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Thread: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

  1. #1
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    the more weight i lose, the larger my reflection seems to get.

    the minute i go on a diet or start exercising, my reflection gains 10lbs.

    somehow my atkins progressed into outright starvation and for a few days my diet consisted solely of sugarfree redbulls and raw cucumbers. then last night i ate half a chicken & lettuce wrap and felt bad so i took some laxatives. now i'm experiencing first hand why it is a really stupid idea to take laxatives on an essentially empty stomach. ouch. before last night i've never actually really taken laxatives before, and i shan't be doing it again in a hurry.

    i think, when you have BDD, it is not possible to lose weight without making a complete psychotic episode of it.

    oh well, at least i've managed to avoid the clen. apart from tonalin and some shitty appetite suppressants/fat metabolisers i got from the supermarket that probably don't do anything, i've not taken anything.

    i've barely eaten for a week and done more crunches than i think i've done for the rest of my life combined and i feel like i'm double the size i was last week.

    i guess at least now i can recognise that it's BDD making me crazy. that's a good thing, right?

    blaaah. in conclusion. BDD is fucking LAME!!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I'm glad you recognize it. I hope you feel better! *hugs*

  3. #3
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I don't have many words to help I'm afraid, but I know through your posts that you're smart, intelligent and uber sexy. You'll get through this stronger than ever. Best of luck!

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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Have you considered some help, Darc?

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    Featured Member tRoUbLeMaKeR's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    It's amazing how comforting your thread is to me! {big hug for sharing} I struggle with similar issues. I fear dieting or going to the gym with too serious of a mindset because I know it's just going to be agonizing. You hit the nail right on the head, the more into and better you are doing with your diet/exercise the worse and fatter you seem to feel. I haven't figured a way to resolve it...I just try not to think about losing weight and try to keep the gym a place to get stress out versus a place to lose weight. There are those days though where I feel like you. I shell up and avoid everyone cause I know I get short tempered and irritable. It's great that you can recognize it. The better you are at recognizing it the better you'll be at managing it and keeping yourself happy! Thanks again for sharing...

  6. #6
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberrySwitchblade View Post
    Have you considered some help, Darc?
    been there, done that. doesn't help.

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I'm so sorry you're struggling with this, but it doesn't sound like you're eating enough calories. You're fucking up your metabolism for the long term. Do you ever think about getting into another line of work? It might help with your BDD if you got out of modeling and the adult industry. You'd be a lot healthier.

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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post

    i think, when you have BDD, it is not possible to lose weight without making a complete psychotic episode of it.
    Word.


    I've been really good not overdoing anything, eating sensibly, trying not to obsess, steering clear of diet pills etc, but without it's sooo fucking slow to lose weight and a slippery slope if I do it any faster. I know it's better for me in the long run but damn, I feel so huge right now.
    Realising the issue is a very positive step, well done on that babe.

    XXXS

    ETA: Yekefah has a good point. The reason I need to lose weight now is because of all the starvation. I was always naturally and genetically tiny until I developed the habit of denying myself sustenance. Now I have to actually watch what I eat, rather than imagining I needed to diet.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    ^^^ My mom's the same way. She spent her teens and twenties on diet after diet, and she can't lose weight anymore. Now she eats low-fat and low-carb but healthy, and jogs every day (she runs half-marathons and trains for them), and she's still a size 18 or so. Dieting can fuck you up permanently.

  10. #10
    Featured Member Cassandra39's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Heres a little personal imput. When I was trying to lose weight about 3 years ago before I started stripping I weighed 150. Somehow dieting led to constantly thinking about food led to binging led to 180lbs. That summer I decided to just relax and get out of the stupid mindset of dieting and effortlessly lost 40 lbs. When I am trying least I lose the most which is unfair but true.
    Once you're photoshoot stress is over maybe you will be able to stress less and feel better. I know easier said than done, and this isn't exactly your issue but when somethings on your mind so much like losing weight sometimes it can ruin your perception and end up doing the reverse of what you are trying for.
    You are hot though and I know you get that a lot but it's true.

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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    ^^^I was considered 'malnourished' and put on a weight gain diet, my body hung onto every last calorie and I somehow skipped the healthy weight range. Now I'm of average weight and it took alot of work to get here.

  12. #12
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

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  13. #13
    Senior Member lovelife's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Hey..I've been reading your posts lately about this shoot and your problems with BDD and dieting..and I haven't said anything since I have never had BDD..so who am I to give advice..but I feel like maybe I should comment..just in case I might have something helpful for u..have u ever looked into Raw food?..I'm not suggesting a "diet" here..tho people have been using it as such lately..it is actually a lifestyle change..something u do forever not just to lose some weight..I'm not sure how into health things that U are..but I have read MANY stories on how this lifestyle has helped a lot of people with BDD..here's a website that is actually doing an entire week of blogs/testimonials for women and being Raw..specifically tho there is a lady who will be giving an interview about how her Raw food journey helped with her BDD..not sure which day but sometime this week... www.welikeitraw.com ..we all have our demons to face at some point..but u seem like a strong person who will figure it all out eventualy..good luck and

  14. #14
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Tell me about it! You know everytime you post something body related, it's the same way I feel! I think it's so weird! But I swear I hate it I feel like it consumes and takes over my life because im always worrying about my weight !

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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I think I have a type of BDD too.

    Instead of working out and feeling bigger when I eat my whole body shape changes to me. I can literally (well, it seems like it) like feel my skin is ripping apart, like what you'd imagine you'd feel if you rapidly got a stretch mark. I can all of a sudden feel my thighs touching at every second and have to put something between them or it really makes me sick.

    Even though my BDD is different I know how much it sucks to see your body in an impossible way. I find it very frustrating that I can't just "snap out of it" like people without BDD will some times tell you. I hope at some point you will be able to look past it, but for now, just try to believe what other people (who you consider brutally honest) say. In times like these I think it really is better jsut to go into denial if you can.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Darcy stop! You are beautiful!! Why not switch to 6 small healthy snacks a day so that your metabolism doesn't go all out of whack?? You are doing more harm than good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I need to research it more. I don't know if I have it or not.
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  18. #18
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    I need to research it more. I don't know if I have it or not.
    when i reach extreme levels of craziness i don't believe i have it and think that i actually am just huge. right now i'm sort of in the middle where i'm looking in the mirror and seeing a disgustingly, flabby, obese reflection, but my brain is not quite far gone enough to not step in with "you know you have BDD and you're just imagining this"

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Sounds like me often times. I don't see what the mirror honestly reflects.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
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    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

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  20. #20
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I feel ike I am not imagining shit. I say if I see it its there! I always just feel so wide! Im going to talk to my psychiatrist about this on wensday .

  21. #21
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    It's very good that you can recognize BDD and tell yourself that you're just imagining it. That's a sign that you have significant control over it. As long as you can remember that you have BDD it can't eat you alive and turn you into an anorexic basket case. Be proud of yourself! You should be.
    \

  22. #22
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by beauty21queen View Post
    I feel ike I am not imagining shit. I say if I see it its there! I always just feel so wide! Im going to talk to my psychiatrist about this on wensday .
    that's EXACTLY how i feel. i get so mad when people tell me i'm thin because if i was thin i would not be able to grab handfuls of fat with my hands. if the fat was imaginary then it would not have physical properties that i could actually touch and grab and feel.

  23. #23
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    I'm glad you recognize it -- one of the hardest things about this disorder is recognizing it. I have a friend who suffers from it and sometimes it's really difficult to hold a conversation with her. She thinks it's "not really that serious", but I get really alarmed by the distortion in her thoughts.

    I guess I'm so serious about this because of my friend.

    I think BDD can be as debilitating and reality-warping as bipolar or schizophrenia. Remember, if your eyes can lie to you, so can your hands: they're all powered by nerves that go straight to your brain.

    I have a friend who's schizophrenic and manages to function on an amazing level (better than ME, and I only have ADD and depression to deal with) completely through cognitive check-ins with herself.

    Sometimes the answer is on the "thought" level, sometimes it's on the chemical level.

    When you say "tried that, didn't help," re: therapy, I will say a bad therapist can be worse than no therapist at all -- and there are more bad (or simply unhelpful) therapists out there than good ones, IMO. And finding a good one is VITAL. If you'd only ever eaten rotten apples, you wouldn't think they were very good for health.

    For now, keep reminding yourself day to day that this is a problem with the lens you are looking through -- like your mind is wearing a bad pair of glasses. Maybe put up a post-it note somewhere. I had points with depression this year where I've had to continually remind myself of reality, through the delusion that I was worthless, that it wouldn't get better.

    And again, a competent professional is worth their weight in gold. Don't give up looking. You can (and I pray, will) get the rest of your life back.
    Last edited by thechaosfairy; 04-14-2008 at 11:42 PM. Reason: clarity
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  24. #24
    Featured Member sexy_celeste's Avatar
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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlett.Oz View Post
    Word.


    I've been really good not overdoing anything, eating sensibly, trying not to obsess, steering clear of diet pills etc, but without it's sooo fucking slow to lose weight and a slippery slope if I do it any faster. I know it's better for me in the long run but damn, I feel so huge right now.
    Realising the issue is a very positive step, well done on that babe.

    XXXS

    ETA: Yekefah has a good point. The reason I need to lose weight now is because of all the starvation. I was always naturally and genetically tiny until I developed the habit of denying myself sustenance. Now I have to actually watch what I eat, rather than imagining I needed to diet.
    Im in the same boat. Messed up my body with ED, stacked on the weight to 'prove' I was 'cured.' Now its a struggle to lose weight properly. My appetite is erratic, my body image isnt accurate, energy levels fluctuate.

    they say that admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery.

    Luv C
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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    Default Re: body dysmorphic disorder SUCKS

    "I think BDD can be as debilitating and reality-warping as bipolar or schizophrenia. Remember, if your eyes can lie to you, so can your hands: they're all powered by nerves that go straight to your brain"


    ^^^ Qft.

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