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Thread: what the fuck just happened???

  1. #26
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Wow... at least you found out that he has problems with his feelings earlier than later? Yes, it took a long time, but if a person can't handle emotional whathaveyou's, then they aren't worth your time. B/c, wtf? He's either a liar or a basketcase and neither of those scenarios justifies the way he did it.

    P.S. Since I have actually met you in person, I feel that I can say that he's really a fucking idiot and you don' t deserve to be treated that way... AT ALL.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i asked him over the phone and he said the distance and the dancing. i told him i found that hard to believe and he said that was it. but i still don't buy it
    Hmm.... this is a tough one.

    I don't know about the cheating theory. Maybe, but usually when people cheat they want to have their cake and eat it too (i.e., they want to keep their regular person, and hide the cheating, at least for a period of time).

    One possibility is that he never has felt comfortable with you dancing, that it has been an on-going source of jealousy for him, that he doesn't trust you dancing and being so far away (which is what he said), and so in effect, he has gone out of his way to hurt you and/or protect himself, by cutting you off sharply. Basically, maybe he expects you to cheat and so he has cut you out of his life before it happens.

    Another possibility is that he simply lied to you all along to get booty, and now that he is far away and won't be getting any, has no interest in keeping up the lie.

  3. #28
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other
    OMG, you're here now too? Didn't you learn your lesson silly boy?

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other
    jasper802, are you really so naive that you think you are the first guy who told a stripper, "I'm a nice guy who will respect you"? Dude, pretty much every guy says that. It doesn't mean jack. And maybe worse, when you toot your own horn like that, it may well be an indicator that you are not a nice guy at all, just another guy looking to lay a stripper. This thread is about the OP and her BF, not an invitation for you to hit on a woman who is going through emotional pain.

  5. #30
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other
    omfg.. seriously, stop dude.

    To the OP: I'm really sorry. Hang in there

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    - George Bernard Shaw

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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other
    LEAVE HER (and US) ALONE! Freakin' vultures.

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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    I think one thing is clear, GeorgiaPeach: he was living two lives at once, and probably indulging in a lot of rationalization as he went along. You mention that you supported him as he started his career, and that he has moved recently, and that you had discussed moving closer to him. So he chose now to expose to you the side of him that was full of doubts, and the strange voice you heard on the phone was that person speaking--afraid to show you his doubt, and presenting things as a certainty.

    Something else is clear here, also--that it is a good thing you are not with him, because if he could hide all this he would have the capacity, as time goes on, to hide many things from you. There are men out there who are good at this. I never understand how they do it, but they can fragment into different people and live different lives and sometimes even marry different women and EACH woman thinks that she is the only one...this is, I think, the kind of character you are dealing with. I think you will find, in time, that there was another aspect to this--that perhaps you connected with the passionate side of him but somehow he is also looking for a "type" he thinks he should be with--what that type is I don't know--. I say this because it sounds like he genuinely responded to you, so to divorce from that and move toward something else means that he is chasing an "image" of some sort. Have you seen evidence of this? That he is building false castles, puts on a bit of a show sometimes which you don't understand or connect with? This is my guess--he's heading now toward an image, away from his passion. A lot of men do it. His loss. You sound wonderful, and you deserve passionate truth coming your way, not a man split over who he is.

    I hope some of that made sense. I want to say I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I am, but I am secretly also glad for you that you have avoided what would have turned into a bad situation. Be free now, and reconnect with yourself.
    JK Jim

  8. #33
    Member MotherChucker's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob_Loblaw View Post
    ...He had his mind made up and disassociating from his emotions makes it easier for him to deliver his decision...
    Bingo. He's checked out and doesn't want to face the music.

    To the OP, as for why, at this point only he knows and our guesses probably aren't as qualified as yours. Maybe he cheated, maybe he was insecure, maybe his mommy found out he had a girlfriend, maybe he's running off with jasper802 - as long as you know it was his issue and not yours, it's just prolonging the pain to dwell on it. Get your stuff back (any bets that he finds a way to avoid seeing you when he drops it off?) and cut off contact if you can. You'll save yourself a lot of grief in the long run...

  9. #34
    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other

    See I gave you some advice and now your shitting on it , you dont want me on your bad side kiddo . Why would you want to date soemone you knowing aout other than the fact that they dont hate strippers ?? Alot of the girls on here are not strippers ya know ?

    Oops sorry for the thread jack !!!!!
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  10. #35
    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    P.S. Since I have actually met you in person, I feel that I can say that he's really a fucking idiot and you don' t deserve to be treated that way... AT ALL.
    thanks Bella, that's nice of you to say

  11. #36
    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by jasper802 View Post
    i can be your boyfriend if you give me the chance to get to know each other
    hehe...hehehehe..heh..hehehe...oh my. thanks for making me laugh, buddy.

  12. #37
    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by MotherChucker View Post
    Bingo. He's checked out and doesn't want to face the music.

    To the OP, as for why, at this point only he knows and our guesses probably aren't as qualified as yours. Maybe he cheated, maybe he was insecure, maybe his mommy found out he had a girlfriend, maybe he's running off with jasper802 - as long as you know it was his issue and not yours, it's just prolonging the pain to dwell on it. Get your stuff back (any bets that he finds a way to avoid seeing you when he drops it off?) and cut off contact if you can. You'll save yourself a lot of grief in the long run...
    i'd met his family. they loved me. his friends did too.

    as for the cheating...idk. he never once would look at another woman when we together. he was very open about letting me be in his house alone. leaving his phone around. reading his emails in front of me. it's not impossible, but it seems so unlikely under those circumstances.

  13. #38
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i'd met his family. they loved me. his friends did too.

    as for the cheating...idk. he never once would look at another woman when we together. he was very open about letting me be in his house alone. leaving his phone around. reading his emails in front of me. it's not impossible, but it seems so unlikely under those circumstances.
    I agree wholeheartedly with EVERYTHING jhuka said. I think he knew for some time he wanted to move on. It's not hard to have separate email accounts and voicemail. You are VERY lucky you never moved in, married, or got pregnant.

    A friend of mine went through this after four years of being with the guy, knowing his family intimately. He just kept his other life very separate and the woman he moved in with in his new town had no idea of my friend existed.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  14. #39
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    It sounds like hes cheating or hes retarded .Guys are like that.

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    Veteran Member alessandra's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Maybe when you get your stuff back from him, you can bring up that you need closure in the form of a real reason, not just a shitty excuse. Worth a try, at least?

    At any rate, you deserve better then someone who would break up with you over the phone, that's really immature.

  16. #41
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    See if it was just cheating, I'm thinking your average guy wouldn't burn his booty-call bridges so easily. I mean yea, maybe, but your average dude would try have his cake and more cake on the side.

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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    *gives a giant hug* I'm so sorry sweetie, I hope you get some explanations. There is nothing worse than not understanding why things ended the way they did.
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


  18. #43
    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    It sounds to me like he was growing more distant and, after trying to "fake it till you make it" and that not working, decided it was best to cut ties. I suppose it's possible that he cheated, and maybe you'll find out more as time passes, but it seems unlikely to me too.

    It sucks. It's frustrating to want an honest answer and know that you're not likely to get one, not to mention the added frustration of knowing that you HAD a good relationship for a significant amount of time, and he still had the nerve to end it like it was the third date and he "just wasn't that into you". It really sucks when you act like a decent human being and get shit on as a reward.

    Try not to think of what you could've done differently. What could you have done, when you already had an open and trusting relationship in which you both treated each other well? The damnable truth is that feelings change and sometimes relationships end without someone having to have "done" something to cause it. (You OR him.)

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    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by MotherChucker View Post
    maybe he's running off with jasper802
    Ding ding ding! Winner!

    I'm sorry, dear. That's a terrible way to end a relationship. Maybe he's trying to do one of those "cruel to be kind" things? He knows he will hurt you so he's trying to end it quickly. Either way, I'd want to know too.
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  20. #45
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    This doesn't sound like some kind of nefarious double-life cheating scenario to me at all. People get like this when they move sometimes. They want to start a new life. Being so far away makes it easy to detach themselves from their former lives in the town they used to live in. Or else they start feeling that having a girlfriend in another town is too much of a "crutch" when they're trying to start something new. Which can be a hard thing to verbalize to someone else, hence the excuses about dancing etc.

    It sounds to me like he just needed to move on and didn't want to be talked out of it. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for him, either. Everything else you've said about him points towards him being a generally upright, mature person.

    I think I might try to find a way to not be around when he drops your stuff off. You pretty much know all you need to know at this point.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  21. #46
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    sounds like he used you as a crutch when his life wasnt together and when he didn't need you he dropped you like "its hot."

    You totally dont need a bitch like that. No real man would bitch out like that. Be glad he is gone.

    It does sound that he met someone new. It's much easier to detach yourself emotionally when there is someone else in the picture.

    If he could leave you like this after a year of helping him, he could cheat. Sounds like he has two different sides to him.

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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    i dunno. there are a lot of guys who are really affectionate, but mostly just want a girl to be affectionate with, as soon as something even a bit better comes along (not just the girl, but the situation), they switch to her and become completely cold and indifferent to the previous girl. my guess is that he met a girl at work or at some place he's been going to. she's new and still very strange and mysterious. he probably didn't even think of it as cheating. to guys like this, sticking around with the old girl would have been cheating on the new girl, not vice versa. it's scummy.

    i've just never really come across guys being cold like that unless there was someone else. another reason, and i think he'd've sounded a bit more caring.

    guys like that suck. a lot. i've had my own experience, and i wish i knew how to spot them early. i'm guessing how quickly they seem attached, maybe a little needy. but yeah. sorry you lost a year. but at least you've got some good memories.

    and wanting to hit them is natural. guys who pull that shit are very tempting to hit.

  23. #48
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    ^^^

    jhuka is making sense to me, as is sss, above.

    A dinger went off in my head on the original post: it also sounds to me like a case of two-timing bastard syndrome, but he doesn't necessarily have to be cheating with another girl. If he is, he may have juuuust met her, or he may be really good at hiding things. But he could also be leading any other kind of double life. People who can wall off like this can wall off ANYTHING.
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  24. #49
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Guys are great at lying and hiding "the other girl" when they still want to keep you around for sex. That's also the only reason I can think of that would cause this behavior. You don't need that scumbag in your life.

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    Default Re: what the fuck just happened???

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i'm not an angry person, but all i want to do right now is hit his face. it's a strange feeling...
    Quote Originally Posted by virgoamm View Post
    He broke up with you over the phone? How effing douchey of him. After a year of being together, at the VERY least he could have told you in person.
    read the quote above yours and maybe you can see why he chose to do it over the phone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    my first thought was that he cheated, and feels guilty enough to break up rather then hurt you like that. Halfway through your post I thought that, and when gypsy said it, I was like... bingo!

    I'm sorry, I hope you can figure it out, and fix things, or at least get some closure.
    i doubt that. most guys would just keep things going like they are. guys are different than girls (of course) and when a guy cheats, it has nothing to do with "love" or "feelings" (other than being horny and wanting some strange) if he really had feelings for her, just "cheating" (i'm quoting because they weren't married) wouldn't be enough to break it off.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i asked him over the phone and he said the distance and the dancing. i told him i found that hard to believe and he said that was it. but i still don't buy it.

    he's supposed to drop off my stuff next weekend. maybe he will feel more honest then. but i doubt it.
    that's probably the case...he had some time to think it over, and he decided that if he just told you flat out how he felt and didn't back down, he could get it over with quick...which is what he did. if he's already mentioned this to you before (about the dancing), he was looking for you to give him a definitive answer on when you were going to quit, and it sounds like (obviously i don't know this for sure) you just told him that you would in the near future, which wasn't a good enough answer for him. he's probably thinking that you're just putting him off about quitting and hoping that he'll drop it and you can continue to dance. taking that into consideration along with the 1-1/2 hr. drive, it was probably just enough to go ahead and stop it now.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    ^^^i know that is true. i just wish i hadn't wasted a whole year of my life.
    i'll go ahead and apologize for what i'm about to say up front, because i'm not the "captain save a hoe" type, but that is the lamest thing that i've ever heard, and it's used by every woman that i've ever talked to. did this guy really waste a year of your life? doesn't that seem ridiculous when you think about it? i mean; were you going to do something special with that year that he kept you from doing, like find a cure for cancer or end world hunger? you lived your life during that year just like you'll live your life in the years to come, and nobody out there is "wasting your life" but yourself. that victim mentality serves no purpose but for you to feel sorry for yourself.

    here's my opinion on the deal (take it for the 2-cents that it's worth)

    we're only hearing one side of the story here, and it's obviously leaning in your direction since he's not posting. for all i know, your ability to tell what someone is feeling is nowhere near what you think it is. have you ever seen the movie, "beer fest" when the middle eastern guy is at the bar talking to this woman and his memory of the conversation was completely different than how it really went? anyway, it sounds like the guy had strong feelings on you dancing and he obviously feels that long distance relationships don't work, so he felt like it was better to go ahead and end things rather than keeping them going for any longer, when he knows that there's no future. when it all comes down to it, he doesn't somehow owe you a 1-1/2 hour drive to take you to dinner and break it off, just like you wouldn't owe him that, and he doesn't owe you some long drawn out list of excuses on why he made the choice that he did. look at it as him doing you a favor of not "wasting" any more of your life than he did.

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