!! I know those mall pet stores are evil and all, but cute animals are always a win with me! Good for you, BG!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  16. #16
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    That's awesome! I'm so glad it worked out!

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Yay! So...how'd it go? Will there be a second?

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I don't think so, like I said I have known her for a long time, it felt like friends hangin out.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    I want to date Yek. She's so considerate.


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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    i wanna know why the lady paying is so awful for a first date.

  21. #21
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    ^ Paying is awful if the person is the one who asked you out in general.

    I don't say to ANYONE, "Oh hai, wanna go to the movies? You're paying!"


    Look like a woman
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    Act like a lady
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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    that's not clear from the original post. and either way, my query still holds. if men and women are equal, it shouldn't matter about dutching, whoever asks.

  23. #23
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Unless it is agreed upon up front..whoever asks should pay. Esp for a first date. I would never ask someone out if I couldnt afford to pay for us both(though I dont really ask guys out,but if I DID...I would pay).

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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    Quote Originally Posted by big_daddy View Post
    She understood, we just went to a mall and checked out pet stores. She knows how it is and yes it was the first date but we have known each other for a long time. I did learn something last night....a bar with a band is a bad idea, it's really hard to talk with a band playin!!!!!!!
    Yay pet store date! Any time where I can have ferrets or puppies or kitties hanging off my coat is a good time.

    And, yeah, unless you both love the band-too loud!
    Last edited by RoseLeigh; 03-18-2008 at 07:52 AM.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Going Dutch

    The date was kinda both our ideas, we were chatting and it just lead to it. She paid for the gas, we drove to a bigger town, I paid for dinner and we both paid for drinks.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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