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Thread: Southern men

  1. #1
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    Default Southern men

    Where are all the southern gentlemen?
    It seems like they are a dying breed.

    I'm not talking about the sterotypical Rhett Butler guy. I'm talking about the man that was educated well by his Momma.

    I'm shocked now if a door gets opened for me or a drink is offered while having a conversation at work.

    Am I expecting too much from my regional male counterpart?

  2. #2
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Southern men

    I wish I knew. As it seems they are a dying breed.

  3. #3
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Meh. I can open my own doors and if my hands are full, I can ask for the help regardless of sex or gender.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    I was never a "southern man" but not so long ago in life I felt more at ease with these social niceties. I will tell you... it has becoming increasingly hard to know who will be offended.

    I know some guys still follow these rituals despite that, but increasingly I skip them more and more.

    To me it was always clear that these rituals were predicated on a pretty thin fantasy (that is to say, we always knew women don't need men to do these things), but they were fun rituals, assuming all parties play their part. I never took it seriously, but it was a cheap, easy way to add a little bit of enjoyment in the midst of an otherwise busy world.

    The problem is, a lot of the fun disappears when some people start becoming offended. While I know some will enjoy it, I also know some won't. On balance, the ritual can die for all I care. I feel like the dog who is expecting a treat for pushing the lever, only to get shocked often enough that I'd rather not push the lever anymore.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Where are all the southern gentlemen?
    It seems like they are a dying breed.

    I'm not talking about the sterotypical Rhett Butler guy. I'm talking about the man that was educated well by his Momma.

    I'm shocked now if a door gets opened for me or a drink is offered while having a conversation at work.

    Am I expecting too much from my regional male counterpart?
    Are you looking for this in a club or in real life?

    In a club, I will always ask #5 or her friends if they would like a drink. If I go to the vip area, I always let #5 lead. Sorry, there are no doors to walk through.

    In real life, I always open doors for others. Sorry, but you won't see me buying drinks anywhere.

    The problem is that being a gentleman or acting with kindness and consideration towards others is unfortunately viewed as a weakness and is a dying art.

    Joe
    Have we not heard the chimes at midnight?

    Once more, unto the breach, dear friends.

    If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

    -- Its always amazed me how no one learns the lines from Shakespeare. I guess it is true that people don't learn history's lessons until something become's their history.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    We're still here, probably are getting harder to find... I got called that all the time when I'm traveling on business... What's sad is that in a lot of places being a "southern gentleman" is equated with being a "redneck"...

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Where are all the southern gentlemen?
    It seems like they are a dying breed.

    I'm not talking about the sterotypical Rhett Butler guy. I'm talking about the man that was educated well by his Momma.

    I'm shocked now if a door gets opened for me or a drink is offered while having a conversation at work.

    Am I expecting too much from my regional male counterpart?
    If you are talking about in a club, a couple of thoughts:
    • SCs don't necessarily attract gentlemen. You may be looking in the wrong place. Remember, you won't find fish in a dry lake bed.
    • Personally, I have my guard up in a club. I don't like to be harassed. I won't necessarily give someone the benefit of the doubt until someone shows me that they aren't a complete scam.
    Joe
    Have we not heard the chimes at midnight?

    Once more, unto the breach, dear friends.

    If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

    -- Its always amazed me how no one learns the lines from Shakespeare. I guess it is true that people don't learn history's lessons until something become's their history.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Meh. I can open my own doors and if my hands are full, I can ask for the help regardless of sex or gender.
    If I saw someone with their hands full, I would always open the door to help them.

    Joe "The Brown Noser"
    Have we not heard the chimes at midnight?

    Once more, unto the breach, dear friends.

    If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

    -- Its always amazed me how no one learns the lines from Shakespeare. I guess it is true that people don't learn history's lessons until something become's their history.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    I've heard that before. About the being offended. Then again I was aways tauvht at work and in real life that ladies always want to be treated like ladies.

    I suppose I'm speaking mostly of work.
    I mean seriously, how much effort does it take to say. Thanks! Or pardon me. I'm not expecting a lot here.

    Sounds like its too much. Sad.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    I'll do the courtesy thing because I wouldn't think of behaving otherwise. (I blame my parents for bringing me up that way).

    Courtesy costs me nothing, and being polite oils the wheels of personal interaction.

    I have occasionally known women act offended - on the grounds that extending the courtesy of holding a door open, etc, is demeaning to them. The great majority of women however, seem to accept it as their due.

    Phil.

  11. #11
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Southern men

    The Southern men must have moved to the Upper Midwest. I get treated like a princess up here. It's CRAZY. I was raised in a culture where women are subservient even to their children and often beaten by their men. It's like the Good Twilight Zone, with Midwestern men.

    I do adore men with Southern accents..they kill my hustle since I sit and grin at them instead of winnowing out their pockets. Don't know what it is about that accent.

  12. #12
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Southern men

    I avoid the bias perception by opening doors for everyone. I routinely get a nice "thank you." It's not a difficult thing.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    The Southern men must have moved to the Upper Midwest. I get treated like a princess up here. It's CRAZY.
    We do it because Midwestern women still value a little expression of random kindness and just the same aren't so coddled that they expect us to hold the door open for them.

    In general though, I see people of both genders holding doors open for most anyone. Funny how a little good karma becomes infectious.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Where are all the southern gentlemen?
    It seems like they are a dying breed.
    They have all moved to Canada due to global warming.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Meh. I can open my own doors and if my hands are full, I can ask for the help regardless of sex or gender.
    It's natural for a boy to want to open the door or do stuff for the girl, but it's crucial to never let anything in your words or demeaner infer that she is not capable of doing it herself with equal competence.

    eta: and even more important not to think that way.
    Last edited by hockeybobby; 03-17-2008 at 03:54 PM. Reason: to add

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    Veteran Member thefrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    I've heard that before. About the being offended. Then again I was aways tauvht at work and in real life that ladies always want to be treated like ladies.

    I suppose I'm speaking mostly of work.
    I mean seriously, how much effort does it take to say. Thanks! Or pardon me. I'm not expecting a lot here.

    Sounds like its too much. Sad.
    i all was say Mam and sir [ i get a lot of funny looks from 18-20 year olds] ,i hold doors regardless of gender. i say please and thank you 99% of the time. when i tip a girl on stage i say thank you to her and of course after a dance. when ask if i want a dance i say no thank you or please.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    I was raised to be a gentleman. I do many of those gentlemanly things in the presence of women. It does not mean I believe they are incapable of openning their own door. It is just a courtesy.

    I can't say I have ever had a negative reaction from a female for these type of actions. If I ever did receive a negative response I would be thankful. Thankful that any attraction I may have had for her is now gone. Nice to get these little things out of the way early on...

  17. #17
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Modern Southern men do not deserve Southern women. They've retained the sexism and lost the chivalry.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Well, whenever I approach a door while walking with a guy, I stop and wait for him to open it. I can very well open it myself but I value being treated "like a lady". I also enjoy letting my guy take the outside of the sidewalk as we walk down the street, having him order for me, etc.

    I am one of the most fiercely independent women you'll ever meet, and there is NOTHING a man can do for me that I can't do myself. I feel 100% equal (or in some cases far superior) to any man, but men and women are always gonna be different and I value the little social niceties that go along with recognizing that. Those niceties are like a show of appreciation toward our (fairer) sex.

    Sometimes when I stop and wait for a guy to open the door for me, he'll comment how he enjoys it, and how rare it is these days to find a woman who'll let him do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    I think that is a bit odd. I mean I'm pretty sure that any guy who tried to order for me would find his head combusting (except wine. That's not a sex thing, I just know nothing about it. So far as I'm concerned anyone but me is ordering the wine. Or if there was another language involved) but I will "let" them open doors without making an issue; I just don't expect it, I'm not insulted if they don't, and I'm not particularly complimented if they do. If a guy was doing it ostentatiously - like "I'm being a guy and opening a door to signal my sexual interest in you, a woman" I might make a joke; otherwise I would probably assume that it was a fairly genderless courtesy. I've never seen anyone actually get mad about it.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I've never seen anyone actually get mad about it.
    I've never seen anyone get mad either. I hear stories, but its a long way from story to fact.

    Joe
    Have we not heard the chimes at midnight?

    Once more, unto the breach, dear friends.

    If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

    -- Its always amazed me how no one learns the lines from Shakespeare. I guess it is true that people don't learn history's lessons until something become's their history.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette View Post
    Well, whenever I approach a door while walking with a guy, I stop and wait for him to open it. I can very well open it myself but I value being treated "like a lady". I also enjoy letting my guy take the outside of the sidewalk as we walk down the street, having him order for me, etc.
    Sexy games, makes them feel good. No problem, you know the respect is there.

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    Veteran Member Lapaholic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    IM with Jay - I open the doors for everyone, say TY and YW and all the rest. I guess being courteous should be afforded to everyone in just about any environment. Tho walking on the outside of the sidewalk - so The guy takes the brunt of the collision with the car - is that right? Im not sure about that. IS that really a rule - my momma never taught me that one!! ha ha


    But u know Ive noticed --- when I hold a door open for a woman - a lot of times i dont get a thank you... Is that because Im insulting her for opening the door or is she just being rude for not thanking me. Hmmm never thought about that until just now.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Modern Southern men do not deserve Southern women. They've retained the sexism and lost the chivalry.
    THANK YOU! I've met some very nice yankee men (no ofeense you guys That's just how folks here think)

    I have the drawl. I say Hey yall. Pronounced yawl. Thanks Max for reminding me just how sexy that is. Espically in a man.

    Men from the south have a serious and now in my eyes tarnished reputation. I guess its becaused I'm not a so called modern woman. I was taught to be polite. My Momma always told me two things. Pretty is as pretty does. Plus... she would say, Girl, remember where you come from.

    Of course I do for myself. That's part of being an adult.

    But good lord, I'm noticing more and more how callous and thoughtless people are to each other. Men here have forgotten how to treat women.

    Once again. I don't expect a lot. Then again when it does happen that nice man will always receive a thank you from me. A look in his eye and my most brilliant smile. Because he deserves it.

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    Default Re: Southern men

    Also I wanted to add, I don't EXPECT any man to do anything for me. I do most everything quite well for myself. Thank you very much

    What I expect from a man is simple. Be nice.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Southern men

    Well, we all knew women could open doors for themselves; pull out their set at a restaurant; yep even order for themselves. Like we knew all along that they manage to do these things for themselves when a male is not around.

    It's really just a matter of how you want to look at it. One way to look at it as a social nicety, an indication of respect, and yes, even a mild attempt to gain a woman's attention. The other way to look at it is that it is meant to indicate women are weak, or incapable.

    I believe the majority sees in the former way, but unfortunately some see it in the later way, hence the sense of offense.

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