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Thread: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I have a lot of customers that come in to see me. Some call the club to see if I am at work. But then there are nights where people seem scared of me. I have had some tell me I can be scary....ok, they don't seem scared of the other gothic girls, some of whom are even more out there than me.

    So what makes me seem unapproachable sometimes, but not always?

    I tried writing down what outfit I had on on these nights, along with my mood. The funny thing is that when I am seriously pissed, I make more money than on the nights, I am radiating happiness. The outfit had nothing to do with it.
    Help!

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    Veteran Member thefrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    about the only things that make me go the other way are.

    1. "stuck up girl" nose so high you cant see her Boogers because of the clouds


    2. "crazy girl" IE way to drunk- way to high- way to crazy- bouncing of the walls, falling down, running into everyone etc.


    that being said i love Gothic girls just cant find enough of them in NC. ugh!!

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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    i think, for a lot of them, it's because they think they don't have anything to say to us/in common with us.

    and of course for others it's just because they're judgmental idiots.

    i know (from overhearing conversations and whatnot) that a lot of customers (and people in general) still buy the stereotype that gothic/alternative/punk/whatever looking girls must be "angry" or "depressed".

    it's alright though, if someone's sensibilities are THAT upset by my appearance (especially considering i tone it way down at work), i probably won't get along with them well anyway.

    the funny part is, i'm more well adjusted than PLENTY of the girls i work with. heh, oh well.

  4. #4
    zxcire
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I wear a lot of black, bondage sometimes, but I don't usually have a problem with looking approachable...I think it has to do with the fact that I smile all the time and actively try to entice customers over to my stage with smiles and eye contact.

    The only time I have trouble is when I'm having a bad day and finding it hard to keep a smile on my face or engage in small talk. And sometimes, I'm not really anybody's cup of tea. It happens that way every once in a while.

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    Member Curious_George's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I think that a lot of guys just don't get the gothic scene. It wouldn't be my first choice, but if a girl seemed hot I wouldn't rule her out.

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    Member Curious_George's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I was actually going to list things I didn't find attractive, but I don't think I want my "cyber balls" cut off.

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    Newbie Winterland's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    It's not you, it's us.

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    Picaresque
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Curious_George View Post
    I was actually going to list things I didn't find attractive, but I don't think I want my "cyber balls" cut off.
    Go on, do it. It won't affect your cyber-balls, b/c whatever you say, it's just one person's opinion. But I'm curious; I think it's fun to see what does it (and what doesn't) for different people.

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I think it's attitude. I have glam rock style at work that could be perceived as gothic. I too only have trouble when not smiling. I go out of my way to make eye contact with a big smile on my face.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Member Curious_George's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I guess I was thinking unattractive, not unapproachable. I got to say that one of the best nights I've ever had at a club was with this one girl who I thought was really cute, but had a nose-in-the-air, real snooty attitude about her. That actually attracted me to her. It turns out we had great chemistry. She's the first dancer that ever gave me her number and I didn't even ask. I guess when it comes right down to it, I don't think in terms of unapproachable. Unlike the real world, if you're a dancer in the club then you're fair game. Now if I notice you're with the same guy(s) all night I might be less tempted to bother, but if you're pretty enough I'd at least ask. Or some girls are just so obviously in high demand I might not want to waste my time waiting all night.

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Being female and hot (I'm shy).

    Okay more seriously things that make a dancer unapproachable to me:
    • talking to anyone (I feel like I'm being rude and interrupting).
    • sitting or standing anywhere adjacent to a coworker (I can't approach 2+ dancers, I feel like I'm rejecting the one I'm not approaching, interrupting your conversation, and it just feels way too much like approaching women at a bar, which I can't do).
    • Looking bored, uninterested, frowning, slouching, etc. Anything that makes you look like you don't want to be there makes me take it personally.
    • playing video poker.
    • hanging out with the DJ.
    • sitting near a customer.


    I love when the dancers at my club exit the DR or finish making their rounds, and they just stand near the doorman/lap dance booths, waiting for a dance. It makes it so easy.

    I don't know what's with the anti-gothic look sentiments. I'm ridiculously preppie and clean-cut, but I like the "goth slut" look. Maybe opposites attract, maybe I just like any look that's hot.
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I'm not gothic but I have tattoo's and piercings and mostly wear black.
    I have alot of trouble with being approachable, it's nopthing to do with what I wear, apparently I look snooty or snobby and 'too cool for school'.
    Anyone who knows me can confirm that this is definately off the mark.

    XS

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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    Being female and hot (I'm shy).

    Okay more seriously things that make a dancer unapproachable to me:
    • talking to anyone (I feel like I'm being rude and interrupting).
    • sitting or standing anywhere adjacent to a coworker (I can't approach 2+ dancers, I feel like I'm rejecting the one I'm not approaching, interrupting your conversation, and it just feels way too much like approaching women at a bar, which I can't do).
    • Looking bored, uninterested, frowning, slouching, etc. Anything that makes you look like you don't want to be there makes me take it personally.
    • playing video poker.
    • hanging out with the DJ.
    • sitting near a customer.


    I love when the dancers at my club exit the DR or finish making their rounds, and they just stand near the doorman/lap dance booths, waiting for a dance. It makes it so easy.

    I don't know what's with the anti-gothic look sentiments. I'm ridiculously preppie and clean-cut, but I like the "goth slut" look. Maybe opposites attract, maybe I just like any look that's hot.

    This confirms my suspicions about some of my behaviours that might put guys off. Thank-u this is very helpful info.
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    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Veteran Member azdd's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    • talking to anyone (I feel like I'm being rude and interrupting).
    • sitting or standing anywhere adjacent to a coworker (I can't approach 2+ dancers, I feel like I'm rejecting the one I'm not approaching, interrupting your conversation, and it just feels way too much like approaching women at a bar, which I can't do).
    • Looking bored, uninterested, frowning, slouching, etc. Anything that makes you look like you don't want to be there makes me take it personally.
    • playing video poker.
    • hanging out with the DJ.
    • sitting near a customer.
    Just a few thoughts to follow up on Stat's list above,
    Every custy has had that experience of sitting in a SC watching the parade, and then spotting that absolute vision of perfection across the room that then becomes your singular goal, your purpose for being there, the ONE that you want in your lap before you leave. Once this happens to me there are only a couple of things that make that dancer unapproachable:
    • I will (almost) never approach a dancer that is sitting with one or more customers, because that does border on being rude. However, if I know her, I might just tap her on the shoulder and say hello, just so she knows I'm in the club. Nobody seems to mind this at all.
    • If I see her working the floor across the room, I have no problem walking over to her to ask her to join me. I haven't always done this, but age and experience has a way of boosting confidence (and decreasing the fear of what anyone thinks). However, if she's not on the floor, hanging out in the DR all night, then I won't wait forever.
    • I refuse to go into a smoking lounge to look for a dancer.
    • Approaching 2 or more dancers together doesn't bother me at all. In fact, on a recent club visit, I approached two gorgeous dancers while they were talking and asked if they would each come dance for me when they had a chance. They laughed and asked "Which of us do you want first?" Both were awesome, by the way.
    IMHO, any dancer that doesn't want to be approached by customers, is not going to maximize her earnings. And for the custys, if you see someone you want dances from, go ask her! If she blows you off, then it's her lo$$.

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    Being female and hot (I'm shy).

    Okay more seriously things that make a dancer unapproachable to me:
    • talking to anyone (I feel like I'm being rude and interrupting).
    • sitting or standing anywhere adjacent to a coworker (I can't approach 2+ dancers, I feel like I'm rejecting the one I'm not approaching, interrupting your conversation, and it just feels way too much like approaching women at a bar, which I can't do).
    • Looking bored, uninterested, frowning, slouching, etc. Anything that makes you look like you don't want to be there makes me take it personally.
    • playing video poker.
    • hanging out with the DJ.
    • sitting near a customer.

    I love when the dancers at my club exit the DR or finish making their rounds, and they just stand near the doorman/lap dance booths, waiting for a dance. It makes it so easy.

    I don't know what's with the anti-gothic look sentiments. I'm ridiculously preppie and clean-cut, but I like the "goth slut" look. Maybe opposites attract, maybe I just like any look that's hot.
    this helps.
    but what confuses me is that on nights I look "angry" I make more than on nights where I look happy and smile a lot.
    I've even tried changing into colorful clothes and heels, instead of my boots and seem to make less than when I am what everyone else thinks is "angry".
    The leather jacket in my profile picture I wear as a top a lot and make good in it alone with the boots and spike collar and slave armbands.

    Thank you for the help. Maybe the dance name I use has something to do with the angry look working? My dance name is Vampirella.

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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Well, as to your particular situation, I think looking somnewhat goth and having the name Vampirella, you're gonna attract guys who like that look. Those who like the blonde ex-high-school-cheerleader types probably won't come knocking. I think this probably explains why you make less on your "happy" days -- who wants a happy, goth vampire, any more than a sullen cheerleader? It just doesn't fit.

    More generally, why approach some and not others. Like anyone else, there are physical things that just "rule you out" -- for me in a club, overweight, or having fake boobs, or being somewhat older, are the only ones that really cause me not to approach someone. On a non-physical level, others here have named most of them -- you're occupied, or you don't look like you want to talk, or you're always in the dressing room (this happens more than I would have ever thought -- "where did that girl fucking go?"), are 3 big ones.

  17. #17
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by winterrose View Post
    this helps.
    but what confuses me is that on nights I look "angry" I make more than on nights where I look happy and smile a lot.
    I've even tried changing into colorful clothes and heels, instead of my boots and seem to make less than when I am what everyone else thinks is "angry".
    The leather jacket in my profile picture I wear as a top a lot and make good in it alone with the boots and spike collar and slave armbands.

    Thank you for the help. Maybe the dance name I use has something to do with the angry look working? My dance name is Vampirella.
    maybe you should try conforming a bit to what sellls. A name like Vampirella is a little scary and too gimmicky.....but a name like Belladonna, Rhiannon, Scarlet, etc still has the dark gothic kinda feel but not as blatant. you can't completely carry yourself over to your stripper persona, if youre gothic IRL, then make yourself glamorous and dark and a little bit gothic at the club. for example, i'm a total hippie IRL, no makeup, curly hair, very bohemian clothing etc.. but I can't do that in the club and make money-- so I just add a little bit of my real personality in and it works--because IMO i'm still different from the standard stripper barbie doll type, but i'm not totally out there either.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    Being female and hot (I'm shy).

    Okay more seriously things that make a dancer unapproachable to me:
    • talking to anyone (I feel like I'm being rude and interrupting).
    • sitting or standing anywhere adjacent to a coworker (I can't approach 2+ dancers, I feel like I'm rejecting the one I'm not approaching, interrupting your conversation, and it just feels way too much like approaching women at a bar, which I can't do).
    • Looking bored, uninterested, frowning, slouching, etc. Anything that makes you look like you don't want to be there makes me take it personally.
    • playing video poker.
    • hanging out with the DJ.
    • sitting near a customer.

    Dude... your ideal girl stands in the middle of the room, not talking to anyone but looking super-fucking happy and smiley?

    Just imagine how insane that sounds!

    Like youre at a party and a girl is standing all by herself beaming, smiling, and being happy for no good reason... with no one conversing with her?

    I would call the psych ward if I saw that...


    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Veteran Member Jayde81's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Dude... your ideal girl stands in the middle of the room, not talking to anyone but looking super-fucking happy and smiley?

    Just imagine how insane that sounds!

    Like youre at a party and a girl is standing all by herself beaming, smiling, and being happy for no good reason... with no one conversing with her?

    I would call the psych ward if I saw that...


    THANKU!!! u took the words right out of my mouth?? im wondering if he ever finds ANYONE to dance for him

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    Member Curious_George's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I agree with some of lastat 1's tendencies. Yeah, I wouldn't bug a dancer that's with a customer. If she were with another dancer, I might be a little hesitant, but the horny bastard dominant gene in me takes over. I still say "excuse me" though.

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    Senior Member GeorgeBailey's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I typically approach dancers when they're on stage if I want a dance.


    If I find someone physically attractive, about the only thing that will keep me from approaching them is their attitude. Looking angry or disinterested would do it.

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I've seen dancers on stage who really look attractive to me, but when they come off stage, they either

    a. go sit with all their non-dancer girlfriends, or
    b. go sit with their boyfriends and all their buddies.

    Nobody in either group ever buys a dance, but the dancer never leaves her little group until it is her next turn on stage. When done, back to the table.

    My guess is that this is a dancer who does not want to give LDs, so I give up and ask someone else.

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    Veteran Member Lapaholic's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    I noticed u r in Mississippi - u think maybe that could be why? Goth is not a look I think of when I think of the deep south.


    I like and agree w/ leStat's observations. I will add that sume custies - like myself - dont like to get off our lazy behinds to approach a dancer and they prefer to be approached.

    Good luck! ( BTW I think goth is cool in a sc)

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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jayde81 View Post
    THANKU!!! u took the words right out of my mouth?? im wondering if he ever finds ANYONE to dance for him
    Haha! I guess crazy girls need love too...


    But seriously. Guys can't have it both ways:

    They can't say "I'm too scared to approach a girl when shes talking to someone."
    then say...
    "I don't like it when girls approach me/hustle me/etc."

    You're in a club, dudes, that means you won't be turned down!!!! (as long as you're not wearing sweatpants!).

    If two girls are talking say "Excuse me... can I have a dance with you *point*/both of you/ etc.?"

    Talking about the sale at Victoria's Secret can wait. Trust that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: what makes a girl unapproachable to the customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Dude... your ideal girl stands in the middle of the room, not talking to anyone but looking super-fucking happy and smiley?

    Just imagine how insane that sounds!
    No, not at all. You've taken what I wrote to an exaggerated extreme, as if there exists no middle ground between frowning and staring off into space, and super-psycho happy. If you're looking to mock me, you should do a search on my name. I've written plenty on SW that will give you far better material than what I wrote in this thread. Enjoy.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Like youre at a party and a girl is standing all by herself beaming, smiling, and being happy for no good reason... with no one conversing with her?

    I would call the psych ward if I saw that...


    Hmm, I can't imagine a scenario where I'd approach a woman at a party, but if I'm forced between the ridiculous extreme of the above, or a frowning, pissed-off looking person, I'd talk to the happy woman. Not that it relates to this thread, there's only a little resemblence between my ideal woman to date and my ideal woman from whom to purchase dances.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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