So I mentioned finding my mojo again, here's how I found it, if anyone needs some mojination.
I realized that although I have lived in Vegas for almost 5 years now...I have never actually lived. I've never put any effort iinto living here, workign here, enjoying my life here....
I decided to leave Vegas because I hate it so much, and when faced with the fact that my life as I know it was over, it really put things into perspective. I realized that I was basicially giving up on somethign I never tried. I drealized that I would really regret leaving this place without giving it a real chance.
SO I decided to stay in Vegas, but really try to live. To give anythign I do 100%. Tp try to enjoy my life because it isn't really as bad as I thought it was.
So that's what I do. Every single day, I give 100% to whatever it is I'm doing, if that's dancing, modeling, or finding another job, I give it my all.
Each night before i go to bned, I write a list of goals i wish to acomplish the nextday. Being that I am recovering from a serious depression as well..this list might seem pretty stupid to most people because it has thigns like eat breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog. Also is get in shower by 5pm, getto work by 9pm, stay till 4am, approach 15 people.... But I need all these things on my list.
Each day I do the things on my list and cross themm off as I go. Each night I am proud that I got most or all of the thigns done I wanted to. Then I write down 10 things I was grateful for that day. Thigns like Grateful for the nice weather, grateful for the dinner I cooked, grateful for the time I got to play with my dog...stupid stuff...but it makes me see how good my life really is.
But the bigges tpart of my stripper mojo was making the commitment to giving it 100%. If I go to work, I try my absolute best to do what i need to do, which includes lookign my best, putting all my effort into my stage shows, approaching and talking to people.
Anyway..I live life now appriaiacting every day and commiting to giving everythign I do 100% effort.
It's not easy....but it's so worth it. I'm happy again. I lok foward to work again. I look foward to life again. I feel proud of myself again. And it totally reflects at work.
I read every day about personal improvment and sales stuff..things to keep me going. I read abotu motivation, inspiration, sales skills, everything. Everythign I do each day now is somethign toward improving myself. I spend less time on SW and less time watchign tv. I try not to waste my days on things that won't help better myself.
So yeah...so far..it's working
I feel wonderful. And it's amazing. I was sucidially depressed. I had severe anxiety. I couldn't even figure out what to make for dinner ithout a panic attack. I contemplated the best mehtods to kill myself every day. I planned my funeral and what to do with my animals. It was crazy bad for awhile there.
And I'm not saying it's gone..it's still there...but I just supress the bad thoughts and replace them with good ones. It's a concious effort every minute of every day, but it's worth it.
So yeah..I'm rambling. Gunna shut up now![]()



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