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Thread: Can Jew Help me?

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Can Jew Help me?

    This is my first Seder and while I'm not doing a 100% kosher one (like my oven is not kosher and nor are my plates) since my attendees will not be very hardcore Orthodox Jews... I am scared. I'm scared I'll fuck it up. For the LIFE of me I can't find a good broken down vision of what I'm supposed to do. I know the parsely and salt and I have the Pesach approved chicken and I have matzo and recipes but I have no readings...no idea when...where....HELP!!!

    Please I just want to make this as close to the real thing as I can. I just want to be a good Jewish girl so bad and I keep messing up.

    Any Jews out there that can give a girl advice?

    (PS: I noticed my Synagogue is doing two Seders...does that mean I can have Pesach dinner on Sunday night or does it HAVE to be Saturday? I need need need to work, I'm so broke if I don't work I won't be able to pay my bills next week what with my whole car fiasco)


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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jewsite
    The Pesach Seder
    Ha-Seder Shel Pesach (in Hebrew)

    And if your son asks you in the future, saying, What are the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, that the L-RD our G-d commanded you? You will say to your son, We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt; and the L-RD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. The L-RD gave signs and wonders, great and harmful, against Egypt, against Pharaoh, and against all his household, before our eyes: And he brought us out of there to bring us in, to give us the land that he promised our fathers. -Deuteronomy 6:20-23

    The text of the Pesach seder is written in a book called the haggadah. The haggadah tells the story of the Exodus from Egypt and explains some of the practices and symbols of the holiday. Suggestions for buying a haggadah are included below. The content of the seder can be summed up by the following Hebrew rhyme:

    Kaddesh, Urechatz,
    Karpas, Yachatz,
    Maggid, Rachtzah,
    Motzi, Matzah,
    Maror, Korekh,
    Shulchan Orekh,
    Tzafun, Barekh,
    Hallel, Nirtzah

    Kaddesh, Urechatz, Karpas, Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtzah, Motzi, Matzah, Maror, Korech, Shulchan Orech, Tzafun, Barech, Hallel, Nirtzah (in Hebrew)

    Now, what does that mean?
    1. Kaddesh: Sanctification Kaddesh (in Hebrew)

    A blessing over wine in honor of the holiday. The wine is drunk, and a second cup is poured.

    2. Urechatz: Washing Urechatz (in Hebrew)

    A washing of the hands without a blessing, in preparation for eating the Karpas.

    3. Karpas: Vegetable Karpas (in Hebrew)

    A vegetable (usually parsley) is dipped in salt water and eaten. The vegetable symbolizes the lowly origins of the Jewish people; the salt water symbolizes the tears shed as a result of our slavery. Parsley is a good vegetable to use for this purpose, because when you shake off the salt water, it looks like tears.

    4. Yachatz: Breaking Yachatz (in Hebrew)

    One of the three matzahs on the table is broken. Part is returned to the pile, the other part is set aside for the afikomen (see below).

    5. Maggid: The Story Maggid (in Hebrew)

    A retelling of the story of the Exodus from Egypt and the first Pesach. This begins with the youngest person asking The Four Questions, a set of questions about the proceedings designed to encourage participation in the seder. The Four Questions are also known as Mah Nishtanah (Why is it different?), which are the first words of the Four Questions. This is often sung. See below.

    The maggid is designed to satisfy the needs of four different types of people: the wise one, who wants to know the technical details; the wicked one, who excludes himself (and learns the penalty for doing so); the simple one, who needs to know the basics; and the one who is unable to ask, who doesn't even know enough to know what he needs to know.

    At the end of the maggid, a blessing is recited over the second cup of wine and it is drunk.

    6. Rachtzah: Washing Rachtzah (in Hebrew)

    A second washing of the hands, this time with a blessing, in preparation for eating the matzah

    7. Motzi: Blessing over Grain Products Motzi (in Hebrew)

    The ha-motzi blessing, a generic blessing for bread or grain products used as a meal, is recited over the matzah.

    8. Matzah: Blessing over Matzah Matzah (in Hebrew)

    A blessing specific to matzah is recited, and a bit of matzah is eaten.

    9. Maror: Bitter Herbs Maror (in Hebrew)

    A blessing is recited over a bitter vegetable (usually raw horseradish; sometimes romaine lettuce), and it is eaten. This symbolizes the bitterness of slavery. The maror is dipped in charoset, a mixture of apples, nuts, cinnamon and wine, which symbolizes the mortar used by the Jews in building during their slavery. (I highly recommend it -- it's the best tasting thing on the holiday, and goes surprisingly well with horseradish! My recipe is included below.)

    Note that there are two bitter herbs on the seder plate: one labeled Maror and one labeled Chazeret. The one labeled Maror should be used for Maror and the one labeled Chazeret should be used in the Korekh, below.

    10. Korekh: The Sandwich Korech (in Hebrew)

    Rabbi Hillel was of the opinion that the maror should be eaten together with matzah and the paschal offering in a sandwich. In his honor, we eat some maror on a piece of matzah, with some charoset (we don't do animal sacrifice anymore, so there is no paschal offering to eat).

    11. Shulchan Orekh: Dinner Shulchan Orech (in Hebrew)

    A festive meal is eaten. There is no particular requirement regarding what to eat at this meal (except, of course, that chametz cannot be eaten). Among Ashkenazic Jews, gefilte fish and matzah ball soup are traditionally eaten at the beginning of the meal. Roast chicken or turkey are common as a main course, as is beef brisket.

    12. Tzafun: The Afikomen Tzafun (in Hebrew)

    The piece of matzah set aside earlier is eaten as "desert," the last food of the meal. Different families have different traditions relating to the afikomen. Some have the children hide it, while the parents have to either find it or ransom it back. Others have the parents hide it. The idea is to keep the children awake and attentive throughout the pre-meal proceedings, waiting for this part.

    13. Barekh: Grace after Meals Barech (in Hebrew)

    The third cup of wine is poured, and birkat ha-mazon (grace after meals) is recited. This is similar to the grace that would be said on any Shabbat. At the end, a blessing is said over the third cup and it is drunk. The fourth cup is poured, including a cup set aside for the prophet Elijah, who is supposed to herald the Messiah, and is supposed to come on Pesach to do this. The door is opened for a while at this point (supposedly for Elijah, but historically because Jews were accused of nonsense like putting the blood of Christian babies in matzah, and we wanted to show our Christian neighbors that we weren't doing anything unseemly).

    14. Hallel: Praises Hallel (in Hebrew)

    Several psalms are recited. A blessing is recited over the last cup of wine and it is drunk.

    15. Nirtzah: Closing Nirtzah (in Hebrew)

    A simple statement that the seder has been completed, with a wish that next year, we may celebrate Pesach in Jerusalem (i.e., that the Messiah will come within the next year). This is followed by various hymns and stories.
    This is about it, right?


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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I went to many seders growing up, since my family is Jewish. We always had a booklet we had to read that tells you each of the rituals to do and in what order. It's a step-by-step thing. Nobody has it memorized, don't worry. In my family, we take turns reading portions of it, going around the table. I assume that is how everyone does it. I imagine you could get one online, or call your local synagogue, I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

    The one thing you absolutely have to have is the ingredients for the seder, each of which is symbolic. I don't remember all of them off the top of my head, but they include horseradish and a boiled egg and parsley and salt water.

    You're probably aware of this, but the point of Passover is to celebrate/remember the liberation of the Jews from Egyptian slavery. (And other related stuff, too.) So you're supposed to revel in comfort. Like, cushions on the chairs and stuff.

    Also, a game that always accompanies seders I've attended involves hiding matzo in a pillow case or other cloth somewhere in the house, with money in it, or some other prize, and sending the children off to find it.

    I think you should call your local temple though. Someone there would definitely be able to help you out.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I have the stuff for my Seder plate! The mortor salt and herbs and the egg and the bitter vegetables and the root vegetables and the bone and stuff.

    And yes, I know about that game too!!

    I e-mailed my Rabbi twice. He won't reply. :/

    I need that booklet BAD and don't have one.


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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Physically walk to the temple. I would be surprised if they didn't sell them there.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I can't. It's closed like every fucking day except Shabbat It's like the hardest freaking place to get into, I swear.

    Can I download one and print it out?


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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I'm SURE there's an online Hagaddah somewhere... hmmm..... *HUMAN SEARCH ENGINE TO THE RESCUE* gimme a few minutes

    WOOT WOOT




    or try:
    (god bless chabad)

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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Thank You Colette.
    And Brodie For The Info.


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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    anytime, dah-link.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Oh my. I was practicing my Hebrew prayers/songs for Seder and started crying. what the?


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    Featured Member aussiebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Not relevant to the question, but you remind me of when Charlotte from Sex and the City became Jewish
    Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Man that's the third time I heard that today!


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    Featured Member aussiebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    haha

    It's because you are trying so hard to do the Jewish thing properly, so it's a good thing.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I spent the entire day scrubbing my kitchen for Pesach rules screaming THIS BETTER MAKE ME A DAMN JEW!!!

    Hahahahaha.

    I am not doing this to marry a fat sweet balding lawyer... but that wouldn't be terrible.


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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    So, I don't know how much you know, or what your hagada tactics are, but I will tell you how it usually is...
    There is one person in charge, this person sits at the end of the table. People can sit with pillows on this day, they can slouch, on this day. The person in charge starts the story. Everyone has a copy of the hagadah, even the kids. Do you know about the afeikoman (sp)? That is the fun part. ok, back to the story. The leader reads but then you go around the table and everyone takes their turn to read. When you get around to the 4 questions, it is the youngest person who asks them. This can just be in English. If I was there I would sing them in Hebrew for you. Where I come from it is entirely up to the leader which parts are skipped. Don't skip the questions or Dyanu, i wish i could sing that one for you... Don't skip the blessings for the food or wine. Don't skip talking about the stuff on the seder plate. Don't skip taking the wine out of your cup with your knife for the pleges. Don't skip the meat of the story. Have Eilijah's cup and don't skip that part of the story. Remember that the most important part is the story and on this day we relax a little because our people went through so much so that we can.

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    The grocery store "on the Jewish side of town" sells them here, along with having a whole kosher market inside. I've never heard of kosher oven and kosher plates, I don't really think that matters. As for the two days, that is so everyone in the world will be like they celebrated together, or noone misses out, or something along those lines that my dad used to tell me. Don't stress. I myself am going to be quite sad...I've given up all glueten products and dairy, no good stuff for me unless I find glueten free matzo ball soup mix.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    In some sects of extreme Orthodox you cannot even cook meat in the same oven as dairy or serve meat on the same plate as dairy or eat with a fork pasta with milk that was once use to eat chicken. It's more extreme but my synagogue is like this and refuses to eat at my house no matter how kosher the food is.

    I have gluten free matzo ball soup in my cupboard.


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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    ...I think it's pretty common actually to not be able to serve meat on the same plate as dairy, if you mean *at the same time*. If you mean "after washing the plate", yeah, that's Conservative-to-Orthodox range.

    Oh, and I got your Dayenu right here:

    http://www.google.com/search?q=dayenu+mp3
    Last edited by thechaosfairy; 04-14-2008 at 04:13 AM. Reason: oh, and....
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    No, not even washing the plate. AT ALL. You cannot use the same plate to serve dairy that served meat EVER. Silverwear can only be used for different things if they are blowtorched first. An oven can only cook one thing unless it's self-cleaning or you get a Rabbi's blessing each time you change. This is the extreme Orthodox way and the way my Synagogue follows.

    So I have to get new plates and different looking silverwear for each thing and if my flatmate decides to use one of my meat plates for a dairy plate, I'm fucked.

    Oh yeah.


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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    ^Paper is always an option. Many kosher families keep paper plates and stuff on hand.

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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    This is true.

    But for Seder you are supposed to have only your finest china and plates out as it is a symbol of coming from a slave background to the happy relaxed life we have (thus the pillows and recliners). So I need to use my finest this weekend.

    However I am using them strictly for meat, as I am roasting a lovely chicken and one of my attendees is vegan so won't be having anything dairy or meat.

    I'm starting to calm down thanks to the help I got.


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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    No, not even washing the plate. AT ALL. You cannot use the same plate to serve dairy that served meat EVER. Silverwear can only be used for different things if they are blowtorched first. An oven can only cook one thing unless it's self-cleaning or you get a Rabbi's blessing each time you change. This is the extreme Orthodox way and the way my Synagogue follows.
    ...That's what I meant, actually. I think maybe I used too many "nots" in a sentence?
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

  23. #23
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    Ya, even conservitive jews who keep kosher have seperate meat and dairy plates. Many places even have two whole seperate kitchens.

    oh, and pretty paper plates would be totally fine.

    As much as the letter of the law is important, the spirit of the mitzvah is what is essential right now for you. Baby steps, just do your best, don't make yourself crazy.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I'm tryin' real hard Miss Lola. Real hard! You'll be proud of me! You see.


    Look like a woman
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  25. #25
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Can Jew Help me?

    I'm sure you're doing great! Just hav fun, remember, it's a celebration of freedom!

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