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Thread: Why do guys say this?

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    Default Why do guys say this?

    I get way too many guys saying they cant buy a dance for me because im "too sweet," or "too pretty" . Then they go and get a dance from another girl and when I asked them why they say "oh its okay to get a dance from her cuz I dont like her, if I get one from you though I would fall in love, so its better that I dont get one from you!"
    Wtf??? Why arent you guys honest? I would much rather hear a "no thanks I'm not interested" than some BS about me being too pretty and angelic and too lovable to get a dance from. If I was really so great wouldn't that make you want to buy a dance even more???

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Guys look for pretty girls at stripclubs. I mean, what guy seeks out unattractive dancers? And a sweet dancer is perfect as long as she also comes across sexy. Maybe there is something else about you that puts them off. I dunno. But in my view a dancer who is attractive and personable and approachable is who I would spend my money on, assuming she gives good dances.

    There have been discussions here about dancers who are "too" hot ie: so good looking they are intimidating.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    He may just be telling a white lie as an alternative to a hurtful truth. You are right though...."no thank you" tidies things up much better.

    eta: there's also the chance that he wants to date you, and it's flattery.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    eta: there's also the chance that he wants to date you, and it's flattery.
    Good point hb but I don't believe most dancers find a customer's desire to date them a flattering. I mean, unless they are paid dates.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    I should clarify: it could be their attempt at flattery.

    I still go with the first part of my response though.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by msonyxorb View Post
    I get way too many guys saying they cant buy a dance for me because im "too sweet," or "too pretty" . Then they go and get a dance from another girl and when I asked them why they say "oh its okay to get a dance from her cuz I dont like her, if I get one from you though I would fall in love, so its better that I dont get one from you!"
    Wtf??? Why arent you guys honest? I would much rather hear a "no thanks I'm not interested" than some BS about me being too pretty and angelic and too lovable to get a dance from. If I was really so great wouldn't that make you want to buy a dance even more???
    Don't necessarily blow that off as dishonesty. There have been certain dancers I've avoided getting dances from for pretty much that exact reason! If I see a dancer that might be too close to my perfect type, that carries herself a certain way and has that certain personality, I know it'd be extremely difficult to keep that fantasy world attitude... so I'd tend to shy away from buying dances from her. I'd never come out and say as such because it does sound like a line of bullshit, but that's the truth of it.

    TG
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    It is not always bullshit...

    it is probably 50/50 in that he is lying or telling the truth when someone says something that like that..

    falling in love = a lot more money spent and obsessing about a girl you probably have no chance with...ie "I'm really having a hard time saying no and I feel a lot of debt coming on soon"
    PABLO SPEAKS THE TRUTH...

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    "No thanks, not interested," is madly overrated. I'm sure I've never actually used that phrase, ever.

    While girls say that they appreciate the honesty so they can cross the guy off the list, I hear even more girls exhausted and demoralized by the constant drumbeat of "not interested." For somebody who trades on her looks, I can't imagine that this is not difficult to hear 50 times a night on tough nights.

    Yeah, I know, the dancers can reverse-objectify and dismiss all these guys as douchebags in the DR, but I still think it gets under the skin.

    This is a very longwinded way of saying that the guy was probably trying to spare your feelings. Guys are attracted to widely different kinds of girls so rejection is inevitable.

    Also, if you are so blistering hott that you are intimidating or a veritable wallet vacuum, guys might avoid you for that. But I was struck by your other choices of words: "sweet," "angelic" and "lovable." Perhaps it might be time to consider changing your costumes and look to be less "lovable" and more "irresistible."

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    Guys look for pretty girls at stripclubs. I mean, what guy seeks out unattractive dancers? And a sweet dancer is perfect as long as she also comes across sexy. Maybe there is something else about you that puts them off. I dunno. But in my view a dancer who is attractive and personable and approachable is who I would spend my money on, assuming she gives good dances.

    There have been discussions here about dancers who are "too" hot ie: so good looking they are intimidating.

    FBR
    What I hate the most is that even though they refuse to get a dance, they expect me to stick around and talk to them! Last time someone did this I just said "well I guess nice girls finish last" and just left. Funny thing is, the guy was actually cute, a college student, and if he hadnt refused to buy any dances i might have even considered going out with him outside the club. But his refusal just made him look like an asshole who thinks hes too good to pay for dances, and I hate assholes.

    I think if i was intimidating or standoffish they wouldnt want me around period, but these guys want to talk to me for free, they just dont want to buy anything from me! They will tip on stage but thats it. No lap dances. wtf?

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    He may just be telling a white lie as an alternative to a hurtful truth. You are right though...."no thank you" tidies things up much better.

    eta: there's also the chance that he wants to date you, and it's flattery.
    if he wants to date me though why not buy a dance??? i understand if he is poor and cant afford it, but some of these guys go get a dance from another girl after I leave!
    if they really wanted to flatter me they could compliment me AND buy at least a few dances to show that they respect my line of work and enjoy spending time with me and think im worth the money theyre spending on me. If you dont even think im worth a measly 20 bucks how could i possibly feel that you could ever respect me? they say they dont want to disrespect me by seeing me as an object??? BULLSHIT. I know its not my sparkling personality that caused them to wave me over.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    "No thanks, not interested," is madly overrated. I'm sure I've never actually used that phrase, ever.

    While girls say that they appreciate the honesty so they can cross the guy off the list, I hear even more girls exhausted and demoralized by the constant drumbeat of "not interested." For somebody who trades on her looks, I can't imagine that this is not difficult to hear 50 times a night on tough nights.

    Yeah, I know, the dancers can reverse-objectify and dismiss all these guys as douchebags in the DR, but I still think it gets under the skin.

    This is a very longwinded way of saying that the guy was probably trying to spare your feelings. Guys are attracted to widely different kinds of girls so rejection is inevitable.

    Also, if you are so blistering hott that you are intimidating or a veritable wallet vacuum, guys might avoid you for that. But I was struck by your other choices of words: "sweet," "angelic" and "lovable." Perhaps it might be time to consider changing your costumes and look to be less "lovable" and more "irresistible."
    I dont hear it very often but i do appreciate it when i do. I realize im not gonna be EVERYONES type. I hate when guys say "later" when they really mean "not a chance in hell" Honestly, just say NO THANKS! If you say maybe later, I AM gonna bug you later and try to sell it to you again. If you say "no thanks" I know to avoid you. Yeah it does hurt when guys think you are ugly, but I'd just rather not waste time on people who are lying to me because they are trying to be "nice." Trust me I am used to being told I am ugly. Thats my life story up till I turned 18 and i still hear it a lot on the internet. One guy at a strip club being overly picky isnt going to make me break down in tears, I just move on and find another guy with lower standards. I went up to a guy at a new club im working at that is more "wanna dance" than "sit down and talk and then make a sale base" and he told me he was waiting for a specific special girl or something. So he basically said me and all the other girls he has seen so far were too ugly to his liking. I just said "sorry we are all too ugly for you" and he tried to apologize or something, but I just left. Another guy said he was still "shopping around." Yeah I can see how these two comments could hurt a girl, but honestly, i put myself in their shoes, if i was at a club id want to wait to get the hottest girl there too. And considering neither of these guys were even remotely attractive, what the hell do i care what they think? for all i know their type could be some monster tranny looking girl who is 6'0 tall with monster tits and blonde hair and its actually a COMPLIMENT that they think im not good enough.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by msonyxorb View Post
    if he wants to date me though why not buy a dance??? i understand if he is poor and cant afford it, but some of these guys go get a dance from another girl after I leave!
    if they really wanted to flatter me they could compliment me AND buy at least a few dances to show that they respect my line of work and enjoy spending time with me and think im worth the money theyre spending on me. If you dont even think im worth a measly 20 bucks how could i possibly feel that you could ever respect me? they say they dont want to disrespect me by seeing me as an object??? BULLSHIT. I know its not my sparkling personality that caused them to wave me over.
    Well I tell ya.. if a guy is waving you over and then not buying dances, then he's most likely just an asshole trying to get sumthin fer nuthin. There ARE those guys though who think they can date a dancer.. and believe that they should never get dances from said dancer because that immediately makes them a customer and completely removes them as a dating prospect.

    Like a couple responses have mentioned tho, it might be your look. It sounds like maybe you've got that hot girl next door thing going on, which can be a double edged sword.. too much realness, not enough fantasy maybe?

    TG
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Ok I'll translate those guys for you--- sweet, pretty, ect..ect = girl to take home to mother or date/reminds them of thier g/f (not really what they come to a stripclub for, but it's what they think when they see you).

    Hott, Sexy, --the girl that makes then 4get about thier g/f at home and would piss off thier mother that's what they are saying they want 2 spend money on in that statement and by thier actions.

    Either you 4get them as I'm sure pretty and sweet/innocent sells to many other customers (exspecailly the hero's and the 1's who want the g/f experience you could take for everything if you play them right) or you start showing them you can be a seductive temptress. Maybe other customers see you that way (I'm not saying that), but I'm talking about the guys in this example.

    Anyhow I get told I'm attractive, but "pretty" only comes up after they finish telling me how hott I am and what a body I have which seals the door for the customers I attract as they know that's what I'm banking on and not a realtionship where thier personal opinion of me as dating creditals matters any. Somehow yr customers are confused that thier attention and endearing affection/a boyfriend to tell you that you are pretty is why you are there for.

    Then again sweet really isn't the word for me unless I'm stupid inlove with some1 or they are my super close friend--4 the most part I play hard to get/don't waste my time w/my customers.
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Taco Goblin View Post
    Well I tell ya.. if a guy is waving you over and then not buying dances, then he's most likely just an asshole trying to get sumthin fer nuthin. There ARE those guys though who think they can date a dancer.. and believe that they should never get dances from said dancer because that immediately makes them a customer and completely removes them as a dating prospect.

    Like a couple responses have mentioned tho, it might be your look. It sounds like maybe you've got that hot girl next door thing going on, which can be a double edged sword.. too much realness, not enough fantasy maybe?

    TG
    god that is dumb. Guys STOP THINKING THIS. no girl wants to date a guy who is too cheap to even spend 20 bucks on her. Girls want to feel like they are worth something, we dont want guys who feel they deserve everything for free. That makes us feel trashy and used!

    The other girls they get dances from look pretty real too though. At the one club I work at where I get this a lot most of the girls are brunettes and have real or real looking boobs.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by msonyxorb View Post
    god that is dumb. Guys STOP THINKING THIS. no girl wants to date a guy who is too cheap to even spend 20 bucks on her. Girls want to feel like they are worth something, we dont want guys who feel they deserve everything for free. That makes us feel trashy and used!
    So....the more dances I buy...the more it shows I respect the girl...and the better chance I will have of dating her.

    That is excellent inside information. You learn something new on SW every day!

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    ^^ If you buy 5 dances in a row, you get a complimentary phone call during the week is what i hear.
    PABLO SPEAKS THE TRUTH...

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    So....the more dances I buy...the more it shows I respect the girl...and the better chance I will have of dating her.

    That is excellent inside information. You learn something new on SW every day!
    well this only works if she was attracted to you in the first place...
    It's not like buying a million dances will make a girl fall in love with you, though it might lol. I generally feel the guy is nicer if he buys a lot of dances and is giving. It makes him look charitable. I dont think this is true for other girls thoughThere is always the safety issue though and the whole its illegal to exchange contact info inside the club because its considered solicitation

    If the stripper does find you attractive and you refuse to spend money on her though, you've ruined a perfectly good chance at ever even being her friend.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Me, I wouldn't recommend that you buy a dance from me looking for a date. But I definitely, definitely wouldn't recommend looking for a date without buying a dance. Being rejected does not get me hot. A guy more or less saying "Yeah, I don't think you're worth $20 - I'll let you have sex with me for free though" is not going to attract me to him.
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    ^^

    What if he gave you a whole $1 dollar tip - Maaaaybe?
    PABLO SPEAKS THE TRUTH...

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Me, I wouldn't recommend that you buy a dance from me looking for a date. But I definitely, definitely wouldn't recommend looking for a date without buying a dance. Being rejected does not get me hot. A guy more or less saying "Yeah, I don't think you're worth $20 - I'll let you have sex with me for free though" is not going to attract me to him.
    QFT.

    So darn right. But then, i take those something for nothing guys VERY personally. The club im at right now has a LTO of those guys-who of course make their points while trying to subtly run their hand up your thigh.... Get the fuck away from me loser, its NOT goign to prove to me how much you respect me, or make me inclined to say another word to you.
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    Default Real funny turning a girl down as a matter of respect

    HA I'm gay and I wouldn't even consider the concept of dating a girl I met at my club that told me some line about how I was to pretty..ect..ect to get a dance from. However I have had super hott chicks I met as customers that got my attention real quick by getting a dance from me and allowing me to get all worked up to seeing them after--even though I like being the 1 to take my girl out, but I'ld just be offended if she wasn't willing to spend her money on me and danced with another girl as a way of letting me know she's interest and specail to her.

    So I can imagine being str8 and thinking this guy most be out of his mind wanting to date me picturing a future where I'm working hard and his ass has so little respect for me he's probably living off me and spending my money on other chicks. Like hell would freeze over before I'ld talk 2 him again. I think it's a requirement to show a girl you are interested in that a) your not more interested in other girls b) that you can afford to provide for her .

    However if you really want to show a girl you are interested and have respect bet you it would work alot better to compliment how pretty she is while slipping your number on a few twenties you just hand over to her for sitting with you and striking up a conversation about what she would want in a parnter--I'm willing to bet she won't say "please go get a dancer with another girl" on the list of things that impress her.
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Alot of guys say im too pretty/innocent/young/good for this, and it really annoys me,im like well u wanna dance with a ugly dancer?and those guys are usally the ones who want me to stay and chat with them and tell me there life story lol. Alot of the guys say im the hottest thing there,they are just cheapos to me.Actully when a guy goes on about how sexy and beautiful i am when i havnt even said much to him i no he probably wont spend.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Me, I wouldn't recommend that you buy a dance from me looking for a date. But I definitely, definitely wouldn't recommend looking for a date without buying a dance. Being rejected does not get me hot. A guy more or less saying "Yeah, I don't think you're worth $20 - I'll let you have sex with me for free though" is not going to attract me to him.
    Spot on.

    As for the OP. It sounds like another stupid excuse to me. I wouldnt recommend asking a guy why he got a dance off another girl and not you. But maybe stop acting so nice to customers. Im always slightly bitchy and sarcastic and guys seem to like it and buy dances.
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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    Not for me, I go for the hottest girl in the club. Of course being hot does not translate to being a good dancer or giving hot lap dances.

    Why would anyone get a lap dance from ugly chix.

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    Default Re: Why do guys say this?

    She was prolly a hardcore hustler and you're giving too much away for free. By "sweet" he might mean "easy to take home" because you're trying too hard to make him like you instead of making him want you.
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