I recently submitted this rant to sosuave.com. Ladies and gentlemen, please tell me what you think. All my female friends loved this, while a good number of future 40-year old virgins whined about how women only want jerks and eventually degraded into name-calling. This is a cut-and-paste from my submission.
Why I Have No Pity or Patience for Men Who are Clueless About Women
A few weeks ago, my friend Jamie and I were talking about men. She said that she pities men, as they have such a hard time understanding women.
My answer? Bullshit. I don’t pity them one bit. We women seek this kind of knowledge and are socialized to be receptive to it. Look in any Cosmopolitan magazine and you’ll find articles like "50 Ways to Drive Your Man Crazy." Even in our teen years, when boys are too busy lighting anthills with magnifying glassses, we’re reading teen magazines with articles like "Determine Your Kissing Style." Men have these kinds of resources too. They have
sosuave.com,
askmen.com, the
Kama Sutra, gender psychology books, and Maxim and Stuff magazines. I’ve perused them and can attest that they are a veritable wealth of knowledge. Many men just don’t have the urge to research this stuff. Even if they are presented with this information, many men just brush it off, claiming that women are going to have to accept them as they are, and that they’re "Keepin’ it real." This mindset is very detrimental and flat out lazy. Being with a member of the opposite sex involves compromise and some better behavior. If you think that you can totally "Keep it real" around a woman, you’d better count on being alone. I once had a fling with a pig who farted in front of me after sex. This is the least offensive thing that he did. It got much worse. I used to date another pig who had bigger breasts than mine and couldn’t quite grasp the importance of personal hygiene. Both of them were "Keepin’ it real." This was pathetic and disgusting. Women are attracted to confident, attractive men who exhibit sex appeal and care enough to make some efforts. A woman who is fine with such repugnant, insensitive behavior is probably not one with standards and thus herself not a quality partner. Women are attracted to confident, sexually appealing men. It’s instinctual, and it’s not just limited to humans. Don’t believe me? Watch
this clip of Planet Earth. Men who don’t want to make efforts towards attracting the opposite sex are shooting themselves in the feet with AK-47s.
Some men insist on learning by trial and error because they don’t want to be seen as having to seek this knowledge, which is unfair to the women and makes the men look like bumbling idiots. Many men succumb to the mindset of, "Women are illogical, flighty, emotionally unstable teases and only like jerks." In reality, hard work pays off. There are quality women to be found, but they themselves are self-aware, self confident, and have high standards.
It is a very romantic but very lazy, idealistic concept that love will work out as it should. In reality, it takes work, compromise, and understanding. Males who exhibit sex appeal get more women, period. It takes work to attain this kind of sex appeal. Some guys are born with radiant, attractive personalities, intuition, and good looks, but those born without them must compensate and work hard if they wish to be successful.
I have a friend, whom I will refer to as Casanova. Despite his limited number of sexual partners and not losing his virginity until age 26, he still researched like crazy and applied it accordingly. He perused forums on sexual technique, books on discovering the gspot, women’s mentality, and other sources. His experienced fiancée could not believe that you had only been with one other woman. I assure you that Casanova was not born this way. I saw him bumble his way through many failed attempts to pick up women until he really started dedicating himself to being a Don Juan. He had to work at it, but in the end, he managed to acquire a hot, confident, beauty pageant winner with a great career and bedroom skills. He is this way with everything. He extensively researches everything from suits to diamonds to finances, and applies it accordingly. In short, Casanova’s thirst for knowledge and open mindedness make him a model for what men should be. I have more respect for him that I do 50 men who were born with it. I’m the same way, and I expect the same of my man.
Another real fault that men harbor is not realizing that there are differences between men and women. As much as I hate preconceived gender stereotypes, I can’t deny that we have different psychology. Many men fail to see this. I know this firsthand. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung developed the theory of the anima/animus, which are basically the characteristics of the opposite sex that one holds. I am interested in many traditionally male things, like computers and video games. Therefore, I have a strong animus. Many men are attracted to this. However, this is not necessarily a good thing. Many men will get the lazy mentality of, "Oh, Madame Bootiefly isn’t like other girls. I don’t have to worry about things like foreplay, dressing sharp, learning how to listen to her, or impressing her in general. She’s so low maintenance and cool.” Basically, they see me as a guy with a vagina and are attracted to the negative qualities that I’m not rather than the positive qualities that I am. Most of the time, I’m perfectly fine with vegging out on the couch playing video games. However, I still need to be comforted once in a while with a shoulder to cry on and overall need to be acknowledged as female. I would never reduce a man to an emotional tampon or a chick friend, and I expect males to reciprocate. If a man’s ideal woman is basically a guy with a vagina, then he is doomed to be alone. Women, whether sane or stable, talk about their feelings. If a guy is looking for a girl who does not want to deal with any degree of emotional exchange, then he might as well search for the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti while he’s at it.
In conclusion, attracting the opposite sex takes work. Women are socialized to be receptive to this, which leads men to think that it’s easier for us. Men are in the dark, but they do have options. I wish that more men would take an interest.
My female friends wholeheartedly agreed with me and stated that they had experienced multiple “I can relate” orgasms while reading my post. However, most of my male audience moaned and groaned, stating things like, “Well, I know a guy who’s a total Don Juan, but he’s not a good boyfriend or anything. Women should prioritize stability above the shallow stuff, and go for a good bird rather than just a flashy peacock. Like most unenlightened men, they are totally missing the point. In response to all the whining, I wrote an addendum. Enjoy.
What I'm seeing here is a lot of the "Nice Guy complex." Since a lot of you are missing the point, allow me to analogize.
Imagine you are a manager in charge of hiring, and there are two prospective employees. The first person knows his schtick, but won't dress up in a suit for the interview, write a good resume, or adhere to company dress code. His rationale is, "But I'd do a good job, I'm stable, I'd come to work every day on time, and I'd get my work done. Why should I dress up? It's the work that counts. This company is shallow for concentrating on things less important than the work itself." The second person doesn't know his schtick, but is so good at passing job interviews that you don't know until later. He writes killer resumes, dresses sharp for the interview, his demeanor and rhetoric are professional and self-assured, and he upholds the company's professional image by adhering to company dress code. However, he is the first to go if it's time to downsize, as he's not really good at showing up on time every day or getting his work done.
Who should you hire? Should you go with someone stable who will get the work done, or should you hire someone who knows how to carry himself and adheres to company policy and dress code? This is a stupid question. You should hire someone who has the best qualities of both! You should hire someone who makes efforts for the interview, maintains a professional image for the company by adhering to dress code, knows how to present himself, will be reliable and steady, and is good at getting the work done! Also, keep in mind that the second guy would at least have a chance of getting his foot in the door. The first guy's attitude stinks, and it's obvious that he doesn't consider the reality of the situation and that he won’t make compromises. Also, is the company shallow for wanting their employees to maintain professional images and behavior?
It's the same with men. Would women rather have a man who is good looking, fun, confident, can seduce, is good in bed, makes good first impressions, and overall maintains himself, or a man who is faithful, stable, has a good job, and treats her well? BOTH, STUPID, BOTH. Yes, I know that nobody is perfect and that you can't have everything, but the person should have as many good qualities as possible. The metaphorical peacock should have both flair and good genetics. However, too many "Nice Guys" fail to see the point and would be happy being a plucked, mangy peacock with good genetics. That's not going to work in the real world. Looks and self-maintenance aren't everything, but they are important.
Yes, there are plenty of men who would be stable and steady, but they're complacent and won't make efforts to make themselves attractive or keep the spice in the relationship. Women go through all sorts of hell to keep themselves beautiful for men, and we expect men to make similar efforts. We women do things like refrain from eating pints of ice cream every night, get hair ripped out with hot wax in sensitive places, pay attention to our wardrobes, and try new ways to entice our men. If a man can't be bothered to keep the flab to a minimum, dress up for when the occasions call, and have good personal hygiene and grooming habits, then he is below her. Men like to think that women who care about this are shallow. It's only shallow if she cares excessively about his looks or cares about nothing but his looks. I'd certainly be disgusted if I attended a formal event in which I was dressed to kill and he was slobbing out. I'm not saying that men should go full-out metrosexual, but they should look presentable and try to maintain some percentage of her level of self-care. Why should she get a Brazilian wax if he can't even be bothered to trim the jungle?
Also, when I was talking about how men should learn what women want, I didn't just mean during the seduction stage. Men, whether just having a fling or when marrying her for a lifetime, should learn how to comfort women rather than just tell her not to worry about it, find the clitoris and the gspot, learn how to seduce and keep the relationship exciting, etc. Again, women shouldn't have to choose between 2 extremes. "Nice Guys" like to use that example. However, think back to hiring those 2 people. Yes, the hard worker may be preferable in the long run, but you should really be looking for someone who is the best combination of both worlds.
Sadly, I still had opposition from the male audience even though I had females vehemently concurring with my posts. One future 40-year old virgin even went so far as to talk about the real world hiring process even though my example was just a theoretical analogy, and talked about how the metaphorical peacock feathers would be useless in situations like a post-apocalyptic world. Once again, he misses the point like Stevie Wonder trying archery.I think we all know the fate that these men are doomed to experience. Whatever. The Don Juans will be getting all the women while idealists like him are too busy seeing what they want to see.
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