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Thread: do cheaters ever change?

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    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default do cheaters ever change?

    To start off...I have never been cheated on (as far as I know) and I have never cheated on anyone. So I really have no experience with this beyond my own intuition. I have always felt like cheaters are evil selfish people who care only for themselves and never change, and I've never gone for another girl's boyfriend because I think it is extremely ugly behavior.

    But now things are happening in my life that are making me wonder and HOPE I was wrong before.

    I was dating a guy for a few months when I found out he had a LIVE-IN girlfriend, information that he kept from me. I felt really really bad, took her side, told her everything (she was grateful for my honesty). I was disgusted with his behavior and cut him off immediately.

    Recently we got back in touch, and against my better judgement, we resumed dating. He swears things are over with his girlfriend. At first I didn't believe him but he's been spending every night with me and she never calls or texts so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. The first time we got together we had a BIG talk about what happened. He justified lying to me by saying that he really liked me when we met, he already knew things were going downhill with the other girl, and he wanted me in his life so he felt he had to lie or else I would have blown him off (true). He doesn't seem remorseful at all about cheating on his ex with me because she cheated on him. He is also not at all angry that I took her side and told her everything because he says I did the right thing, and anyway he's happy we are together now because he wants to be with me and he does not want to be with her.

    Honestly our time together recently has been absolutely amazing. He is being consistent, loving, considerate, attentive, affectionate...ahh we just lay there and stare into each others' eyes, totally falling for each other. I really don't trust him but other than that things are perfect and I feel like we could even fall in love. For the record I rarely fall in love, I mean I date a lot but I only fall for someone every few years. For me to find someone who I feel so connected to is rare, something to fight for.

    So I was wondering what experience you guys have, not so much horror stories about being cheated on but any constructive advice about whether cheaters can change, like are the odds unbeatable that he will cheat on me since he cheated on his last girlfriend with me?

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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    I think you should count on him cheating on you, if you stay with him.

    If he really wanted to be with you when he met you, and things were on the outs with his g-friend, he should have ended it with her rather than cheating on her. He finds it too easy to deceive and justify.

    People may be able to change, with a lot of hard work and self-insight, but nothing you've said indicates he has done this.

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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    Quote Originally Posted by forevernaked View Post
    like are the odds unbeatable that he will cheat on me since he cheated on his last girlfriend with me?
    I think that depends on a lot of variables.

    It's always been my experience that they never change, but I haven't been with every man on the planet. It's different for every guy. There's many different breeds of cheaters lol.

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    Senior Member bounce86's Avatar
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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    from the other side(guys POV) nope, people very rarely change no matter man or woman. ive been cheated on but never cheated on a gf, ive also been "the other guy"(i was young and stupid) i too made the mistake of going out with someone twice who cheated on me and it just happened again. but then again some people do change, so you can either ride it out and see what happens or quit while your ahead and save yourself some drama.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Yeah, I only make the "bored" expression when I'm facing away from the guy.

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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    Look into his past. Is this his MO? Many people won't break up until they have another bed to hop into. When the newness of that relationship wears off, then they cheat before they move on.


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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    i took my post down it was to peronal i should not have posted it. i hope you found the help you were looking for good luck.
    Last edited by krchab99; 04-05-2008 at 10:15 PM.

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    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    I thought it's worth mentioning that I am 26 and he is 21. And that I live in France and he doesn't speak English.

    *sigh* yeah ok it's not going anywhere is it. I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts...I'm coming back to the States at the end of June anyway.

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    Default Re: do cheaters ever change?

    I did.

    I realized why I was doing it, and stopped completely.
    I've never had the temptation since.
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