OK, first off, hello. I'm a n00b. Kick my ass as needed if I break the forum etiquette. Secondly, I need some help figuring something out and this will be a looong post. Sorry.
Anyhow, a bit about the club itself, since context matters...
I was at this club this weekend. It's only the third time I've ever gone to this particular club. It is a nice enough place, not upscale, but clean, decent and with a strong sense that it is safe. I'm in an area that does not allow alcohol at all in the clubs. The club itself is well-monitored, with cameras that always have a set of eyeballs watching the screens. It's no touching for customers, but they allow lap dances.
I've done enough of the club thing to know that there are boundaries and you disregard those boundaries at the risk of your ass and the dancer's happy home at the club. We have skankier clubs that are fronts in this area if that's what you or her are looking to do. This ain't one of them.
This dancer was the second to dance after I came in, around 9 pm.
Things were just starting to pick up, which is a good thing IMHO, because I hate when there are few guys at the rail. You go broke way too fast to actually enjoy a whole night out.
Immediately after she was done with her set she came by and sat down next to me. We BSed a bit, but there was no solicitation for a private dance or anything. We actually ended up talking about where she was from.
Now, this actually cramps my style a bit, because I like to get a look at all the girls before settling on any one girl.
Anyhow, she sticks around while the other dancers (I think there were eight there that night) did their sets. She crawls up on my lap, and keeps talking. Now, as much as this cramped my style, I actually liked talking to her.
After everyone does their sets, she comes back out and does the same thing. We talk a bit. I'm pretty accepting of it, because if nothing else it gave me a chance to get the other dancers into some girl-on-girl with her. I ain't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.
Now, even after another patron at the rail all but said, "I'd like a dance" to her, she still stayed there with me. We talked, and talked. Eventually, management got a little pissy with her. I can't blame 'em -- it is a business, right?
The totality of her response to management being pissed was to get off my lap and still sit next to me and talk!! They eventually sent a bouncer over to sit next to us. And she still kept at it. She even progressed to hand-holding and random jokes.
Understand, I didn't mind it too deeply. She wasn't overtly crazy or anything, and I can see where a dancer might want someone to just sit with. I don't see how she can turn down good business just to sit with some guy, but that's her choice.
I said to her several times that I don't want to be seen as hogging all the action, but she shrugged that off. And I know it was a problem, because they guy who asked and his friend both left not long after he asked. Again, can't blame 'em. If I saw some guy get repeated girl-on-girl with full lap privileges for practically free, while I'm just getting an occasional boobie, I'd probably take my football and go home, too.
Now, I had a business meeting the next morning.
FTR, I don't look like a businessman at all; I look like I belong in a motorcycle gang, complete with beard and ponytail. I work in a technical field where if you have the skill, no one can afford to not employ you based on your looks, so I groom myself the way I see fit.
So, I told her I'd get a private dance; one, because I have to be lucid because my job requires meeting with clients and translating normal human speak into geek speak so that real work gets done without any of the geeks scaring off any of the money.
It wasn't one dance. It would have easily been three, if it weren't for the fact one of the other girls needed the room and made it known. It was an incredible dance. I don't know if it is possible to rape a man who likes you while keeping his clothes on, but if it is, she basically did.
When I went to leave she made a point of stopping me and making sure she gave me her number (hooray) and her myspace (ugh). This took a few more minutes, and I was patient and thanked her, although I didn't give her my contact info. So, I left, because I had an hour of driving still to do that night and another hour of driving after getting up in the morning.
What do you ladies make of this?
I tried asking in a more male forum elsewhere on teh internets, and unsurprisingly they responded the way a chimp would to a discussion of bananas. So, I tracked down where there might be women who get this stuff, and her I am asking.
What gives?
This violated the hell out of a lot of rules that I was taught early on about going to clubs. Obviously, Rule One is that she ain't into you, so don't think it and don't ask. Rule Two is this is fantasy, play along but play by the rules.
I'm actually a little confounded. My main interest in going to a club is that none of the stuff follows me home. I'm young enough (just turned 30) that I'm not desperate. I'm 6'2" and I've been told enough times I'm cute that I assume it wasn't some strange lie. I'm gainfully employed; mostly courteous if you don't mind my swearing; straight and willing. So, it's not like I need this girl as to any other girl.
All that said, I liked her. She was cute to my liking. I enjoyed talking to her and even thought she was fairly funny (most girls avoid funny because they think it cramps guys' style).
But, I'm trying to separate the issues. Particularly, I know better than to break basic rules that have kept me safe for years. On the other hand, it has been years since I've met a girl that I liked enough to want to do much more than try to get into bed with her because I was bored and lonely. I could easily handle just sitting with this chick and watching a movie without any action.
On the other hand, I know all of this is waaaay over the line.
From the ladies perspective, what do you think I should do? (Sorry guys, I've already heard the universally dumb answers you have.)



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