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Thread: Things About Portland That Suck

  1. #1
    Member Ook's Avatar
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    Things About Portland That Suck

    http://thingsaboutportlandthatsuck.w...ripper-market/


    #5: Flooded Stripper Market

    Not every girl can be born with respectable names like Samantha, Sarah or Susie. Maybe strippers were born with those names, but just rename themselves to Candy, Mercedes and Gypsy (also terrible American Gladiator nicknames). But for every sweet Candy, there are two other sour looking ladies that NEED TO GO! Portland is known for its dearth of strip clubs. Along with the dearth of strip clubs, comes a dearth of strippers. It seems as if anyone west of the Mississip’ with a hoo-ha and a love of $1 bills has come to our fair city to shake her thang. Among the larger clubs in the Portland area, Sassy, A-Crop, Cabaret, Magic Garden, Mary’s Club and Devil’s Point come to mind for the most consistent flood of fuglies.
    Any given night, you’ll be throwing Washingtons at your favorite Mercedes. You might enjoy her pole work, or the way she abuses the ground with insidious foot stomping. One song later, you come into contact with what can only be described as “The Ugly One”*. Is this a ploy by the management to make you hang on through a few more songs, hoping Candy will come back? Maybe force you to take it to the lap-dance area?
    Stripping, in general, cannot be defined as an actual “career.” You do not get business cards. But ideally, there should be a certain level of professionalism. I understand that people face impossible situations and circumstances preventing a Vegas-like striptastic body. Knowing this, prevents me from enjoying that one girl named Gypsy (not the hot one, but the ugly version).
    *”The Ugly One” ingredients (pick two):
    Overly tattoed, too many piercings, waaay too skinny, stretch marks, a grandmother, drugged out/worn out, too much makeup, flat chested or National Geographic tits.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by some dude's blog View Post
    Portland is known for its dearth of strip clubs.
    Since when? PDX is known for having more strip joints per capita than any city in the country.

    Quote Originally Posted by some dude's blog View Post
    Among the larger clubs in the Portland area, Sassy, A-Crop, Cabaret, Magic Garden, Mary’s Club and Devil’s Point come to mind for the most consistent flood of fuglies.
    Larger? Acrop maxes out at 8 dancers per shift, Sassy's at 6, Mary's at 3, Magic at 2, DP at 4.

    I think those words don't mean what he thinks they do.

    oh -- wait, saw the comments noting the same.

  3. #3
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    Poor Gypsy...


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  4. #4
    Veteran Member Snappa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    Since when? PDX is known for having more strip joints per capita than any city in the country.

    Obviously a interwebz journalist trying to use a $5 word and forgetting about dictionary.com. I believe the word the author was looking for was 'glut', not 'dearth'.
    -Snappa-

  5. #5
    Featured Member Lunarobverse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    Was that posted on the Bizarro Internet?

    The abundance of strip clubs and opportunities for women to become strippers in Portland makes Portland suck less, not more.
    Visit my home on the internets:

    Lunar Obverse

    Where I talk about strip clubs, atheism, computers, and whatever else I wanna.

  6. #6
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    why did he have to use the name GYPSY in that article?? gahhh!!! There are only two other Gypsies in portland I have heard of-- one works at the Lucky Devil Lounge and I have never seen her, and the other one works at Stars Cabaret and from what I've heard, she's crazy. Is it me?? wtf? I'm going to click on the link and investigate.

  7. #7
    Featured Member Lunarobverse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    ^^^I think that the name "Gypsy" is associated with strippers, and has been since the time of Gypsy Rose Lee. I could be wrong, but I don't think he meant you specifically.
    Visit my home on the internets:

    Lunar Obverse

    Where I talk about strip clubs, atheism, computers, and whatever else I wanna.

  8. #8
    Member Ook's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    If you read the rest of the list, you might come to the conclusion that a decent percentage of the things said are tongue in cheek.

    I wouldn't take any of it too seriously, except service at McDonaldmin's being universally crappy.

  9. #9
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    LOL @

    Quote Originally Posted by Ook View Post
    *”The Ugly One” ingredients (pick two):
    Overly tattoed, too many piercings, waaay too skinny, stretch marks, a grandmother, drugged out/worn out, too much makeup, flat chested or National Geographic tits.
    .

    We have a couple of those, but they serve the purpose of making me look hotter



    ...glad I don't work in portland though! yeesh!

  10. #10
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy74 View Post
    why did he have to use the name GYPSY in that article?? gahhh!!! There are only two other Gypsies in portland I have heard of-- one works at the Lucky Devil Lounge and I have never seen her, and the other one works at Stars Cabaret and from what I've heard, she's crazy. Is it me?? wtf? I'm going to click on the link and investigate.
    I've worked with three Gypsys that were not you. Two of them were very nice and on was super crazy. I think it really is a common name.

    I do think that this blog is kinda funny, in that 'things white people like' sort of way (one of my favorite blogs currently). And it's about pdx!

  11. #11
    Senior Member MiragePDX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things About Portland That Suck

    (I'm really in a resurrecting mood)

    I think the "normality" of stripping in Portland brings more diverse "real" girls to the stage. I like that they're not all barbie doll Vegas girls =)

    ...oh, and I have business cards promoting my dancing schedule
    http://www.miragepdx.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Violet11 View Post
    The key to giving a truly great dance is being able to make the customer really believe that you WANT him and that you are genuinely enjoying being so close to him. Do this by looking deep into his eyes...and establish a nonverbal sexual and emotional connection with him. The energy between you and him determines everything. Trust me - if you do this, he will never want to leave, and he will always come back for more.

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