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Thread: Mojo Recovery

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default Mojo Recovery

    So I mentioned finding my mojo again, here's how I found it, if anyone needs some mojination.

    I realized that although I have lived in Vegas for almost 5 years now...I have never actually lived. I've never put any effort iinto living here, workign here, enjoying my life here....

    I decided to leave Vegas because I hate it so much, and when faced with the fact that my life as I know it was over, it really put things into perspective. I realized that I was basicially giving up on somethign I never tried. I drealized that I would really regret leaving this place without giving it a real chance.

    SO I decided to stay in Vegas, but really try to live. To give anythign I do 100%. Tp try to enjoy my life because it isn't really as bad as I thought it was.

    So that's what I do. Every single day, I give 100% to whatever it is I'm doing, if that's dancing, modeling, or finding another job, I give it my all.

    Each night before i go to bned, I write a list of goals i wish to acomplish the nextday. Being that I am recovering from a serious depression as well..this list might seem pretty stupid to most people because it has thigns like eat breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog. Also is get in shower by 5pm, getto work by 9pm, stay till 4am, approach 15 people.... But I need all these things on my list.

    Each day I do the things on my list and cross themm off as I go. Each night I am proud that I got most or all of the thigns done I wanted to. Then I write down 10 things I was grateful for that day. Thigns like Grateful for the nice weather, grateful for the dinner I cooked, grateful for the time I got to play with my dog...stupid stuff...but it makes me see how good my life really is.

    But the bigges tpart of my stripper mojo was making the commitment to giving it 100%. If I go to work, I try my absolute best to do what i need to do, which includes lookign my best, putting all my effort into my stage shows, approaching and talking to people.

    Anyway..I live life now appriaiacting every day and commiting to giving everythign I do 100% effort.

    It's not easy....but it's so worth it. I'm happy again. I lok foward to work again. I look foward to life again. I feel proud of myself again. And it totally reflects at work.

    I read every day about personal improvment and sales stuff..things to keep me going. I read abotu motivation, inspiration, sales skills, everything. Everythign I do each day now is somethign toward improving myself. I spend less time on SW and less time watchign tv. I try not to waste my days on things that won't help better myself.

    So yeah...so far..it's working
    I feel wonderful. And it's amazing. I was sucidially depressed. I had severe anxiety. I couldn't even figure out what to make for dinner ithout a panic attack. I contemplated the best mehtods to kill myself every day. I planned my funeral and what to do with my animals. It was crazy bad for awhile there.
    And I'm not saying it's gone..it's still there...but I just supress the bad thoughts and replace them with good ones. It's a concious effort every minute of every day, but it's worth it.

    So yeah..I'm rambling. Gunna shut up now

  2. #2
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    That is awesome Kaylinn, and I hope you realize, because it's true, that YOU are an inspiration to a lot of us on here. I really look up to you in a lot of ways.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  3. #3
    Senior Member muladoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    I feel you. Went through the same thing mid January till about a week ago. I'm also in Vegas and it can suck you dry if you forget you have a life to enjoy. I moved to Vegas almost a year ago, but danced here before commuting from L.A. I felt like all I did was work. We put in many days and long hours at times. Last 2 months I experienced things I never had before like insomnia, depression, anxiety (at the same time WTF), hyperventilation, and extreme fear of ?? I wasn't hungry, didn't want to talk to anybody, didn't want to leave my house, didn't want to shower (grose). I spent so much time by myself and my crazy mind, and I also wanted to die. More like die in my sleep. If only I could sleep, LOL.

    I decided to do something about it. I have big goals for the future, but I felt it necessary to start with daily goals like what time I get up, eat breakfast, go to the gym, read, meditate, etc. I have positive affirmations, $$ goals, daily goals, monthly, goals, etc. I have my goals and accomplishments plastered all over my walls. It's a madhouse in here, but it helping me right now.

    YES!!! Crossing out accomplishments on a daily basis helps so much. We have to start somewhere to begin to give our lives structure and a sense of routine. Speaking for myself I don't function well without some structure, and yet again I like the freedom that dancing gives me.

    My Mojo is back too as of a week ago and my $$$ has gone back up again. I'm still planning my escape from Vegas within the year. Going to get a "normal" job and go back to school in Virginia. Though this is scary, it's giving me something to look forward.

    Yay for Mojivation!!

    Good Luck

  4. #4
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    kaylinn, I am so proud of you, and really glad you are my friend.

  5. #5
    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    I dont think the list is stupid AT ALL , I make one just to remind myself of all the things I want to get done around the house . Just today I was getting all these things done when I had to call my mom to aske her opinion on some things going into storage , so I sit my butt down on the coach to make the call and I didnt get her so I stayed sitting on the coach .....all the sudden I was like Whoa that things a trap , I have to get up !! I usually leave my list on the coach so if I sit on the trap then I see my list and it motivates me to get up !!!

    I know how you feel about living somewhere and hating it because you didnt give it a chance . I did that when I was first here in Florida because I was home with the baby NOW we get more (not enough but more) and I am happier , I cant wait to get alot and really enjoy myself !

    Good luck Kailynn , you sound strong and smart to me !!!
    Visit me on myspace , Let me know if your from SW !!!!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Sounds like you are moving forward-I'm proud of you! We all get in the slump sometimes. *insert cheerleader smiley here*

    I think I am going to try this list thing, as I have been mojo-less and depressed since November. Are you still going to go to school? I know that derails me a lot.
    Last edited by RoseLeigh; 03-17-2008 at 05:08 PM.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Jeanette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Congratulations on getting your mojo back!

    This thread kinda reminds me of the I am grateful for stripping thread, cause sometimes it's easy to forget just how lucky we are to be able to dance, and even just be alive and have so many opportunities. I once attempted suicide, and when I was going in and out of consciousness I realized just how silly it was because I had so much to be thankful for, even though it seemed bad at the time, so many others have it way worse. I got myself to the emergency room, and while I was recovering I saw just how many people were there not because they had a choice, but because they were really sick, and probably would have done anything to not be there, and there I was, a perfectly healthy person... I just felt silly. Anyway, that was my reality check.

    I love lists. Even when I write down the most basic things that need to be done, when I cross them off my Action List it gives me a sense of accomplishment. My lists normally look like:

    -drink green tea
    -walk dog
    -do leg workout and cardio
    -sweep then wash floors
    -deposit money in bank
    -do hand washing
    -call Jamie, etc

    Lists are the best things ever! I carry around a chubby notebook, and in it goes my action lists as well as motivational quotes, goals, and grocery lists, basically anything that fascinates me. I have saved them for the past 4 or more years and they almost read like a journal.

  8. #8
    Featured Member The_Oceans's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Kaylinn, I'm truly proud of you. I thought you rocked back in December when I met you, but if you can go out there (whatever you decide to do) and give it 100%, I'm confident you'll succeed.

    Good luck to you!
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

  9. #9
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Good for you! You are an inspiration to me.

    What are your plans for school now? Will you just tough it out a few years extra in the Vegas school system to get your RN?

    And the boy? Are you guys staying together?

  10. #10
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    About school - It's more my lack of determination that has been fucking me up. I insisted that I had to get my bachelors degree out here because to finish my assiated in nursing would be to difficult because of the way the school system is out here. Although it would take longer to finish the BSN, it woudl have been easier than getting the ADN.
    However...The acceptance may be difficult, but if I actually try to get accepted, I'm sure i can My grades are good, I can take tests well..I hjust wasn't trying to do it.
    So yes, I'm going to continue with school out here, but move towards finishing my ADN degree. ( which started in Pa, I dont have much longer to go with that, if my nursing credits tranfer, which was what the issue was before, but like I said, I didn't try very hard to get them transfered)

    The boy - I did NOT decide to stay because of him. I am not the kind of girl that would put her life on hold or change her goals for a man. I decided to stay in Vegas purly for myself, because I need to. I felt like if I left here without trying to uceed, I woudl always regret leaving.
    But yes, we are staying together, for now anyway. Our life goals are to different for us to stay together forever, unless he changes his mind, but I won't hold my breath or count on that.

    When I decide it's time to leave here, I will leave, but that time isn't yet. It may be after i finish school, it may be never, it may be in 6 months or a year. I don't know. just need to feel like I suceeded out here before I can leave.
    I need to conquer this city, I cannot allow it to conquer me. Then I can go.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Kaylinn, I so needed to read this thread! Thank you so much for writing it. I've been feeling like I'm in a rut; it seems to take so much effort just to get up and go to work one day a week. I hate it. Things need to change - I need to change, quickly! This thread gave me a little hope, a little inspiration.

    I hope everything goes well for you and you make the best out of every single day.

  12. #12
    Featured Member la429's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mojo Recovery

    Congrats!

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