I have a very strained relationship already with my mother. She never left our very abusive father because she's very lazy, a mentally weak crybaby, and has literally never taken care of herself one day in her life. In the meantime, she basically put her children up like lambs to slaughter in exchange for rent and an easy life. We were physically, emotionally, and verbally abused our entire lives with them. By the age of 6 they were already beating us with a belt. She wasn't much better than my dad, she would call him at work when she couldn't handle us, screaming about how horrible we were, then he would come home and beat us. She set him on us like a pit bull.
Back in the day my father was a general manager at a huge car dealership and made $100k +, then the dealership changed hands and they let him go. He went back to selling cars at commission, and because of his alcoholism/drug problems/problems with authority he hasn't advanced since. He's near 50 and still living paycheck to paycheck. They handle their money poorly and live outside their means. My mother had a car accident a few years ago, hurt her back (which has since been fixed TWICE), became hooked on her pain pills, and at 48 she is as helpless and needy as an 80 year old woman. She hasn't worked in years, and refuses to go back to school and get some kind of certification to earn a living and contribute to society because she'll lose the small amount of Social Security Disability and her medicare she gets for sitting on her ass.
Well, this explains in large part why I started stripping and taking care of myself at 18. I wanted no amount of dependency towards my parents. I wanted to be free of my abusers and be my own person. I don't want to turn out like them.
I borrowed money from them ONCE. I was in a rough patch when I was 20. I had just gotten an apartment by myself, and bought a new car. My mother made one car payment and one car insurance payment ($600) and I paid her back within a few months. In my first year of college, I was still on their cell phone plan, and went over on my minutes, which caused the whole family to be charged overages for what she claims is six months. She literally made me pay $2500 for the entire family's cell phone plan, not just the difference for overages - but never let me see the actual bills. This was when they were losing their house because my father's alcoholism reached it's peak (it's remained there since) and he lost job after job and couldn't make money. I just kept giving her money, thinking it would somehow repair my relationship with her. I just wanted to appease her. All the while she acted like she didn't know I was stripping. She did. She just wanted the money and played dumb. Now she knows I make money and she's emotionally blackmailing me. When she "found out" I was stripping, she freaked out and called me a whore and said maybe if she and Dad had beat me more maybe I wouldn't have turned out to be such a slut.
I have paid her back the $600 TWICE because she has given me such a hard time and I have just acquiesced to her bullying. Now she is saying I still owe her the $600! Not only that, she says I told her to claim me as a dependent so I could get grants for school (we live in different states and they probably make $30K a year! How could I conceivably be dependent on her?!). We're supposed to visit my sister in Denver for my niece's birthday this May. She was bugging me to buy tickets with her so she could connect in my city and we could share a rental car (that I would be paying for). I told her that now is not a good time because I just paid my taxes, so I'd be buying my tickets in a few weeks. This was via email. She just emailed me saying...
" Hi! I am going to have refile my taxes because I put you on our taxes so you could get a Pell Grant this fall. You told me earlier this year that this was the last year for you to be on our taxes. Now maybe I misunderstood you. So I am going file an amendment to my taxes and tell the IRS that I did my taxes thru turbo tax and just transfered my information from last year. I will tell them (IRS) that I just noticed that you had not been removed when I went to make a copy of my taxes. I will have to pay the IRS back $324. I am selling some of my stuff on e-bay to get the money together. I hope I will have this done by the 15th of April."
This Pell Grant stuff is bullshit. She claimed me as a dependent to get a bigger refund that she is not entitled to. I let her in years past so I could get away with not paying taxes (my bad, I know, but I'm 25 now, in a different state, and beyond the legal age of dependency as far as school goes) and the money she would get would shut her up. She spent the money and expects me to pay her back. I told her multiple times I was claiming taxes for myself this year.
I'm so frustrated. My mother is gouging me! My horrible mother who let our father abuse us in exchange for an easy life expects us to take care of her! My diabetic father who eats and drinks in a way that would kill a normal person is going to saddle us with her when he dies young (which he will). They have no savings, a paltry life insurance policy, and she has no livelihood. When this happens, unless we take her on as a responsibility, she'll be living in a trailer eating cat food.
This is horrible! The trip to Denver is going to be awful! She's going to make it look like I haven't paid her back that $600 to the rest of my family, and I told her to claim me as a dependent - so it's all my fault she has to sell her precious belongings on ebay! How about this? Get a job and take care of yourself! UGH! I'm so mad I'm crying.
Do any of you have a situation like this in your life and can you help me straighten up my fucked up mother without cutting off all ties with her? I don't want the stress of disowning my family, I would rather be fake and pleasant with them for holidays and such. I just sent her a stern and civilized email telling her to stop asking me for money, that the IRS problem is her own, and causing problems between me and the rest of the family.



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This is not okay. I guess and I hate to say it, just look at is as happy you turned out so well.... and not like your mom....she's probably a very nice person on the inside but well....doesn't act like one. And you're very sweet & successful. So.... look on her with compassion I suppose.



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