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Thread: oh god please help...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default oh god please help...

    I don't know where else to turn
    Last night, I went out and got wasted and I think I had sex. I got the morning after pill today, but the thing is, I was a virgin.
    I don't think I was raped, I think I was just stupid.
    I do a lot of bad things, but I wanted to be a virgin until I was married.
    I don't know this guy's name, where he goes to school, or anything- that's a lot different than being married. I'm so confused and sad but mostly just numb. I just made the biggest mistake of my life and I don't know where to turn.
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




  2. #2
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    where were you? were there other people with you who could help you work out what happened? you MAY have been raped. if you were sufficiently out of it - bordering on unconscious or if someone drugged you consent may be vitiated.

    I think you need to try to work out what happened. What makes you think you had sex? were you bleeding from your vagina when you woke up? Did the doctor examine you who gave you the morning after pill?

    If someone did rape you they should be charged.

    Im sorry this is a terrible way for you to loose your virginity. But please do not feel guilty as you are human after all and sex after marriage only would be a very hard thing to stick to these days. Not to mention it sounds like you did not actively chose to have sex.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
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    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  3. #3
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I really wish I could offer you advice. Sadly I can't. The best I can say is that even the best people in this world make mistakes. The only thing you can do is live and learn, and realize you're not in any way a bad person and that you need to still love yourself. It'll take time to heal, especially if it was something that meant a lot to you. Cry, talk to friends that will be supportive, and the days get easier.
    That's about all I can offer.

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    Veteran Member Lonelily's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    The fact that you can't even remember definitively whether or not you had sex leads me to side with Jaizaine on this one. You may have been entirely too inebriated to make a conscious decision.

    Sweetie, I know it's easy just to immediately deny that you were raped--a lot easier than dealing with the possibility that you may have been violated in such a heinous way.

    We're not trying to tell you what happened, obviously. I, for one, just hope that you'll revisit the situation, as hard as it may be, to figure out what really happened--because if you WERE raped, someone needs to be punished.

    Even if you weren't assaulted, one night of drunken sex does NOT make you a terrible person, or a stupid person. It makes you human.


  5. #5
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    ^Wise ladies with wise words.

    Please remember to love yourself, and when you find the person you're meant to marry, they will love you too regardless of if you're a virgin or not. Make sure you get checked out so you're ok on STDs and all. Be safe and take care of yourself in the future!


  6. #6
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I understand how you feel. Thats exactly how i lost mine. I dont know anything about him. Except some years later that he had a girlfriend at the time. But i didn't know. Just because you made a mistake once doesn't mean you can't still wait.




  7. #7
    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I would still consider myself a virgin...

  8. #8
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyOne View Post
    I would still consider myself a virgin...
    I agree with this.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Yep, as far as I'm concerned you can consider yourself preserved. Rape isn't anything you did.

  10. #10
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    I agree with this.
    umm... you're a little out of your league on this thread, considering you're not female and i'm going to guess you've never been raped. not every thread needs a HockeyBobby reply, some things you can just read. just sayin!


    as for the OP: I am sorry this happened to you, I also lost mine that way. But years later I found out that he didn't actually speak much English, and thought my saying "fuck" meant "we fuck now". I don't know if I buy that BS, but I guess it made me feel a wee bit better.

    Where are you in the world, maybe we can send you somewhere that can help.

    Love it!

  11. #11
    Tauries
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy68 View Post
    not every thread needs a HokeyBabble reply

    QFT!!!

  12. #12
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I agree that if you can't remember what happened then theres a possibility that you were raped. If you were too inebriated to remember anything someone may have taken advantage of you. There is also a possibility you were drugged as date rape drugs make your memory very hazy. I'm not saying that you were or you weren't but maybe see a doctor and talk to someone that was there to get some more information. I'm so so sorry this happened hon. You are not a bad person, whether you were raped or not, bad things happen to us all, we all make some bad choices, this does not make us bad people. Get some support, we're all here for you if you need to talk.



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    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    ya i would still consider you a virgin....if you dont remember it and you def. did not consent.....you were raped....

  14. #14
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Don't beat yourself up. The exact same thing happened to me as well. But I was able to remember who the guy was (he went to my school).

    Also know that "rape" doesn't have to mean some crazy psycho beats the hell out of you and violently rapes you. It can be as simple as having non-consensual sex. If he took advantage of your intoxicated state, that is rape. If a nurse at a hospital has sex with his comatose patient, that is also rape.

    The guy that did this is not only disgusting, but pathetic. I wouldn't recommend reporting this to authorities. The situation you describe will be very difficult to prove in the courts and will likely be more traumatic than the rape itself. Unless you have some serious proof or evidence I'd keep it a private matter.

    I also want you to seek confidential counciling. Try calling a rape survivors hot line or seek out a support group of rape survivors. For whatever reason, our society sees rape as still the womans problem. The fact that you "chose" to get drunk is going to work against you as well. I know that this is not right at all, but your situation is so similar to mine that I can speak from experience on this.

    Lastly, make an appointment with Planned parenthood or other confidential womens health organization to get tested for STDs and get a Gardasil vaccination (if you haven't had it already). They can help you with payment and they work on a sliding fee scale depending on your ability to pay.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please make sure to get the medical care. Planned Parenthood is a very compassionate place for women in your circumstances.


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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I was also planning to be a virgin until I got married, but had a boyfriend take unexpected advantage of me. I cried buckets at the time. I was ashamed and depressed. I thought my life was...not necessarily "ruined" but somehow "less" than it would have otherwise been, like I was doomed to take some lower path in life. That turned out not to be true. The incident took place well over 20 years ago, and honestly thinking about it now doesn't even cast a slight shadow on my day. I've had so many beautiful experiences since then, with love and life in general. You will too. Your life will still be EVERYTHING it was meant to be, and that includes sacred sex with the person of your choosing.

    You are still a virgin in that you don't have any direct experience with sex. Because you didn't actually "experience" what happened the other night. The mysteries are still there for you to explore when the moment is right.

    Cheer up, sweetie. I promise you everything is going to be fine.

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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I would just like to add...

    By encouraging you to cheer up I don't at all mean to be dismissive of your feelings. I recall the absolute horror with which I met my own particular situation.

    But for me, it was not so much the experience itself that was terrible (and you don't even remember yours) but the fear of an unknown future which was created, after so many childhood years of believing your future would unfold in a certain way. I just want to reassure you that the future you had in mind for yourself previous to the other night is still a future that is possible for you. Or it's similar enough in all the ways that really matter. You can still meet a great guy, have a committed relationship and enjoy your first *experiences* of sex with him. In that sense, nothing has changed. So don't worry about the future, but do take care of yourself as everyone above has suggested.

  17. #17
    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    I just wanted to thank everybody for their kind words, and to update you. I went to the hospital, and I think you all were right. I was raped. Now I'm pressing charges against that motherfucker, so he can never hurt anyone else the way he hurt me!
    And for all you that have experienced the same, my heart goes out to you. You have to be a strong person, especially to go through it by yourself. I don't think I would have been able to, if I hadn't told anyone.
    Thanks again, loves!
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




  18. #18
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Good for you. You are very brave and you are doing the right thing. Don't be deterred by the difficulty of the process. So many women dont press charges because they think it will be hard to prove. This is tragic because it leads to so many unreported rapes and these bastards getting away with it.

    You may save another woman being raped in the future - I commend you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  19. #19
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    You're on the right path. My thoughts & strength to you. Thrive.
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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh god please help...

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    I just wanted to thank everybody for their kind words, and to update you. I went to the hospital, and I think you all were right. I was raped. Now I'm pressing charges against that motherfucker, so he can never hurt anyone else the way he hurt me!
    And for all you that have experienced the same, my heart goes out to you. You have to be a strong person, especially to go through it by yourself. I don't think I would have been able to, if I hadn't told anyone.
    Thanks again, loves!
    Stay strong. You're in my thoughts.

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