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Thread: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

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    Default How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    OK, first off, hello. I'm a n00b. Kick my ass as needed if I break the forum etiquette. Secondly, I need some help figuring something out and this will be a looong post. Sorry.

    Anyhow, a bit about the club itself, since context matters...

    I was at this club this weekend. It's only the third time I've ever gone to this particular club. It is a nice enough place, not upscale, but clean, decent and with a strong sense that it is safe. I'm in an area that does not allow alcohol at all in the clubs. The club itself is well-monitored, with cameras that always have a set of eyeballs watching the screens. It's no touching for customers, but they allow lap dances.

    I've done enough of the club thing to know that there are boundaries and you disregard those boundaries at the risk of your ass and the dancer's happy home at the club. We have skankier clubs that are fronts in this area if that's what you or her are looking to do. This ain't one of them.

    This dancer was the second to dance after I came in, around 9 pm.

    Things were just starting to pick up, which is a good thing IMHO, because I hate when there are few guys at the rail. You go broke way too fast to actually enjoy a whole night out.

    Immediately after she was done with her set she came by and sat down next to me. We BSed a bit, but there was no solicitation for a private dance or anything. We actually ended up talking about where she was from.

    Now, this actually cramps my style a bit, because I like to get a look at all the girls before settling on any one girl.

    Anyhow, she sticks around while the other dancers (I think there were eight there that night) did their sets. She crawls up on my lap, and keeps talking. Now, as much as this cramped my style, I actually liked talking to her.

    After everyone does their sets, she comes back out and does the same thing. We talk a bit. I'm pretty accepting of it, because if nothing else it gave me a chance to get the other dancers into some girl-on-girl with her. I ain't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

    Now, even after another patron at the rail all but said, "I'd like a dance" to her, she still stayed there with me. We talked, and talked. Eventually, management got a little pissy with her. I can't blame 'em -- it is a business, right?

    The totality of her response to management being pissed was to get off my lap and still sit next to me and talk!! They eventually sent a bouncer over to sit next to us. And she still kept at it. She even progressed to hand-holding and random jokes.

    Understand, I didn't mind it too deeply. She wasn't overtly crazy or anything, and I can see where a dancer might want someone to just sit with. I don't see how she can turn down good business just to sit with some guy, but that's her choice.

    I said to her several times that I don't want to be seen as hogging all the action, but she shrugged that off. And I know it was a problem, because they guy who asked and his friend both left not long after he asked. Again, can't blame 'em. If I saw some guy get repeated girl-on-girl with full lap privileges for practically free, while I'm just getting an occasional boobie, I'd probably take my football and go home, too.

    Now, I had a business meeting the next morning.

    FTR, I don't look like a businessman at all; I look like I belong in a motorcycle gang, complete with beard and ponytail. I work in a technical field where if you have the skill, no one can afford to not employ you based on your looks, so I groom myself the way I see fit.

    So, I told her I'd get a private dance; one, because I have to be lucid because my job requires meeting with clients and translating normal human speak into geek speak so that real work gets done without any of the geeks scaring off any of the money.

    It wasn't one dance. It would have easily been three, if it weren't for the fact one of the other girls needed the room and made it known. It was an incredible dance. I don't know if it is possible to rape a man who likes you while keeping his clothes on, but if it is, she basically did.

    When I went to leave she made a point of stopping me and making sure she gave me her number (hooray) and her myspace (ugh). This took a few more minutes, and I was patient and thanked her, although I didn't give her my contact info. So, I left, because I had an hour of driving still to do that night and another hour of driving after getting up in the morning.

    What do you ladies make of this?

    I tried asking in a more male forum elsewhere on teh internets, and unsurprisingly they responded the way a chimp would to a discussion of bananas. So, I tracked down where there might be women who get this stuff, and her I am asking.

    What gives?

    This violated the hell out of a lot of rules that I was taught early on about going to clubs. Obviously, Rule One is that she ain't into you, so don't think it and don't ask. Rule Two is this is fantasy, play along but play by the rules.

    I'm actually a little confounded. My main interest in going to a club is that none of the stuff follows me home. I'm young enough (just turned 30) that I'm not desperate. I'm 6'2" and I've been told enough times I'm cute that I assume it wasn't some strange lie. I'm gainfully employed; mostly courteous if you don't mind my swearing; straight and willing. So, it's not like I need this girl as to any other girl.

    All that said, I liked her. She was cute to my liking. I enjoyed talking to her and even thought she was fairly funny (most girls avoid funny because they think it cramps guys' style).

    But, I'm trying to separate the issues. Particularly, I know better than to break basic rules that have kept me safe for years. On the other hand, it has been years since I've met a girl that I liked enough to want to do much more than try to get into bed with her because I was bored and lonely. I could easily handle just sitting with this chick and watching a movie without any action.

    On the other hand, I know all of this is waaaay over the line.

    From the ladies perspective, what do you think I should do? (Sorry guys, I've already heard the universally dumb answers you have.)

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    I think you might just find that clumping noise of boots you can hear offstage is the 1st Batallion, Royal Regiment of Dancers forming up before moving in for the assault.

    Enjoy.......

    Phil.

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    "FTR, I don't look like a businessman at all; I look like I belong in a motorcycle gang, complete with beard and ponytail"

    Ok, on this, Just being me, I make a lot of money off the bikers. And my expereinces with them are that they are fun to be around. They are also brutally honest about their likes and dislikes. Which simplifies my job.

    "But,The totality of her response to management being pissed was to get off my lap and still sit next to me and talk!!"

    that is never a good thing. She probably got her ass chewed and or fined for that blatant disregard for club rules. Usually you do not sit with someone longer than 2-3 songs without getting paid or them buying dances.

    "They eventually sent a bouncer over to sit next to us. And she still kept at it. She even progressed to hand-holding and random jokes I'm trying to separate the issues. Particularly, I know better than to break basic rules that have kept me safe for years. On the other hand, it has been years since I've met a girl that I liked enough to want to do much more than try to get into bed with her because I was bored and lonely. I could easily handle just sitting with this chick and watching a movie without any action"

    you might have given off the "sugar daddy vibe". Or she might be trying to hustle you for a lot later on OTC.
    Some people give off the sugar daddy vibe and are young. The no strings attached, no sex involved, Let's be friends.
    She might just be really new as well, and approaching the job like you would when getting to know someone before dating them. That happens a lot where I am at, the new girls approach dancing like dating and get the two confused.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by winterrose View Post
    Usually you do not sit with someone longer than 2-3 songs without getting paid or them buying dances.
    I've read that most dancers that know shit at all have a ten minute rule, tops, for a slow night. After that, it is almost like a stop loss decision in stock trading.

    I don't give off the sugar daddy vibe. This is the first time I have ever had a dancer cross any boundaries this far and this blatantly, at least out by the rail.

    What particularly threw me about the experience is that I thought I was pretty direct about not wanting boundaries crossed. From a business standpoint, I thought blowing off a guy who was clearly asking for a dance was not just out of bounds, but unprofessional. If somebody at my business blew off a business call because they were too involved with a project I would go monkey shit about it!

    I'll be honest. This isn't a part of the country where the hard sell is even necessary.

    And understand, we're talking hours upon hours sitting there talking. Not that I minded, but a strip club isn't the place to start doing things that clearly display as out of the ordinary.

    By the way, I asked around a bit and she has worked there for a while. At least a year. I didn't see her the other two times I went there, but who knows. By all accounts, she's pretty regular there and never goes to other clubs.

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    hard sell not needed.....in my area, I could only wish!

    hours and hours? did you at least pay her?

    I might have talked to you, but there is no way I am going to blow off another guy asking for a dance, especially if you aren't buying any and the bouncer has come over....

    have you seen her since then? you implied you haven't.

    and you are right I am not going to do things that are way out of the ordinary beyond my own personality.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Okay. Well she obviously loves you and finds you very attractive and wants you sexually.

    Seriously. How would we know? We do not know if she is just incompetent, if you are reasonably good looking, if she knows anything about you, if she is just stupid, if you are making any or all of this of this up, if she was drunk or high or if you just have a great personality which you couldn't possibly exhibit here in this period of time, if you remind her of her daddy. We don't know. May I repeat? We don't know. We don't know this woman, and there are a lot of dancers who have a lot of motivations. We don't know.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    You wrote a bible to ask us what? Sorry I didn't feel like reading for 15 minutes.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Maybe shes really lonely and found you easy to talk to. Maybe she wasn't in the mood to work that night. Maybe she had bad cramps, or some other ailment and just wanted to sit around. Were you buying drinks at least? She could have just been in the mood to sit and drink that night. Maybe she liked you. Who knows.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Could be alot of things. Maybe she still hasn't figured out how to make money and you're not the only one she has sat with for free for way too long. Maybe she really liked you. Maybe she smells money and is cultivating you as a regular. Maybe she was just in one of those moods. Maybe she was being contrary and rebelling against management.

    You won't know until you at least talk to her again. It's not gonna cost you a thing to call the number she gave you. Just don't get your hopes up.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    You wrote a bible to ask us what? Sorry I didn't feel like reading for 15 minutes.
    I warned you at the beginning it was a looong post. You're just being lame.

    Overall you gals have given the kind of input I was wondering about. As you can imagine, the average guy I might ask about this has little meaningful to contribute.

    I asked because I thought it was strange even by the relatively minimal standards of strangeness found within a strip club. I've never really run into anything like this before, so it made me wonder.

    Here's perhaps a better question: Would you ever pull any of this if you liked a guy you met in a club?

    And here's an even better question: Would you pull any of this as hustle on a guy the first time you saw him?

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    Were you buying drinks at least?
    Nope. I had a full dinner before I went. And it is a dry club (it's a local thing). She was drinking pop.

    She seemed coherent. Not seemingly crazy. I've been around enough family with drug issues to know one when I see one, and she didn't come off remotely as the type.

    Quote Originally Posted by winterrose View Post
    hours and hours? did you at least pay her?
    ...
    have you seen her since then? you implied you haven't.
    I offered a few times to tip while she was sitting, and she sort of waved it off.

    I have not seen her since. Haven't phoned.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    No and no.

    Even if I like a customer my first priority when I am at work is making money. If crush-guy isn't spending, I'm not staying.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by sneaking_id View Post
    Here's perhaps a better question: Would you ever pull any of this if you liked a guy you met in a club?
    Maybe, but not to the extent you describe. It is also important to note that I tend to disregard much of what the management monkeys say and do my own thing anyway. I am always there to make money but I tend NOT to ask "how high" when some asswipe with a title says "jump". Ultimately though, I go to work to make money so I'm not wasting hours on some dude I might be interested in. Another important note is that if I AM interested in some guy I will let him know quickly and then I'll get my ass back to work. Other girls are different.

    Quote Originally Posted by sneaking_id View Post
    And here's an even better question: Would you pull any of this as hustle on a guy the first time you saw him?
    Personally, no. But that's because I dislike dealing with regulars and avoid encouraging the situation at all. Some girls depend largely on regulars. I would expect those girls' answers to be different.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by austinatalie View Post
    Even if I like a customer my first priority when I am at work is making money. If crush-guy isn't spending, I'm not staying.
    I was spending, but not on drinks. I obey the rail rules -- I'm not going to be the broke ass lamer who sits at the rail and doesn't tip. Noooo way.

    I just have my ritual. Understand, that particularly for a certain set of guys with poor social skills, that ritual means a lot. It's how we normalize things and handle them without our brains just shutting down.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette View Post
    Another important note is that if I AM interested in some guy I will let him know quickly and then I'll get my ass back to work. Other girls are different.
    And hence why I am so confused.

    I dislike dealing with regulars and avoid encouraging the situation at all.
    As a customer, I dislike being a regular. One of my favorite things about a SC is that there brunettes, redheads, black chicks, hispanic chicks -- maybe someday an Asian chick, but not so far round here. It's like speed dating, minus the expectation that you will settle down. And someone is nice enough to tell you that you aren't getting laid.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    And like I said, the only way you're gonna know is by at least talking to the chic again. She gave you a number to call. So use it. Sitting around speculating and bantering back and forth with a bunch of total strangers is not gonna give you the answer.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette View Post
    Sitting around speculating and bantering back and forth with a bunch of total strangers is not gonna give you the answer.
    ...that would seem universally dumb. But hey, universally dumb is what guys do.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Sitting around speculating and bantering back and forth with a bunch of total strangers is not gonna give you the answer.
    Does no one have the balls to just call and ask anymore?
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    I think Bridgette said it very nicely and succinctly. Me personally, if I have rapport with someone, I'm comfortable sitting and talking with him for awhile--certainly not hours unless I AM getting paid significantly for my time, but I do give in and relax with people when that connection is there. I wouldn't have turned down money when it was offered, though, either through your tips or the guys asking her for a dance when she was sitting with you. Sounds like poor money management, whatever motivated it.

    But yeah, dude, call her. The fantasy may die if it's a prosaic reason after all, but at least you'll know!


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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette View Post
    And like I said, the only way you're gonna know is by at least talking to the chic again. She gave you a number to call. So use it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
    Does no one have the balls to just call and ask anymore?
    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    But yeah, dude, call her. The fantasy may die if it's a prosaic reason after all, but at least you'll know!
    Ask her out dude.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    The fantasy may die if it's a prosaic reason after all, but at least you'll know!
    As dumb as this sounds, if were to be prosaic relationship, that wouldn't bother me.

    As to the guy who mentioned having balls... The main malfunction guys like me have is that we have no social compass. It wears on you over the years -- especially if those years include relationships with women that took advantage of the fact you don't read people well -- and the general inclination is to retreat into routines that are easily controlled. That usually doesn't include going out with exotic dancers.

    I aim to ask her out. See how she acts as a civilian. Go from there.

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    Picaresque
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    wow...you are over-thinking and over-analyzing this way too much.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    wow...you are over-thinking and over-analyzing this way too much.
    It goes with the breed. It's why guys like me end up in SCs -- they take all the over-thinking and over-analyzing out of things.

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by sneaking_id View Post
    It goes with the breed. It's why guys like me end up in SCs -- they take all the over-thinking and over-analyzing out of things.
    call her.
    she waved off your tips to talk to you. rather seems she was trying to prove she wasn't talking to you for monetary gains.

    nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    No one ever heard a chorus of angels singing to them the instructions of life.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    she's just stupid.
    Quote Originally Posted by alessandra View Post
    I like them large and cut. Sort of like strawberries.

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    Default Re: How out of bounds is this for a dancer to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by lizlizliz View Post
    she's just stupid.
    I have strongly considered the possibility. She was fairly articulate, but intelligence and judgment aren't always one and the same. Especially when you start mixing people of opposing genders and cash.

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