I never thought it would happen, but I'm in love with a dancer.
She's a cute little thing, just barely nineteen years old, red hair, freckles, and ... braces! I know she loves me, because I asked her did she care if i wore my grungy old sweatpants, and she told me to go ahead, and she didn't even care if I left my boxers off.
I had nineteen lapdances with her, and she gave me, um, extra service. She said she'd do it for free, but she'd get in trouble with the manager if she didn't collect for each song that was played, so I paid her $25 a song. But for the last nine songs, she wasn't dancing. Her hand was giving my a great HJ. But she had to watch out for the bouncer and the other dancers, so I never quite got all the way because someone always seemed to walk by. I never saw them, but she kept her eyes open to be sure I wouldn't get in trouble. She would have done more, but I ran out of money and maxed out my credit card, so I had to leave. Also, she let me touch her boobies and butt, and, well you know where else--and she told me that I am the first guy she EVER let touch in those places!
She said she'd like to see me OTC, but she didn't dare, because her father thinks she doesn't date and is saving herself until she finds a guy who is worthy of her. He wants her to marry a virgin who has established himself in business, and he'd get mad if he found out she was dating anyone that wasn't like that. And if her dad didn't find out, then there was the chance that the manager would hear about it and she would get fired, and then how would she pay her tuition at cosmetology school?
I asked about going to her place, but she said her landlord is mad at her for being two months behind on the rent and won't let her have guests over until she catches up $1800. I'm going to take out a second mortgage and pay the rent for her, and then I will be able to go over there.
She is such a wonderful girl--already has advanced degrees with dual majors in nuclear physics and animal husbandry because she graduated from high school early. But she is going back for her degree in cosmetology because she thinks that is a less pretentious line of work and doesn't want people to think she is stuck up. I don't think anyone would EVER think she is stuck up, especially since she pronounces "nuclear" just like the president of the United States! And HE isn't stuck up, is he?
So it may seem strange, but I finally found love in a strip club. She said I'd better be faithful to her and not let any other girls dance for me, and she would really rather not dance for anyone else except she needs the money.
I am so lucky! And my wife doesn't care either! She said as long as she got the house, I could do anything I wanted.
But I wonder--do you think this girl really loves me? I think she does. She even told me her real name. Her stripper name is Clemenza, but her real name is Laurie. She wouldn't tell me her real name unless she really loved me, would she? She'd said she'd give me her cell phone number as soon as she got her bill paid and it was working again, too.
Don't you think I am the luckiest guy who ever walked into a strip club?



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yep!
Because there is absolutely NO logic in that sentence

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