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Thread: Prenup !

  1. #26
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    I had a friend whose parents put in there will that if he did not sign a pre nup he would not get there inheritence. This put him in a position where he had no choice. I think it was smart because it put him in a position to where he didn't have to do it selfishly but to honor his parents by doing it.

    I do think it almost makes marriage look like a joke. But in a way I think it also can help out down the road if problems occur. I had a friend growing up who was very succesful. He had his own house, 2 cars and he married a girl with 2 kids with no pre nup. They went through a bad fight which most people coudl have worked out but her friends kept telling her she could get all this if she divorced him. She ended up doing it. While I think she was a bitch anyway, I think if she knew she coudln't get anything she might have acted differently.

    So i'm just saying I think it can avoid problems down the road. And will allow you to think straighter if you know you're not going to get this or that if you get divorced.

  2. #27
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Yes, I think prenups are a good idea. You're entering into a financial contract when you marry someone else even if you don't want to admit it. Might as well write it out into terms you both agree with.

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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Its a bit of a hypothetical for me as prenups in the UK aren't legally binding but hypothetically I'd say they're a good idea. While a prenup may not be the most romantic thing in the world, its unrealistic to say, "Well marriage is supposed to be forever so if you get a prenup your not committed to the marriage." We all know that alot of marriages don't last forever, prenups are a good way of protecting yourself.

    Prenups aren't just about who gets what, Tempest brought up a good point about debt. If either partner gets themselves in debt, a prenup can protect the other partner from taking the burden of that debt once the marriage is over. A prenup is also a good way of keeping it fair for your children and working out the terms concerning them while you are amicable and calm. Too many children are put in the middle of bitter parental disputes.



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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post

    if you can't trust the person you're getting married enough to not have a pre-nup, then why marry them?
    People change and no matter how awesome they are, make mistakes... big, bad, ugly mistakes that thier partner may find unacceptable.

    I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with Mr. M, but I think I'd be very naive to beleive that both of us won't evolve in the next 40+ years... It would be irresponsible of me to assume that both my husband and I will be able to accept all the changes that will happen to us, as a couple and as individules.

    With all that being said, I think that there is no absolute stance that I can take on pre/post nups other than it's up to each individule. If you feel that prenups are a warning sign for incompatibility then by all means you deserve to be with someone who feels the same.

    For myself, I could not be with a person who would become suspicious of my intentions or our future simply because I asked for them to consider one. Although I beleive in love, loyalty, commitment, and keeping promises, I also beleive in insurance and self preservation... Luckily I'm in a marriage with someone who beleives the same.

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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M View Post
    People change and no matter how awesome they are, make mistakes... big, bad, ugly mistakes that thier partner may find unacceptable.

    I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with Mr. M, but I think I'd be very naive to beleive that both of us won't evolve in the next 40+ years... It would be irresponsible of me to assume that both my husband and I will be able to accept all the changes that will happen to us, as a couple and as individules.
    I completely agree. I'm sure that the majority of people who've ended up divorced were at one time or another convinced that they were marrying the right person and were going to live happily ever after. But shit happens.

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    Default Re: Prenup !

    my husband and i come from long linesof people who stayed married for life despite all manner of crazynesses. we just expect that once you marry, it's for better AND worse, sickness AND health, poor AND rich, debt and success, and so forth. it's never been about 'happily ever after', just 'ever after, to the best of both people's abilities'.

    it's a cultural thing, maybe. neither my husband nor i come from a culture where you marry expecting to divorce (the reason behind a prenup). it privileges possessions over people. there is no other way to spin it, since it deals strictly with possessions and how you view some of them as more important than the marital relationship's maintenance. and if you value possessions more, then a prenup probably is the smart choice.

    that said, prenups in the case of second marriages (death or remarriage after divorce) where there are children involved are a different matter than the standard prenup and are more about preventing stepchildren from being cinderella'd by the new spouse. but one can't consider those sorts of agreements prenups in the commonly understood sense.

  7. #32
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    When I get remarried, I sure as hell am gonna have a prenup. I lost my ass on my first marriage because I didn't feel like fighting for everything, I just walked away and started over.

    Fuck that. Never again.

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    Default Re: Prenup !

    People who want pre-ups would probably be better off not getting married in the first and forming some other kind of union. You don't need to be married to reap many of the 'benefits' of marriage.

    Loyalty is a major thing for me. If I marry somebody(or otherwise make vows with them), i take it for real. Blood in, blood out. If they want to leave, that's fine. But I'm in it for the duration. The idea marriage is a bed of roses is some bullshit. The whole point is to be around WHEN things get bad. Not run.

    As far as money and shit, I don't really care. I've got money, I can lose it, oh well, I'll just make it again. The experience of being fully joined with somebody, even if brief, is something you can't get from any other institution.

    I'm an utter realest about the possibilities. I've already been there. But so what?

    I'm not a terribly affectionate person, not a big fan of intimacy. But I'm passionate and I don't abandon people that are supposedly on my team just because they gain a little weight or start acting nutty. It could be a phase.

    That said, the chances of me getting married to be in that position is extremely slim. Measure twice, cut once, kupo.
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  9. #34
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Great post Mia M, you pretty much summed up would I was going to say!
    Anyways, I'd sign a prenup. I think of it like an insurance policy- if all goes well in marriage, then you'll never even have to look at it again.

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    Default Re: Prenup !

    Quote Originally Posted by gingerlee View Post
    When I get remarried, I sure as hell am gonna have a prenup. I lost my ass on my first marriage because I didn't feel like fighting for everything, I just walked away and started over.

    Fuck that. Never again.
    I did the same thing. I left with two suitcases to my name. I'll be fucked if my next guy is going to have all my photo albums, my sewing machines, my hard earned things - just like the last 'man of my life' fucking god.


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  11. #36
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    I dunno, I have mixed feelings about them.

    I agree that it's a great way to ensure you don't get utterly and totally fucked if you get divorced. On the other hand, I agree with Mr Hyde.

    Personally, I think it would depend alot on the situations of both parties at the time. If one is significantly better off than the other, etc. If my fiance asked me to sign a prenup right now, I'd tell him to fuck off, but if our financial situations were different, I might not feel the same way.
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    I would only sign the prenup, if he sign the one I present to him.

    Really there is to many men getting spousal support these days.
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    I think that some of you aren't clear on the concept.

    The majority of prenuptial agreements basically say that what either person has before the marriage, they will both retain. Any money made or debt incurred during the marriage will be shared. So if 5 million dollar guy and negative 20,000 girl get married, they make a shared bank account, and he makes another million, and then they get divorced, he will keep his 5 million, she will keep her 20k debt, and they will probably share the million. There's some verbiage about comingling of funds and whatnot, but basically that's the deal.

    Granted, a prenup can be custom written to say that any earnings will be retained by their earner, but this is generally not the case. I can see why a person would get a little offended by THIS particular circumstance.

    So why does it get perceived as unromantic? I don't think anyone, male or female, should feel entitled to the current savings account of their future spouse, and I don't understand why anyone would feel hurt by a prenup request to protect it.

    Prenups concern stuff you have before you get married, usually. And that's exactly the stuff that you should be able to keep, should you get divorced.

    Shit happens, people. Cheating, drug and alcohol abuse, brain injury causing personality changes, fame, obesity..... There are a million reasons that could cause you to see the love of your life in a less than magical light.
    We have a divorce rate of more than 50% in America.
    Protect yourself accordingly!

  14. #39
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    Default Re: Prenup !

    the 50 percent rate is misleading. it includes people who remarry each other.

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