I am in so much pain right now I want to put a gun to my head. If I had known this would hurt even half as much as it does, I would NEVER have done it. My throat is RAW and feels like it's literally on fire from the trachea tube and from "breathing" through my mouth...my head feels like one giant pain throb, but the worst thing by far is still my throat. And I've got the allergy attack from hell, so I'm sneezing my ass off and that's making the pain ten times worse and I can't stop; every sneeze feels like it's ripping my face apart.
All I can "eat" is oatmeal, baby food and broth, and I can't even do that without tons of pain and drooling on myself and slopping food down my shirt. Oh and holding my breath whenever I take a sip and feeling like I'm being choked b/c I can't breathe through my nose AND now if I've got food in my mouth I can't breathe AT ALL, so I end up gasping for air after every sip of liquid. I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!
Despite my broth and mush diet, I feel like I'm getting fatter by the minute b/c I haven't been to the gym since the surgery. I want to cry when I think of all the things I could be doing right now. I could have been going to work this past week and making money...could have spent tonight going out to eat and cuddling with my boyfriend...could be working out and losing weight...but NOOOOOO, I was vain and stupid and just HAD to have my nose done, and now all I can do is sit here in pain and try not to cry b/c crying makes it hurt worse.
And on top of all this torture, I still haven't even SEEN the fucking thing! It's still covered in a splint and packing and tape and gauze and after all this senseless pain, who knows if it will even look halfway decent?! If it doesn't, I'll have gone through all this only to be stuck with a nose that looks WORSE than what I had, and I'll have wasted $5500! I just want all this pain to go away; I want my formerly quirky nose back. I was cute, dammit, it didn't even look that bad. I didn't have to go through this shit.
I am a fucking MORON. I should have just been satisfied with what I had and left well enough alone. I wish I could go back in time and cancel the fucking surgery. I would happily go a lifetime with my crooked bumpy former nose rather than endure this pain for one more minute. I should never have done this I should never have done this I should never have done this.


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seriously though talk to your doctor about switching pain meds. I'd like to think you might be able to be more drugged up through all this pain. And in the mean time you could draw me a picture
Nice.
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