I'm a pretty easy going gal for the most part, but last night I was feeling a little green eyed. Which is pathetic, but it kind of messed with my game. Some nights I feel a little more rejectable than others...
I have this friend who decided to dance after she found out I did it. She's only danced a few times in two years. Like every once in a while, although I get the feeling she wants to do it more now. I give her a ride there when she asks...She's very pretty, natural hair down to her hips, petite, looks very young and cute. She's Sikh, and so very unique looking. No one looks like her, really. She looks like a bollywood star. So she's very popular, and the Indian guys go crazy for her (there are many of them at our club).
I'm just an average blonde though, and I hustle quite a bit...But for all my effort, I still only made like half of what she made last night. She just sits at the bar and banks banks banks. And I know it really really shouldn't bother me, but I felt a little like crap. And then I felt ridiculous and petty, because of course I'm very happy for her. It just gets to me, you know?
So how do you hold up your self-esteem when you get turned down over and over, and they just want your friend instead? I know you need to keep your confidence going strong, but it's a little embarrassing. We close at 2, but the dj will often keep the music going in the dance room for an extra twenty minutes...I was driving, and I was done with that crowd (many young guys who can somehow be a lot crueler). I saw her and said "you ready to go?", but she wanted to stay...I mean, she was still making money. So I put on my clothes in the changeroom and sat there smoking while waiting for her, thinking "she could at least offer to pay for my parking"...
Then I felt like such a douche. I'm so not that girl. I don't know how to deal with that though. I don't usually feel that way, and it so messes with me. It's somehow harder when it's a friend, versus any other dancer. I don't know why. What to do to snap out of that? She's so nice, I'd hate to be bitchy to her. The stupidest thing is, I would have been okay with what I made for that night. Considering how slow it was, I definitely made a respectable amount. Just not like $1000. So I don't know if that's a good or bad thing? Can I turn it into a motivator, the competitiveness?



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It does really suck to feel like that though. You feel crappy to begin with and then even crappier when you start being negative toward your friend. It does make it much harder when it's a friend....like a conflict between positive and negative emotions. I think it's just the competitiveness of this business. Some people deal and get over things like this better than others. Maybe try to pamper yourself after nights like this and remind yourself why you are so great. Maybe when it's happening look within and see if there are any negative emotions you are feeling that day that may be shining through you and not your friend.

I know exactly how you feel. Its a very complex set of emotions. I am very prone to pseudo-buddy-jealousy too.

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