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Thread: am I in danger?

  1. #26
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    can you go on a trip for awhile and work somewhere else?

    I would still say to file a restraining order because if working somewhere else works he will transfer his attentions to some other poor girl. at least it will maybe help whoever his future victims are.

  2. #27
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    has been back to harass you?

  3. #28
    Member Heidi Hills's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    I hope she's OK. She hasn't been on since she posted this.
    Who are YOU to judge the life I live??
    I know that I'm not perfect & that I don't live to be.
    But before you start pointing fingers...
    Make sure your fucking hands are CLEAN.

    "...If you can make a girl laugh
    - you can make her do anything..."
    - Marilyn Monroe


  4. #29
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Don't know if it is a customer's place to pipe in, but I read the gun idea mentioned a few posts ago.

    It's a baaaad idea to bring a firearm into the equation.

    First, because it makes you overconfident when getting the heck out is usually the safest bet.

    Second, if you don't own a gun already that's probably a clue as to how you will handle and/or your willingness to actually put a bullet into another human being.

    Third, as vile as this sounds, a women who kills a man stands a higher risk of facing major jail time or execution for the act. Long-term studies have shown that the death penalty in the United States is administered based on the race and gender of the victim, not the shooter. So, if you shoot a white man, you might as well shoot yourself when you're done.

    Common sense and best practices are the way to go. Keep your head on a swivel. Assume the worst when suspicion arises. Don't be afraid to run. Nothing saves more lives than distance.

    Truth be told, these are just good rules for the road. A large number of murders in the United States occur late night and involve alcohol. That doesn't bode well for ladies at a SC.

    And again: the gun idea is a bad idea. You want to remove variables, not add them.

  5. #30
    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Restraining orders are good for helping to obtain murder convictions once you've been killed. That's about all they're good for. Don't expect a restraining order to keep you safe because it won't.

    Never leave the house unarmed. Make sure you know where to reach a weapon whenever you're at home. Keep your weapon handy when you're out (NOT in your bag, for example). Always keep at least one hand inside your pocket, preferably on your weapon. Your weapon doesn't have to be a gun, though a gun is best; it can also be a knife, very strong pepper spray, whatever. Be prepared to USE THE WEAPON. Don't make threats. Warning him that you'll call the police or you'll use the weapon "if he doesn't leave you alone" just shows weakness, it tells him that you don't want to defend yourself.

    ASSUME THAT THIS GUY WANTS TO KILL YOU. He's probably prepared to do it. Any capitulation on your part could be lethal. The next time you see him, assume that he has come to kill you and act accordingly. You're going to have to resort to force at some point, so be ready.

    I'm sorry you're in this mess. I know it's not fair.

    I agree with this.
    Are you okay?
    You haven't posted any since this thread started.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

  6. #31
    Newbie wickid54's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    i've come across this situation a few times with ladies i work with.
    a gun is the last resort. (do you really want that on you conscience?)
    at this point, cops ARE your best friend. i actually have my local PD on voice dial.
    these guys usually go away with a good threat.
    get the biggest male friend you know, get him to pretend to be you b/f (unless he already is), and let him know the beating he will get. remind him you are a professional and you are are work.
    depending on you local laws, deadly force is legal, provided you are in "immanent danger".... and it sounds like you are.
    and get the club to ban him. that actually should be the first step.
    if you get a gun, go with a .40 cal.
    easy to handle, and excellent stopping power.
    but hope you don't have to go that far.

  7. #32
    Senior Member pixiekittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Hi all. Thank you so much for all the great advice. I've been extremely busy lately and haven't had much time to post but I wanted to let you all know that I'm okay.

    The stalker guy has not set foot into the club, nor has he tried to follow me since. I was told my the bouncer and my manager that exactly a week after the incident, a customer kept calling in to see if I was working. They said he was harassing them and kept calling every 10 minutes to ask if I was working that night (which they told him I wasn't) and he kept saying, "Are you lying to me? Tell me the truth because I will go in there tonight and check for myself, etc."

    I went into work that night and we were all on the lookout for him but that bastard didn't show up. I doubt he will try to set foot into the club. He is a coward and will probably try to get me when I am alone and vulnerable.

    Management, security guards and customers are all aware of this guy, although they do not know what he looks like. They're all ready to give him an ass beating. I purchased pepper spray and carry it with me everywhere I go. I try to have someone I know follow me home for at least 5 min. before departing ways. I am even more aware of my surroundings than ever before.

    I am looking into the idea of purchasing and (legally) carrying a firearm but am still doing my research on that. If I do purchase one, I will make sure to get the proper training on how to use and handle it. I am hesitant because the law states that the weapon has to be in a seperate locked container from the bullets if it is in my car. What would be the point in carrying it if I cannot get to it quickly and easy enough if I am attacked while in my vehicle?

    I also have plans to check out other clubs this week. Not sure if changing locations would make much of a difference, but it doesn't hurt to try.

    Thank you everyone for the advice and support.

  8. #33
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    I know blue comments are not always welcome here but a similar situation happened to a dancer friend of mine. She had him barred from the club, went to Superior Court for a restraining order, and was prepared to have the guy roughed up if those didn't work ( he was making threatening phone calls and comments to others). Fortunately they did. A gun will only be of value to you if he comes to your house since you can't very well carry it on you out and about.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

  9. #34
    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Glad to know you are alright, Pixiekitten.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

  10. #35
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    I'm glad to know that you're all right, too. I just want to second what everyone has said, here. Having been in a similar situation and also having seen a girlfriend of mine go through something similar, one of the best pieces of advice I got was to alter my routines frequently--like every trip out for a while--and to, as has been said here, have as many contacts aware of where you are as possible. The banging on the window, and the calling and threatening the club add up to this not being over--not to worry you, but I think this is the time to be especially vigilant and on top of this. This is a guy over the edge. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you are when you have a chance.
    JK Jim

  11. #36
    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    I always advise people in stalker-type situations to hire a private investigator to follow him around and document the BS he is putting you through. This way if he pulls any shit, the P.I. can make an arrest on the spot have the harassment documented.

    Also what Vegas Princess said.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  12. #37
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    ^^^ assuming that you don't live in a NAZI-like handgun law state like NY or CA, I would definitely recommend spending a few extra bucks to buy your first handgun through a local sporting goods dealer. This way you can get the 'feel' of several different handgun types, as well as for several different calibres. The local sporting goods dealer can also hook you up with a local source of the target range / training you will need.

    Strictly a personal opinion here, but I would not bother with a calibre lighter than 9mm for self-defense purposes. Where self-defense of a 'smallish' woman is concerned, your handgun MUST have sufficient 'stopping power' to actually put down your assailant. .22 and .32 are a joke from this standpoint, since all they are likely to do is piss off your attacker unless you have successfully aimed at a vulnerable area - which is a very tall order given that if you feel threatened enough to fire your handgun you're probably not going to be 'composed' enough to aim that accurately.

    .38 is a bit better, and is on the borderline of having adequate 'stopping power'. If you have a really small build, the recoil from a .38 may be the upper limit of what you can handle. However, most dancers will discover that the wrist strength that they have developed as a result of pole dancing really helps out where recoil is concerned. 9mm is a bit better still, with a bit more stopping power and a bit more recoil. However, both .38 and 9mm run the risk of not 'stopping' a physically large assailant or a particularly determined one if you fail to successfully aim for and hit a 'vulnerable' area.

    My personal choice for a self-defense calibre is 10mm Light a.k.a. .40 S&W. This round definitely has the 'stopping power', without having SO much recoil that I wind up sitting on my ass after firing (i.e. .45's, .41 magnum and larger). I went with a Baby Desert Eagle pistol, and sent it to be MagnaPorted (which is a modification that reduces recoil by directing part of the firing gas blast out the sides of the barrel to keep it from kicking up). The Baby Eagle + MagnaPorting wasn't cheap, but neither is the 'value' of my life ! Also, the Baby Eagle simply looks 'nasty', which helps to create the impression you want on a would-be assailant who first sees your handgun ... 'if I keep this up, this bitch will blow my fuckin head off!"

    Keep in mind that carrying a handgun for self-defense can quickly be come a two edged sword. If you pull out your handgun and the assailant doesn't stop of his own volition upon seeing your gun, you have then created a situation where there will be about 2 seconds in which you must 'stop' your assailant before he takes your handgun away from you and threatens you with your own gun ! This typically means there's time for just one shot, and that one shot must 'drop' your attacker. If you don't have the composure and determination to take that one shot in a potentially life threatning situation, don't bother buying a handgun - it's that simple.

    ~
    Last edited by Melonie; 04-06-2008 at 05:37 PM.

  13. #38
    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Just be careful. These guys can resort to crazy violence at the drop of a hat. This guy sounds waaaay more nuts than a guy that broke in and was waiting in my apt to rape and/or kill me one night.

    Also, pepper spray sounds like the best plan to me. Keep it in your hand while getting in/out of your car and entering your home. It won't do any good in your purse. If you lived in a state with a concealed weapon permit, I would think the handgun may be helpful, but if it is in the glove compartment, unloaded, it's useless.

    Also, if you don't have much experience with guns, they can easily be taken and used against you. I don't have any statistics, but I've heard that is a pretty common occurance.

    Stay Safe!

    Jasmine

  14. #39
    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    You may want to rent a car as well, for the time being.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  15. #40
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    If I were in this situation I'd get pepper spray now + a taser when I had the time to train.

    The only reason to pick up a gun and fire it at someone is if you don't mind killing them (and, quite usually in this misogynistic court system, a legal battle afterwards in which you may or may not wind up in jail.)

    Aside from that: I'm only chiming in here, folks, nothing new, but DAMN you SW ladies are awesome.

    I think there's more useful advice to women in trouble here than at the average women's shelter.
    Last edited by thechaosfairy; 04-07-2008 at 03:01 AM. Reason: clarity
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

  16. #41
    Veteran Member Kitsune83's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    For small ladies concerned with recoil.....you could always consider "compensated fire" guns. Larger calibre guns with a small vent in the top of the barrel that takes a bit of the kick out of it. I've shot a few and it DOES make a difference....OR you could always just buy the .45 and take a few extra rounds at the shooting range....it doesn't take that much time to get used to, really. You needn't be enormous to shoot it....I weigh about 112 and I shoot the damned thing very well. I like a 9mm better personally....but you need to be very, very accurate to use it as a self defense weapon.....so....a larger calibre is better for a more inexperienced shooter who is likely to be frightened (duh) and needs some major stopping power because she might not be hitting a vital spot with her first shot. Plus, some of those larger guns just look scary enough to slow down an attacker (advantage: YOU) My advice : Go to a shooting range (preferably indoor) rent a few different calibre guns......just talk to the dude at the counter....tell him that you want to get a gun for self protection and you're trying to get a feel for what you want. Then you can shoot several different guns for an hour or so and see what you think you might want to go for.....go back a few times if you think you need to. Then buy one, and practice with your new gun.....practice until you're very very comfy. Take a class to get your conceal and carry permit if that's what you want to do. And always proceed with caution.

    Edit: I believe that Melonie's "Magna-porting" is a lot like compensated fire.....just certain guns come with it already as a feature and she had it as a modification to her gun. Compensated fire in the gun that I fired blew part of the blast out the top of the barrel rather than the sides. I think it's a great feature, I'd like to get it someday, but right now I have a "hand me down" gun, so that's what I stick with.

  17. #42
    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Hiring a P.I. is a great idea. Making friends with the local bikers isn't so bad either.

  18. #43
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    There is a really good book about how to deal with potentially violent people called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. If you could get a copy, there's a lot of information in there to help you prepare yourself calmly for the worst and hopefully avoid this situation coming to violence.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  19. #44
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    Edit: I believe that Melonie's "Magna-porting" is a lot like compensated fire.....just certain guns come with it already as a feature and she had it as a modification to her gun. Compensated fire in the gun that I fired blew part of the blast out the top of the barrel rather than the sides. I think it's a great feature, I'd like to get it someday, but right now I have a "hand me down" gun, so that's what I stick with.
    Yes this is essentially the same idea. With the MagnaPort process, the holes are placed in the sides of the barrel but at something like 45 degrees. This provides a downward thrust from the exhaust gases the same way as a compensator port in the top of the barrel. But because the gases go sideways (more or less) instead of straight up, the discharge doesn't obscure your vision and the barrel is prevented from jumping sideways as well as jumping up.



    I had fired a 'stock' .40 S&W Baby Eagle without ports, and while the recoil was still manageable it was marginally so, at least in my case. Adding the MagnaPorts reduced the remaining recoil from a .40 S&W bullet down to the level I had previously experienced with a .32 pistol. While the scenario discussed in this thread revolves around one assailant and one 'put-down' shot, there are lots of other scenarios where the ability to rip off half your clip in quick sequence could be very important. This is where the side angle blast of the MagnaPort really makes a difference.

    Hiring a P.I. is a great idea. Making friends with the local bikers isn't so bad either
    All approaches along this line have a huge problem. Unless you are living with the P.I., biker, gang banger, bouncer etc. there are going to be plenty of occasions when you will be alone and potentially vulnerable.

  20. #45
    Veteran Member Kitsune83's Avatar
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    Default Re: am I in danger?

    ^^Melonie- Thanks for that piece of information! It sounds like MagnaPorting has a distinct advantage over compensated fire. I was previously looking at Glocks. (The "C series" to be exact") but they have vents in a "v" on the outside top of the barrel. Sounds like sending another gun off for MagnaPorting might be a better investment.

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