how do i not be?
i decided to make this its own thread because i was posting about it a lot in the random thread.
i do well at work. my manager always tells me that given the crowd, and compared to the other girls (we can see it anyway. lap dances are marked down in a notebook.) i'm doing well. but i'm not happy unless i do what *i* think is good. my goal for a fri/sat night is usually $700. last weekend i made $400 each night. that's nothing to be unhappy about, i guess. but it isn't good for me personally, so i've been freaking out over money, saying i need to work another day, and why am i doing so poorly, etc.
i've lost weight recently too. a lot of people have told me. girls at work, and then last weekend one of the security guys i havent seen in over a month said he didnt know what i was doing but i looked really good. it's not good enough for ME though. i look at myself in the mirror at work when i'm on stage and i think "ew." even though i *know* i'm not anything close to "ew." and when i eat something that isn't totally healthy for me, i feel like shit.
so whats going on? i'm my own worst enemy lately. i think the worst about everything. how can i change this? i'm aware of the problem, and that i'm thinking irrationally, but it doesn't help.



Reply With Quote




I'm sorry you're feeling low. If you even need to vent, call me. Or txt me, and I'll call you.

Bookmarks